So, she either has completely no interest now, or she is upset that you are pursuing her and the other girl who the romantic text message surely must have been intended for. Hmmm…attempting to be a realist here, but I am guessing that it might be the lack of an interest. Although to be honest, if it was me, I would make sure that she knew because I would rather risk my own heart being broken rather than the other way around.
I’d rather the same.
I’ll tell you how it went today. I met her. She was happy to meet me and perhaps somewhat curious. She kept me company for until the meeting started and it somehow looked fine. She didn’t allude to the message in any way. I told her I needed to explain myself to her in that regard and told her that the message was indeed for her. And then she said in a nice voice, somewhat pleased, “Aha, so it just wasn’t finished?” or something like that. I was pleased with her reaction, but then I told her I didn’t want her to keep wondering. She said she wouldn’t and she presumed people acted rationally. She didn’t seem to like the story about my friend taking my phone and also clocking me one in the process (she did joke about it later, so I guess it wasn’t that bad), so I guess perhaps I shouldn’t have told her that. At any rate, during the meeting she was stiff and defensive. She was able to get relaxed and even smile, but most of the time she was sitting near the edge of her chair (the one farther from me, of course) with arms folded, which is a very strong defensive reaction.
During our conversation later, I pushed a bit and asked her when she would be able to be asked out (considering she was busy at the time), and she started saying she didn’t have the time for the meetings. I told her we didn’t meet so rarely before, so it wasn’t such a new situation (I was trying nicely to convince her that we should, not trying to get it out of her). Then she said yes, but those several years ago it was out of duty that we met so often. I told her we didn’t meet only in the course, but also after and we’d spend a lot of time together and also in summer holidays afterwards, so it wasn’t quite out of duty. And she finally told me she thought we had met enough for a long time and that she was surprised we’d have to meet so often now. I’ve messed up the order in which she said things, but she did say all that. However, the way she was somehow teaseful about it and showing me some claw was indicative of way, way more familiarity than between acquaintances. I flat out asked her to try and convince herself to me, which should tell her something.
Now I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I’m tired. I think the time spent on a futile chase could be better spent simply dispensing free legal advice to poor people, or even studying. Besides, I’m somewhat hurt and abashed now. And I’d like a woman who would return my attempts instead of thinking them too much and trimming it all down. She was that several years ago, but I’m not sure she’s it now. Just for comparison, in the morning I was so hungry I could barely kneel and pray because it was twisting my stomach, and also tired and sleepy so much it was difficult even to get up, but given the time it was, I went without breakfast or even coffee and actually ran to the bus in that state. I had two coffees already at university to keep up. At the same time, she’s downplaying the familiarity and dedication which was between us before, not to mention being disinterested now. It doesn’t strike me as two sides of a valid equation.
I’m in a bit of a predicament because I crossed the exclusive line in my mind, since while I haven’t done anything with her that I wouldn’t have done with a friend at some point in my life, the mind and intent was different and I’m not cutting contact with her or reducing it in any official way now. But I’m really tempted to cut it and reduce it to the same level she did.
Sorry for ranting. Was trying to keep it short this time, but alas.
Thank you, Dulcissima. I think I’ll simply have to ask her if I want any concrete answers. I’m not sure I want to do that. It could put a strain on our memories and prevent a nice and somewhat romanticised friendship from being a nice memory from the youth, rather leaving both people with discomfort and me with a broken heart. Still, I think I’ll need to do it and I definitely can’t drag my prior attachments into any new relationship with anyone.
Looks like I’m going to have a field day in the morning… I’ve already tried to explain it, but after three unreceived calls, I got an, “I’ve probably received an interrupted text message which wasn’t intended for me,” and then after another calling attempt, a, “Sorry, but I can’t talk now.” Which is less funny.
And if she was skeptical, she might have been turned off at the idea of you concocting something silly instead of just telling her straight out how you feel. (I’m just telling you how I would view the situation if I were her.)
(In fact, as a result of this thread, I looked her profile up on one the social networking websites, and she is now going to university very nearby to me!! Unfortunately, it also confirmed that the type of person she has now become means that the only attraction remaining is a vague physical attraction, and even that has waned greatly).
I’ve only experienced unhappy marriages as I have grown up, so I am pretty skeptical of male/female compatibility at the moment 