Need some perspective... Husband cheating?

  • Thread starter Thread starter mamabear3
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have to decide if you want to find out the truth or let it go for the sake of your marriage and children.

If you want to know the truth and don’t trust your husband, you will need to investigate. The website marriage builders .com has a section that explains how to do this. You can get all text messages from cellphone company. You can put a key logger on his computer, voice activator in his car. I think the people are nuts on the website but they do know how to catch a cheater.

I hope that you are wrong and it is just stress or something easy to fix. I will keep you In my prayers.
 
cviolette said:
You have to decide if you want to find out the truth or let it go for the sake of your marriage and children.

If you want to know the truth and don’t trust your husband, you will need to investigate. The website marriage builders .com has a section that explains how to do this. You can get all text messages from cellphone company. You can put a key logger on his computer, voice activator in his car. I think the people are nuts on the website but they do know how to catch a cheater.

I hope that you are wrong and it is just stress or something easy to fix. I will keep you In my prayers.
Click to expand...
:confused:

How do they get the cellphone texts? I mean, perhaps you can get a record of the numbers called, but I didn’t think anyone but the police could get a cell phone company to give up records.

I think I’d hire a detective.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
:confused:

How do they get the cellphone texts? I mean, perhaps you can get a record of the numbers called, but I didn’t think anyone but the police could get a cell phone company to give up records.

I think I’d hire a detective.
Click to expand...
You can if your name is on the bill but not someone else’s bill. I assume her name is on the account but it could be in his name only then she would need him to do it.

A detective is easier but can be expensive. You can usually find out from email and texts.
 
You can get actual texts?? Not just the numbers being texted but what they’re saying in the text?
 
mamabear3 said:
My husband has always been very attentive and affectionate ( sometimes too affectionate!)… Now for the past couple months he’s been hot and cold. He either pays no attention to me, or is extremely affectionate and sexual with me. I wrote him a letter a few weeks ago expressing how much I loved him ( it was a very intimate letter) and he said absolutely nothing to me about it, which is very unlike him. Sometimes he looks at me and then looks right down like he’s guilty or feels bad ( could just be me being paranoid). We went out on our anniversary last week and he seemed depressed/ anxious and said he didn’t feel good and he needed some wine. My husband has always had problems with anxiety but usually when we actually get a night out he’s happy and excited, he definitely seemed distant and conflicted to me that night. He never compliments me anymore and he always used too. He’s also lost a lot of weight recently and I can see he feels better about himself, I’m happy he’s losing weight and looking good but it definitely Is making me feel insecure with all the emotional distance he’s seems to be putting up. Overall I feel like he’s just not putting 100% into our marriage like he used to. I also found two blonde hairs ( I’m brunette) on an unmentionable part of his body ( sorry TMI ) ( cringe)… But how can I know If they’re real hairs or some kind of synthetic hair from clothing or something? He doesn’t go out anywhere after work or come home late so the only conclusion I can come up with is that there is maybe someone at work. Everytime I text him at work he always says he’s busy and well talk later, he only used to do that sometimes… Now he says it everyday. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or crazy but the feeling keeps nagging me that there’s someone else and I just can’t shake it but I don’t have any evidence. I feel so CRAZY!!!
Click to expand...
Why don’t you just ask him?? :confused:

He’s your husband!
 
As someone else mentioned here earlier, I think he could be battling depression… 😦
 
mamabear3 said:
You can get actual texts?? Not just the numbers being texted but what they’re saying in the text?
Click to expand...
I don’t recommend this, but I can’t leave you in the dark either.

However, his actual phone has a “history” or “call log.” If he does not regularly erase the “history” or “log” you can see the numbers that he called and called him. Texts remain too if he does not delete the actual texts. My texts are listed under “Messages” and then “conversations” just as an example.

When I pay a bill I get a message (or a friend texts me), on my phone, and I see the number or name is from a vendor or bank no matter how I paid the bill or that friend’s number or name if in my contact list – when I open the message or “conversation” (in my case) it says that I have paid the bill or my friend’s message is there. It stays until I delete or clear them.

Again, I do not recommend and encourage this. Your husband, remember, has not changed his schedule.

I would begin with thinking back to when the behavior began to change and what might else have happened around the same time. Not for my clarification – but for you.
 
You stated it wasn’t financial, (really)?

Do you write out the bills or pay them online?

Are both your names on the bank account?

Do you have your own account and he has his own account?
Is the mortgage is your name also?
Are the vehicles you own also in your name?
Do you have a credit card together?
Cell phone bill, is it in his name or yours?
Do you work outside the home?

Answer these first…I’m leaning towards depression, however if you answer the questions above, we can go from there.
 
May I just plead for a moment for the answers to such questions as have been suggested NOT to be requested on here? I don’t for one moment want to diminish the impact of the OP’s worries, but I don’t think anyone on here is entitled or should see that deep into their personal affairs.

Mamabear3: Suffice to say that we all wish for nothing but the best for your relationship, but our advice should only be generalistic, since nobody knows but you how your relationship works and highly specific advice given in this context could cause real damage or the answers to such questions be too private to be divulged in this medium.
 
DexUK said:
May I just plead for a moment for the answers to such questions as have been suggested NOT to be requested on here? I don’t for one moment want to diminish the impact of the OP’s worries, but I don’t think anyone on here is entitled or should see that deep into their personal affairs.

