Need some advice please!

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I hope this is the right forum for this - if not, I’m sure someone will let me know…

I am currently providing “day-care” for a friend’s son (9 years old). I originally offered to do this because the mother was looking for a full-time possition and was concerned about affording full time day-care. I said that I would be happy to help out for a reduced price - I understand financial difficulties!

Since that conversation (several weeks ago) her son has been dropped off everyday promptly at 8:30 am and he stays with us until 6:00 when all the children have their taekwondo lesson (even though the father is at home “in-between” jobs and she only has a part-time job still).

My problem is that the parents are offering no financial support. I am not asking to be “paid” - I really only am interested in assistance with food and the educational materials that I have supplied. (He shows up with no lunch - and they expect me to feed him dinner.) Three weeks in a row, they have left this poor child (not asked) with us on Friday night while they go bowling until 10:00pm. They are also re-decorating their daughters room while she is at sailing camp, and the mother just came over showing off her “$130” hair-do.

MY BIGGEST CONCERN is the child…I am worried that if I tell them they have to at least chip in ($50/week, I feel that is quite reasonable) that they will simply take the child and basically leave him unattended and alone for the entire summer. This is not what I want - I love the child, but I feel completely taken advantage of by the parents.

I really feel that I need to speak to the parents - MY QUESTION is: how would you approach this? What is the path that you would take? What is the most Christian route?

Any advice would be most appreciated!

Blessings to you all!
 
Just tell her that you didn’t realize how much it costs to feed and entertain a nine-year-old, and wondered, could they help out with, say, $50.00 a week, to cover the costs of food and art supplies.

(Also, it seems as though “reduced price” ended up being “free”. If you had a price set, and they just haven’t paid it, send them a formal-looking bill to their home address for the amount owing to date. Set a deadline of 30 days, and do call a collections agency if you don’t receive it by then.)
 
Um… these people are using you. Tell them your temporary arrangement is at an end and they will have to find other day care arrangements.

If they leave the child alone, call child protective services.
 
jmdsc:

I would take 30 minutes, draw up a contract, print out two pages, and take the contract to their home with a notary public (which you will have to pay for, of course). Outline the appropriate hours for drop off and pick up. Stipulate that the parents need to provide lunch, snack, dinner, a change of clothes, whatever. Be certain the boy is not within hearing distance. And then lay down the law.

He is not your kid. They are slacking as parents. Don’t let them push your generosity buttons. The way these grifters will get under your skin is to make you feel guilty for wanting to change your original (self-limiting) offer. They ingratiate themselves into your life and then manipulate your time, your resources, your good will. This has to stop.

Get them to sign the contract in front of the notary. You sign the contract in front of the notary. They get a copy. You get a copy. Get your money up front or they will never pay.

These people aren’t neighbors. They’re sponges. If they don’t like the arrangement you propose, they’re free to seek childcare, at a greater expense, elsewhere.

marietta
 
If they can afford sailing camp, a redecorating room to the point where the boy needs to be out of the house, $130 hair, and bowling, they can afford day care. If you can’t see you’ve been taken, well, you need to do so.

I rather like the idea of showing up at their house with the notary, but that might not be practical. I would instead send them a bill, due in ten business days, and a new contract, via return receipt requested mail.

Be careful. A woman whose kids I sat beat upon my door to the point where I had to call the cops. She refused to pay me, and I refused to take them anymore. She couldn’t believe I would actually not be there one morning to take her kids, even though I gave her sufficient notice. And she was foul when she finally got around to paying me. Oh- And she never bought these kids lunch or dinner, wanted me to compelte their school paperwork, and yet had all sorts of money to run around town and drink and bowl.
 
You are being taken advantage of - and it is sad.
Thing is, you tried to be a nice Christian to someone and they abused your helping nature. It can easily happen to “givers”.

You need to find the courage to stop this and nip it now.

Sail camp???They obviously have money for the things they want and one of them is NOT you.
 
no bills or notaries imho

as others have said end the arrangement (if there was one?)

today!
 
