Need some encouragement please

[Convert_in_99]

I am so overwhelmed by the monotony of life. :yawn: Some days I feel that if I have to spend another day home, alone, sick, unable to do much of anything, that I’m simply going to burst. I’m feeling like this with housework lately too. If I have to see another sinkfull of dishes or another pile of clothes I’m gonna scream. I don’t even do some of the more in depth housework (like heavy dusting, scrubbing, organizing, etc), just the absolute basics (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc.) Maybe because housework is so difficult for me right now, that I am so overwhelmed by it. But I’m really starting to think that underneath it all I have ‘housewife syndrome.’ Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. I don’t mean to sound whinny or complainy, I simply want to know how some of you ladies do it. Year after monotonous year. I’m only three years into this and already I feel like I’m gonna go mad. Please don’t get me wrong, I love being a stay at home wife and have actually chosen it over working outside the home. But it seems that now that I can no longer choose, and my health forces me to stay at home, I feel like it’s forced upon me rather than freely given like it once was. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to be the happy housewife I once was. I’m still a happy wife, just not a happy housewife. If that makes any sense. All you stay at homes, please give me some encouragement and tips to help me be a stay at home just one more day.

 

[Belle10]

Hey Convert, I’m sorry I don’t have a lot of time right now so I can’t offer any awesome advice, but I’m praying for you. A quick suggestion: have you ever heard of Elisabeth Leseur? You should look her up – she suffered with a lot of health problems, as well as other sufferings (marital and intellectual). Anyway, her story is remarkable – please read her Diary if you can.

:hug1: and for you!

 

[Convert_in_99]

Hey Convert, I’m sorry I don’t have a lot of time right now so I can’t offer any awesome advice, but I’m praying for you. A quick suggestion: have you ever heard of Elisabeth Leseur? You should look her up – she suffered with a lot of health problems, as well as other sufferings (marital and intellectual). Anyway, her story is remarkable – please read her Diary if you can.

:hug1: and for you!

Thank you SO much Belle. :hug1: No I don’t think I’ve heard of her. I will have to look that up.

 

[Catholic1954]

When was your last vacation? You might just need to get away from the daily grind for a few days and do something completely different. Even a weekend overnight stay at a local hotel would give you a change of scene.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Have you tried making a schedule? Mondays you do this, Tuesdays that… Daily chores done at certain times or by certain times? I find this helps inmensely, to have a “plan” rather than randomly doing this and that, and it also helps me know that I have a time alloted for this or that and I don’t have to worry about not having time to do this or that.

****Offering your day up, and offering your work up. Knowing that work can be prayer, and doing one’s work the best one can for God is prayer. It gives your monotonous work a bigger purpose.

****Talking with God in the morning, before starting to work or anything else. Even if its just 5 or 10 min, it can help you start the day refreshed and ready to do things for Him. Some of my favorite books to read for this are St Josemaria’s books “The Way”, “Furrow”, and “The Forge”: escrivaworks.org
They are divided by topic and each topic has little thoughts etc that are numbered and I can read one point, spend some time thinking about it, and then read the next.

Maybe looking into ways to do these everyday tasks more efficiently? Being more organized? Well, I know these are things I need to do, I have a lot to work on in the organization area, and being disorganized makes everyday tasks harder to do. I personally need to get rid of junk and find a place for everything, and once I do that I think everyday tasks will flow better.

 

[Lifeisamazing]

Sounds like you need to give the dishes a break and get out and do something you enjoy. Don’t let housework become your entire existance! Yes, it can wait if it is a nice day and you need a break. Your husband gets days/nights off right? Why do you think you have to be 24/7?

So, what do you enjoy? What new skill would you like to learn? Where would you like to visit that you never have that may be right there in your own town? If you don’t stop thinking this way, you will get more and more depressed and stagnant. Life is to be lived and learned. Life is to be enjoyed and explored. I am picturing you typing with yellow rubber gloves on, by the way.

 

[Scout]

I can easily get overwhelmed and overburdened by the “daily grind”, too. I don’t work outside the home, so many times my days are entirely focused on the house and the kids.

