Need video or program examples of Catholic wedding mass

[dcsells]

Hi – my fiancee and I are planning our wedding, which will take place in about 8 months. She was raised Protestant but is going through the RCIA classes. Assuming she completes RCIA, one of our first decisions will be whether to do the full Mass or the shortened version (no Eucharist). I would prefer the full Mass, but she has some hesitation and reluctance, as she is very unfamiliar with Catholic wedding ceremonies, particularly the full Mass (although she attends Mass with me, so she understands the Liturgies of the Word, Eucharist, etc.).

It would be great if I could show her either some videos of full nuptial masses, or some programs that include all the elements. I think if she witnessed the true beauty of the full wedding Mass, she would be put at ease and be much more open to the idea. And she would see that it’s not actually that weird to kneel in a wedding dress.

Can anyone provide links to good examples of videos or written programs from full wedding Masses? I found some videos on YouTube, but they were mostly snippets. The best programs, by the way, would not just list the order, but also provide “explanatory notes” for a non-Catholic audience (as that will be most of our audience). That is, it should assume that the audience doesn’t know what they’re doing and will need to be “walked through” the steps.

Thank you!

 

[SpaceNeedle]

Does your parish have a wedding coordinator? They are a GREAT resource for this sort of thing, and love to help.

Looking over these sorts of materials with my WC helped me see that having the vow ceremony only would not be a bad choice for my fiance and I.

 

[SpaceNeedle]

By the way, you will still have Liturgy of the Word if you do a vow ceremony.

Because the majority of our guests can not/will not receive, this is why we went with the vow ceremony.

 

[puzzleannie]

Hi – my fiancee and I are planning our wedding, which will take place in about 8 months.

That is, it should assume that the audience doesn’t know what they’re doing and will need to be “walked through” the steps.

Thank you!

I don’t know if you mean videos for her, or for her non-Catholic family members who will be guests. I don’t think guests need any instruction as pretty much everyone knows when in a church not of your denomination you simply show respect, watch and listen.

If you mean for her, that will help, and by the time the wedding rolls around she will have entered the Church and have that much more familiarity with Mass, the actual wedding ceremony will be covered in your marriage preparation, which may use videos.

ONe aspect to keep in mind, and that may the root of her discomfort, is that if half the guests are not Catholic a full Mass with communion is necessarily going to exclude half the guests, not the symbol of unity we are aiming for at this time.

 

[SpaceNeedle]

One aspect to keep in mind, and that may the root of her discomfort, is that if half the guests are not Catholic a full Mass with communion is necessarily going to exclude half the guests, not the symbol of unity we are aiming for at this time.

OP, this is why my fiance and I are going for the “vow ceremony”. After talking it over with our parish WC, we realized this was really the best option. You may come to that conclusion as well. (Thanks as always, PuzzleAnnie, for remembering the importance of things like this…what would these forums do without you?)

 

[Joe_5859]

I’m not sure you will find an entire nuptial Mass on video. That would be probably an hour long at least!

Basically:

• Option #1: Liturgy of the Word (Readings, homily) followed by exchange of vows
• Option #2: Liturgy of the Word (Readings, homily) followed by exchange of vows plus Liturgy of the Eucharist (presentation of gifts, consecration, great Amen, kiss of peace, reception of the Eucharist, etc.)

If you are familiar with the Mass, then you already have a good idea of what a wedding/nuptial Mass will be like. The main difference between a nuptial Mass and a regular Mass is the exchanging of vows, which you would be doing whether or not you did the full Mass or the abridged service with just the Liturgy of the Word.

So, just imagine exchanging vows after the homily but before the gifts are brought up to the altar.

When one party is Catholic and the other is not, many priests will recommend not doing the Mass because of the sign of disunity it creates by having only one spouse receive Communion while the other does not. That’s a legitimate concern.

However, if you will both be Catholic by the time of the wedding, I would definitely encourage the full Mass. What better context to be joined as one flesh than the celebration of the Eucharist where we get to be so intimately untied with our Lord?

Much of my family is either Protestant or lapsed Catholic, but for us, that was, frankly, their problem. We never even considered not having a nuptial Mass. We’re both cradle Catholics, though.

Nonetheless, you definitely want to be sensitive to your fiance’s concerns. Perhaps the graces she receives in the Sacraments she receives on Easter Vigil will hel alleviate her misgivings. It’s good that your trying to be proactive.

BTW, my wife had a big poofy dress with a 12 foot train and she still knelt just fine.

