W
wyndysascha
Guest
I feel as though I am at a sort of crossroad in my life, but I am uncertain as to how to proceed. I’ve been a reader of CAF for some time now - I hope someone can help. Please bear in mind that I’m new to all this, and I hope that readers and responders will read and respond charitably.
I was baptised into the Church of Scotland (although I’m more “English” and “British” than Scottish). Until recently, I’ve not taken any great interest in my faith. Indeed, I was happy to consider myself an atheist.
I’ve come to feel that I’d gone along with atheism because of a kind of laziness on my part. It seemed reasonable - ignore whatever can’t be scientifically proven, or measured, or rationalised. It’s clear to me now, though, that this is a fairly empty and barren approach to life that is unreasonable in its exclusion of other modes of understanding everything around us and our place in the universe.
I once knew an evangelical Christian who had tried to (re)introduce me to Christianity. I didn’t really pursue it at the time. About six months ago, I started to think about the things he had told me and to read the books and pamphlets he had given me. From there, I branched out and tried to find the approach to Christ that seemed most relevant, wise, and humane. And so I ended with Roman Catholicism.
I fully accept the Roman Catholic Church’s position on almost everything. I accept that that which I don’t agree with, I may very well be incorrect on. I accept how the Church’s position and practices stem from (what I suppose to be) a millenia-long conversation that intertwines faith and reason, divinely. I understand how this conversation goes back to Jesus Christ and to God. And I understand that God can exist, and that He can and did send His Son to teach and redeem us (in contrast to my previous atheism).
My problem is this: having understood a great deal, and having accepted a great deal, I don’t think I have any emotional acceptance of it - I have a lack of any sense of feeling. I don’t feel that God is watching me, and has concern for me. I don’t feel that sin is eroding my life, even though I understand that it is. I read on CAF about people who experience the Real Presence at Mass, for example - I find it difficult to comprehend and, if I’m entirely honest, my inability to grasp what they’re describing is very saddening for me.
My diocese runs an RCIA programme. Would it be wrong to undertake the programme without having the faith I think is essential? Is faith something that develops and strengthens as one progresses through the RCIA, and is part-and-parcel of what it sets out to accomplish? Or is it simply dishonest to begin it before one is sure?
I’m sorry I can’t explain this better - I’m hoping that someone who reads this has had a similar experience, and can understand what I’m driving at. I suppose I have an “intellectual faith” without having faith itself. Any thoughts and advice would be most welcome.
I was baptised into the Church of Scotland (although I’m more “English” and “British” than Scottish). Until recently, I’ve not taken any great interest in my faith. Indeed, I was happy to consider myself an atheist.
I’ve come to feel that I’d gone along with atheism because of a kind of laziness on my part. It seemed reasonable - ignore whatever can’t be scientifically proven, or measured, or rationalised. It’s clear to me now, though, that this is a fairly empty and barren approach to life that is unreasonable in its exclusion of other modes of understanding everything around us and our place in the universe.
I once knew an evangelical Christian who had tried to (re)introduce me to Christianity. I didn’t really pursue it at the time. About six months ago, I started to think about the things he had told me and to read the books and pamphlets he had given me. From there, I branched out and tried to find the approach to Christ that seemed most relevant, wise, and humane. And so I ended with Roman Catholicism.
I fully accept the Roman Catholic Church’s position on almost everything. I accept that that which I don’t agree with, I may very well be incorrect on. I accept how the Church’s position and practices stem from (what I suppose to be) a millenia-long conversation that intertwines faith and reason, divinely. I understand how this conversation goes back to Jesus Christ and to God. And I understand that God can exist, and that He can and did send His Son to teach and redeem us (in contrast to my previous atheism).
My problem is this: having understood a great deal, and having accepted a great deal, I don’t think I have any emotional acceptance of it - I have a lack of any sense of feeling. I don’t feel that God is watching me, and has concern for me. I don’t feel that sin is eroding my life, even though I understand that it is. I read on CAF about people who experience the Real Presence at Mass, for example - I find it difficult to comprehend and, if I’m entirely honest, my inability to grasp what they’re describing is very saddening for me.
My diocese runs an RCIA programme. Would it be wrong to undertake the programme without having the faith I think is essential? Is faith something that develops and strengthens as one progresses through the RCIA, and is part-and-parcel of what it sets out to accomplish? Or is it simply dishonest to begin it before one is sure?
I’m sorry I can’t explain this better - I’m hoping that someone who reads this has had a similar experience, and can understand what I’m driving at. I suppose I have an “intellectual faith” without having faith itself. Any thoughts and advice would be most welcome.
