Need opinion - body language

[Cupcake143]

I don’t want to make my post too long, so I have a previous post about a guy I liked but I messed things up by being rude to him on a triple date. Anyway, we have recently started talking again slowly, and he invited me to his friend’s pool at the house on Labor Day. His friend is older and married (like family to him) and his brother was there also. I went of course, because I like him. The whole time spent there was perfect; I talked with his friend’s wife who I really liked, his brother and his friend and their kids were lovely as well. The guy who I like always shows a lot of interest in me when we are together in person; he always touches me (not in a perverted way), looks into my eyes, looks at me, talks to me, and just overall pays me a lot of attention. He was like this before as well, for the times we did hang out which wasn’t a lot though. But, by the way he talks about the future and being married, and body language it’s like as if he likes me more than I like him. Especially from an outsider, I think anyone would think he liked me more. But, it’s like when it comes to calling/texting or asking me out, he doesn’t do this much. It makes me wonder. I feel so confused by it, because I feel he likes me a lot when we are together. And i also believe he’s a good guy (he’s catholic, goes to church every week - actually he is an usher he said, and I can tell he’s very honest). I do see some side to him now also that makes me think he’s a player, because I had ran into him a club few weeks ago and my friend said he knew a lot of girls. He wasn’t flirting with any of them my friend said when she saw him, and when I seen him he was paying attention to me the most out of anyone. But, he has sent me a text before saying to come over and make out. He’s very respectful when we are together so I was kind of surprised when he said this, but I also feel he’s a sexual type of guy (like I think most guys are). I’ve never kissed him, but I haven’t even hung out with him much and I wouldn’t kiss him passionately anyway. But, I think maybe that’s a reason he doesn’t want to date me, because I know he knows I’m a ‘good girl’ and wouldn’t do anything sexual with him. I don’t know, I just don’t know what to think… Does he like me (because his body language shows it a lot) and he says the right things when we are together (like marriage, and intellectual conversations) or am I being naive? I don’t know what to think or if I should even have any hope it would work out. I really like him a lot!! I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. I just need some opinions or advice about it, because any guy who’s liked me would text/call and want to hang out. I know it was recent (this Labor Day) that I recently hung out with him, but I haven’t heard from him with a text or call (and this is usual for him so I don’t think that the day didn’t go well bc I know it did), it’s just weird to me.

 

[1ke]

Stop!

Stop analyzing, stop parsing out every gesture and word, stop trying to find “meaning” in everything he said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do.

It was an invitation to a party. You went, you had fun, he had fun.

Just chill.

If he calls you, be open to another date. If he doesn’t, the go on about your business. You didn’t have a great first date, which was over 6 months ago, maybe he’s giving it a second chance just taking it slow and being cool to see if it goes better this time. Maybe he just wanted to hang out.

Stop analyzing everything because it’s psycho behavior. It will drive you, all your friends and everyone here at CAF crazy. Because we have no way to know what he is thinking, None. And neither do you. You will just have to figure it out the old fashioned way: by letting it unfold.

Don’t try to force it in a box. Don’t try to make it more than it is. Don’t do anything. Just be open to possibilities. And chill

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi Cupcake,

I think that you answered your own post.

You said it right here in your post:

“I just need some opinions or advice about it, because any guy who’s liked me would text/call and want to hang out.”

That was my own experience too, back when I used to go out with guys and was dating.

When one would be interested in going out with me, they would call or come over. I would know about it.

I think if someone is interested in you, you’ll know about it in some way. He’ll call you or text you or find some way to contact you.

 

[Cupcake143]

Stop!

Stop analyzing, stop parsing out every gesture and word, stop trying to find “meaning” in everything he said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do.

It was an invitation to a party. You went, you had fun, he had fun.

Just chill.

If he calls you, be open to another date. If he doesn’t, the go on about your business. You didn’t have a great first date, which was over 6 months ago, maybe he’s giving it a second chance just taking it slow and being cool to see if it goes better this time. Maybe he just wanted to hang out.

Stop analyzing everything because it’s psycho behavior. It will drive you, all your friends and everyone here at CAF crazy. Because we have no way to know what he is thinking, None. And neither do you. You will just have to figure it out the old fashioned way: by letting it unfold.

