Goodness you are trying hard! Don’t spoil her too much as you need an equal relationship, not one where you become the one who makes all the effort. Instead of trying to smother her with kindness you lovely man, get her involved with some of the decisions…let her make suggestions too, have (name removed by moderator)ut. It’s really lovely you want to take so much care of her and treat her to every kindness you can think of…but there are husbands who’ve trained their girlfriends and wives to expect everything, then wonder why they in the end aren’t receiving much consideration.
Don’t wish to make it bitter, but most of my experience so far shows that leaving the female party some options generally ends in being considered not active or not impetuous enough. I stick by my ways, however, although generally knowing the consequences not so far off.
On the other hand, yeah, I can agree with the last statement, it’s no wonder in terms of laws of physics. That’s just how it works. Not like it wouldn’t be great if consideration met with consideration and effort on the one side caused similar effort on the other. Presumably, if the person is right, this actually happens.
You’re obviously a darling…but let her do some of the thinking and suggesting also. If you don’t she might feel overwhelmed and take flight
Yup. And if she doesn’t make use of the opportunity she’s probably not all that interested.
And what’s wrong with a few simple meetings for coffee in a cafe! You can talk without getting too complicated.
Definitely. Coffee works like charm.
SomeCatholicGuy, I hope my rather bitter opening didn’t discourage you. If it’s worth it for me after saying this, it should all the more be so for you after merely reading it, so I stay confident that you will not take it the bad way.
One more controversial thing I’m going to say is that you should allow yourself to relax. If you can’t relax and be yourself around the girl, then chances are she isn’t for you. This is not the same as wanting to impress her, to sweep her off her feet and so on - those are natural things and they’re quite good. But if you begin competing with yourself for her attention, in the end you might start perceiving her as an examiner, someone whom you can never really satisfy. Give to her a lot, but accept what she has to give to you. Apart from all the talking, there is also a lot of listening to do. A relationship does not happen between you and your vision of her - or especially of her expectations - but between you and her. You need to interact with her, not keep a vision of her in your mind for such purposes. This means attention, listening, understanding. We guys sometimes just conquer the girl, shower her with gifts, adjust our manners to meet her approval, do as best we can to meet our expectations of how she expects us to act and in the end it turns out there was little actual relationship between the persons. So as not to smother you, I will end here, but the short gist you’d do well to remember is that you need to communicate. That means a lot of talking and a lot of listening.
Actually, it can be a lot of fun. It’s like with a game… the more you do it without a walkthrough, the more fun you have in the end. Besides, what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for you or your girl.
