Need prayers for marriage

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PopeJPIIRocks

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My wife and I have been married for 15 years. I’ve really taken my Catholicism seriously, and have focused a great deal on chastity. I have a great focused on this, as it seems like our society, and many of my male friends and associates have so little regard for it. I used to be like them.

On the other hand, my wife, since the beginning of our marriage, flirts with guys behind my back-always denying(even though I’ve caught her on multiple occasions-she still lies about it). She thinks she’s a smooth operator or something…I do have a hard time trusting her as a result. I don’t have a reason to believe that she’s done more than this. But it gets hard to forgive when on multiple occasions.

Anyway, I need prayers for my wife, that she become more chaste. I need your prayers that I stay true to the chastity. I don’t want to lose her, and I certainly am not contemplating divorce. I view this as a cross I’ve got to take up.

But I need your prayers to be strong and true to our faith,and to forgive her.
 
Our Lady of Mercy,
Our Lady, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Mercy,
Our Lady, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Mercy,
Our Lady, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.
 
I will pray.

Hail, Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
PopeJPIIRocks said:
My wife and I have been married for 15 years. I’ve really taken my Catholicism seriously, and have focused a great deal on chastity. I have a great focused on this, as it seems like our society, and many of my male friends and associates have so little regard for it. I used to be like them.

On the other hand, my wife, since the beginning of our marriage, flirts with guys behind my back-always denying(even though I’ve caught her on multiple occasions-she still lies about it). She thinks she’s a smooth operator or something…I do have a hard time trusting her as a result. I don’t have a reason to believe that she’s done more than this. But it gets hard to forgive when on multiple occasions.

Anyway, I need prayers for my wife, that she become more chaste. I need your prayers that I stay true to the chastity. I don’t want to lose her, and I certainly am not contemplating divorce. I view this as a cross I’ve got to take up.

But I need your prayers to be strong and true to our faith,and to forgive her.
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Dear brother.
Its difficult from your post to know whats going on in your marriage.

You say that your wife is not chaste. What makes you say that? Its a serious accusation against a person, so you have to be careful to define that.

Do you affirm her as a woman, make her feel like a woman, do you tell her she is beautiful? Do you make her feel like a queen. What I mean is that some women have quite a bad self esteem, so they use a long time infront of the mirror and seek the attention from men, to make these men confrim to them that they are still beautiful, still attractive, because their husband doesn’t talk to them… some men are workaholics or have a thousands activities and dont realise that a woman need communication and feeling valued - not just in bed.
Are you absent alot, emotionally, or not speaking with her as much as she needs?
Do you and your wife have different definitions of flirting?
I say that because some people are jealous and loose sight of reality and because their spouse or partner feels distrusted she reinforces that impression by starting to hide what to her is normal interaction, and this only makes the suspicion grow.
Some people have different ideas about what flirting is, and what someone perceives as such, might be very subjective.

You need not answer these questions here at all, but just to ask yourself. If you are pretty sure your wife is really objectively humiliating you by flirting with other guys, why dont you sit her down and tell her how it hurts you. Tell her about your love and need for more exclusivity.
Since she loves you I am sure she would be sensitive to your request…

Just my two cents.
Peace to you and I hope all will be better…
 
GraceDK said:
Do you affirm her as a woman, make her feel like a woman, do you tell her she is beautiful? Do you make her feel like a queen. What I mean is that some women have quite a bad self esteem, so they use a long time infront of the mirror and seek the attention from men, to make these men confrim to them that they are still beautiful, still attractive, because their husband doesn’t talk to them… some men are workaholics or have a thousands activities and dont realise that a woman need communication and feeling valued - not just in bed.
Are you absent alot, emotionally, or not speaking with her as much as she needs?
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while there is something to be said for spouses appreciating each other affectionately, I don’t think making someone “feel like a queen” (or king) is the right way to solve the problem. Stoking someone’s ego to make them feel like royalty is not really conducive to Christian humility.

I think it’s right to ask if the husband is doing anything wrong, but not to the extent that he should encourage feelings of artificial self-worth which obfuscate and don’t fix the actual problem.
 
