Need some advice regarding interaction with homosexual neighbors

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MarieVeronica

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Dear Catholic Answers… First of all, I’d like to ask forgiveness for my obvious ignorance regarding the circumstances I’m about to describe; And that I do not intend… in any way, to be offensive. But I felt that I would be able to receive compassionate and honest advice here.

Our new neighbors, who live a couple doors down… are two very friendly, likeable and polite young men; They are openly gay (referring to each other as “partner”). I immediately took a liking to them both, and feel that they will be wonderful, considerate and caring neighbors.

The Catechism of the Catholic Faith… states the following… “They (homosexual persons) must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” (2358)

Now, while I certainly have no intent of treating my new neighbors with anything other than Christian Charity… I’d like to know how to do so… WITHOUT appearing to approve of their lifestyle. We are already on a first name basis. And I fear that over-familiarity might be misinterpreted as approval of the homosexual lifestyle. But, at the same time… I certainly do not want to shun my neighbors.

I’ve never been in these particular circumstances… and I want to proceed, as a Roman Catholic Christian. Thank you in advance for your consideration of my question.
 
You can’t be responsible for how they interpret your charity. When push comes to shove, and you are required to give witness to Christ, be calm and speak clearly.
 
Well, I think that you should continue to treat them with respect and dignity as they deserver as children of God. Just pray for them. Do things to let them see your love for your God and his church and maybe they’ll see a new way of thinking.
I don’t know. It’s just my opinion.
 
Treat them as if they were a man and woman shacking up. You would not want them alone with your children, you can invite them to Mass, you should not invite them over for meals or accept an invitation to join them.

Remember, they are not an actual family or couple.

I would encourage you to invite them to Mass.

While it is good and right to treat them with civility, it is also important to remember that the Church does not teach we should ignore the grave sin of others. It is not discriminatory to avoid the influence of those who are unrepentant of the grave sins they commit publicly.
 
cgirl4ever said:
Well, I think that you should continue to treat them with respect and dignity as they deserver as children of God. Just pray for them. Do things to let them see your love for your God and his church and maybe they’ll see a new way of thinking.
I don’t know. It’s just my opinion.
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I think this is good advice. I don’t see any reason you couldn’t accept an invitation to dinner or spend time with them. A good example is the best teacher and evangelist, I think. As St. Francis said, “Preach the Gospel always, and when necessary use words.”

The issue you may have as both a moral and practical matter is giving them the sense that you approve of their lifestyle if you do not. So if you think you will be having a relationship with them you are probably going to have to clear the air on that early on. If you are just going to see them around the neighborhood, I don’t think you need do anything but treat them in a Christian manner.
 
Methinks you can go one of two ways:
  1. Be open and just get it out and over with. Guys, I just wanted to make it clear that as a Catholic, I have trouble with your relationship.
  2. Not bring it up unless it happens to come up in conversation.
I’d go with 2, personally, and treat them as you would any other neighbor. Witness throught your behavior, and use occasions to slip into the conversation that your faith is important to you. “When you were at mass the other day, I saw one of those new Chevy pickups like yours in the parking lot”.

Prudence with the kids, yes, but I would disagree with the advice not to dine with them. Jesus dined with Pharisees. 😉
 
MarieVeronica said:
Dear Catholic Answers… First of all, I’d like to ask forgiveness for my obvious ignorance regarding the circumstances I’m about to describe; And that I do not intend… in any way, to be offensive. But I felt that I would be able to receive compassionate and honest advice here.

Our new neighbors, who live a couple doors down… are two very friendly, likeable and polite young men; They are openly gay (referring to each other as “partner”). I immediately took a liking to them both, and feel that they will be wonderful, considerate and caring neighbors.

The Catechism of the Catholic Faith… states the following… “They (homosexual persons) must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” (2358)

Now, while I certainly have no intent of treating my new neighbors with anything other than Christian Charity… I’d like to know how to do so… WITHOUT appearing to approve of their lifestyle. We are already on a first name basis. And I fear that over-familiarity might be misinterpreted as approval of the homosexual lifestyle. But, at the same time… I certainly do not want to shun my neighbors.

