Need some advice

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totusttuus

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Hi,

I have been struggling with the sin of masturbation for the past 16 yrs.I started it at the age of 13 and now I am 29.Just cant get away from this terrible thing.At max I can go on with out failing for a week.
The biggest problem that now I face is lonliness.I recently moved to another country for job.My job at office is not keeping me busy.Hence I am back to my small studio by 6pm every evening and I sleep at about 11pm.The only thing that I can do b/w this time is browse the computer.And I guess u can imagine what will happen
Same is the problem during weekends.I donot know more than 5-6 ppl in this city.All of them are married and they would not want to spwnt time with me which is perfectly undrstandable.
I am so bored to death during weekends .Usually I go for confession on Saturday evening and hence I survive not watching sex sites on Sunday
During Friday evening-Monday morning period I donot even get to talk to anyone.The only way for me to spend some time is doing something on comp which ends up in watching sex:mad:
Any suggestions on how to spend some time away from my small room which makes me feel suffocated?

The sin has become so deep rooted.How can I avoid stop sinning.?Sometimes I attend mass in the evenings during weekdays and receive communion(if I am in a good state).I have noticed that even in those days I fail many a times.Again I have tried things like rosary for 5-6 days.Even in those days when I have said rosary I have fallen for this sin.Never been able to complete a 54 day rosary novena.
I am kind of losing faith in winning this battle fighting it alone.I cant find any one for help:mad:
This masturbation thing has kinda destroyed my life.
I am having some problems now.I believe it is because of this.
Many a times I lack in confidence for dealing/talking to other people.My profession requires constant mingling with people (I am a bit shy person also).
A few years back I was fired from my job for poor performance.:mad:But the reality is that I was a person with above average intelligence during my school days.Other students used to admire me for my capabilities.And because of this thing I always live in the fear of getting fired again
I always have a feeling that God is punishing me for doing this sin.I prayer in the morning for 2-3 minutes only because of this fear.
I donot like most people.Usually i find some fault in their behaviour and starts disliking them.
I have an inferiority complex also.My current reason for this is the fact that I m a bit short.(or atleast I think so.1.60 cm.)

So basically my problems are three fold
1)The deep rooted sin of masturbation
2)Lonliness which aggravates the above problem
3)Fear of past failures and so many other fears

I just feel horrible.Sometimes wish If I had been dead.I know the root cause of most problems in my life is masturbation.ust want to be free from this.
I donot have friends (Have just 2 of them.They live in another country).I am not close to my family also.I talk to them over the phone for max of 25-30 mins…This is when the calling rates are so cheap.Basically I am lonely in this world with .
I donot want to tell anyone about these problems except in an anonymous forum.

Any practical suggestionsto get rid of masturbation will be greatly appreciated
 
Hi totus… I’m going to post something I told someone else a few days ago… I hope it helps.
 
It’s a very common sin …any priest will tell you.

Our society is so highly sexed and offers us ways to tap into lust on tv, movies, internet, our phones secretly and has become a breeding ground perfect for someone to fall into these types of sins and persist in them until they become habit forming and leaving the victim wondering “what the heck happend! I’m in chains!”

Know its a very common sin…and a very EASY sin to fall into slavery for because it’s so connected with our physical bodies workings.

You fall into it over and over because a few reasons:
  1. It may take some time…but if you are serious, you should see the time range between sins getting farther apart.
2.you have not made a sincere act of willing to change your life…meaning u are willing to maintain some changes:

a, staying away from pornographic sources ( you know where they are ! …if that means putting content blockers on tv or internet…or even being willing to get rid of them altogether…then that’s what it will take or you should not be willing to go to confession until you are willing to do so.
  1. You are probably supressing your pent up energy and feelings and desires and not redeeming them. You need to understand why your body acts the way it does. I suggest looking into “Theology of the body” …there is a reason God made us the way He did and why we have the desires we do! The devil has twisted a beautiful thing within you! Here’s the good news…if you permit God to untwist it…you can focus and direct this great power within you and your spirituality will soar! You will have an amazing spiritual growth spurt fighting and overcoming this!
christopherwest.com/

Christopher west teaches about theology of the body…HES AWSOME! This website has LOADS of info on it. There is a 20$ DVD called “winning the battle for sexual purity” BUY IT! I’ve also found a 10 CD set breaking down the popes teaching on theology of the body for like 3$…it’s amazing… if its something that interests you…I suggest finding it.