Don’t try to force it in a box. Don’t try to make it more than it is. Don’t do anything. Just be open to possibilities. And chill

Thank you! I will try to just relax about it. I just never felt this way about a guy before

 

[Irishmom2]

So what has been going on in your life since your terrible date with this guy in February? Nothing? I hope you haven’t been waiting around for this guy to call. But more importantly, ask yourself why now?

What do you mean when you say he says all the right things, and yet, you said he sent you a text to come over and make out?

Here is what I think. He doesn’t like you the way you think he does. Stop hanging on every word, ever gesture, every touch on the arm. Yeah, maybe he knows you are a good girl and is leaving it at that. You had one date and then didn’t hear from him for 6 months. You saw him at a party and haven’t heard from him. So no, all his body language is saying is that he is the way he is. People can have “good, intellectual conversations” with people they meet once and never see again. So don’t read too much into that either.

This is the time of your life for you to be figuring out what you are going to do with your life. Settle on a course of study or start a career. You need to know who you are first before you start thinking about a serious relationship.

Again: **If he was interested, you would know. ** It would not be a mystery. Don’t wait around.

 

[angell1]

I don’t want to make my post too long, so I have a previous post about a guy I liked but I messed things up by being rude to him on a triple date. Anyway, we have recently started talking again slowly, and he invited me to his friend’s pool at the house on Labor Day. His friend is older and married (like family to him) and his brother was there also. I went of course, because I like him. The whole time spent there was perfect; I talked with his friend’s wife who I really liked, his brother and his friend and their kids were lovely as well. The guy who I like always shows a lot of interest in me when we are together in person; he always touches me (not in a perverted way), looks into my eyes, looks at me, talks to me, and just overall pays me a lot of attention. He was like this before as well, for the times we did hang out which wasn’t a lot though. But, by the way he talks about the future and being married, and body language it’s like as if he likes me more than I like him. Especially from an outsider, I think anyone would think he liked me more. But, it’s like when it comes to calling/texting or asking me out, he doesn’t do this much. It makes me wonder. I feel so confused by it, because I feel he likes me a lot when we are together. And i also believe he’s a good guy (he’s catholic, goes to church every week - actually he is an usher he said, and I can tell he’s very honest). I do see some side to him now also that makes me think he’s a player, because I had ran into him a club few weeks ago and my friend said he knew a lot of girls. He wasn’t flirting with any of them my friend said when she saw him, and when I seen him he was paying attention to me the most out of anyone. But, he has sent me a text before saying to come over and make out. He’s very respectful when we are together so I was kind of surprised when he said this, but I also feel he’s a sexual type of guy (like I think most guys are). I’ve never kissed him, but I haven’t even hung out with him much and I wouldn’t kiss him passionately anyway. But, I think maybe that’s a reason he doesn’t want to date me, because I know he knows I’m a ‘good girl’ and wouldn’t do anything sexual with him. I don’t know, I just don’t know what to think… Does he like me (because his body language shows it a lot) and he says the right things when we are together (like marriage, and intellectual conversations) or am I being naive? I don’t know what to think or if I should even have any hope it would work out. I really like him a lot!! I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. I just need some opinions or advice about it, because any guy who’s liked me would text/call and want to hang out. I know it was recent (this Labor Day) that I recently hung out with him, but I haven’t heard from him with a text or call (and this is usual for him so I don’t think that the day didn’t go well bc I know it did), it’s just weird to me.

sounds like you guys hardly know each other.

not everyone is in to the whole technology thing though. texting ETC…

if he’s not showing any interest, then maybe he’s not.

then again, it’s not all up to him. you said, that generally it seems like he likes you more than you like him. maybe he’s afraid to say something because he thinks you’re not interested. so if you really want to know that badly, then you say something.

I never really understood this whole one party waiting around thing. if both decide to do that, then no one gets anywhere.

but it’s early on, I’d say just wait and see what happens. don’t overthink it and don’t push it either.

