Need prayers for my family and advice

[Coolhandlukexx]

Greetings all. I am losing my love and consequently my family. My wife seems like such a stranger and she is ready to leave…
We have been married 11 years and have 2 wonderful children. I am desperate to hold on. I am at considerable fault for my imperfections I know. I have been an honest and faithful man to her, and through the ups and downs of marriage, abandoning her and the children has never been an option. I know this past year things have become more about running the kids around and spending time involved in other things than each other. I feel so alone and seeing her everyday, the stranger who rejects me, hurts beyond words. We have shared the highest highs and suffered terrible loss (my father, her mother) together and have endured to this point. This will be the most devastating loss if I fail to reach her, and the path of destruction that could ensue with the kids, our family, friends, finances, everything. I understand people go through changes and wonder if a different life could be better.
We did get married in the Catholic Church and I was not Catholic but she was. I promised to raise our children as such and I too finally converted in 2010. I never felt closer to her and never felt so happy to be in our situation at the time. As of late though I have been a total failure as a spiritual leader. I have totally slacked on making Church a priority and my lax attitude has filtered down to her as well. She always took her and the kids, but it seems an after thought now. As plea to keep her now she tells me that it is not wrong to leave, and that “things have changed” and justifes to herself that divorce is somehow not sinful. I could always count on her morality and she was rock solid, but lately she seems so different. She told me now that she has “grown up” that she sees right and wrong differently and that her God does not judge. Even hearing these kinds of things seems so out of charecter and cuts like a blade into my soul. I am completely imperfect and she has a lot of reasons to expect a better man. I want to be a better man. I love her. I love my family and don’t want them to struggle. I have tried to set up counseling to no avail so far. She may be past caring still…
I am begging for prayers.
Advice.
Thanks to all that may respond.

 

[Xantippe]

“She told me now that she has “grown up” that she sees right and wrong differently and that her God does not judge.”

Does she understand that if she follows through with a divorce, both you and your children will struggle financially for the next decade or two? I know this is morally not the most fundamental issue, but it may get through to her when the moral stuff won’t. She may be envisioning her previous life carrying on, just without you getting in the way (but somehow all of the stuff you used to do still getting done).

If there’s another man in the picture (which some of this talk suggests), I don’t know what to advise, but if it’s simply vague discontentment/mid-life crisis, there’s a lot more hope. Even if you can’t get her to a counselor, you can try to sit her down and ask her, what do you want from life that you don’t have? And then see if you can make a plan to experiment and see if it isn’t possible to get some of those things, together. If it’s something big, start putting away $20 a month so your wife will see herself getting closer to it, even if the progress is slow.

It’s very common for women your wife’s age to not be happy with their lives and to immediately focus on their husband as the cause, whereas the fact is that you can change a lot of things in your life while keeping your original spouse.

The first thing that comes to mind is to suggest that you have a good look at your kids’ activities and ruthlessly cut them down (or eliminate them entirely). Have dinner together every night. Put the kids to bed at a decent hour. Simplify. Spend an hour together alone every night in the same room. See what happens.

 

[Coolhandlukexx]

God forbid there is another man! That would obviously be terrible and I do not believe in my heart that is the case. I do believe that in her new line of work she is in fact interacting with other men that may be interesting to her , and maybe she would like to be free of me to pursue another someday. She sees young couples getting married and are happy and similar aged singles dating and living life. I really think that the burden of me is what she wants to be free from. Our whole story can’t be told from one side obviously, but there has been much love and many good times shared. Many good times can be had around the corner. The kids do keep us very busy. I volunteer for youth football and baseball. Our daughter is in many dance classes/competitions. My wife works and is finishing school. It is easy to see that time is precious and a divide between us. I have articulated these thoughts to her many times. I think it’s become about rebellion and she is lying to herself about our great past. She is so bleak about any possible future. It is hard to see her change. All I ever wanted is to be is a priority. Is that unfair for a husband or wife to want from each other?

 

[Evania]

I’m so sorry OP. I just want you to know that I’m praying for your family…

 

[pollylodges]

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

 

[Coolhandlukexx]

Another day not feeling like I have gained even an inch Trying times…

 

[chris138]

When did her mother pass away. Could she be having a spiritual crisis? Could she be depressed? This is such a huge loss

 

[Coolhandlukexx]

When did her mother pass away. Could she be having a spiritual crisis? Could she be depressed? This is such a huge loss

4 years ago. One year after we lost my father. We were all so close. Both were huge losses for both of us. This is something we leaned on each other over but that is seemingly far away.

 

[Aisha]

This is not really about your wife. It is about you. What is your TRUTH? It is the unwritten cause that is echoing in all the finger pointing.

Say a Novena to St Joseph asking for his intercession.

 

[Sereta]

Another day not feeling like I have gained even an inch Trying times…

So sorry for your situation.
Do your children possibly need to sacrifice some of their activities so that you and your wife can spend more time together doing things alone?

 

[Sereta]

Another day not feeling like I have gained even an inch Trying times…

So sorry for your situation.
Do your children possibly need to sacrifice some of their activities so that you and your wife can spend more time together doing things alone?

 

[Evania]

This is not really about your wife. It is about you. What is your TRUTH? It is the unwritten cause that is echoing in all the finger pointing.

Say a Novena to St Joseph asking for his intercession.

I don’t think any of us know what is the cause. I think we should simply pray for the OP instead of pointing the finger at anybody.

 

[Coolhandlukexx]

This is not really about your wife. It is about you. What is your TRUTH? It is the unwritten cause that is echoing in all the finger pointing.

Say a Novena to St Joseph asking for his intercession.

I thought in my first post I took fault for a crumbling relationship as well. There are many things I can do better, but when is it right to abandon my marriage vows? When is right to walk away? How can I ever be right in the eyes of God if my marriage fails and we “move on?” As far as I have learned there is not a whole lot of leeway to righteously end the covenant that I entered with my wife in the Church. Through ups and downs I still take my vows seriously.