When that happens, when I find myself overwhelmed, I try to do something nice for someone else. Maybe it’s just a phone call to a friend to say “hi”, or maybe buying a card for someone who needs it, or just anything to be of service to someone else.

I don’t know why it works, but when I focus on someone else, my troubles and “burdens” seem to be a lot less severe. I find myself with renewed energy, able to handle things a little bit better.

I hope this helps. You’ll be in my prayers.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[Convert_in_99]

Thank you all for responding. Your consoling words and prayers mean a lot. I really gave this all some thought last night and I don’t think I’m an unhappy housewife at all. I like being a stay at home wife, I like helping my husband, I like being there for him. I can’t honestly say I like cleaning, but then who really can? I think I’m just unhappy sick person. With the situation of being sick and nearly homebound 24/7 and no light at the end of the tunnel of being well of being a normal 27 year old woman. Also the perpetual loneliness that stems from infertility, that pain never goes away, though I’ve been able to handle it better as of late. I really am here alone, there are no children, no other people, just some sweet dogs. It really is like a prison at times. One that I did not choose for myself. I did not choose to be sick in body and mind. I did not choose to be homebound at age 27. I did not choose to be infertile. I did not choose to carry these crosses, and them year after endless year. I really think that’s why my once happy daily life as a housewife has some how turned into a prison that I seemingly can’t escape from. I think that’s what’s really at the heart of this problem.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Have you tried making a schedule? Mondays you do this, Tuesdays that… Daily chores done at certain times or by certain times? I find this helps inmensely, to have a “plan” rather than randomly doing this and that, and it also helps me know that I have a time alloted for this or that and I don’t have to worry about not having time to do this or that.

****Offering your day up, and offering your work up. Knowing that work can be prayer, and doing one’s work the best one can for God is prayer. It gives your monotonous work a bigger purpose.

****Talking with God in the morning, before starting to work or anything else. Even if its just 5 or 10 min, it can help you start the day refreshed and ready to do things for Him. Some of my favorite books to read for this are St Josemaria’s books “The Way”, “Furrow”, and “The Forge”: escrivaworks.org
They are divided by topic and each topic has little thoughts etc that are numbered and I can read one point, spend some time thinking about it, and then read the next.

These are very helpful tips, thank you lifeisbeautiful. I do do the morning offering. I have thought of making a work schedule. Maybe if I divide the work up it won’t seem so overwhelming.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Sounds like you need to give the dishes a break and get out and do something you enjoy. Don’t let housework become your entire existance! Yes, it can wait if it is a nice day and you need a break. Your husband gets days/nights off right? Why do you think you have to be 24/7?

So, what do you enjoy? What new skill would you like to learn? Where would you like to visit that you never have that may be right there in your own town? If you don’t stop thinking this way, you will get more and more depressed and stagnant. Life is to be lived and learned. Life is to be enjoyed and explored. I am picturing you typing with yellow rubber gloves on, by the way.

I don’t work 24/7. I am trying to learn some new things. Knitting for one. It is quite relaxing. I am also trying to take a daily walk to try to help fight these blues. I’m here 24/7 due to chronic ongoing illnesses. Most of the time I don’t have the choice to be out and about.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I can easily get overwhelmed and overburdened by the “daily grind”, too. I don’t work outside the home, so many times my days are entirely focused on the house and the kids.

When that happens, when I find myself overwhelmed, I try to do something nice for someone else. Maybe it’s just a phone call to a friend to say “hi”, or maybe buying a card for someone who needs it, or just anything to be of service to someone else.

I don’t know why it works, but when I focus on someone else, my troubles and “burdens” seem to be a lot less severe. I find myself with renewed energy, able to handle things a little bit better.

I hope this helps. You’ll be in my prayers.

Scout :tiphat:

I call home. Our family lives 8 hours away so we don’t see them much. It’s always a refreshing break.

 

[Convert_in_99]

When was your last vacation? You might just need to get away from the daily grind for a few days and do something completely different. Even a weekend overnight stay at a local hotel would give you a change of scene.