 

[Trident_H]

I don’t want to make my post too long, so I have a previous post about a guy I liked but I messed things up by being rude to him on a triple date. Anyway, we have recently started talking again slowly, and he invited me to his friend’s pool at the house on Labor Day. His friend is older and married (like family to him) and his brother was there also. I went of course, because I like him. The whole time spent there was perfect; I talked with his friend’s wife who I really liked, his brother and his friend and their kids were lovely as well. The guy who I like always shows a lot of interest in me when we are together in person; he always touches me (not in a perverted way), looks into my eyes, looks at me, talks to me, and just overall pays me a lot of attention. He was like this before as well, for the times we did hang out which wasn’t a lot though. But, by the way he talks about the future and being married, and body language it’s like as if he likes me more than I like him. Especially from an outsider, I think anyone would think he liked me more. But, it’s like when it comes to calling/texting or asking me out, he doesn’t do this much. It makes me wonder. I feel so confused by it, because I feel he likes me a lot when we are together. And i also believe he’s a good guy (he’s catholic, goes to church every week - actually he is an usher he said, and I can tell he’s very honest). I do see some side to him now also that makes me think he’s a player, because I had ran into him a club few weeks ago and my friend said he knew a lot of girls. He wasn’t flirting with any of them my friend said when she saw him, and when I seen him he was paying attention to me the most out of anyone. But, he has sent me a text before saying to come over and make out. He’s very respectful when we are together so I was kind of surprised when he said this, but I also feel he’s a sexual type of guy (like I think most guys are). I’ve never kissed him, but I haven’t even hung out with him much and I wouldn’t kiss him passionately anyway. But, I think maybe that’s a reason he doesn’t want to date me, because I know he knows I’m a ‘good girl’ and wouldn’t do anything sexual with him. I don’t know, I just don’t know what to think… Does he like me (because his body language shows it a lot) and he says the right things when we are together (like marriage, and intellectual conversations) or am I being naive? I don’t know what to think or if I should even have any hope it would work out. I really like him a lot!! I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. I just need some opinions or advice about it, because any guy who’s liked me would text/call and want to hang out. I know it was recent (this Labor Day) that I recently hung out with him, but I haven’t heard from him with a text or call (and this is usual for him so I don’t think that the day didn’t go well bc I know it did), it’s just weird to me.

This sort of reads to me a bit like a player who knows this nice respectable girl he’d be good showing off to friends or family at a party. He knows what girls like (touching, meaningful looks, etc.).

OR

He’s a laid back sort of guy who really pays close attention when someone’s sitting across from him. But otherwise doesn’t really think deep thoughts about it.

Either way? His heart probably isn’t racing for you. So let him go.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I don’t want to make my post too long, so I have a previous post about a guy I liked but I messed things up by being rude to him on a triple date. Anyway, we have recently started talking again slowly, and he invited me to his friend’s pool at the house on Labor Day. His friend is older and married (like family to him) and his brother was there also. I went of course, because I like him. The whole time spent there was perfect; I talked with his friend’s wife who I really liked, his brother and his friend and their kids were lovely as well. The guy who I like always shows a lot of interest in me when we are together in person; he always touches me (not in a perverted way), looks into my eyes, looks at me, talks to me, and just overall pays me a lot of attention. He was like this before as well, for the times we did hang out which wasn’t a lot though. But, by the way he talks about the future and being married, and body language it’s like as if he likes me more than I like him. Especially from an outsider, I think anyone would think he liked me more. But, it’s like when it comes to calling/texting or asking me out, he doesn’t do this much. It makes me wonder. I feel so confused by it, because I feel he likes me a lot when we are together. And i also believe he’s a good guy (he’s catholic, goes to church every week - actually he is an usher he said, and I can tell he’s very honest). I do see some side to him now also that makes me think he’s a player, because I had ran into him a club few weeks ago and my friend said he knew a lot of girls. He wasn’t flirting with any of them my friend said when she saw him, and when I seen him he was paying attention to me the most out of anyone. But, he has sent me a text before saying to come over and make out. He’s very respectful when we are together so I was kind of surprised when he said this, but I also feel he’s a sexual type of guy (like I think most guys are). I’ve never kissed him, but I haven’t even hung out with him much and I wouldn’t kiss him passionately anyway. But, I think maybe that’s a reason he doesn’t want to date me, because I know he knows I’m a ‘good girl’ and wouldn’t do anything sexual with him. I don’t know, I just don’t know what to think… Does he like me (because his body language shows it a lot) and he says the right things when we are together (like marriage, and intellectual conversations) or am I being naive? I don’t know what to think or if I should even have any hope it would work out. I really like him a lot!! I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. I just need some opinions or advice about it, because any guy who’s liked me would text/call and want to hang out. I know it was recent (this Labor Day) that I recently hung out with him, but I haven’t heard from him with a text or call (and this is usual for him so I don’t think that the day didn’t go well bc I know it did), it’s just weird to me.