I’ve never been in these particular circumstances… and I want to proceed, as a Roman Catholic Christian. Thank you in advance for your consideration of my question.
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Easy, treat them like normal people. Do not focus on their sexual preference. Put that beyond the neighborly relationship. Their sexual preference should not matter.
 
I think rpp has the best answer so far. As an observant Catholic, it will be important for you to condition these individuals’ friendship with you on their adherence to a certain baseline morality.
 
MarieVeronica said:
Dear Catholic Answers… First of all, I’d like to ask forgiveness for my obvious ignorance regarding the circumstances I’m about to describe; And that I do not intend… in any way, to be offensive. But I felt that I would be able to receive compassionate and honest advice here.

Our new neighbors, who live a couple doors down… are two very friendly, likeable and polite young men; They are openly gay (referring to each other as “partner”). I immediately took a liking to them both, and feel that they will be wonderful, considerate and caring neighbors.

The Catechism of the Catholic Faith… states the following… “They (homosexual persons) must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” (2358)

Now, while I certainly have no intent of treating my new neighbors with anything other than Christian Charity… I’d like to know how to do so… WITHOUT appearing to approve of their lifestyle. We are already on a first name basis. And I fear that over-familiarity might be misinterpreted as approval of the homosexual lifestyle. But, at the same time… I certainly do not want to shun my neighbors.

I’ve never been in these particular circumstances… and I want to proceed, as a Roman Catholic Christian. Thank you in advance for your consideration of my question.
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1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

If they claim to be Christian, then you should have no contact according to Paul.
 
undefined said:
1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

If they claim to be Christian, then you should have no contact according to Paul.
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undefined IMHO you are way off base…what should we do with them, isolate them on an island somewhere? I look at how Jesus treated people…you prefer Paul. And so it goes…🤷

Newbie gave the best advice. There are 4 gay couples in my neighborhood and I never once worried about them around my children. If they asked, I would join them for dinner or a bbq and visa versa. If they are out walking in the neighborhood or working in their yard, I will extend a wave and a hello.

They don’t ask about my DH and mine sex life and I don’t ask about theirs. I don’t flaunt affection all over my DH in public and they don’t when they are in public.
 
Marie,
I would not give unsolicited opinions or make proclamations about my position on homosexuality UNLESS I was invited into a conversation on the issue.

Since they are new friends, I would probably not develop the relationship beyond the most casual aquaintance. I would not be sharing dinners or bbq’s as it would certainly put you in the very awkward and uncomfotable position of having to appear accepting.

What I WOULD do is pray for opportunities that might enable you to speak to the issue in a loving and empathetic manner. I would look for ways to speak about my own life, my faith, and my family that would provide examples of how I am living in accordance with God’s will. If you present a joyfilled portrait of Christian life, they may find it attractive and curious enough to ask questions!
 
[QUOTEOriginally Posted by rpp
Treat them as if they were a man and woman shacking up. You would not want them alone with your children,… .
[/QUOTE]
Katie1723 said:
That is a very uncharitable thing to say.

Kathy
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I agree Katie…a perfect example of the “holier than thou”. I knew I would find one on here eventually. A very “Pharisee-like” remark. Sometimes we forget to teach as Jesus did.

rpp…get a clue. Homosexuality does NOT equal pedophile.:rolleyes:
 
I’d be careful about intensifying the relationship. In my experience, homosexual couples tend to have more “issues” going on. I think each of us should be willing to drop friends who may lead us astray, and that may become an issue.
 
The best and most effective form of evangelization is to show the world by how you live. I would treat anyone exactly the same. Just because one believes one can “presume” grave sin in another, one certainly is not in a position to know as a mere casual neighbor. You do not really “know” what is going on inside the homes of your other neighbors either and you don’t attach any assumptions about them do you?

If the subject is brought up by them, then I would state my beliefs in a straightforward manner. As I’ve said on other threads, I doubt any homosexuals are unaware of how the Catholic Church feels on this issue, so I don’t buy the “contributing to their sin by not objecting to it” kinda analysis.
 
rpp…get a clue. Homosexuality does NOT equal pedophile.:rolleyes:
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No one mentioned pedophilia except for you.