 

[dcsells]

Thanks for all the replies so far – they have been very helpful.

Just to follow up, the question of the largely non-Catholic audience has been another issue to deal with. My fiancee has expressed concerns that if we do a full Mass, and the only people taking the Eucharist are on my side, then her family will feel left out or like “lesser Christians.” (They have pretty strong Protestant roots, so they might take offense at the idea that they can’t take communion. And she is not very fond of the “go up and get a blessing from the priest” alternative.)

My view is that once you factor in all of my non-Catholic friends, it will actually be a very small percentage of the total audience taking communion, even if happens to be my family members who are taking it. So it’s not as if her side will be “left out.” And I would definitely like to take communion with her on our wedding day (which she said she wants as well).

So two follow-up questions, I guess:

1. Is it permissible for just the bride and groom to take communion, and not anyone else (even those who would otherwise take it at a Mass)? That way we could have the Mass and both take communion, but avoid the problem of others feeling left out.
2. Is it unusual or “less” of a Catholic ceremony for two Catholics not to have a full Mass? I’ve been to Catholic weddings that were not the full Mass, but in those situations, one member of the couple was not Catholic. (And, it seems a little strange to me that she would complete RCIA and enter the Church, but we would not have a full Catholic wedding.)

Thanks in advance for your responses and thoughts.

 

[benedictgal]

Thanks for all the replies so far – they have been very helpful.

Just to follow up, the question of the largely non-Catholic audience has been another issue to deal with. My fiancee has expressed concerns that if we do a full Mass, and the only people taking the Eucharist are on my side, then her family will feel left out or like “lesser Christians.” (They have pretty strong Protestant roots, so they might take offense at the idea that they can’t take communion. And she is not very fond of the “go up and get a blessing from the priest” alternative.)

My view is that once you factor in all of my non-Catholic friends, it will actually be a very small percentage of the total audience taking communion, even if happens to be my family members who are taking it. So it’s not as if her side will be “left out.” And I would definitely like to take communion with her on our wedding day (which she said she wants as well).

So two follow-up questions, I guess:

1. Is it permissible for just the bride and groom to take communion, and not anyone else (even those who would otherwise take it at a Mass)? That way we could have the Mass and both take communion, but avoid the problem of others feeling left out.
2. Is it unusual or “less” of a Catholic ceremony for two Catholics not to have a full Mass? I’ve been to Catholic weddings that were not the full Mass, but in those situations, one member of the couple was not Catholic. (And, it seems a little strange to me that she would complete RCIA and enter the Church, but we would not have a full Catholic wedding.)

Thanks in advance for your responses and thoughts.

First of all, the blessing is not an option, as it should not even happen. There is also a moratorium on the topic. Please read the sticky that our moderator posted. Second, if you have guests who are Catholics who are properly disposed to receive Holy Communion, these should not be denied the opportunity. The Mass is a public liturgy of the Church.

Regarding the actual ceremony, the best answer, as I see it, comes from Pope Benedict XVI in Sacramentum Caritatis:

The distribution and reception of the Eucharist

1. Another moment of the celebration needing to be mentioned is the distribution and reception of Holy Communion. I ask everyone, especially ordained ministers and those who, after adequate preparation and in cases of genuine need, are authorized to exercise the ministry of distributing the Eucharist, to make every effort to ensure that this simple act preserves its importance as a personal encounter with the Lord Jesus in the sacrament. For the rules governing correct practice in this regard, I would refer to those documents recently issued on the subject. (151) All Christian communities are to observe the current norms faithfully, seeing in them an expression of the faith and love with which we all must regard this sublime sacrament. Furthermore, the precious time of thanksgiving after communion should not be neglected: besides the singing of an appropriate hymn, it can also be most helpful to remain recollected in silence. (152)

In this regard, I would like to call attention to a pastoral problem frequently encountered nowadays. I am referring to the fact that on certain occasions – for example, wedding Masses, funerals and the like – in addition to practicing Catholics there may be others present who have long since ceased to attend Mass or are living in a situation which does not permit them to receive the sacraments. At other times members of other Christian confessions and even other religions may be present. Similar situations can occur in churches that are frequently visited, especially in tourist areas. In these cases, there is a need to find a brief and clear way to remind those present of the meaning of sacramental communion and the conditions required for its reception. Wherever circumstances make it impossible to ensure that the meaning of the Eucharist is duly appreciated, the appropriateness of replacing the celebration of the Mass with a celebration of the word of God should be considered. (153)

Just because you choose this option, that does not necessarily mean that you will not have a full, Catholic wedding. The option of having a wedding without the Mass does not make it less Catholic.