Have you tried talking to him? That might clear up some of your confusion.

 

[Cupcake143]

Have you tried talking to him? That might clear up some of your confusion.

Yes, I’ve talked to him. He told me he thought I was mean from that last time 6 months ago when we went out. I didn’t flat out ask him if he likes me, but when we hung out on Labor Day, he was asking if my dad would like him (somehow the topic came up about that and he asked about it). Then he asked me if I would want to be more in control in a marriage or the guy to be, something along those lines. I told him I think it should be equal, and he asked how my parent’s relationship is. He agreed with me on that’s what he wanted. Then he asked me what I want in a guy (he’s asked me before). Just a lot more things that made me think he’s serious or likes me. But, from what other posters are saying I think I might be being played a bit. I guess if he does ask me out again I will have to straight up ask him what he wants so that I really know.

 

[The_Old_Maid]

I admit to not paying too much attention to the rest of the post. (Paragraphs. They are your friend.) Others have addressed the main points: a fellow who is interested would want to take you “off the market” as soon as possible.

My question is, what’s with the touching? Nobody touches me, and I don’t mean that in a weird, angry, or defensive way. It’s just a fact. You shake my hand and that’s it. Anyone (man, woman) who touches me after that better be catching me when I trip, or giving me CPR, because otherwise, you don’t have a reason to touch me.

It’s called boundaries, and you should ask if he was testing yours. As long as you are fuzzy on your boundaries, others will reset your limits for you.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Yes, I’ve talked to him. He told me he thought I was mean from that last time 6 months ago when we went out. I didn’t flat out ask him if he likes me, but when we hung out on Labor Day, he was asking if my dad would like him (somehow the topic came up about that and he asked about it). Then he asked me if I would want to be more in control in a marriage or the guy to be, something along those lines. I told him I think it should be equal, and he asked how my parent’s relationship is. He agreed with me on that’s what he wanted. Then he asked me what I want in a guy (he’s asked me before). Just a lot more things that made me think he’s serious or likes me. But, from what other posters are saying I think I might be being played a bit. I guess if he does ask me out again I will have to straight up ask him what he wants so that I really know.

When I asked if you talked to him I didn’t mean if you used your voice to continue playing games that make you confused. I meant have you tried a strait forward conversation that is definitive.

Do you enjoy the drama?

 

[SilverShadow22]

Yes, I’ve talked to him. He told me he thought I was mean from that last time 6 months ago when we went out. I didn’t flat out ask him if he likes me, but when we hung out on Labor Day, he was asking if my dad would like him (somehow the topic came up about that and he asked about it). Then he asked me if I would want to be more in control in a marriage or the guy to be, something along those lines. I told him I think it should be equal, and he asked how my parent’s relationship is. He agreed with me on that’s what he wanted. Then he asked me what I want in a guy (he’s asked me before). Just a lot more things that made me think he’s serious or likes me. But, from what other posters are saying I think I might be being played a bit. I guess if he does ask me out again I will have to straight up ask him what he wants so that I really know.

I really don’t know - it all depends on the guy. The man who became interested in me spent a lot of time talking to me with interest in me as a person, before romantic possibilities even became possible, before he even saw me in person or could even hold my hand.

Don’t overthink the little stuff, but at attention to big discrepancies. If you want to know what he’s up to, just ask. Flatly, directly, and watch his behavior when he answers. Talk to his friends and get a feel for him.

Also… What ages are we talking here?

 

[Monica4316]

To be entirely honest, it worries me how he invited you to his house to “make out”. That is not a good sign at all. A lot of girls lose their purity through pressure from a guy, and thinking it won’t happen to them, but caving in because of feelings for the guy.

If I could give any advice, please don’t rely on your feelings for him. Its important to use reason too when getting to know someone. The purpose of relationships is to discern marriage with the person, and if someone is Catholic they need to take their faith seriously. Of course I don’t know the guy, but some things you said, like the above, raises some red flags. I know some very solid Catholic guys at my parish, and I can tell you that they would never “make out” with a girl, even a girlfriend, because passionate kissing is actually a mortal sin before marriage. They also would not go to a club and they take purity seriously. I would advise looking for a solid Catholic guy who lives a holy life and would respect your purity too. Being involved at a parish does not immediately mean that the person really lives out their faith in the day to day.

God bless you