Need some courtship/dating advice

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Thanks for all your posts.

I just feel immense sorrow as I really liked this girl and we seemed to have a lot of fun togther. All of a sudden, I go from seeing her to not seeing her at all. It’s very difficult to accept.:confused:

I feel as if God has cursed me to remain forever single as I cannot seem to find anyone to marry, let alone a girlfriend. And all my friends are now married with kids.

I would so like a wife and a family. I try to be a good Christian, faithful to God and loving to others, but that doesnt seem to make any impact on girls.

For me, any romantic involvement with girls has only brought me pain and sorrow. I know that I can offer my suffering to Jesus and unite it to His, I am so weary of suffering in this area.😦
 
Thanks for all your posts.

I just feel immense sorrow as I really liked this girl and we seemed to have a lot of fun togther. All of a sudden, I go from seeing her to not seeing her at all. It’s very difficult to accept.:confused:

I feel as if God has cursed me to remain forever single as I cannot seem to find anyone to marry, let alone a girlfriend. And all my friends are now married with kids.

I would so like a wife and a family. I try to be a good Christian, faithful to God and loving to others, but that doesnt seem to make any impact on girls.

For me, any romantic involvement with girls has only brought me pain and sorrow. I know that I can offer my suffering to Jesus and unite it to His, I am so weary of suffering in this area.😦
Don’t feel as if it is a curse! I’m 27 and have been going through the some of same emotions. In the last 6 weeks i have had 5 sets of friends get engaged (i will be a bridesmaid in two of them). I am going to another wedding in July and December plus i have so many sets of friends having babies that i can’t even keep track of everyone. It’s gets depressing because I myself wondering “When will it be my turn? and Why not me?” But you have to remember that God has a plan for you. Take this time and learn who you really are. Allow yourself to become a vessal for God. It’s not easy but God never promised that life would be easy.

I believe you said she was 23? She may be too young for you. I don’t think i have truly known myself as a women until the last year or so, so she might be going through that discovery period. It takes us a little why to get comfortable in our own skin and learn what we really need and want in a future spouse.
 
Sure. A well-placed good word can do wonders, but it’s not the same as scoring points if you’re just kind to someone. It’s not really about the right way of doing things and the perfect 100 out of 100, is it? 😉
Probably not, though at later stages if you can make the conservation be about her great taste in shoes instead of where you left your hockey sticks you’ll not regret it.
 
Thanks for all your posts.

I just feel immense sorrow as I really liked this girl and we seemed to have a lot of fun togther. All of a sudden, I go from seeing her to not seeing her at all. It’s very difficult to accept.:confused:

I feel as if God has cursed me to remain forever single as I cannot seem to find anyone to marry, let alone a girlfriend. And all my friends are now married with kids.

I would so like a wife and a family. I try to be a good Christian, faithful to God and loving to others, but that doesnt seem to make any impact on girls.

For me, any romantic involvement with girls has only brought me pain and sorrow. I know that I can offer my suffering to Jesus and unite it to His, I am so weary of suffering in this area.😦
The great thing about being human is getting to chose how we feel about things. You can chose to be depressed over what you don’t have, or you can be happy and derive joy from those things that you do have. I’m not big on cliches, I don’t know if you’ll ever get married or what God does or doesn’t have planned for you. So I can’t make promises. What I can tell you is what little I’ve learned about women. Women are very big on preception and “gut feelings.” I certainly don’t mean to offend, but if I’m getting desperation out of your posts on a message board I’m sure women in real life are getting the same vibe at 10 times the intinsity. If you’ve got a woman that wants to take things slowly and is sensing you’re thinking marriage at mach 10 of course she’s going to pass. Live your own life and let these things happen, or not happen, as they do. Women are a lot more attracted to a guy like that then a guy that is boardering on desperation.
 
Awww… don’t beat yourself up! She wasn’t the one God has in line for you. Trust me on this one… you DON’T want to marry the wrong person. It DOES NOT END WELL! :eek:

So what you now need to do is make yourself the kind of man women will want. (Presuming you already have honor, decorum and charity down pat.) I’m about to give you the best advice you will ever receive. Write this down.

TAKE BALLROOM DANCE LESSONS!