I hope this helps.

 

[SpaceNeedle]

For your question about whether two Catholics forgoing the Mass is common, I have 6 example programs in my possession…these are all Catholic couples. Two went with the full mass, four went with the vow ceremony. So, in my parish at least, not unusual at all. Who knows, maybe it is because you get to the cake faster that way. (I kid, I kid.)

 

[Joe_5859]

For your question about whether two Catholics forgoing the Mass is common, I have 6 example programs in my possession…these are all Catholic couples. Two went with the full mass, four went with the vow ceremony. So, in my parish at least, not unusual at all. Who knows, maybe it is because you get to the cake faster that way. (I kid, I kid.)

That’s interesting. I have been to dozens of Catholic weddings in the past 10 years and all of them were the full nuptial Mass. Maybe it’s a regional thing.

To answer the OP’s questions: No priest is going to celebrate Mass and then only offer the Eucharist to you and your spouse. As Benedictgal stated, the Mass is the public prayer of the Church. You can’t bar people from receiving Communion for such a reason.

Second, going with just the vows and not the full Mass doesn’t make you any less Catholic. Both are valid options for Catholics. It’s up to you two to talk it out and pray about it and come to the best decision for your situation. There’s no shame in not having the full Mass if you both honestly feel it is best. Since your wife is just now in the process of converting, I can see how her family might take offense at being excluded (depending upon how they feel about her conversion). My family already knows that I’m the “religious” one. No one was offended to my knowledge. Bored, maybe…

 

[kage_ar]

How about if you find out when the next wedding Mass is at your parish and you attend that Mass?

 

[kage_ar]

You Tube should find several for you

youtube.com/watch?v=jtHW1JrVtOg

 

[SpaceNeedle]

That’s interesting. I have been to dozens of Catholic weddings in the past 10 years and all of them were the full nuptial Mass. Maybe it’s a regional thing.

At first I thought to blame the priest shortage, but then noticed all the celebrants were priests, not deacons. I really think it is due to the heavily protestant population…if you only had Catholic friends around here, you wouldn’t have any friends your own age.

 

[1ke]

You can get the booklet “Together For Life” by Fr. Joesph Champlin which is a guide to selecting your readings, prayers, etc, for the Marriage Rite and Nuptial Mass. Your parish or local Catholic bookstore may have these available if you ask.

There are two versions (yellow and red booklets), one for a wedding inside mass and one for marriage outside mass.

Also, there is a video called Our Catholic Wedding. You can see if your parish or diocese has this video in their library for loan.

 

[Joe_5859]

At first I thought to blame the priest shortage, but then noticed all the celebrants were priests, not deacons. I really think it is due to the heavily protestant population…if you only had Catholic friends around here, you wouldn’t have any friends your own age.

Ah, yes, there is a fairly large percentage of Catholics in my neck of the woods. Being in a heavily Protestant area would certainly change one’s considerations for that.

 

[Spencerian]

Hi – my fiancee and I are planning our wedding, which will take place in about 8 months. She was raised Protestant but is going through the RCIA classes. Assuming she completes RCIA, one of our first decisions will be whether to do the full Mass or the shortened version (no Eucharist). I would prefer the full Mass, but she has some hesitation and reluctance, as she is very unfamiliar with Catholic wedding ceremonies, particularly the full Mass (although she attends Mass with me, so she understands the Liturgies of the Word, Eucharist, etc.).

It would be great if I could show her either some videos of full nuptial masses, or some programs that include all the elements. I think if she witnessed the true beauty of the full wedding Mass, she would be put at ease and be much more open to the idea. And she would see that it’s not actually that weird to kneel in a wedding dress.

Can anyone provide links to good examples of videos or written programs from full wedding Masses? I found some videos on YouTube, but they were mostly snippets. The best programs, by the way, would not just list the order, but also provide “explanatory notes” for a non-Catholic audience (as that will be most of our audience). That is, it should assume that the audience doesn’t know what they’re doing and will need to be “walked through” the steps.

Thank you!

Hi, there.

My wedding’s in November; congratulations on your engagement!

Not sure if anyone answered your question specifically. A nuptial Mass is the same as any other Mass except that, after the homily, begins the Rite of Marriage, where vows are taken and rings exchanged. From there, the Sacrament of the Eucharist as with any other Mass.