ChiRho said:
while there is something to be said for spouses appreciating each other affectionately, I don’t think making someone “feel like a queen” (or king) is the right way to solve the problem. Stoking someone’s ego to make them feel like royalty is not really conducive to Christian humility.

I think it’s right to ask if the husband is doing anything wrong, but not to the extent that he should encourage feelings of artificial self-worth which obfuscate and don’t fix the actual problem.
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Which we don’t know what is.

Nurturing someones self-image as a beloved and chosen person is a part of love.
Sometimes husbands and wives forget to praise each other - and there must be things to praise about the person you’ve chosen to marry - and to communicate with that person.
If someones spouse goes to flirt with other men, I’d ask: Doesn’t she get enough attention and love from her husband, or does she have low selfesteem… and that might be a topic for counseling.
15 years is a long time to watch one’s spouse flirt with others.
And indeed, figuratively speaking of course, a man should feel like a king in his home through the love and responsibility which is part of his life, as well as his wife should feel like a queen.
What is artificial about selfworth?
I am not blaming the husband, but merely posing a few questions he can ask himself. One more that I should ask is why he has put up with this behaviour for 15 years and not demanded that it stops…
Remember it takes two to make a marriage work.

If the OP is genuinely perplexed and he honestly has no explanation for his wife’s behaviour then he knows to simply brush off these questions, but if he needs to take a critical look at his own role, then he is merely invited to do that.
No harm done
 
I’ll pray for you and your wife, too!

I have a question, though. If you start considering your marriage as a cross to bear won’t that predispose you to see it in a negative light? And then potentially cause more problems?

Love is an action!!!
 
GraceDK said:
Which we don’t know what is.
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no, we don’t know what the problem is, but comforting and appreciating someone (which is good and necessary) is very different from placing them on a pedestal and kissing up to them. Trying to make them feel like royalty is the latter.
 
OK here it is - what is the defintion of flirting? Have husband and wife discussed this? It could be more of a communication problem than a chastity problem especially as the husband has said that his views have changed over time. Has he brought the wife along in a loving manner on this journey or have these boundaries been set in ultimatums? We don’t know but these are all things that should be worked out with a counselor?
 
Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.
 
Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen
 
Hail Mary conceived without sin
Pray for us who have recourse to thee!

Hail Mary conceived without sin
Pray for us who have recourse to thee!

Hail Mary conceived without sin
Pray for us who have recourse to thee!
 
For strength and devotion in your marriage…

Hail Mary
Full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed are thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
mother of God. pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.
 
Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.
 
Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to the
 
This is my reaction. It seems to me you and your wife need a very open, honest discussion. If she is truly flirting (and this is not just you reading things into it because you are overly insecure)and it is making you insecure, you need to tell her how it makes you feel, tell her it is damaging trust and making you wonder what else there may be, you consider it a violation of her marital vow of total fidelity to you, and very directly ask her to stop. You indicated you have conveyed some of that. I wonder how strong it was and how open? I personally do not feel it is acceptable for one spouse to flirt, especially when it is making the other insecure. This is disrespectful. It ignores the others needs and feelings. It also does damage trust, even if there is nothing else going on. It makes you wonder if there is more.It makes you wonder if you can trust in other matters. It puts you in a position of wanting to check up on her. If you haven’t already done so, I would let her know exactly how it makes you feel, why and very directly ask her to stop and let her know it is very important to you that she stop. . Having said that, you need to talk to her about her feelings and what is making her engage in this behavior. I would try to get at the cause. Does she feel neglected? Does she feel taken for granted? Does she feel unattractive? if so, you need to let her know you are willing to change to meet her needs, are willing to help her deal with her insecurities, if that is what is going on. Ask her for specifics as to what you can do to make her feel better. But i would not let this continue because as the years go by, it will erode trust and that is going to be damaging to your relationship. I also will say a prayer for you. .
 
Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Our Lady of Sorrows
Mother of Our Lord Jesus
Mary, Help of Christians,
Pray for us who have recourse to the
 
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that anyone who fled to your protection,
implored your help, or sought your intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in your mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen!
 
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