I agree - end it now because this is as good as it’s going to get.
I’d bet if you insist on payment, even just $50, they’ll either constantly neglect to pay you or get nasty or both.
they either have the money or they are stiffing everyone else too. (just as likely a scenario, I doubt you are the only person she’s doing this to)
if they are leaving him uncared for at home, then you will have to decide if a. he’s okay (some kids are at that age) or b. you need to call cps (a dire and last resort more serious than this situation, imho)
bless you for you kindness, but if you can’t afford it and it’s hurting your family to do it - then end it.
 
jmdsc said:
I hope this is the right forum for this - if not, I’m sure someone will let me know…

I am currently providing “day-care” for a friend’s son (9 years old). I originally offered to do this because the mother was looking for a full-time possition and was concerned about affording full time day-care. I said that I would be happy to help out for a reduced price - I understand financial difficulties!

Since that conversation (several weeks ago) her son has been dropped off everyday promptly at 8:30 am and he stays with us until 6:00 when all the children have their taekwondo lesson (even though the father is at home “in-between” jobs and she only has a part-time job still).

My problem is that the parents are offering no financial support. I am not asking to be “paid” - I really only am interested in assistance with food and the educational materials that I have supplied. (He shows up with no lunch - and they expect me to feed him dinner.) Three weeks in a row, they have left this poor child (not asked) with us on Friday night while they go bowling until 10:00pm. They are also re-decorating their daughters room while she is at sailing camp, and the mother just came over showing off her “$130” hair-do.

MY BIGGEST CONCERN is the child…I am worried that if I tell them they have to at least chip in ($50/week, I feel that is quite reasonable) that they will simply take the child and basically leave him unattended and alone for the entire summer. This is not what I want - I love the child, but I feel completely taken advantage of by the parents.

I really feel that I need to speak to the parents - MY QUESTION is: how would you approach this? What is the path that you would take? What is the most Christian route?

Any advice would be most appreciated!

Blessings to you all!
Click to expand...
8:30 am and he stays with us until 6:00 is pretty much full time…

and they expect me to feed him dinner…

Three weeks in a row, they have left this poor child (not asked) with us on Friday night while they go bowling until 10:00pm.
and you don’t think you are being used???

They are also re-decorating their daughters room while she is at sailing camp, and the mother just came over showing off her "$130" hair-do.
What part of this implies they can’t afford to pay you???

My opinion is that you should sit down with both mom and dad and tell them that either they bring food and activities over, or they pay $50 so you can redo your dd’s room while she is at sailing camp… They will get the message!

Personally… I would just quit watching the kid and if they leave him alone and you don’t think it is safe… call social services…
 
You are being taken advantage of for sure. This decision can go one of two ways. If you really like the kid and want to make a difference in his life no matter what the cost continue on. I have children that are around 5 and they have some friends that seem to need a place to go most days. When the parents drop them off we just say have a good day and then send them all out back for a day of swimming and a good lunch. We want our house to be the hang out and their parents are the ones missing out. If you do not feel this way then stop the situation because your frustration will eventually turn towards the child. Good Luck.
 
Something along with what 1ke suggested…I would have a discussion and say, I think that we need to discuss a compensation agreement…They clearly have the money–it’s time to pay for the services they are requesting.

I watched two kids when I was a stay at home mom, during my kids younger years. The kids were of a woman my husband worked with, and I remember her dropping the kids off at 5am and not picking them up until 9pm, so she could go out on dates, etc. Nice lady, but like you, I felt badly for the kids. I understood the mom, she wanted to have some free time, but wow, those kids never saw her. Even though she paid me handsomely – it got to be that the kids were always with my husband and me, and I finally had to have a chat with her. She at first said…‘I’ll pay you more…’ Um, that’s not it. lol I finally said that we needed family time together, and she got it. She was cool about it. I hope the same for you, too…that she will be understanding. If not, oh well. I hope it works out for you!! (and for her son!):o
 
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