need some clarification

[Monica4316]

Hi

I know I’ve made threads about this topic in the past, but sometimes I’m not sure what to think and it helps me to speak to others

A while ago, I felt very strongly that all the ways that God has revealed Himself to me, have been delusions from the devil. Sadly, I gave in to this temptation and believed this for a while… while the feeling lasted. But I didn’t believe it fully, there was always something in me that protested the idea. Afterwards, I realized it’s not true, and I repented and changed my mind.

This was around 2 and a half weeks ago… but ever since then, I’ve felt so incredibly far from God. Even after I’ve repented. I frequently feel like I’m going to hell.

I’ve read that the unforgiveable sin involves unrepentance… but the Pharisees in Matthew 12 did the same thing I have done - they thought that something from the Holy Spirit is from the devil. I also felt like everything I’ve ever believed about His goodness, or His love and mercy, has been a delusion…essentially, I believed that His love is of the devil!! That is so horrible. I don’t actually believe that now at all, quite the opposite. My fear is that even though I was under a lot of pressure, I still committed the unforgiveable sin, and am not fully repentant for it. Even though this doesn’t always make sense to me, I always feel like it’s true. I’m so tired of constantly feeling like I’m lost and can’t get back to God… it causes me pain just to think of Him.

I’m wondering if anyone can please just pray for me or share your thoughts about the unforgiveable sin. Would you say that my sin is forgiveable? if so, I don’t understand how it’s different from what the Pharisees did…

I wish I had a spiritual director, but I don’t yet.

Thank you

 

[hdog]

i do believe sincerely that God will forgive you…
praying

 

[baltobetsy]

Monica, your unwanted thoughts are not sins. You need to see a doctor. This has been going on way too long - please get medical attention.

I know your family situation is difficult now, but perhaps you are old enough to go to the doctor without telling your parents everything. That way you won’t worry them. Is it time for an annual physical exam or something that would not draw unwanted attention?

And here’s what I think about the possiblility of your having committed the unforgivable sin: IMPOSSIBLE! No one who loves God as you do and wants to do His will as you do is capable of the unforgivable sin. Besides, it’s FINAL impenitence, and you’re not dead yet!

Betsy

 

[coolduude]

Try reading this article on Contrition:

newadvent.org/cathen/04337a.htm

I personally do believe that you are forgiven. God will not refuse any sinner who repents earnestly.

 

[JaredR]

I love you, Monica, and I always pray for you at Mass. :hug1: Trust the Church on the unpardonable sin. It is final impenitence. I know this has been a stumbling block for you, but you’ve got to throw up your hands and say, “Jesus, I trust Your Church even though I struggle with this.”

 

[coolduude]

I love you, Monica, and I always pray for you at Mass. :hug1: Trust the Church on the unpardonable sin. It is final impenitence. I know this has been a stumbling block for you, but you’ve got to throw up your hands and say, “Jesus, I trust Your Church even though I struggle with this.”

Reminds me of the Divine Mercy- Jesus, I trust in You!

 

[JaredR]

Yes, that’s a good comparison coolduude. In fact, it’s an even better prayer I think. Since the Church really speaks on behalf of her Lord when she teaches a truth, we’re actually saying “Jesus, I trust in You” when we assent to difficult teachings.

 

[TheQuestioner]

Matthew 12
22Then they brought him a demon-possessed man who was blind and mute, and Jesus healed him, so that he could both talk and see. 23All the people were astonished and said, “Could this be the Son of David?” 24But when the Pharisees heard this, they said, “It is only by Beelzebub, the prince of demons, that this fellow drives out demons.”

30"He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters. 31And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. 32Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

So basically what we have is this. We need to take 2 things into consideration.

1. Jesus is God
2. The absolute ludicrous claim the pharisees made

Jesus drove out demons from people, and they accused Him of being a demon Himself. It had officially gotten to the point when no matter what Jesus would have our could have done they would think evil of Him. They simply wanted to discredit Him anyway they could, even if it was an outright lie. Jesus rebuked them and said Satan could not drive out Satan. It’s almost like…St. Michael fighting Satan and winning, and then the pharisees calling Michael evil. It was that ridiculous of a claim. Jesus took on the demon Himself. At that point Jesus could have saved the planet and would have still been called evil. They pretty much wanted to condemn Him anyway they could.

