Need some quick advice

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I recently saw two friends (opposite genders) sleeping in the same bed. I didn’t know there was anything going on between them, but evidently there is. Should I do anything? I was contemplating talking to them about chastity, but I’m afraid it would just make them somewhat resentful of me for making it an issue and not minding my own business :o

Edit: They’re not religious.
 
If they aren’t religious I don’t know what good it would do to bring it up. I would however make my own beliefs known in general conversation…

depending on your relationship, you could bring up how it shocked you to see them in the same bed.

I really don’t know how to advise you and look forward to seeing the responses you get.

Malia
 
If it was in your house that this took place then you have the right to ask that they not do that under your roof.

If it was their house this took place in, then I’d call first before visiting next time.

If it is a shared house (your sharing an apartment or house with another room mate and this was his/her girlfriend/boyfriend)…then you may want to find another room mate. Or at least have your room mate somehow let you know (light on/off, piece of art place outside the bedroom door or a Do Not Disturb sign on the knob) if something like that is going on (or he/she’s planning on it happening) so you can make arrangement not to be around when it does.

Other than that…the chastity talk is only on the table if **one of them **starts discussing their sex life with you.
 
There is no doubt that you need to speak to them about chastity. The [secular] belief that “Everybody has the right to believe what they believe. NOBODY has the right to push their beliefs on their fellow beings.” is a fallacy. You have every right to speak your mind, they don’t have to listen if they don’t want.

We are mandated by Christ to go preach the gospel and make disciples of all nations. Do not be afraid that they will be resentful of you for you have everything you need in Christ. You very well know that Jesus told us that we would be persecuted because of him, yet he also tells us in Mark 8:35,38
“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”
Having said that, the only thing you need to be mindful of is your delivery. Refrain from using words that are negative, destructive, critical, harsh, or unkind. Take care to speak those words that are edifying, ministering grace to your friends. The best way to to this is to pray for the Holy Spirit to guide your tounge. Isaiah 50:4
The Lord GOD has given me a well-trained tongue, That I might know how to speak to the weary a word that will rouse them.
Another good prayer that will help you is Saint Francis’ Prayer… you may be familiar with it.

God bless you and let us know how it went!!
 
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Andrea22:
We are mandated by Christ to go preach the gospel and make disciples of all nations.

QUOTE]

Preaching the gospel does not always mean confronting someone about their wrong doings. We must use prudence to decide how best to reach certain people.

Help me out…what is that quote about preaching always but sometimes use words???

I think that is perfect for this situation.

Malia
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That is a good point. Something we need to be mindful of is that the word “preaching” holds a connotation of intolerance and self-righteousness. A preacher is usually held in the same esteem as a door-to-door salesman or used car salesman.

The truth is that preaching the Gospel simply means “helping people hear the word of God.”

That is why I advised to be mindful to choose “words” (as opposed to a condescending, arrogant sermon).

It’s all about the preparation, approach, and delivery. What else? I’m sure lot’s of people can give suggestions on the “how to” but your original question had more to do with “should I” I think you should.
 
Saint Francis of Assisi

Preach the Gospel always, if necessary use words.
 
I find it effective to use secular info that backs up my religion based claims. I would probably approach it like…“So whats going on with you and Bob?” She may say we are seeing eachother or friends with benefits. I would reply, “You know those don’t work. I read an article that siad (statistic) leads to divorce-failed relationship-more partners and STD’s --Blah blah blah. Is that what you are going for here. Please do yourself a favor and stop doing this.”
I have one friend that shacked up and didn’t tell me for months because she knew how I would react. She is a huge Feminist and I siad, “How is this agreeing with your feminism. This isn’t feminism. You are putting yourself in a situation that gives a man power but no responsibilty!” When the relationship ended badly, she took a month to tell me what happened because she knew I had been right. The fact is that common sense backs up our religious motivations. You just need to meet the person where she is and speak your message in their language.
 
Way to go, Becky Ann! I totally support that type of attitude!
It just takes a little extra work to be able to back up your claims with stats. I quick google search with cross checking two sources should do the trick…
 
Thank for the advice, everyone.

Let me clarify: This was just in a friend’s dorm room. They weren’t actually doing anything. They were fully clothed (in pajamas). I assume they didn’t think there was anything wrong with this – which is another reason I consider saying something.

Thanks again!
 
It’s been a little while since this thread has been updated, but the same thing happened a few days ago. Let me describe the situation exactly this time:

Some friends and I stayed up very late into the morning playing a game. This boyfriend/girlfriend couple was among those friends. We were exhausted and went to go to sleep. These two took the same bed, my other (male) friend took his bed, and I took a couch (I was very tired and needed to wake up early the next morning, and it would have taken quite some time to get back to my dorm). I haven’t mentioned anything about chastity yet to this boyfriend/girlfriend couple.

I am wondering if what I did was okay, and what I should do in the future should this happen again:

First, was it okay for me to sleep in a room when there was a female sleeping in the same room? (There were, of course, two other males as well. I would never sleep in a room just with a female in it).

Second, was it okay to sleep in this room given that one of the males and the female were sharing the same bed? I’m guessing that it wasn’t because it would imply that I didn’t have a problem with what they were doing. What should I have done? Should I do anything now given that the situation is already over?

Finally, this situation is probably going to repeat itself. We frequently stay up late playing games and fall asleep. Should I express my beliefs regarding sleeping in the same bed and refuse to sleep in this room should the couple take the same bed again? I have a very nice friendship with these two right now, but if I do this, I really do think they will both be quite offended.

Thanks for your time.
 