When considering children, it might be prudent, depending on their ages and awareneness, to avoid allowing too much interaction because it might be very confusing for them. Our kids are already bombarded with secular proselytizing about “tolerance” and “diversity”. It is hard enough for a Catholic parent to teach their children about sin in a culture that refuses to accept there is any such thing. It is confusing for a child to be given conflicting messages. Enough to teach them to treat everyone with dignity and respect. They do not have to be put into situations, at young ages, that they don’t know how to handle.
 
Since you have no certain knowledge of what goes on in their household, you have nothing of which to disapprove. Any mention of disapproval of their “lifestyle” presumes knowledge that you don’t actually have. Keep your mouth shut. Enjoy their company.

Matthew
 
Julianna said:
Katie1723;3184551:
rpp;3183210:
Treat them as if they were a man and woman shacking up. You would not want them alone with your children, you can invite them to Mass, you should not invite them over for meals or accept an invitation to join them.

Remember, they are not an actual family or couple.

I would encourage you to invite them to Mass.

While it is good and right to treat them with civility, it is also important to remember that the Church does not teach we should ignore the grave sin of others. It is not discriminatory to avoid the influence of those who are unrepentant of the grave sins they commit publicly.
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That is a very uncharitable thing to say.

Kathy

I agree Katie…a perfect example of the “holier than thou”. I knew I would find one on here eventually. A very “Pharisee-like” remark. Sometimes we forget to teach as Jesus did.

rpp…get a clue. Homosexuality does NOT equal pedophile.:rolleyes:
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I do not understand the hostility exhibited to rpp’s wholly reasonable suggestion. In a same-sex couple such as the one referred to by the OP, we have two individuals who are making a public display of the fact that they either engage in or support something that is intrinsically evil. It does not do to ignore this fact simply so that one may have coffee, pastries and pleasant conversation with sinners. We are called to spread the Good News at all times, not shrink back from this obligation in cowardice because we judge it to be a breach of etiquette.

Further, if the OP has children, than rpp’s suggestion becomes even more appropriate. This is not just because those with same-sex attraction exhibit a higher degree of predation than their heterosexual counterparts. Even in the absence of the threat of sexual abuse, the OP has a grave responsibility to the moral and spiritual development of her children. Permitting close association with a couple who obviously flaunt what the Church teaches on sexuality will introduce confusion and could possibly corrupt the children’s spiritual progress.

The best thing to do here is to stay away from such people. Leave their evangelization to priests, psychologists, law enforcement and other professionals who have experience dealing with this sort of disorder.
 
Of course, one wonders how one then treats contracepting married couples, female neighbors who have had abortions, or divorced and remarried adults.

All are sins, all contrary to Church teachings, yet not ones that are likely to be posted for advice.

I had a contracepting friend who was married to a divorced man with a major porn addiction. She felt comfortable enough around me to ask about the Catholic faith. And ask and ask and ask. She’s now in RCIA and will enter the Church at Easter- something she never ever would have considered had she not had access to a devout Catholic who didn’t shun her.

However, what you do as an adult firm in your faith is, and should be, different from what you expose your children to, in this as in all matters.
 
Feedmysheep said:
Of course, one wonders how one then treats contracepting married couples, female neighbors who have had abortions, or divorced and remarried adults.

All are sins, all contrary to Church teachings, yet not ones that are likely to be posted for advice.

I had a contracepting friend who was married to a divorced man with a major porn addiction. She felt comfortable enough around me to ask about the Catholic faith. And ask and ask and ask. She’s now in RCIA and will enter the Church at Easter- something she never ever would have considered had she not had access to a devout Catholic who didn’t shun her.

However, what you do as an adult firm in your faith is, and should be, different from what you expose your children to, in this as in all matters.
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Of course, contracepting married couples, female neighbors who have had abortions and divorced-and-remarried adults do not flaunt their sin as same-sex couples obviously do. Should such people decorate their houses with pictures of the abortion procedure they’ve had; should their dining room hutch be stocked with birth-control pills and condoms rather than fine china; or should the man have a set of hatch-marks on the front door denoting the number of women he’s divorced we may then talk of treating such people similar to the way in which we mean to treat this same-sex couple.
 
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