The thing is I just took a vacation back home to see family. It was fun and enjoyable, but I was ready to get back home, just as I always am. Home to hubby and our life here. I like it here. I really do. Just not being bound here due to conditions beyond my control.

 

[Belle10]

Thank you all for responding. Your consoling words and prayers mean a lot. I really gave this all some thought last night and I don’t think I’m an unhappy housewife at all. I like being a stay at home wife, I like helping my husband, I like being there for him. I can’t honestly say I like cleaning, but then who really can? I think I’m just unhappy sick person. With the situation of being sick and nearly homebound 24/7 and no light at the end of the tunnel of being well of being a normal 27 year old woman. Also the perpetual loneliness that stems from infertility, that pain never goes away, though I’ve been able to handle it better as of late. I really am here alone, there are no children, no other people, just some sweet dogs. It really is like a prison at times. One that I did not choose for myself. I did not choose to be sick in body and mind. I did not choose to be homebound at age 27. I did not choose to be infertile. I did not choose to carry these crosses, and them year after endless year. I really think that’s why my once happy daily life as a housewife has some how turned into a prison that I seemingly can’t escape from. I think that’s what’s really at the heart of this problem.

:crying: Convert, I’m so sorry. :hug1: I know I posted this recently (in another thread of yours maybe?) but I’m feeling led to share it again:

*The everlasting God has, in His wisdom,
foreseen from eternity the cross
that He now presents to you
as a gift from His inmost heart.
This cross He now sends you
He has considered with His all-knowing eyes,
understood with His loving mind,
tested with His wise justice,
warmed with His loving arms,
and weighed with His own hands,
to see that it be not one inch too large
and not one ounce too heavy for you.
He has blessed it with His holy name,
anointed it with His grace,
perfumed it with His consolation,
taken one last glance at you and your courage,
and then sent it to you from Heaven,
a special greeting from God to you,
an alms of the all-merciful love of God.

~Saint Francis de Sales
*

I don’t understand why you have been given all those crosses, but there must be some reason for it. God doesn’t make mistakes. I know that doesn’t always help to hear that though, does it? I guess you just have to keep doing what you’re doing, which is being a very caring, upbeat person (at least, that’s how you seem here at CAF – always being kind and praying and encouraging others).

Perhaps children are in your future, whether biological or adopted. After all, 27 isn’t exactly over the hill you know! I know it’s tough when you’re in the midst of struggles, but don’t lose hope. God can do anything. :hug1: :hug1: :hug1:

 

[1ke]

Honestly, who likes housework? No one. Martha Stewart need psychotherapy.

So, don’t feel like you are alone in asking yourself “why haven’t I done the dishes” … it’s because no one wants to do dishes!

However, you can think about the feeling you have when your house is just cleaned. Before hubby tracks in dirt, or the mail gets piled back on the counter, or the dog makes a mess. Just concentrate on that “Just Cleaned” feeling-- it’s a feeling of satisfaction. Use it to motivate you when you don’t want to clean.

And, if you have physical limitations (or just once in a while for that real deep clean) hire someone to come in and do the heavy stuff-- like windows, baseboards, and serious degreasing!

 

[Convert_in_99]

:crying: Convert, I’m so sorry. :hug1: I know I posted this recently (in another thread of yours maybe?) but I’m feeling led to share it again:

I don’t understand why you have been given all those crosses, but there must be some reason for it. God doesn’t make mistakes. I know that doesn’t always help to hear that though, does it? I guess you just have to keep doing what you’re doing, which is being a very caring, upbeat person (at least, that’s how you seem here at CAF – always being kind and praying and encouraging others).

Perhaps children are in your future, whether biological or adopted. After all, 27 isn’t exactly over the hill you know! I know it’s tough when you’re in the midst of struggles, but don’t lose hope. God can do anything. :hug1: :hug1:

Aww Belle! :blushing: I really do feel a little better today after thinking things through a bit. But its still just so hard ya know? That prayer is very thoughtful and fits my situation perfectly. Oh and thanks for telling me I’m not over the hill. I sometimes feel like it.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Honestly, who likes housework? No one. Martha Stewart need psychotherapy.

