Need rational argument against co-habitation

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Dan_MI

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Friends,

I am lifelong Catholic and have a protestant friend who is very faithful but is planning on having his fiancee move in with him. I know this is wrong and I want to have a discussion with him about this. I think he will listen to me but I need to have a good bible based argument. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Dan
 
Dictionary Definition:**
fornication **- Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.

Should be pretty simple after that. Start referring him to what the bible says about fornication. It’s pretty unequivical…

Just for starters…
Galatians 5: (Read all of chapter 5 to put this in context)
17: For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would. 18: But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law. 19: Now the works of the flesh are plain: fornication, impurity, licentiousness,20: idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, 21: envy, drunkenness, carousing, and the like.
Code: 
  *** 1 Corinthians 6:18-20***
*“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you…? therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

*…The list goes on and on. Check out this article I found on fornication and what scripture says…
dianedew.com/adulforn.htm
*
Finally…
*Not bible based, but a very good Q&A on this with some pertinent facts…
catholic.com/chastity/Q7.asp
 
The bible is very clear on the issue of fornication. Paul mentions it several times. I suspect most couples are planning to include fornication as a part of their live-in relationship. Even in the instances where they do not commit that particular sin they should consider how the relationship will appear to those around them. To the extent that minors in particular are witnessing this behavior the couple should consider what kind of an example they are setting. If either of them is Catholic then they should also consider whether or not this constitutes scandal based on how they may affect the moral education of anyone who looks up to them (see paragraph 2284 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for a definition of scandal).
 
Not bible based, but pretty good to have in your argument since it’s coming out of a secular source and showing that cohabitation is BAD:

marriage.rutgers.edu/publicat.htm

Click on the publication Should We Live Together, Second Edition.
 
This is not bible based either but I think it will help. Not every situation in life can be answered with a scipture quote. That is why God gave us the ability to reason things out. Though living together to some may seem to be harmless it will cause problems down the road such as; when two people move in together they are excepting each other for who they are. The problem comes later when the anoing little things one does starts to bother the other and confronts them about it. That is when the they say you accepted me for who I am then why do you want me to change now? No change is required when people move in together but when getting married that changes is required and expected.
 
Some very practical reasons to not live together before marriage:
  1. Men tend to become less committed to relationships and less emotionally attached when they live witht their lovers before making a lifelong commitment.
  2. Living together before making the marital commitment puts the relationship into an apathetic mode: “We must be doing fine since we’re living together, so we no longer have to work on initimacy.” These relationships actually become less intimate.
  3. Premarital sex psychologically ruins a person’s capacity for marital intimacy for a number of reasons.
  4. Males are especially naturally sexually selfish and are not meant to live in a sexually tempting situation outside of the marital commitment.
 
I believe the co-hab statistics go something like this. 75% divorce rate before 5 years. Why - no commitment to the relationship. Same reason for not allowing a pre-nup.
 
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buffalo:
I believe the co-hab statistics go something like this. 75% divorce rate before 5 years. Why - no commitment to the relationship. Same reason for not allowing a pre-nup.
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Yes, I’ve seen the statistics that show that marriages preceeded by cohabitation have much less chance of success.

Besides, I just don’t understand why anyone would want to begin their life together by starting out in a state of sin.

JimG
 
it is almost a death sentence for the resulting marriage and even more a death sentence to the possibility that there will be a marriage.
 
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JimG:
Besides, I just don’t understand why anyone would want to begin their life together by starting out in a state of sin. JimG
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They first have to understand it is a sin.
 
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Charles:
If either of them is Catholic then they should also consider whether or not this constitutes scandal based on how they may affect the moral education of anyone who looks up to them (see paragraph 2284 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for a definition of scandal).
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No need to be Catholic to believe in the sin of scandal. I don’t have the citation, but somewhere in scripture Jesus tells his followers it would be better to have a millstone tied around your neck and tossed into the sea than to lead the littles ones astray (Maxk-SV :cool: )(or something to that effect).

Thanks to anyone who has the actual verse handy (hint, hint).
 