It will build your confidence. Tremendously. And it will make you the guy all the women want to go out with. (Also a nice sly way to break that touching barrier. Nothing invites physical contact like an invitation to a waltz. And a smile, and guiding the lady around the dance floor.)

Because most men haven’t learned any good dancing skills. And every woman out there would love to dance. Even if she doesn’t know how. She’ll ask you to teach her. It sure beats slurping down java at the corner bistro.

Go sign up and keep us posted!
 
Probably not, though at later stages if you can make the conservation be about her great taste in shoes instead of where you left your hockey sticks you’ll not regret it.
Yup, hehe.
 
well i agree, better you know now than later…in any case, next time try being a little more aggresive…make a move sooner, say by the 2nd date, at least a kiss on the cheek…it will let her know you know what you want and that you don’t want to drag out a non-romantic relationship…whether she says Yes or No, she’ll respect you for taking the lead…as for this girl, don’t call her and maybe she’ll come around later and call you…and keep your options open, a vocation may be down the road for you too! good luck
I would be careful there. Any first attempt at kissing a person in a more than friendly way should normally leave enough time for successful avoidance. If, “may I…” sounds like a charm-killer, one can always ask the girl, “cheek?” when she leans in an undetermined way. Or make a joke like, “am I supposed to kiss you know?” Whatever. But surprise kisses can go very wrong. The person surprised can feel violated. Things like asking a girl to close her eyes and then kissing her on the lips may sound romantic, but they are an assault, strictly speaking, if she isn’t willing.
 
Thanks for all your posts.

I just feel immense sorrow as I really liked this girl and we seemed to have a lot of fun togther. All of a sudden, I go from seeing her to not seeing her at all. It’s very difficult to accept.:confused:

I feel as if God has cursed me to remain forever single as I cannot seem to find anyone to marry, let alone a girlfriend. And all my friends are now married with kids.

I would so like a wife and a family. I try to be a good Christian, faithful to God and loving to others, but that doesnt seem to make any impact on girls.

For me, any romantic involvement with girls has only brought me pain and sorrow. I know that I can offer my suffering to Jesus and unite it to His, I am so weary of suffering in this area.😦
Well, this is a sad story 😦 I’m sorry my friend. :console: It sounded so good then I read this. You sound like a very sweet and gentle soul. It will happen in time, it seems to always happen when you least expect it.
 
I would be careful there. Any first attempt at kissing a person in a more than friendly way should normally leave enough time for successful avoidance. If, “may I…” sounds like a charm-killer, one can always ask the girl, “cheek?” when she leans in an undetermined way. Or make a joke like, “am I supposed to kiss you know?” Whatever. But surprise kisses can go very wrong. The person surprised can feel violated. Things like asking a girl to close her eyes and then kissing her on the lips may sound romantic, but they are an assault, strictly speaking, if she isn’t willing.
A kiss should be spontaneous and it would be a charm killer to ask, although I suppose it might work. But a kiss is normally the most romantic when approached in a mutual way. It’s nice when a man has the confidence to cup his hand gently on your cheek as he is looking into your eyes with a smile and leans in a bit to lightly kiss your lips. I doubt I would ever turn down a kiss like that, it’s sweet and shows a deeper caring and respect . Even if nothing came out of it, I would be forever flattered. 🙂
 
Ahh, asking isn’t necessarily a charm killer. Not if you do it the right way.

The next time a woman is staring into your eyes (and you’ve gone out more than two or three times) and you want to kiss her…

Do this.

Look into her eyes. Smile. Tell her how beautiful she is. Twirl some of her hair in your finger. (This is a test to see if she pulls away, or if she is comfortable with direct contact. Touching someone’s hair isn’t as intimate as touching her face, for instance.) Tell her she’s eminently kissable. Smile.

(If she’s already twirling her hair in her hand, it’s a pretty good bet your advances are welcome. Don’t know why, but that’s what we do when we like a guy.)

You’ve told her she’s kissable. She’ll either say “Well, then why don’t you?” Or she’ll say “Back off, Buckwheat!” Either way, you have your answer.

I’m a big help. 😃
 
I don’t know why we do the hair thing either 🤷😃 hair is a nice touch as well.
 
