Need some help here

[reborn_pagan]

Hey ya’ll i need some advice here. Is there anyway to please a parent? Cause I’ve been trying and it’s not working…

DAD: I do everything I can to please him but when I make one little mistake he snaps like a fracking toothpick and it confuses me because I’m told that I can trust them when in reallity i can’t trust them as much as I trust a snake not to eat a mouse…For example, my dad constantly insults me by calling me a smart-*** punk and blah blah blah and then i said one night thats his opinion in a very mature manor then he snaps and pushes me against the wall then starts cussing me out,

MOM: she’s actually alright, but lets my dad get away with this ****…

so any advice on how to please them or not piss my dad off?

 

[JonathanKinsman]

Well, not knowing what you said to your father and how you behave at their home, I don’t think it is appropriate to seek help here.

I suggest family counseling. I am sure your county has resources for this (look in the front of the phone book under state listings or county listings for mental health or family support services).

Remember, Mark Twain said that it was amazing how much his old man had learned by the time he (Twain) became 21 years old.

And, they don’t call it the “teen age years” for nothing. “Teen” is an Old English word meaning “irritating.”

This is the time when you (personally and all of us generally) have felt like NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME and WHY CANT EVERYONE SEE MY SIDE and I KNOW I AM RIGHT regardless of THE FACTS.

If your father did in fact push you against the wall, I am sorry. I have felt that way with my own son when he was 17/18 and starting to do some really stupid things with stupid ‘friends.’

It was trying, but he is now 23 and WAY MORE MATURE than a few years earlier.

You are young, and if you want to be wise under stand this: you do not know everything about the world, you know next to nothing about being married, paying bills, working a job that may be demeaning to you (because of an insulting supervisor) or any of the hundreds of little things that can pester and fester and bring a man or woman down emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Your “paganism” may be the thorn in your dad’s side. Maybe he is tired of hearing the same old same old from you. Maybe it is something entirely different.

Only you know and only you can initiate conversation with your parents and with a counselor.

We can pray and will. Our faith, our communion of saints (believers), gives us strength NOT to bicker or irritate or hit or “get under one’s skin.”

Good luck

Pax Christi

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

from your post it sounds like physical abuse and alcohol abuse by your dad.

If there is verbal or physical abuse, make your principal and teachers aware of it, and call the police.

other suggestion read the book of proverbs.

Townsend and cloud has written some good books on boundaries that you may want to read too.

If there is alcoholism join al-non for teens in your area.

 

[reborn_pagan]

Well, not knowing what you said to your father and how you behave at their home, I don’t think it is appropriate to seek help here.

I suggest family counseling. I am sure your county has resources for this (look in the front of the phone book under state listings or county listings for mental health or family support services).

Remember, Mark Twain said that it was amazing how much his old man had learned by the time he (Twain) became 21 years old.

And, they don’t call it the “teen age years” for nothing. “Teen” is an Old English word meaning “irritating.”

This is the time when you (personally and all of us generally) have felt like NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME and WHY CANT EVERYONE SEE MY SIDE and I KNOW I AM RIGHT regardless of THE FACTS.

If your father did in fact push you against the wall, I am sorry. I have felt that way with my own son when he was 17/18 and starting to do some really stupid things with stupid ‘friends.’

It was trying, but he is now 23 and WAY MORE MATURE than a few years earlier.

You are young, and if you want to be wise under stand this: you do not know everything about the world, you know next to nothing about being married, paying bills, working a job that may be demeaning to you (because of an insulting supervisor) or any of the hundreds of little things that can pester and fester and bring a man or woman down emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Your “paganism” may be the thorn in your dad’s side. Maybe he is tired of hearing the same old same old from you. Maybe it is something entirely different.

Only you know and only you can initiate conversation with your parents and with a counselor.

We can pray and will. Our faith, our communion of saints (believers), gives us strength NOT to bicker or irritate or hit or “get under one’s skin.”

Good luck

Pax Christi

I suggest family counseling. I am sure your county has resources for this (look in the front of the phone book under state listings or county listings for mental health or family support services).

Thanks but I have doubts thats gonna ever happen

This is the time when you (personally and all of us generally) have felt like NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME and WHY CANT EVERYONE SEE MY SIDE and I KNOW I AM RIGHT regardless of THE FACTS

I used to feel that way but then I matured and looked around and found people who did understand me, saw my side of stories, and I also used to be the same way with knowing I’m right regardless of the facts…but I passed that phase also…thankfully it, now that I look back it kinda annoys me

You are young, and if you want to be wise under stand this: you do not know everything about the world, you know next to nothing about being married, paying bills, working a job that may be demeaning to you (because of an insulting supervisor) or any of the hundreds of little things that can pester and fester and bring a man or woman down emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I know I don’t know everything, heck i admit that I’m wrong about things. But please don’t think that I’m just 16 so i’m gonna act like your strerotype of one, I’ve had enough of it honestly

Your “paganism” may be the thorn in your dad’s side. Maybe he is tired of hearing the same old same old from you. Maybe it is something entirely different.

