Need some advice

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truthseeker22

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I am a 29 yr old woman and still living with parents. I believe God has called me to married life but Iately I feel very confused as what to do before that happens. I’ve always strived to imitate Jesus and I believe one way He honored his Blessed Mother was by staying with her until His ministry began. Well, I’ve been doing exactly that with my own parents. However, I frequently get judged (sometimes harshly) by my peers and acquaintances for making this decision. I’m told that I will never become ‘independent’ and ‘successful’ if I continue this lifestyle. Can I not become the person God created me to be if I am still living with my parents? I am self-sufficient and largely contribute to the household expenses—I am in no way financially dependent on them. I understand we live in a very individualistic culture and this is not the norm, but What would Jesus do? According to society’s standards I am not living life to the fullest, but I really want to know what would Jesus do?
 
Those people that criticize you are kidding themselves if they think there are not employed adults all over the country who live with their parents and vic versa. Especially with the mortgage crisis and all, lots of families are moving in together to save money. If you’re paying and contributing and not being a financial burden, than there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
 
Smile and pray for those who wish to harm you. And certainly, if you feel called to marriage, you will get married. Trust in God!

There is a single Catholics thread on CAF, if you wish to join it 🙂
 
I have to agree, I am more inclined to think your parents will be grateful for the help that you are providing for them. Those who criticize, will always find a reason to criticize. If you think you are living according to God’s plan for you, you are doing the right thing. Praying for you
 
I’m with the other posters here. Living with your parents is nothing new. It’s what has been the norm for most of history. You see a lot of examples of multiple generations of family living together, and I think its making a comeback.

Young singles living out on their own is a relatively new thing. If this arrangement works for you, why would you want to take out added expense, espicially in today’s economony.

What do your peers consider “living life to the fullest?” Is it today’s hook-up culture that promises you can have it all- a career, children, money, all without being married? Life is not ment to be what is represented on television.

You are doing the right thing and living your life according to God’s plan for you- not the secular world. Stand by your convictions and His plan will be revealed to you.

God bless
 
I’m going to have to disagree with the above posters. While I understand financial it might be the “better” decision to stay at home I don’t think you can really fully grow up, no matter your age, until you leave home and start your own life. Starting you own life is next to impossible while living with Mom and Dad.

Maybe things are different situation in your case but typically the parents still run the show regardless of your age. You are not able to make decisions you should be making for you self. The responsibilities required to for that final maturing are not required of you. There is a good chance of developing a co-dependant relationship with your family that could negatively impact your future married life should you get married.

I don’t buy the “its been the Norm for most of history”. Its the norm for some cultures in times of hardship sure, but I don’t think its the norm for most of history. It causes a lot of issues as well. My Inlaws lived (still live) at home close to their 30’s and they power and control my MIL has over the family is pretty insane. Most of the ones that don’t still live at home have never figured out how to make their own decision. Not saying that’s necessarily happening in your case but it would be worth some real soul searching to make sure you not avoiding growing up by not moving out.
 
truthseeker22 said:
I am a 29 yr old woman and still living with parents. I believe God has called me to married life but Iately I feel very confused as what to do before that happens. I’ve always strived to imitate Jesus and I believe one way He honored his Blessed Mother was by staying with her until His ministry began. Well, I’ve been doing exactly that with my own parents.
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Just for a different perspective on things:

I’m not saying you won’t get married by living with your parents, but keep in mind that although Jesus stayed with Mary until His ministry began, His goal was *not *to get married. 😉 Also, Mary got married when she was 14 or so, so she didn’t live with her parents as long as you have.
However, I frequently get judged (sometimes harshly) by my peers and acquaintances for making this decision. I’m told that I will never become ‘independent’ and ‘successful’ if I continue this lifestyle.
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I am sorry that you are judged for this decision. I do not judge you, but I do believe based upon my own experience that living alone (at least for some time) before getting married is invaluable. You are helping your parents with the finances (which is great), but are you the one making dinners, going grocery shopping, cleaning the house, doing your laundry, etc? Or does Mom still do these things for you?

Just so you know, I lived with my Mom until I was about your age, but mainly because she needed my paycheck to pay the monthly mortgage. Once we sold the house, I moved out to my own apartment for 7 years. It was during those years that I converted to Catholicism (as a side note, I now wonder whether that would have happened had I not moved out on my own). I did return to living with my Mom at the age of 36 (because my landlord sold his condo and I had to move out …and it was the best option for me economically). I lived with her until I got married, but I do think that those 7 years alone was invaluable.

At the very least, if you do decide to stay with your parents, please have your own phone line. I have a friend that lives with her Mom at my age and, although I love her Mom, it is a bit strange to have Mom pick up when you want to call your adult friend. I would think that this would be even stranger for a guy calling a woman he is interested in forming an adult relationship with. You are 29 not 16.
 
I don’t think that this would be a What Would Jesus Do situation, implying that he wouldn’t approve of one of the two options.

I do believe, like LJN21 and baylee, that moving out and living alone is an important life experience. You sound like a mature, balanced person but there are some things you just can’t learn when you still live with your parents.

I’m not saying that you should move out in your own apartment and start living in sin. If you’re afraid of that kind of temptation then perhaps it would be better to stay with your parents. But if that’s not the case, living alone will give you a certain freedom that you won’t have when you’ll be married.

If you go from being to your parents to living with your husband you might miss out on some life experiences that could help you grow, and you might regret it later.

Obviously, if your parents need you financially it is awesome to help them, but if they don’t need you and you don’t need them (financially) you might want to get more independence.