Mamabear3: Suffice to say that we all wish for nothing but the best for your relationship, but our advice should only be generalistic, since nobody knows but you how your relationship works and highly specific advice given in this context could cause real damage or the answers to such questions be too private to be divulged in this medium.
Click to expand...
You would be surprised at the number of women who do not know where the money is, where it’s going or anything about it. In this day and age, I really don’t understand why.

These questions are necessary…she wants to know if it’s depression or cheating. The financials will sort out fact from fiction. If she knows where all the money is going and much of the house, the car, the credit is hers, then perhaps cheating is not the issue.

She didn’t know that you could could pull actual “texts” from a phone. Yeah, you can, only if “her name” is on the account for the phone. Other than that, she is out of luck. Same with a credit card or bank account.
 
Leegal said:
I don’t recommend this, but I can’t leave you in the dark either.

However, his actual phone has a “history” or “call log.” If he does not regularly erase the “history” or “log” you can see the numbers that he called and called him. Texts remain too if he does not delete the actual texts. My texts are listed under “Messages” and then “conversations” just as an example.

When I pay a bill I get a message (or a friend texts me), on my phone, and I see the number or name is from a vendor or bank no matter how I paid the bill or that friend’s number or name if in my contact list – when I open the message or “conversation” (in my case) it says that I have paid the bill or my friend’s message is there. It stays until I delete or clear them.

Again, I do not recommend and encourage this. Your husband, remember, has not changed his schedule.

I would begin with thinking back to when the behavior began to change and what might else have happened around the same time. Not for my clarification – but for you.
Click to expand...
The only problem with the physical phone is it is so easy to delete text and phone numbers. I delete my incoming and outgoing phone calls on my home and cellphone all the time. So my call history just shows my kids and husband’s numbers.

I agree that it might not be an affair. Does he spend a lot of time on-line or texting?
 
mamabear3 said:
My husband does show interest in the other kids and is very good to them. And I know my husbands job is very secure, and he just got a raise not too long ago. If he’s worried about work it would be his workload because I know his department is understaffed. For the time being Im going to keep my mouth shut and my eyes wide open. Thank you for all the insight and helpful posts. I needed to air out all my worries.
Click to expand...
Your 4 months along…sounds like he is nesting, getting ready and if he has had a recent, better understanding of the biology of pregnacy or even the faith, he might be creeped out a bit to be intimate. For some reason when my wife was having twins, I was kind of wigged. Really sounds like the weight loss has to do with stress. Samson
 
FYI, cheating is bad, but if a guy cheats on a pregnant wife…he is shunned as a POS in most every circle. I think it is unlikely.
 
cviolette said:
The only problem with the physical phone is it is so easy to delete text and phone numbers. I delete my incoming and outgoing phone calls on my home and cellphone all the time. So my call history just shows my kids and husband’s numbers.

I agree that it might not be an affair. Does he spend a lot of time on-line or texting?
Click to expand...
Why would you delete your history? Is that usual? The only guy I know who did that was cheating on his wife. I don’t delete anything. If my husband wanted to look at my phone, I wouldn’t care. Could the OP just ask to look at her husband’s phone? Would that make things worse?
 
Sillara said:
Why would you delete your history? Is that usual? The only guy I know who did that was cheating on his wife. I don’t delete anything. If my husband wanted to look at my phone, I wouldn’t care. Could the OP just ask to look at her husband’s phone? Would that make things worse?
Click to expand...
Some phones don’t have a whole lot of memory - I get nagged about my inbox being too full all the time. Have to go and purge my call and received lists frequently too.
 
Like others have mentioned, phone and Internet history as well as email. If he refuses to share these with you or you find that his histories are deleted then you might be on to something. If, on the other hand, he shows no reserve in lending you his phone/ or swapping for one day than I highly, highly doubt there is anything.

Reasons to borrow his phone:
You need or like an application or feature on it
Better camera or voice recorder or whatever
You forgot yours at a friends and you’ll be needing a phone as you will be outside the house
You forgot to charge yours
You forgot to pay your phone bill and it’s suspended
One of the kids needs the phone etc etc

Again, if he has no problem handing you over the phone, when you ask, then I think he’s in the clear.
Email…not so sure, it’s too easy to have a million email accounts…
 
I don’t do anything wrong and I always clear my phone history when I am don’t with a text conversation and I clean my call logs like every other day just as a habit, because it frees up ram on the phone. Some with my web history so cleaning out messages is not bad thing. Best to go on your service providers web site they normally give you a list of texts and calls that are being bad. I hope that helps.
 
1inICXC said:
Like others have mentioned, phone and Internet history as well as email. If he refuses to share these with you or you find that his histories are deleted then you might be on to something. If, on the other hand, he shows no reserve in lending you his phone/ or swapping for one day than I highly, highly doubt there is anything.

Reasons to borrow his phone:
You need or like an application or feature on it
Better camera or voice recorder or whatever
You forgot yours at a friends and you’ll be needing a phone as you will be outside the house
You forgot to charge yours
You forgot to pay your phone bill and it’s suspended
One of the kids needs the phone etc etc

Again, if he has no problem handing you over the phone, when you ask, then I think he’s in the clear.
Email…not so sure, it’s too easy to have a million email accounts…
Click to expand...
Not to inject too much paranoia…but cheaters can buy separate phones. I hear Tiger Woods had quite a few.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top