I’m still in the broom closet to my family, I don’t trust them as much as i trust a snake not to eat a mouse

 

[hasikelee]

My fiancee battled this. When he applied and was accepted to a university, he wanted to go into medicine and his parents told him he had to go into business. (Apparently there is some deep-seated anti-modern medicine issue in the family).

Anyways, the same dynamic played out. His mom was nice enough and tried to hush everything down, pat his back, persuade him not to do it, etc. When he respectfully said thanks, but no thanks, his mom left the room, a subtle signal for the dad to begin beating him.

The only thing that has provided healing and resolution was simply for him to move out and move on in life. His relationship with his parents actually became more loving and normal after that.

Letting your parents continue to drown in the horrible sin of hurting their own child is not loving. You need to take a respectful and loving stand against it. Become more independent, hone skills, go to school, get a support network together. Do not allow them to hurt you, lie to you, manipulate or scare you with claims like killing you or kicking you out.

Read up on typical abuse dynamics so you can be prepared for their behavior. Oftentimes, such behavior has been present since before you were born, so you were raised in this situation. That is one of the hardest things to overcome as you basically feel this is normal, even if you dislike it.

I have a friend with an abusive mother. She is 20 years old, has three jobs, her own car, she’s smart…instead she lets herself get shoved down the stairs and hit in public. Then she lies for her mom because “she’s afraid of getting kicked out of the house.” This young woman is perfectly capable of living on her own, but she can’t see that because of the way she was raised.

You definitely need to get people outside of your family to support you. Friends, a counselor, a friend’s parent, priest, anyone who is an adult and can help you to see what is true and what is wrong.

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

google.com/search?hl=en&q=google+state+police+child+abuse

add your state or zip code to this and email the police or social services

google.com/search?hl=en&q=Child+Protective+Services+&btnG=Search

google.com/search?hl=en&q=Social+Services+Child+abuse+&btnG=Search

Resources,

al-anon.alateen.org/

You can walk into any hospital, church, school, police station to get help. Even a trusted neighbor.

Teen Line is a hotline operated by teens, for teens .

For immediate assistance, please call our hotline (310) 855-HOPE, (818) 432-2266 or (800) TLC-TEEN (toll-free in California only) which is open from 6pm to 10pm PST every night

teenlineonline.org/

 

[reborn_pagan]

thanks guys…i guess all i can really do is ride this out for another 2 years then when i get 18 move the heck out of here

 

[hasikelee]

thanks guys…i guess all i can really do is ride this out for another 2 years then when i get 18 move the heck out of here

Don’t see it as all negative; it is a good thing to grow up and move out!

Since you are choosing to stay and wait until you are 18, you can try everyday to turn this into a loving and positive situation. With prayer and love, all things are possible. Perhaps your parents are going through a hard time and will heal from this. Or maybe your dad will have a change of heart.

Most importantly for your safety, anytime you see it “happening again” just tell them respectfully that the situation is quickly turning to violence and that is not allowed. If things don’t cool down, call a trusted person and leave the house.

 

[Mr.Bee]

Hey ya’ll i need some advice here. Is there anyway to please a parent? Cause I’ve been trying and it’s not working…

DAD: I do everything I can to please him but when I make one little mistake he snaps like a fracking toothpick and it confuses me because I’m told that I can trust them when in reallity i can’t trust them as much as I trust a snake not to eat a mouse…For example, my dad constantly insults me by calling me a smart-*** punk and blah blah blah and then i said one night thats his opinion in a very mature manor then he snaps and pushes me against the wall then starts cussing me out,

MOM: she’s actually alright, but lets my dad get away with this ****…

so any advice on how to please them or not piss my dad off?

I come in peace Reborn.

First: I should warn you, I have a teenage son and we homeschool (I actually have 3 kids)

My advice to you would be to be wary of advice you recieve from this forum, I agree with a previous post that said this might be inappropriate. I don’t claim any expertise or easy solutions, just maybe some insight.

I’m fairly certain that your pagan beliefs are a source of frustration for your Dad, or maybe he sees it simply as a symptom of your rebellion and independence. Without knowing the full story (none of my business) I can only guess that your Dad want only the best for you, for you to succeed and become a healthy adult. Even when you show maturity that might not be good enough in his eyes. Try to be respectful of the possibility that your dad might fear he is losing you, I fear this with my son. It’s called love.

