Need reconciliation but scared of priest

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Hello:

I am now home. The first hour I spent sitting alone in the church. The priest has other parishes as well, so he was not there, but the church wasn’t locked they ususally are because of vandism.

When I was getting ready to leave, I was going to drop him a short note to say I was there. Well, he was there, so he invited me in. We spoke for sometime. As this man knows many of my struggles it was easier to speak with him. We did speak of confession and mortal sin. My circumstances are such that I am not in mortal sin as such that I lack the one necessary thing in that I have extreme anger that has caused me to want to leave the church, in that case I am not in true mortal sin, however, have left the church for now. In speaking with him further we decided that with my feelings, reconciliation may not provide the action that I need and my ability to fufill my penance may be hampered making things more clouded. I get the feeling my penance will be well thought out and ment to invoke some very inner thinking.

So for now I have been given the option to continue with mass as I struggle with faith or do it from home. But either way I will keep in contact with him and within a few weeks we will further talk about confesssion. Just as he did 17 years ago when he feels I can face the challenge he will take me to the confessional until then I wil learn more about the faith and myself.

I did struggle with going, but yes even without reconcilliation I do feel better. Yes there are kind priests out there, I just need to experience more of them, the fear was still there, I shook the whole time I was there, but hopefully with time this will pass.

scared.
 
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scared:
Hello:

I am now home. The first hour I spent sitting alone in the church. The priest has other parishes as well, so he was not there, but the church wasn’t locked they ususally are because of vandism.

When I was getting ready to leave, I was going to drop him a short note to say I was there. Well, he was there, so he invited me in. We spoke for sometime. As this man knows many of my struggles it was easier to speak with him. We did speak of confession and mortal sin. My circumstances are such that I am not in mortal sin as such that I lack the one necessary thing in that I have extreme anger that has caused me to want to leave the church, in that case I am not in true mortal sin, however, have left the church for now. In speaking with him further we decided that with my feelings, reconciliation may not provide the action that I need and my ability to fufill my penance may be hampered making things more clouded. I get the feeling my penance will be well thought out and ment to invoke some very inner thinking.

So for now I have been given the option to continue with mass as I struggle with faith or do it from home. But either way I will keep in contact with him and within a few weeks we will further talk about confesssion. Just as he did 17 years ago when he feels I can face the challenge he will take me to the confessional until then I wil learn more about the faith and myself.

I did struggle with going, but yes even without reconcilliation I do feel better. Yes there are kind priests out there, I just need to experience more of them, the fear was still there, I shook the whole time I was there, but hopefully with time this will pass.

scared.
I will keep you in my Prayers. Until you can get back to Confession you can say a perfect Act Of Contrition to God Almighty.

God Bless You!
 
Hello Micheal1038

Yes a perfect Act Of Contrition to God Almighty was what the priest informed me I must do and how to do it. Apparently I have done it without knowledge, my grief so great my sorrow so strong that I had poured out my heart, although, I probably need to do it at least once a week until I can get to confession and resume Sunday mass, that may take awhile.

scared.
 
it sounds like God put this priest in your life to help you come home - he sounds like a great guy. spend lots of time here on the forums, you will learn a ton, grow in faith - its great! these forums are what i thank for bringing me back to the church. pray too. pray a lot for God’s guidance and grace to help you on this difficult journey. and know that all of us here will be praying for you too! 👍
 
Hello All:

Thank you for all your responses. Well, after much dragging of the heals and finding every excuse in the book, I finally contacted a priest and he has agreed to hear my confession. We are just finalizing the actual time, but it will be done. No getting out of it now. Of course I am scared to death to do this, :bigyikes: I shake while I examine my consience and boy do I have alot to confess. Me thinks I am in :tsktsk: BIG trouble. The priest is aware of my terror of confession and I have asked him to be patient with me.

Thanks
scared
 
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scared:
Ok:

For reasons I can’t speak of I am unable to go to our parish priest. For now at least. So I am going to take a 2.5 hour trip to the priest scared
If you are afraid of a particular priest, find another priest, but it would be smart to call first for an appointment if your are going to make the trip, and explain that it is an urgent pastoral matter and the effort you are making to meet with him. It is worth it.

If the reason you cannot approach your parish priest is an interpersonal problem that has its roots in anything about this priest that is not appropriate to the way he should be living his vocation, please contact your bishop right away.

If you are afraid of priest in general, get counselling right away, that is not normal. If the fear has its roots in a bad, painful experience of your past life involving a priest, contact the vicar general or chancellor of your diocese right away. Every diocese has someone appointed to hear your story and help you deal with any bad experience caused by a priest.

If it is the sacrament of confession itself you are afraid of, please seek spiritual direction right away, because that fear is a denial of God’s mercy, a serious spiritual mistake in itself. by the way, you will not encounter God’s wrath in confession but his great mercy.
 
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scared:
Hello All:

Thank you for all your responses. Well, after much dragging of the heals and finding every excuse in the book, I finally contacted a priest and he has agreed to hear my confession. We are just finalizing the actual time, but it will be done. No getting out of it now. Of course I am scared to death to do this, :bigyikes: I shake while I examine my consience and boy do I have alot to confess. Me thinks I am in :tsktsk: BIG trouble. The priest is aware of my terror of confession and I have asked him to be patient with me.

Thanks
scared
Graces are gifts from God. Did you know that to feel compelled to go to confession is a grace? By going to confession you will be acting on the grace, which is so God-pleasing.

It takes several virtues to go to confession. Chief among them is humility. This is not like in humiliation, but simply being humble. You sound like a humble man to me. Pride is often at the root of many sins, or even mixed in with the other sins. Confession is an act of humility, especially when it is so difficult to go through with it.

There is nothing you have done that God is not already aware of. He loves you as much after confession as He did before - and He was fully aware of all sins you have committed in your lifetime - those you know of, those you have forgotten, and those you don’t know you committed (venial in nature).

:blessyou:
 
Hello All:

I just thought that I would update my situation. Well, after using every excuse in the book, I finally with much reservation and hesitation took the leap of faith. An impending surgery, which I don’t feel confident about has forced me to evaluate and understand that should I die (10-15% chance) I should attempt to make things right with God.

So today shaking like a leaf I meet the priest and muddled my way through what seemed like 3 days actually only 30 minutes was given absolution and sent to do my penance before I left.

Do I feel better no, but I know that I have done the right thing, maybe it won’t take me another 17 years to do it again.

Thanks everyone
 
I’m sure this was the hardest confession you’ll ever have; you were so brave to do after all this time… It will grow easier if you go more often; many prayers for a successful surgery,
 
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scared:
Hello All:

I just thought that I would update my situation. Well, after using every excuse in the book, I finally with much reservation and hesitation took the leap of faith. An impending surgery, which I don’t feel confident about has forced me to evaluate and understand that should I die (10-15% chance) I should attempt to make things right with God.

So today shaking like a leaf I meet the priest and muddled my way through what seemed like 3 days actually only 30 minutes was given absolution and sent to do my penance before I left.

Do I feel better no, but I know that I have done the right thing, maybe it won’t take me another 17 years to do it again.

Thanks everyone
I do hope you’ll come back and write to us - we know you’ll be just fine,
 
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