And this brings up another thing. Aquinas actually named six sins against the Holy Spirit. The first two are the most well known (and thus most answers are directed toward them)

Which are the six sins against the Holy Spirit?
The six sins against the Holy Spirit are:

1. 
   *]Presumption;
   *]Despair;
   *]Resisting the known truth;
   *]Envy of another’s spiritual good;
   *]Obstinacy in sin;
   *]Final impenitence.
   

   **Obstinacy in sin.**

   Being determined to go on living in sin. Final impenitence.
   Not repenting even at the hour of death.
   
   The Pharisees were Envious of Christ’s spiritual good, but more so the were in obstinacy in sin, that is to say, from the Summa (#14 article 2 newadvent.org/summa/3014.htm, if you want to you can read the rest. I highly recommend it.):
   
   God’s gifts whereby we are withdrawn from sin, are two: one is the acknowledgment of the truth, against which there is the “resistance of the known truth,” when, namely, a man resists the truth which he has acknowledged, in order to sin more freely: while the other is the assistance of inward grace, against which there is “envy of a brother’s spiritual good,” when, namely, a man is envious not only of his brother’s person, but also of the increase of Divine grace in the world.
   
   So basically, in the end the pharisees close themselves of to truth and the assistance of inward grace. These are sins against the Holy Spirit.
   
   “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1John 1:9
   
   Everything will be forgiven if we but ask our God to do so. Remember, you are a beloved daughter of God. Your very will and intellect cry out to Him. This is why you have been so strong.

 

[TheQuestioner]

You also might want to read this:

catholicdoors.com/faq/qu42.htm

 

[Monica4316]

Thanks everyone

I’m just afraid that something happened in my soul as a result of what I did… I felt very strongly that even what I know about God’s goodness came from the devil, and after a while I didn’t resist this feeling as much. Didn’t I reject all the times He’s forgiven me of sin, etc, and I called something from the Holy Spirit evil? I’m afraid that a change happened in my soul because of that and now i’m unable to get back to God… whenever I pray, it’s like there’s something inside me that prevents me from fully opening up to Him. And when I try to open up, I never find Him… it’s been like this for a few weeks, and it’s like He’s gone in the past, He always gave me breaks from temptation, but this has been constant. I dont know anymore:shrug:

 

[Claire_from_DE]

Monica,

God is there and loves you even though you can’t feel Him right now. Don’t give up. You can’t feel Him right now and that gives you the idea that you sinned badly but these thoughts you have are not sins. Even if you sometimes feel that maybe you believe these thoughts, you are not sinning. We can see that you’re trying to love God but your mind and emotions are causing you great troubles.

Monica, you are trying to deal with this alone and with the friends who care about you on CAF. But you need a person who you can talk to face-to-face and who can help you more than we can.

Seriously, please consider going to see a Catholic psychologist or psychiatrist. If you call Catholic Charities they may be able to refer you to someone who works for them, maybe even for free or a low cost. Or ask your pastor if there is someone he can refer you to.

God loves you; ask Him to lead you to someone who can help.

Claire

 

[TheQuestioner]

Thanks everyone

I’m just afraid that something happened in my soul as a result of what I did… I felt very strongly that even what I know about God’s goodness came from the devil, and after a while I didn’t resist this feeling as much. Didn’t I reject all the times He’s forgiven me of sin, etc, and I called something from the Holy Spirit evil? I’m afraid that a change happened in my soul because of that and now i’m unable to get back to God… whenever I pray, it’s like there’s something inside me that prevents me from fully opening up to Him. And when I try to open up, I never find Him… it’s been like this for a few weeks, and it’s like He’s gone in the past, He always gave me breaks from temptation, but this has been constant. I dont know anymore:shrug:

This constant temptation you feel is a good sign. The devil doesn’t tempt those who are on his side. And don’t think for a second that Jesus wasn’t constantly tempted, or that Paul was free of temptation. Temptation would have crushed Paul except for the grace of God. Bear through it, offer it up for penance, bear the pain. It’s like working out. The next day you are sore, but it’s a good sign. It means you worked hard and are going to get stronger, but until then you bear the pain. The same goes here. You were attacked by the devil and by the power of God you came out on top. You just need to move on and keep going. The pain will end, God would never let His beloved daughter feel far from Him forever. In truth God never leaves us anyway.