A kiss should be spontaneous and it would be a charm killer to ask, although I suppose it might work. But a kiss is normally the most romantic when approached in a mutual way. It’s nice when a man has the confidence to cup his hand gently on your cheek as he is looking into your eyes with a smile and leans in a bit to lightly kiss your lips. I doubt I would ever turn down a kiss like that, it’s sweet and shows a deeper caring and respect . Even if nothing came out of it, I would be forever flattered. 🙂
As caring and respectful as it may be, it’s not a thing for friends, or else there would be no issue, so it’s not something that people who are not in an exclusive romantic relationship with each other (or looking at it) should do. E.g. it’s not a proper way to thank someone for saving our life or to express appreciation, as a single-event devoid of any perspective of building up a relationship, so it shouldn’t be pursued by people who just want the kiss and nothing more. Moreover, while it’s certainly nice to have confidence, it’s not really very respectful to assume consent. A man who waits a while before kissing shows some respect, but a man who goes ahead assuming without a good reason that the lady won’t mind or at worst an honest mistake will have been made, should probably work on respect and reverence for a while. One just can’t accept lightly the risk of violating another person.
Ahh, asking isn’t necessarily a charm killer. Not if you do it the right way.
Yup. Doesn’t even have to be verbal.
Look into her eyes. Smile. Tell her how beautiful she is.
Sounds a bit like buying your way with a compliment. If I were a girl, telling me I were beautiful wouldn’t work here. As a guy, I wouldn’t really become more inclined to allow some more advanced form of contact as a reward for a compliment, either. Or perhaps you mean it as some indication that it’s more than just friends, since friends don’t normally tell each other they’re beautiful?
Twirl some of her hair in your finger. (This is a test to see if she pulls away, or if she is comfortable with direct contact. Touching someone’s hair isn’t as intimate as touching her face, for instance.) Tell her she’s eminently kissable. Smile.
Yeah. Or you could try with a hand on her should or taking her hand, something like that.
(If she’s already twirling her hair in her hand, it’s a pretty good bet your advances are welcome. Don’t know why, but that’s what we do when we like a guy.)
Same if a girl kisses your hand actually. Female friends don’t do that to male friends (okay, okay, I know people will come up with exceptions… let’s say they normally don’t ;)). Some “experts” claim it’s practically an open invitation to kissing.

By the way, correcting her hair (or wardrobe, for that matter) all the time typically means she’s attracted, somewhat nervous about the impression she makes on you, something like that.

There are of course more such signs, so just tell me if you want me to elaborate. 😛 😃
You’ve told her she’s kissable. She’ll either say “Well, then why don’t you?” Or she’ll say “Back off, Buckwheat!” Either way, you have your answer.

I’m a big help. 😃
Yeah. To both, hehe. Another idea. You could circle her lips with a finger tip. Or just touch the corner. If she means it just friends, she will object, since friends don’t have a reason to do that. However, an actual kiss does not take place if she objects, just a lesser form of contact that she will most likely get over very soon and most probably won’t mind that much anyway. But of course, to do something like this, you would need some likely signs on her part. It can’t be a surprise thing.

Hint: You can try giving her red roses. Friends don’t normally give or take red roses (very special occasions, special friends, clear situations, excepted). If it’s a new girl and knows anything about flowers, she won’t accept or she will say something about being just friends or otherwise drop some hints you should back off a bit. If she takes them, it means that at least your interest isn’t repulsive to her. This is a good test because it involves no potentially unwanted body contact. If someone feels violated by being given red roses, that person obviously has a wrong definition of coercion.
 
Oh, one more thing, as it won’t let me edit anymore. Just a reservation about the hair thing: sometimes it’s just a sign of attraction the girl doesn’t necessarily want to act on (sometimes people even openly state their attraction but don’t want to pursue it). Also sometimes friends will stroke each other’s hair or play with it, even if it’s not a normal situation, so just the fact she didn’t cringe, jump back, tell you off or anything like that doesn’t mean she wants to be kissed romantically. Depends on the people. It’s a good sign most of the time, but one still had better be careful. I would say if you lean in, hang in the air for a while after entering her private space, keep some eye contact and keep up the smiles, then she would most probably already have told you to back off by then. 😉 If you’re still not sure, you could probably blow some air on her lips (or his, for that matter, if you, oh gentle reader, happen to be a girl 😛 ) and see what happens. Anyway, I should probably stop with the technical hints. 😛 I’m doing this to prevent people from being kissed unwantedly. 😛
 