Some suggestions:

a GOOD confession…one at which you are willing to rework your entire life. When you get home…you get rid of everything that tempts you (because this sin begins at the level of thought).

This is going to sound silly …but trust me. How you live your daily life needs to change: If you have a messy room/ home…clean and organize it, start keeping track of appointments on a planner, plan out your day and plan a day in which you can keep busy (lazy, sloppy and unorganized life sets u up to fall especially when you have lots of time on your hands ) .

Exercise! believe it or not…exercise burns off lots of our pent up energies

Lastly…start to practice fasting. If you can begin to permit your will to tell the body what to do…your will will get stronger and your body will listen to you more.

If you can start studying theology of the body so you understand why we have the urges and what they mean…the untwisting can begin (along with the sacraments and DAILY praying about this) and use my above suggestions… I can gurantee results.

Remember this is going to be a process…AND it’s a process that will allow you to come closer to God through all of it. Every day at the begining of your day say a little prayer asking God to give you strength and to conqure your temptations and to not treat his daughters in such a demeaning way and to help purify your heart. And thank him every night and rededicate your entire body , and feelings, thoughts to His service.

Oh, also…when temptations come… try saying a prayer like this: "Lord I offer this temptation to you and I’m willing to suffer it in atonement for my sins and for the conversion of all my brothers and sister caught in this trap of slavery "

lol, its spiritual jujitsu…you’re taking the devils temptation and causing him to lose souls!

Good luck to you . If you need to talk…don’t hesitate!
 
Please don’t get discouraged. You have a couple awsome graces God has given to you to work with…
  1. You have a sense about what you are doing…if you were truly spiritually dead…, you would have NO sense that what you do is wrong and would not want to change.
  2. I think your eyes are being opend to the REAL spiritual warfare around you. This is a powerful moment in any Christian’s life…the ability to know there is an enemy and that he has certain tools and actual tactics to be used.
Diablo - means to divide …you feel cut off, separated. You’re an easy target to work with for “them”. You at some point gave “them” authority over you because you fell into the allurement of this sin even though you knew it to be wrong …and now you’re truly enslaved to it (Christ came to set captives free!) . Don’t you see the tactics at work…I can give you a little proof: I bet (from my own experience) …that everytime you use the sacraments …the “attack” comes at you immediatly …there’s intelligence behind this move! “They” want to cut you off from your spiritual life!

All of this causes you to dispare, mistrusts God’s healing power, causes you to become more introverted (therefore even less likely to get help) and turns you into a Pavlov’s dog… (a dog a scientist experimented on : he would ring a bell and give the dog a treat…over and over for days…then , he would ring the bell and do nothing to see what the dog would do…the dog IMMEDIATLY began salivating over himself…you’re like an instinctual animal now (enslaved by simple feelings/sensations…rather than the powerful dignified son of God with a will to choose for yourself …AND THE DEMONS/DEVIL ARE LAUGHING AT YOU!

Their war with God is over…they can NEVER harm God…but they do the next best thing… They go after His children!

You need to keep fighting! If you are willing to pick yourself back up by going to confession…God is more than happy to work with you!

You have one last grace that I notice in you that God has given…you know how truly weak and helpless you are! That is so very necessary, so you can get out of the way and let God work wonders in you.

God bless!

I’m here if you need any help and I’ll be sure to pray for you today.
 
To start I will offer this that helped me…not a direct answer to your questions but here goes…

I developed a “visual prayer”…After all, if we can “visualize” toward lust - why not “visualize” away from it…
So I prayed, “Father, take me to the foot of the cross”, and then began thinking, visualizing myself there. Gazing on the scene of the one who died for my sins.
Hot, dry, dusty day.
The foot of the cross buried in the ground.
The wood of the cross stained black from blood and sweat.
The feet of our Lord.
Filthy and stained and dripping blood and sweat.
I did this - I put Him there - Not alone - but I helped.
Every time I sin, it is increases His pain.
If I refrain, it eases His pain.
Feel the heat of that day, the dryness of the air.
How thirsty He is…
…and so on…

How could I possibly sin while standing at the foot of the cross.

As a corollary to the idea of our sin putting Him there, consider how his cross is the accumulation of our sins. Each time we sin, the cross gets heavier…Each time we resist sin, the cross gets lighter.

