Need some advice concerning acting as the agent for my mom's living will

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vlhannon

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Hello all,

My mom has been rather sick for a long time. She had a brain tumor some years ago and since having it removed has been prone to strokes and seizures. About a year ago the doctors found new growth where her tumor had been removed and told her the only option was another surgery, which she refused.

The strokes are getting worse and coming closer together; this last week she had the worst stork she has ever had and lost all function in her right side. She has asked me to see about the preparation of a living will and setting up power of attorney to ensure that my little brother is cared for if she becomes incapacitated.

She has made it clear that she intends to refuse any life extending treatments in her living will, but has asked me to act as healthcare agent in the event that something not covered comes up. I strongly believe that life must be preserved as long as there is even the slightest hope that God might bless us with a recovery, but my mom has made it clear that she does not want to be stuck in a state of constant pain where she cannot ask for help.There isn’t anyone else in my family that I trust to take on this responsibility, to keep a cool head in case of an emergency and make the hard decisions, but I am really struggling with weather I can be trusted to carry out her wishes.
 
I may not be able to answer this,but I would let others answer this for you.

But Here are few sites that will Inspire you.and you might also want to ask apolegetics:forums.catholic-questions.org/forumdisplay.php?f=84

christiantoday.com/article/retired.pastor.credits.healing.of.6.brain.tumours.to.faith.in.god/48649.htm
Sam Dyer, you must make a close relationship with God to get healed, if you don’t want to take medical treatments. The head priest in my church suffered a brain tumor too, and was told had only 6 months left, blind and couldn’t walk. He’s not a christ believer when it happened and was a high-rank government official. Then he felt a strong urge in his heart to read the Bible (his wife was already a believer). N he’s totally healed! a testimony on an on-air radio program told a 17 years old boy from a poor family who suffered from the similar tumor, was also healed just by attending praise n worship services launched for healing those who are ill. Firstly he was paralyzed in front of a GP, later on was deaf and blind. After attending the p&w services for several times his blindness and deafness gradually disappeared, n he could walk again, became totally normal.
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Read more: dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2247891/Sam-25-dying-brain-tumour-insists-faith-healing-cure-him.html#ixzz3cI8Ow4hU
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The moral law requires only that you take ordinary means to preserve life; it does not require that you take every possible means if the hope of recovery is minimal. I would recommend that you review the National Catholic Bioethics Center website for more information:

ncbcenter.org/page.aspx?pid=1166
 
vlhannon said:
Hello all,

My mom has been rather sick for a long time. She had a brain tumor some years ago and since having it removed has been prone to strokes and seizures. About a year ago the doctors found new growth where her tumor had been removed and told her the only option was another surgery, which she refused.

The strokes are getting worse and coming closer together; this last week she had the worst stork she has ever had and lost all function in her right side. She has asked me to see about the preparation of a living will and setting up power of attorney to ensure that my little brother is cared for if she becomes incapacitated.

She has made it clear that she intends to refuse any life extending treatments in her living will, but has asked me to act as healthcare agent in the event that something not covered comes up. I strongly believe that life must be preserved as long as there is even the slightest hope that God might bless us with a recovery, but my mom has made it clear that she does not want to be stuck in a state of constant pain where she cannot ask for help.There isn’t anyone else in my family that I trust to take on this responsibility, to keep a cool head in case of an emergency and make the hard decisions, but I am really struggling with weather I can be trusted to carry out her wishes.
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  1. Talk to your pastor. Your pastor will have seen a lot more dying people and deathbeds than you have and will have a lot of thoughts on this. I don’t know what your pastor will say, but a Catholic priest will point out that it isn’t our duty to extend life indefinitely, no matter how much pain or expense is involved. But, the sick person is entitled to food, hydration, and comfort. Actually, even if you are Protestant, I think you might want to look up Catholic resources on the subject. If you look at the USCCB site and do a search for “death and dying,” you’ll find a lot of resources.
  2. Go with your mom to a medical apt. and make sure that she expresses her wishes to the doctor and find out whether he thinks it likely that she would be in a state of “constant pain where she cannot ask for help.” The doctor may have some reassuring things to say about this.
Good luck!
 
First, the Church doesn’t teach that you have to do everything possible to extend life. You might want to talk with a priest about this so you know what is required.