My wife and I are the co-ordinators of the Pre-Cana program our parish offers.
Probably between 50-60% of the couples that register are living together.
We make it a point during our program (four sessions-approximately 16 hours total) that living together prior to marriage can be a hindrance to the success of that union.
There are a number of reasons that it’s not a good idea, many of which have been touched on here, including:
  1. According to the Rutgers study (mentioned previously) people who live together prior to marriage have a 47% GREATER risk of divorce that those who do not.
  2. And this was touched on earlier, living together LOWERS one’s expectations of commitment, i.e., if this doesn’t work we can walk away with no problem. These lowered expectations are then taken into the marriage. However, after marriage it becomes a major problem because neither party can now walk away ‘scott-free’.
  3. Sex…is an incredibly strong unifying bond between two people. Having pre-marital sex can cause one (or both) parties to overlook the shortcomings of the other (he’s a slob, she spends money like there’s no tomorrow, etc…) especially if the sex is ‘good’. Once they’re married and the ‘thrill’ of sex has worn off (and it does), those faults are still there and still need to be addressed. Often times they’re not and the couple finds they have ‘irreconcilable differences’. You need to get to know the other person in a non-sexual context.
We ask all couples, especially those who are living together, to refrain from sexual intercourse until their wedding night…so that they can get to know each other on a different, non-sexual level. (The looks we get when this is asked are sometimes priceless.) 🙂

We do have one story where one couple (a very good looking couple, I might add) actually got up and told the other couples that they had decided to refrain from sex until their wedding. I thought that this was pretty courageous on their part. 👍

All in all, living together before marriage isn’t a good idea…period.
But then again, all we can do is point it out to people. It’s ultimately up to them what they want to do with (and for) their immortal souls.

The Peace of the Risen Lord be with you all!
 
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maxk:
No need to be Catholic to believe in the sin of scandal. I don’t have the citation, but somewhere in scripture Jesus tells his followers it would be better to have a millstone tied around your neck and tossed into the sea than to lead the littles ones astray (Maxk-SV :cool: )(or something to that effect).

Thanks to anyone who has the actual verse handy (hint, hint).
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Good point Maxk. I believe the quote you refer to is in Matthew but I’m also not sure off the top of my head.
 
There is also the Janet Smith CD “Contraception, Why Not?”
Give him aany of the great reasons as many have listed here to help his relationship succeed and the benefit of NFP and the incredibly low divorce rate among couples practicing NFP (less than 3%).

You can ask him if he really loves the woman and if he does, why does he choose to dengrate the love of his life?

Gosh, can you tell I’m a woman? I am so grateful that even though we didn’t have our act all the way together before marriage that we didn’t co-habitate. We did work together, though. It made our first year so much easier to adjust to.

May the Mother of God, guide this couple to make the proper choices. Blessed Virgin Mary, pray for them.

Pax et bonum
 
Silmarillion:
Matthew 18:5
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Thank you.
And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.
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Actually, the very next verse is the one I think we were discussing, but you got me to the right spot!
Matt 18:6 Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
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There is little doubt from these verses that Christ took the sin of scandal very seriously, and you don’t have to be Catholic as I erroneously stated in an earlier post to see that. Like it or not (and in this day and age most people don’t like it) our actions almost always effect those around us. Our Church has made it’s position on the sanctity of marriage and the sin of fornication very clear. People living together can easily scandalize those around them.
 
Contact the Howard Center for Religion and Family in Rockford, Illinois. They have enough social science data on this sin and its attendent social pathologies to choke an elephant.

815 964 5819

Chris C.
 
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Mistermerlin:
Probably between 50-60% of the couples that register are living together.
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This doesn’t surprise me, but it does amaze me. Since this is a parish Pre-Cana program, I’m assuming that at least one partner of each couple is Catholic. Steve G. has posted above several scriptural admonitions about fornication; Catholic teaching is clear; and several posters have shown that even from a secular standpoint, the outcome is not good. Has the Catholic Faith instruction of these young couples been so ineffective that none of them sees anything wrong with this behaviour?

It must be my age showing. I was married in 1970, and even at that late date, (given that the sexual revolution of the late '60’s was already underway), that kind of statistic would have been cause for great alarm in my diocese then.

What happened to cause this change?

JimG
 
Yes, the Catechesis is very poor, because the teachers who are supposed to be teaching the truth are reluctant because perhaps they have failed in their own life, or they don’t want to offend anyone by teaching the hard truths. Or they themselves don’t teach or event know about the Baltimore Catechism or the CCC.
 
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