Peace
James
 
I feel your pain deeply! I started at an early age and it became pretty much an everyday thing. I would pray to God to stop, go to confession…etc…etc. As hard as I tried to stop, it seemed like the more I did it. Porn came into my masturbation around 16 and my view of sex was totally distorted. I found out later on from a priest (recovering alcoholic) and a Catholic professor of mental illness that I was suffering from a sex addiction. I was like “No way! You are so wrong!” I tried to fix myself and it seemed to only get worse and worse.

I decided to attend an S.A. meeting in my local town and much to my surprise, I found out I did have an issue. I meet a wonderful and faithful Catholic man in his 50s that was suffering from the same issues as myself. Many priest do not know about SA, but those who do often refer people to the group. It is a 12 step based program and has actually blessed me sooo much!!!

The website is www.sa.org. You can take a look at it if you would like. I hope you find serenity from the burden in your life and I will put you in my prayers! Peace be with you!
 
Great advice above.

I don’t know much about the sexual addiction aspect so cannot comment on that, but I want to second what Michael said in his post.

As you yourself know…you need activities and diversions.
Have you looked into volunteering. Given your current lifestyle you are a perfect candidate to volunteer in any number of ways. Soup kitchens, food banks etc are generally always looking for help and would be very happy to see you. So you don’t have to worry about your shyness being a problem.

Some of the other things that you mention in your post - in particular how you find excuses not to like people - are more troubling and I urge you to talk to your confessor about these things. Yes - it can be extremely difficult but it will be so much more satisfying.
We often have this idea that priests are somehow “sheltered” people… We have this image of their serenity…yet in reality they are far from it. I just watched an old movie yesterday based on a G.K. Chesterton story where the main Character “Fr Brown” said this…
“…you think that you are a man of the world and that I am not. But I assure you, my “innocent” ears encounter every day stories of a horror that would make your sophisticated hair stand on end. Although I wear funny clothes, and have taken certain vows, I live far more in the world than you do.”
Our priests hear so much from so many that it is nearly impossible to “shock” them - or to “stump” them. And in matters of addiction - or engrained habits - having someone who knows you “inside and out” is a great advantage.

Touching too on Micheal’s example of Exercise and overcoming this being a process. I liken these things to “dieting”. No one expects to lose weight instantly - and everyone expects the occasional failure and set-back. Yet people continue to desire to lose weight and continue to go on diets hoping to do so.
Those who eventually succeed do so because they recognize that dieting is a process and that there are no short-cuts. It requires changes in nearly every facet of their lifestyle. The same is true for overcoming deeply engrained habitual sin. But know this…

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

If you are willing to make the absolute commitment to do so - and to overcome the OTHER things that are keeping you enslaved. These other things are your shyness, self esteem issues and your lack of other activities. As Michael says above - you need to look at your whole lifestyle…and start making changes.

Providentially - EWTN is going to air a program on this very subject and I believe you should watch and even record it. HERE is their weekly e-flyer that talks about the program. If you do not get EWTN on your TV you can stream it to your computer.

Peace
James
 
My advice to you is to put a crucifix in the same room as the computer, maybe even directly on the wall over the computer. First, this serves as a reminder of what Christ has done for us, and that by sinning we are rejecting the love that put our Lord on the cross. It also serves as a reminder that God sees everything, always! I don’t like to dwell on the fear aspect, but mortal sin separates us from the love of God, plain and simple. Remember, none of us are perfect, but we are called to try our best to be.
 
I pray that you turn to the Blessed Mother in your need with deep love and devotion. May she grant you her heart and dispositions and help you to be pure like she is. I pray that you will keep recollected in God, imagining Him and Mary by your side throughout your day. – How could you want to be impure with Jesus and Mary standing right beside you?

Hail Mary…
Amen.
 
Is SA a catholic organization?
Website says
“SA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization, or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes”
 
Have you thought about using your free time to volunteer? You could do a lot of good with your free time if you volunteered to help the homeless or something like that. That way you won’t be lonely and you will be helping others to improve their own lives. Volunteering would definitely keep you busy. Perhaps that would help since you will have less time to think about masturbation. I volunteer in my free time to help people learn English since I enjoy learning languages. Helping people is a lot of fun and very rewarding. I will be praying for you.
 
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