In the end, what matters is to do what feels right for you. Don’t make a decision based on what your friends say, especially if it’s for the wrong reasons. But don’t feel like you have to stay with your parents.
 
There’s no shame in living at home with your parents. I did so quite late myself. I would recommend spreading your wings a bit though and maybe trying a small apartment if you can afford it. It took me a good while to get used to living alone but once I did I found I quite enjoyed having a bathroom to myself and not having to deal with a slew of domestic issues. I feel everyone should live on their own at least for awhile as it’s a good way to get to know yourself. All that said I don’t see living with the parents as a problem if you all get along and they aren’t too bad about trying to rule your life or anything of that nature. Lets face it sometime parents have a hard time letting go. But don’t let what others thing bother you. :cool:👍
 
I lived with my parents until college, and then I got married. I never had this seemingly indispensible experience of living alone in a house. You can do just fine without it. Hang in there!
 
I just want to thank all of you who replied and offered some advice. I read each one thoroughly----I will keep praying about it.
 
truthseeker22 said:
Can I not become the person God created me to be if I am still living with my parents?
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Of course you can. We don’t live in a “one size fits all” world. I don’t know why your friends aren’t being more supportive of you. In my humble opinion, THEY have the problem - NOT you.
According to society’s standards I am not living life to the fullest,
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Christ never lived in accord with societies standard. It sounds to me like you are doing fine.

Hang in there truthseeker22. You are living an honorable life - Sometimes you can “second guess” yourself too much.

Bob
 
truthseeker22 said:
I am a 29 yr old woman and still living with parents. I believe God has called me to married life but Iately I feel very confused as what to do before that happens. I’ve always strived to imitate Jesus and I believe one way He honored his Blessed Mother was by staying with her until His ministry began. Well, I’ve been doing exactly that with my own parents. However, I frequently get judged (sometimes harshly) by my peers and acquaintances for making this decision. I’m told that I will never become ‘independent’ and ‘successful’ if I continue this lifestyle. Can I not become the person God created me to be if I am still living with my parents? I am self-sufficient and largely contribute to the household expenses—I am in no way financially dependent on them. I understand we live in a very individualistic culture and this is not the norm, but What would Jesus do? According to society’s standards I am not living life to the fullest, but I really want to know what would Jesus do?
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Dear Truthseeker, that’s a bunch of balooney. It’s also called peer-pressure. Just disregard it. 😃 👍
 
Thank you all for your encouraging words. Most of the time I hear the contrary…the reason why I tend to second guess myself a little too often…thinking I am an odd ball. When one is going against the tide, it is helpful for people to reassure you once in a while and give you a dose of support. God bless you all! 🙂
 
Just to give you some reassurance–my friend lived with her parents until she was 40, then she met a fine man and married him. If you are meant to be married, God will provide. And she is not a dependent person at all, quite the opposite.

The biggest problem she had was with some relatives who had always depended on her for rides here and there, or doing things around the house, etc., even though she worked full-time. They tried to put a guilt trip on her. Those favors had to stop because she had a husband, and a stepchild to help raise, and her own house to look after. But now they all love her husband and have managed without her quite nicely.
 
Hey, I think it’s wonderful when families stay together as long as they want to. And, yes, it IS actually the norm overall in the world for children to stay with their parents into adulthood. My spanish teacher once told me that the average age unmarried children move out of their parents’ house in Spain is 35! And in places like South and Central America, families just build onto their houses to make room for their married children’s families.

Don’t go by what America tells you is the right way for children and families to behave! Do what you feel called to do. If you feel happy with your family and they are happy with you, and there’s no reason to leave, then don’t! We’re here on this earth to love each other and get to heaven–not be wild and free and independent at all costs. God put into your heart your particular longings and nature. And maybe He has a really good reason for wanting you near your family right now. I’m 23 and still live at home, and I’ve received all sorts of pressure, too. But my family needs me here. I was trying so hard to find a good enough job to be able to move out (I make just enough to fully support myself at home), because I felt guilty and thought I was too old to still be at home, but I felt God wasn’t helping me because He wants me here. And I love my family and want to be with them! We recently found out that my 16-year-old sister is having a baby in July, and I’m going to be able to take care of the baby while she finishes school. She has no one else, because our mother is gone. I feel privileged and happy to be able to stay and help.

I think if more families stayed together and supported each other, our society would be a much more beautiful place.
 
I’m with the crowd that says do what’s right for you. If you have a healthy relationship with your parents, you will not regret spending this time with them. There are no guarantees in life and once people are gone, you don’t get them back. Time wasted is…wasted.

Having said that, I lived at home till I got married after college. Then I lived with my husband and we had kids. Then he left me, but I still had kids. Then he came back and made me wish he’d leave again. Then he did. And the kids went with him 48% of the time. And there I was at age 33 realizing I had never lived alone. It was devastating. At that point I began to wish I had lived alone for a certain amount of time before I was married so I would have felt more self assured that I could do it again. It isn’t about cooking your own food and seeing to life’s details. If you got married tomorrow you’d be surprised how quickly you’d adjust to not having your mother and father do those things. You’d grow up pretty quickly. I don’t think moving out of the house makes you an adult. I’ve seen plenty of grown children living in apartments behaving like…children.

It’s having to take care of someone entirely dependent upon you that goes more toward making you the adult.

But learning to live on your own with your self, as one of the other posters said, getting to know yourself better, and knowing that if life throws a curve ball your way you can take care of yourself… that’s much better.
 
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