I would mind your own business and pray for them. Sleeping in the same bed with the opposite sex isn’t a sin, having intimate relations with someone outside of marriage is. You said there was nothing happening so I don’t really see the problem. I hate to say it and I can’t think of a way to say it to where it doesn’t come across rude, but I would look into getting a life.
 
Hi Alterum,
let me start by saying I would bet you have a life and probably a good one.
Now to the question, ‘When does sin occur?’ Only when something is done or also when something is not done? Both the sins of omission far out number the sins of commission! Does not saying something silently validate the behaviour? Suppose one night all the other players leave unexpectedly leaving those two alone. If sin occurs, who all share the blame? Does the appearance of sin, when none exists, constitute a sin? Yes, if it leads others to sin. There is the possibility that someone reading these posts could come to the conclusion that opposite genders sharing the same bed is not a near occasion of sin and therefore is okay. Who’d have thought that those two sleeping together and you wondering could potentialy lead others to sin. If it ain’t right don’t do it and encourage others to follow the right example.
How do you talk to someone about a needed correction?
First ask is what I have to say true?
Second Is it necessary to speak? What are the potential for good or evil if I do or I don’t
Third Can I speak lovingly, calmly, patiently?
If the answer to only one of these three questions is no, don’t speak!
If all answers are yes, you must speak!
When you speak, speak only when you can Oreo cookie your comments! That is speak a true and honest compliment, mention the behaviour needing change, speak another valid related compliment. Negative statements only seldom produce positive results.
By the way why are guys and one girl up so late playing games? Tut! Tut! Tut! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!
 
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Lorrie:
I would mind your own business and pray for them. Sleeping in the same bed with the opposite sex isn’t a sin, having intimate relations with someone outside of marriage is. You said there was nothing happening so I don’t really see the problem. I hate to say it and I can’t think of a way to say it to where it doesn’t come across rude, but I would look into getting a life.
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I am the type of person who puts a lot of value in minding one’s own business. My understanding is that, outside of marriage, sleeping in the same bed with someone of the opposite gender is a serious sin (in most instances, anyway). This would seem especially true when the two people in question are young, going out, and probably have all sorts of hormonal promptings, so to speak.

I generally don’t bring my problems to the CA forums. The reason I brought this up here is because I honestly don’t know what to do, and I am aware that this situation will continue to repeat itself. I was looking for advice because I sincerely want to do what is right. I do not dwell on this, and to be honest, if it had happened only once, I probably would have just forgotten about it. However, this is going to continue to happen, I am going to continue to be around when it does, and I want to make sure I am doing the right thing. Again, it has been my belief that sleeping in the same bed as one’s girlfriend is a fairly serious sin!

Finally, as John-the-Seeker was so nice to point out, I do have a life, and probably a good one.

Thanks for all the advice so far. God bless!
 
I just can’t help but think that #1 they are not sinning. #2 its not your business. #3 if it bothers you that much then don’t hang out with them. No one is putting a gun to your head and making you stick around while they sleep. #4 its their life.

You haven’t mentioned not once that you witnessed them having sex, you are assuming things. Its as if you hang out late with them just so you can find out if they are sinning. I would be more concerned with my own thoughts and actions pertaining to this than the other peoples. Its a little odd and perverted.
 
Lorrie, Please try to be charitable to people when posting on the forums. You are coming across very rude and abrasive.

I think that the action puts the people in the occasion of sin, which means that they may be more tempted to sin the more often they do this. I stick with my advice earlier in the thread and I hope that Lorrie will read through her message before she posts so that she doesn’t sound mean.
 
Actually what I said is exactly what I think, I stand by it. I’m sure several others have thought precisely what I said but would never say it. The title of his thread says it all, if he didn’t want to hear some of the advice given then don’t ask for it, especially on a public forum.
 
I tend to say exactly what I’m thinking and if it sometimes comes out wrong then I’m sorry. I just know that I despise it when someone thinks my business is their business. I also despise it when someone assumes I’m doing something wrong when in all actuality I’m not. I have to say that I stand by what I said in my previous posts on this thread, but I do apologize if they came across as rude as it wasn’t my intention.
 
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Lorrie:
I tend to say exactly what I’m thinking and if it sometimes comes out wrong then I’m sorry. I just know that I despise it when someone thinks my business is their business. I also despise it when someone assumes I’m doing something wrong when in all actuality I’m not. I have to say that I stand by what I said in my previous posts on this thread, but I do apologize if they came across as rude as it wasn’t my intention.
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Hi Lorrie,
In one of the Stations of the Cross, that I have prayed, there is a line for the VIII Station, Jesus weeps For the Women of Jerusalem, where we ask God to give us the strength to endure lovingly the misguided attempts of people who only wish to help us.
There is often a fine line between being a body busy for Christ and a busy body just as there is a fine line between being truthful and cruel.
While doing volunteer work in a prison where there are many people who have been victimized and who in their turn have been victimizers, Catholic Priest gave me this advice to follow before I spoke or acted on anything.
First: Ask yourself,‘Do I know that what I believe is in fact
True?’
Second: Is it truly necessary that I speak or act? What would be
the consequences?
Third: Can I speak or act lovingly?
If the answer to any of these questions is no, then it is best to say nothing. If the answer is yes to all three, you have an obligation to act.
I encourage you in your desire to know, love and serve God. Your willingness to speak out when others oppose your views and you may find yourself standing alone shows great moral courage.
Desire and willingness like you exhibit, disciplined by love, cannot help but bring more of God’s love into the lives of others and as the song says,“What the world needs now is Love…sweet Love”
May God continue to guide , protect and assist you. I will pray for you and for all those who have either through injury or love, contributed to enabling you to be the person of God that you appear to be.
 
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