This site shows a proper liturgical order of a nuptial Mass, with sources from the USCCB. Pay note, as others have probably done, that a Catholic wedding is not at all like what we see with our Protestant brothers and TV shows. Yet, at the same time, a nuptial Mass seems far more powerful in scope.

Some small bits (such as “unity candles”) are allowed in some dioceses, others not. Secular music is a definite no-no.

I’ll keep looking about for a video for you.

 

[pro_multis]

This is your wedding! Don’t let people going to the wedding dictate what kind of wedding you will have. They are not going to feel bad either way. Think of it this way, have you ever been to a wedding at a protestant church where they did not have communion? Did you feel weird or unwelcome-of course not! This is a day you will remember for the rest of your life, do it the way you want it.

 

[benedictgal]

Hi, there.

My wedding’s in November; congratulations on your engagement!

Not sure if anyone answered your question specifically. A nuptial Mass is the same as any other Mass except that, after the homily, begins the Rite of Marriage, where vows are taken and rings exchanged. From there, the Sacrament of the Eucharist as with any other Mass.

This site shows a proper liturgical order of a nuptial Mass, with sources from the USCCB. Pay note, as others have probably done, that a Catholic wedding is not at all like what we see with our Protestant brothers and TV shows. Yet, at the same time, a nuptial Mass seems far more powerful in scope.

Some small bits (such as “unity candles”) are allowed in some dioceses, others not. Secular music is a definite no-no.

I’ll keep looking about for a video for you.

I would caution against recommending the Unity Candle since the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments made this statement:

“Certain rites, having roots in the tradition of a particular people and which authentically express Gospel values pertaining to marriage, may be inserted at appropriate points in the Rite of Marriage. Such gestures should not be included within the celebration of the rite if they do not appear at least as an option within the Rite of Marriage which is approved by the Bishops and published with the recognitio of the Holy See for the territory in which the marriage is celebrated.

It is possible that other gestures might be carried out after the completion of the Rite and the final blessing or at a non-liturgical ceremony, such as a reception.

To insert into the Rite gestures which are not approved by the Conference of Bishops with the recognitio of the Holy See constitutes an abuse, even if perhaps well-intentioned. This custom (of the Wedding Candle) is not included as an option in the approved Rite of Marriage for the United States.” +Jorge A. Card. Medina Estevez, Prefect, Rome 29th Dec. 1999

We should not recommend things, as well-intentioned as they are, that run contrary to what the Church mandates.

 

[Spencerian]

I would caution against recommending the Unity Candle since the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments made this statement:

We should not recommend things, as well-intentioned as they are, that run contrary to what the Church mandates.

I agree. For my initial meeting for my wedding Mass not long ago, my priest noted that a unity candle was allowed. While I personally have no desire to use one (and I knew that this was more of a Protestant item and certainly took me by surprise), apparently this is allowed as a parish cultural matter on a case-by-case basis in my diocese.

“Well-intentioned” has nothing to with it. Thanks, however, for the clarification on behalf of the OP. Couples should check with their diocese for such matters.

 

[BrokenFortress]

Congrats on your engagement! And congrats to your fiancee for joining the Church! My fiance and I are getting married in September.

As you can see from my stats, I am a Catholic convert. This means that most everyone on my side of the family is non-Catholic. Most are Lutheran or non-practicing. Despite this fact, my fiance and I have decided to go with the full Mass. I would like as much grace as we can get on that day. And what better way to start of a marriage than with receiving Jesus in the Eucharist? At first I was hesitant, like your fiancee about excluding others. However, I don’t think that we should tip-toe around our convictions for the comfort of others. Just how I feel. I am happy with the Church and believe it is the One True Church and as such I want as much of it as I can get on our wedding day. That’s not to say that should you go the non-Mass route that it’s lesser, but I think that with Mass it’s a beautiful thing.

My one Catholic friend, who has been married for many years, said this to me not that long ago (note that non-Catholics will probably not like this statement) but that Catholic marriages are unlike any other marriage. They’re a sacrament. It’s a union between you, your new spouse and God. Why not have the full Mass? If I were to go to a Lutheran marriage and they chose to have Communion there, I would not be offended. If someone were to get offended because they can’t receive Communion at your wedding, then that is their issue.

Anyways, enough of my ramblings. I just really think that if two Catholics are getting married, they should go the full Mass route. It’s special and something that isn’t done in other denominations.

Another member was kind enough to email me her full Mass program with explanations. I don’t think she’s active on here any more, so if you’d like a copy of it as well I’m sure she wouldn’t mind me sharing it. So if you want to see a copy of it just private message me your email address and I’ll send it over to you.