You may be right and justified, and your Dad might be right in some respects, but being right doesn’t necessarily solve the problem.

So… I don’t really have any practical advice for you other than respect is earned not entitled (that advice goes for parents too) I assume you are living under his roof, so your dad still has the upper hand.

I urge you to try and settle this with your father now, don’t be like me.

Peace,

Mr.B

 

[reborn_pagan]

Don’t see it as all negative; it is a good thing to grow up and move out!

Since you are choosing to stay and wait until you are 18, you can try everyday to turn this into a loving and positive situation. With prayer and love, all things are possible. Perhaps your parents are going through a hard time and will heal from this. Or maybe your dad will have a change of heart.

Most importantly for your safety, anytime you see it “happening again” just tell them respectfully that the situation is quickly turning to violence and that is not allowed. If things don’t cool down, call a trusted person and leave the house.

I don’t actually have a choice, I got no other place to go and even if I did i wouldn’t be able to…

 

[hasikelee]

I don’t actually have a choice, I got no other place to go and even if I did i wouldn’t be able to…

This is very familiar for me to hear. Please try to keep hope alive. You always have a choice. Don’t feel beaten (no pun intended) or forced into anything.

Stop and think about your statement. Women who have abusive husbands say this a lot. There is always somewhere to go. There is always something that can be changed. There is always a choice to be made. Help is out there.

The thing is, whenever you fall into believing you don’t have a choice, that usually means you are about to make a bad choice, or be led into a worse situation.

 

[guanophore]

Hey ya’ll i need some advice here. Is there anyway to please a parent? Cause I’ve been trying and it’s not working…

DAD: I do everything I can to please him but when I make one little mistake he snaps like a fracking toothpick and it confuses me because I’m told that I can trust them when in reallity i can’t trust them as much as I trust a snake not to eat a mouse…For example, my dad constantly insults me by calling me a smart-*** punk and blah blah blah and then i said one night thats his opinion in a very mature manor then he snaps and pushes me against the wall then starts cussing me out,

MOM: she’s actually alright, but lets my dad get away with this ****…

so any advice on how to please them or not piss my dad off?

With all due respect, and speaking as one who has shared your experience, you are barking up the wrong tree. Your goal should not be pleasing your parents, thought this is a noble desire. Your goal should be to please the Lord. If you follow Jesus the best way you can, you will end up doing right by your parents, even if they can never recognize it. Also, since you are getting a lot of verbal abuse, I strongly urge that you replace all that in your head by memorizing scripture. Start with what God’s word says about you as a person, meditate on those truths, and memorize the verses, repeating them often. Also, whenever you are the victim of anger or verbal aggression, go somewhere and pray for them, forgive them, and do your spiritual warfare. May the peace of Christ be with you.

 

[happygal]

Hey ya’ll i need some advice here. Is there anyway to please a parent? Cause I’ve been trying and it’s not working…

DAD: I do everything I can to please him but when I make one little mistake he snaps like a fracking toothpick and it confuses me because I’m told that I can trust them when in reallity i can’t trust them as much as I trust a snake not to eat a mouse…For example, my dad constantly insults me by calling me a smart-*** punk and blah blah blah and then i said one night thats his opinion in a very mature manor then he snaps and pushes me against the wall then starts cussing me out,

MOM: she’s actually alright, but lets my dad get away with this ****…

so any advice on how to please them or not piss my dad off?

**Hi Reborn

Sad to hear you are going through this tough time of your growing up period. Well character are shape by those who surround us or shall i say influence…Nothing good comes out from my mum mouth…forever demeaning and nasty…i remembered i always quarelled with my mum and till the time my dad slapped me just to shut me up…very violent and hostile…they always ask me to leave the house and survive on my own…blar…blar…thus unexpectedly resentment and haterous built up as years passed by.

But things started to change alittle since last year…i remembered there was this time that i really blow off my top by telling my mum off how i feel inside and if she cannot stand me then give me away when i’m young…blar…blar…and i begin to ignore all her comments towards me…Gosh…God begin his work on my family, things change since last year, really…i find peace at home once again and my mum become a changed person…no more nasty remarks…blar…blar…instead becoming more understanding towards me, coz i told her, pple needs encouragement to grow

I still have resentment which built up in my life for the pass 18years, but slowly i let God heal me, take away my resentment…

Although, some pple suggested you to leave your house to stay away from such hostile situation, but is that what God really expect you to do?? Leave your parent becoz they are bad?? I see it a trial for you to overcome instead…I believe your parent is not a Christ believer from your background (same like me) i would suggest you talk with family counsel so they can step in together with you to help your family ,since you are very young. Seek help then to leave the house is a remedy at this point in time!!! Someone have to talk with your parent for they themselve have serious problems.**