 

[Student09]

in the past, He always gave me breaks from temptation, but this has been constant.

Maybe God feels that you can handle more … trust that He is supporting you in the midst of this. He knows how much you can handle, better than you do. Remember that there have been saints like St. Therese and Bl. Mother Teresa who went for months and years at a time with no consolations, no sense of God, in the midst of all sorts of doubts and temptations.

I’ve been praying for you. Please pray for me, too. I’m also going through a dark time.

 

[Monica4316]

Thanks for your posts!! I’m going to speak to a priest - hopefully on Tuesday - about the unforgiveable sin… TheQuestioner, that’s a good point that the devil doesn’t attack those who belong to him! I read that St John Vianney said the same thing, but I forgot. Hopefully God is using this time to purify me and make me more humble.

Student, thank you for your prayers and I will pray for you also :hug1:
I think despite everything, it makes sense that God is supporting me (even if without my knowledge) - because otherwise I would have either lost faith, or would not have wanted to love Him anymore. St Padre Pio said that if a person wants to love God (even if only in the will) - then God is in their soul. I hope that would be an encouragement for you too

God bless!

 

[Student09]

Student, thank you for your prayers and I will pray for you also :hug1:
I think despite everything, it makes sense that God is supporting me (even if without my knowledge) - because otherwise I would have either lost faith, or would not have wanted to love Him anymore. St Padre Pio said that if a person wants to love God (even if only in the will) - then God is in their soul. I hope that would be an encouragement for you too

Thank you. Yes, it is encouraging!

Sometimes I look at how much inner torment I am willing to put up with for the sake of being a faithful Catholic, and I realize that I would not do it if God weren’t with me constantly, holding me up … even if it feels as if He’s gone. If He had abandoned you, you would have abandoned Him a long time ago.

I love this verse of Scripture: “If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” (2 Tim. 2:13)

 

[Monica4316]

Thank you. Yes, it is encouraging!

Sometimes I look at how much inner torment I am willing to put up with for the sake of being a faithful Catholic, and I realize that I would not do it if God weren’t with me constantly, holding me up … even if it feels as if He’s gone. If He had abandoned you, you would have abandoned Him a long time ago.

I love this verse of Scripture: “If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” (2 Tim. 2:13)

that’s very true! thanks Student!

I still can’t find God and constantly feel separated from Him and like I can’t get back maybe this will take many rosaries, lol. I hope that there’s still hope

 

[TheQuestioner]

that’s very true! thanks Student!

I still can’t find God and constantly feel separated from Him and like I can’t get back maybe this will take many rosaries, lol. I hope that there’s still hope

haha as long as you hope, there’s still hope:thumbsup:

(btw hope too is an action of the will)

 

[Monica4316]

I just STILL don’t understand… (I’m sorry…) if I’ve thought that the ways that God has worked in my life was from the devil… how can that be forgiveable, when Jesus said it’s unforgiveable? I don’t understand the Church teaching

 

[baltobetsy]

I just STILL don’t understand… (I’m sorry…) if I’ve thought that the ways that God has worked in my life was from the devil… how can that be forgiveable, when Jesus said it’s unforgiveable? I don’t understand the Church teaching

You are experiencing a long period of confusion. You are considering and examining many ideas that come to you. Unless and until you make a firm and lasting commitment to the idea that the works of God in your life were really from the devil, whatever sin is involved in trying out that idea is certainly forgivable. It is only unforgivable if you refuse to give it up, right up until the moment of your death. That is how the Church interprets the words of Jesus in scripture. The Church has the ultimate authority to interpret scripture, and the kind of confusion that you are experiencing is prevented by submitting to this authority. We are not a sola scriptura church. God did not intend that. We only hurt ourselves by insisting on our own interpretation of scripture when the Church has said otherwise.

Betsy

 

[packermann]

If you had committed the unpardonable sin, you would not care. The Pharisees did not care that they committed the unpardonable sin. Their totally apathy showed that the Holy Spirit was no longer working on them.

I would encourage you to find a holy priest who is totally submissive to the Church and the the pope. Ask him to be your spiritual director, and meet with him once a month.