So, don’t feel like you are alone in asking yourself “why haven’t I done the dishes” … it’s because no one wants to do dishes!

However, you can think about the feeling you have when your house is just cleaned. Before hubby tracks in dirt, or the mail gets piled back on the counter, or the dog makes a mess. Just concentrate on that “Just Cleaned” feeling-- it’s a feeling of satisfaction. Use it to motivate you when you don’t want to clean.

And, if you have physical limitations (or just once in a while for that real deep clean) hire someone to come in and do the heavy stuff-- like windows, baseboards, and serious degreasing!

Yeah, I always wondered about that woman.

Thanks for this encouragement 1ke :hug1: Sometimes it’s good to realize I’m not alone in this and that many wives who stay at home also experience many of the emotions I’m struggling with even if their situations aren’t identical. I often get in a M-O-O-D, basically a pity party , and think I’m the only one going through this. There are tons of people right on these forums that are going through what I am or much worse. I need to just open my eyes more and my mouth less. I do relish in a just clean feeling. Even if all I got done that day was the dishes, I’m like, “WOW!” every single dish is DONE! :yyeess:

 

[mrpathetic]

What ministry work are you involved in? You could take up some ministerial work in your parish or diocese. This can be a great way to serve the Lord, and also get out of the house and make new friends.

All of us have a vocation. It consists of life state, occupation, and ministry. Your life state is married, and your occupation is homemarker. But what is your ministry? Your should ask for guidance for the Lord, as to how you can serve him.

 

[Sr_Sally]

The thing is I just took a vacation back home to see family. It was fun and enjoyable, but I was ready to get back home, just as I always am. Home to hubby and our life here. I like it here. I really do. Just not being bound here due to conditions beyond my control.

I’m seconding Elizabeth Lesuer’s writing. She was an amazing woman despite being sick very often and having an atheistic husband who didn’t like her going to church or talking about religion!

One thing about her life though was that she often had company. Can you strike up friendships with other stay at home woman in your neighborhood or church? Don’t be shy just because you don’t have kids! Having a friend over for coffee or someone that you can call and chat with during the day will help I’m sure.

I also highly recommend a schedule or routine. It really helps to make things not seem so overwhelming. Flylady (google her) is great for quick routines and weekly/monthly bigger jobs.

Taking a walk or at least getting outside for a bit every day should certainly help. Perhaps start a pot or two of flowers on the deck. Nothing elaborate, but just a bit of color to go with your morning prayers.

I’ll be praying for you.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Yeah, I always wondered about that woman.

Not exactly a housewife. She has a large staff and an *ex-*husband. If we housewives must compare ourselves to her, remember she spent time in home confinement, just like many of us. Of course, a judge sentanced her to home cofinement for some illicit activity with stocks, but some women think she deserved it for impersonating a housewife without actually doing all the hard work herself.

 

[armymom]

Hi Convert,
I know exactly how you feel. I am also a stay at home housewife due to health issues. My children are grown and it’s just me and my husband. Many days it’s an effort just to get out of bed. My solution (it works for me). Each night before retiring I ask God to help me to be productive the following day. When I arise, I decide what needs to be done around the house and offer that up to God. I then put on some good uplifting christian music and begin my chores. After finishing a chore, I sit for 5 or ten minutes and give thanks to God for letting me finish that chore. Then go on to the next. At 3 o’clock each day I break for an hour and spend the “Holy Hour” with the Lord. This helps me get through the necessary chores and brings me closer to the Lord. Also start reading about the lives of the saints. There are many saints who lived what they felt were mundane lives. I find St. Therese of the Little Child Jesus to very inspiring. Also, when you start to feel depressed, try counting your blessings - even the most trival of things is a blessing from God (i.e. I got up this morning, the sun is shining etc.) Above all else, dear, pray without ceasing. God Bless you.