Need Prayer and Encouragement in My Marriage

[paradoxy]

My, I don’t know where to start…

I also would like to know how to get rid of the “poor me” attitude, but I miss quite the opposite things - going out into the world, being active, working, seeing grown people I could talk to… everyone has their own “poor me” circumstances…

My husband and I always sort of agreed that I’d be working and he’d be a SAHD, b/c that is just ideal for us - he LOVES being at home, and I feel imprisoned if I’m not running around all the time; he finished high school and is a musician doing gigs several times a week, and I’m in grad school and we live off my scholarship, basically. I was also working before we had the baby and he did the housework - and it was just perfect for both of us, and I sure respected him.

I just hadn’t taken into consideration the fact, previously unknown to me, that babies need their mothers all the time and need to be breastfed quite often . So now I’m a SAHM, until my baby can be separated from me for at least a while. We can scrape by and really don’t need much. My baby is still almost exclusively breastfed and we dress her in hand-me-downs. I only resent my husband b/c he CAN leave the house and go anywhere he wants - not that he actually does it too much - and I can’t.

Some things are God-ordained - like babies being breastfed - but I don’t think others are - like husbands being the sole providers. In the country I live in, it has been virtually impossible for a family to live on a single income for at least the last 70 years (but women get a whole year off for each baby) - are all men in my country worthless? Would God allow this situation if the first-half-of-20thC-US model was the only moral one? My mom worked, and so did my grandmothers, and my great-grandmother, and no one thought the men less worthy of respect.

I spent my entire conscious childhood in poverty although my parents were both highly trained working professionals - those were just the circumstances in my country at the time. And I’m grateful for that - I learned a lot of valuable lessons. Like: “you are never secure and should not put your trust in material things”; and “you shouldn’t value people based on the amount of money they make” (the only rich people were war profiteers and criminals).

IMO, money is a silly reason to get upset about, but I guess everyone needs their excuse for the “poor me” feelings

If you find out how to get rid of those, please let me know!

God bless!

 

[gardenia]

I’m trying friend to be rid of the “poor me” feelings, in which I can’t seem to shake. I plan on spending lots of time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, that’s one thing, which I have never done before, but I heard it makes a difference. Just to talk to Jesus like you would a friend. I heard this on the "Life on the Rock " show on EWTN. I so look forward to God working a miracle in my life, with my attitude, with my family, with my outlook.

 

[stmaxfan]

Gardenia,

You mentioned a few times that you cannot afford to pay the mortgage. Would you consider relocating to a more affordable house or even a townhome? It sounds like you would only need a 3 BR, which are easy to come by.

I am a 40 yo SAHM with 5 kids. One has a disability and I home school as well. I sometimes long for things I cannot have. But dwelling on that is bad. It is covetousness. I have really thrown myself into helping out with the finances by trying to reduce our expenses. For example, I called the phone company and switched plans and saved about $40 per month. We decided to cancel cable. I have most of my bills electronically deducted so they get paid and I am not tempted to put them off. We don’t use credit unless it’s an emergency. I plan 2 weeks worth of menus each time dh gets paid and that really cuts down on impulse buying and trips to the grocery store. I shop resale for clothes.
We rent movies from the library for free instead of paying Blockbuster. There is so much you can do to help cut costs! If you take it on it would be a real challenge. It can be very rewarding to see how much money you have saved your family.

You seem to have fallen into the pattern of thinking that you deserve a rest from working and can sit back and be pampered for awhile. That would be lovely, but if it’s not possible, why torture yourself by dwelling on it? The work you describe-- cooking, cleaning , driving kids around, etc., IS exhausting! But you are not going anything different than any other mom. Maybe you are defining yourself by your career rather than your vocation. God gave you a vocation as a wife and mother. Ask Him for the grace to accept this vocation and embrace it. If you stop resisting it, your outlook will change greatly and it won’t seem so hard. I am not accusing here. I am someone who learned the hard way. I used to be very much like you. When I finally accepted my role as a wife/mother it felt easier, I did it better and my whole family is happier. My husband saw all my efforts to support and build him up and now he tries much harder and is more helpful and more available to us emotionally as well.

I hope this helps you.

 

[FredaR]

Hi,

Quick question off the original topic - I notice OP is now listed as banned. I am new here, could someone please tell me what kind of things you would have to say to get banned?

Thanks,
Freda

 

[paradoxy]

Hi,

Quick question off the original topic - I notice OP is now listed as banned. I am new here, could someone please tell me what kind of things you would have to say to get banned?

Thanks,
Freda

Here are the rules:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=78447

Don’t worry - it’s not TOO easy to get banned. It says here offending posts get deleted/edited, so it’s easy to get worried that people get banned for seemingly no reason - they don’t.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Zelie_Louis]

Hi,

Quick question off the original topic - I notice OP is now listed as banned. I am new here, could someone please tell me what kind of things you would have to say to get banned?

Thanks,
Freda

Hi Freda. If you have questions pertaining to the rules, there is a section of the forum called Concierge Desk. You are free to ask questions there and the staff sometimes interacts.

As for your question, reading here might be helpful.

Since the OP no longer requires our advice, this thread is now closed.