Second, having been in this position, I’ll start by saying it’s incredibly hard. Knowing that whether you decide to have someone undergo a treatment or not might lead to their death sooner rather than later is agonizing. In my case I was trying to balance what I knew my mother wanted, what the Church taught, and what I wanted. I had a long talk with a priest about the decisions I was making, and one of the things that came from that was that I had to let go of what I wanted (for her to live as long as possible no matter what) and focus on what was best for her. Sacrificial love can be difficult, and this was an example – putting what was best for her ahead of what was best for me.

Please consider talking with a priest who can help you sort through these issues.
 
Also, make sure that your mom’s main doctor takes pain relief very seriously and the doctor explains at length to your mom exactly what they do to ensure pain relief.
 
vlhannon said:
Hello all,

My mom has been rather sick for a long time. She had a brain tumor some years ago and since having it removed has been prone to strokes and seizures. About a year ago the doctors found new growth where her tumor had been removed and told her the only option was another surgery, which she refused.

The strokes are getting worse and coming closer together; this last week she had the worst stork she has ever had and lost all function in her right side. She has asked me to see about the preparation of a living will and setting up power of attorney to ensure that my little brother is cared for if she becomes incapacitated.

She has made it clear that she intends to refuse any life extending treatments in her living will, but has asked me to act as healthcare agent in the event that something not covered comes up. I strongly believe that life must be preserved as long as there is even the slightest hope that God might bless us with a recovery, but my mom has made it clear that she does not want to be stuck in a state of constant pain where she cannot ask for help.There isn’t anyone else in my family that I trust to take on this responsibility, to keep a cool head in case of an emergency and make the hard decisions, but I am really struggling with weather I can be trusted to carry out her wishes.
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This is where “Honor Thy Father and Mother” kicks in as an adult. Your mom has made it clear how she wants this situation to be handled, trusts you to do it and you should honor what she wants; of course it will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life, but it is about what she wants not what you want.
 
I just noticed that the OP is Protestant, so the advice to talk with a priest is probably not helpful. But if you have a minister who can help you sort through the spiritual, moral, ethical, and emotional aspects of the situation, I’d recommend talking with him. Someone who is outside the situation can help you gain perspective.
 
JimG said:
The moral law requires only that you take ordinary means to preserve life; it does not require that you take every possible means if the hope of recovery is minimal. I would recommend that you review the National Catholic Bioethics Center website for more information:

ncbcenter.org/page.aspx?pid=1166
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This. ^^^^ Praying fro you and your mother.
 
Dear vlhannon,

I am sorry about your mother. This is indeed a very difficult thing to deal with especially if there is no one else there with you. Show your mom you love her, be there, make her comfortable. I lost both my parents recently, my mom suddenly from a massive brain bleed and my dad from heart failure complicated by 18 months on dialysis.

The issue with pain meds is that they are a narcotic. My dad was 82, in the hospital recuperating from pneumonia and narcotics put him into a psychotic state. He recovered, but the next time in the hospital 6 months later while my sister was with him they gave him a different narcotic and his heart stopped. He was a DNR, but they resuscitated him. He was so angry with us, awake and on a breathing tube. I made them take him off of it. He didn’t recover this time, his heart was too weak to sustain any further dialysis. He just feel asleep, peacefully.

I understand your mom’s fears. Surgery is so invasive and so are cancer treatments. She has been there and doesnt want to go there again. Pain meds will help ease her suffering, but they may hasten death. I hope someone can be there with you. Again, I am sorry.
 
Dear Vihannon,

I have recently gone through a similar situation with my mom. She is 91 and has multiple mylenoma. I discussed with my priest what types of measures are ordinary and extraordinary. He gave a great example. Say she’d had throat surgery and couldn’t swallow food. A feeding tube would be ordinary measures as her throat would be healing soon and she would then be able to eat. However, if she just couldn’t eat due to her failing health, then a feeding tube would be extraordinary measures as it would be prolonging her life, that would never improve. He also explained that the body naturally shuts down (needs no water or food) when it is nearing the end. This helped me tremendously. We recently placed her on Comfort Care (do not resuscitate) because any corrective actions would do more harm than good.

I pray you will find peace with this heavy responsibility.

God Bless you.
 
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