Sigh… :blushing: This thread just brought back not so distant memories of when my friendship with my husband began to bud into a courtship, into a relationship and then finally to a lifetime of marriage. 🙂
So we’ve been out 4 times now - to a Church event, to the cinema, for coffee, and for dinner.👍

I’ve met some of her family.
Good sign.
We can chat about serious stuff and fun stuff as well.
Always good to have both.
(And I open the door for her of course)
What a gentleman! 🙂
I’d like your thoughts on a few things please:
  1. We are not official girlfriend/boyfriend. We are just seeing how things go. She says she wants to take things slowly, which I am happy with with. But, what does taking things slowly mean?
I’m not this lovely young woman, but for me, when I told my husband I wanted to take things slow, that meant, no kissing. Kissing was too personal. Even though I had known him for two and half years prior to our courtship, kissing would mean I was in a serious relationship with him. I didn’t mind holding hands, though and spending lots of time with him. But it can be different with other women or men.
  1. I find her more and more attractive the more I see her. I have never kissed a girl before or even hugged a girl romantically. But, obviously the more we get to know each other and look into each others eyes etc, then I would like to express my affection with a hug or a kiss or to hold her hand. But, I would be scared both of doing something wrong (I’ve no idea how to kiss). After 4 dates, would she be expecting a hug or a kiss? Should I initiate it?
It’s natural to find someone more attractive the more you get to know that person. In regards to expressing your affection. Don’t force yourself to do anything and don’t second guess yourself as long as you know you are doing something moral. She will let you know if she wants a kiss or a hug. In my situation, no one initiated the first kiss. It just happened. I did have to initiate the courtship, though, since I turned him down two years prior.
  1. Any thoughts where I could take her out to next?
Does she like art? How about a museum? I loved going to museums on dates. Many museums are at a discounted price or free on Sundays (at least here in the States). If she likes to take walks or hikes, perhaps you can do that at a nice park and bring a picnic.
  1. Any thoughts in general about the initial stages of a relationship, especially from a woman’s perspective.
Be natural, be yourself. Your true beauty as a person will shine forth. Don’t feel pressured to say or do things just because other people encourage you. If you don’t feel comfortable about it, then there is probably a good reason for it.

I had been on lots of dates in college, but my husband was my only truly serious relationship. Most of the men I only went out with once, some a few times. This wasn’t always the case, but many of these nice, young men tended to move too fast - not in a sexual way. I was innocent, but not so much to know which ones wanted one thing only. What scared me away from a lot of them was that they were already thinking about marriage and wanting me to meet their families after maybe two dates. At that stage, I just wanted to see if something would develop into a friendship, then perhaps a relationship. I also didn’t want to get myself caught up in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. That was just way too fast for me, especially since before my relationship with my husband became serious, I really didn’t think I’d ever find someone to marry.

You’re doing fine!!! It seems like you have a special girl and perhaps a lovely, budding friendship/relationship.
 
“Or perhaps you mean it as some indication that it’s more than just friends, since friends don’t normally tell each other they’re beautiful?”

Exactly.

No way would it be buying a kiss with a compliment. You aren’t a woman, so you can’t understand that when a man looks in your eyes and quietly tells you how beautiful he finds you, it can mean a lot. Not a come-on line. That’s reserved for the guy who has known you two minutes and has told you three times already.

I would not touch a woman’s lips unless she has touched yours first.

Let the woman set the pace. Always.

It’s a dance. Don’t take a step forward until she lets you know by taking a step back.
 
As caring and respectful as it may be, it’s not a thing for friends, or else there would be no issue, so it’s not something that people who are not in an exclusive romantic relationship with each other (or looking at it) should do. E.g. it’s not a proper way to thank someone for saving our life or to express appreciation, as a single-event devoid of any perspective of building up a relationship, so it shouldn’t be pursued by people who just want the kiss and nothing more. Moreover, while it’s certainly nice to have confidence, it’s not really very respectful to assume consent. A man who waits a while before kissing shows some respect, but a man who goes ahead assuming without a good reason that the lady won’t mind or at worst an honest mistake will have been made, should probably work on respect and reverence for a while. One just can’t accept lightly the risk of violating another person.
 
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