Needing Some Help Defending the Truth

[cathcath1]

Hello everyone!
I am engaged and my future husband and his family are all cradle Catholics. However, they are “Cafeteria Catholics” and believe some things about the Chuch and disregard others. Thankfully my fiance is slowly coming to embrace the full truth of the Church…he’s going to Mass, confession and spiritual direction regularly when two years ago he only went to Mass at Christmas and Easter time.

My problem is that my future inlaws never really say anything completely against the Church, but they say things that hint around at their anger or frustration at the Church. One thing his father said once was in regards to a certain Catholic college that “didn’t tell you what to think, but how to think” (about religion). Now this doesn’t sound bad, but I think he said this because the college I go to is a very orthodox Catholic school. His Mom also says she just tells her kids to “keep God in your heart.” which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s SO much more than that!

I have a hard time defending the faith…I just never know what to say. And I love my future family, they are always very generous and kind to me and treat me like another daughter, which makes it even harder to speak up. Any help/suggestions/advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you all so much!

 

[TheDoctor]

You and your finance go to weekly Mass, confession and spiritual devotion. I am assuming you are not living together. You treat your future in-laws with love and respect. IMHO, you are doing a FANTASTIC job of defending the faith by living the faith.

There is little you can do to counter hints. My suggestion is to be patient. You will eventually find out the specific items that they are in disagreement with and you can help them to understand those.

God Bless on your future marriage.

 

[Randy_Carson]

Hello everyone!
I am engaged and my future husband and his family are all cradle Catholics. However, they are “Cafeteria Catholics” and believe some things about the Chuch and disregard others. Thankfully my fiance is slowly coming to embrace the full truth of the Church…he’s going to Mass, confession and spiritual direction regularly when two years ago he only went to Mass at Christmas and Easter time.

My problem is that my future inlaws never really say anything completely against the Church, but they say things that hint around at their anger or frustration at the Church. One thing his father said once was in regards to a certain Catholic college that “didn’t tell you what to think, but how to think” (about religion). Now this doesn’t sound bad, but I think he said this because the college I go to is a very orthodox Catholic school. His Mom also says she just tells her kids to “keep God in your heart.” which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s SO much more than that!

I have a hard time defending the faith…I just never know what to say. And I love my future family, they are always very generous and kind to me and treat me like another daughter, which makes it even harder to speak up. Any help/suggestions/advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you all so much!

My bet is that there are some teachings of the Church that they are unhappy with because they are disobeying them and they know that they are being disobedient. Everything else stems from their desire to disprove that the Church has real authority and the right to expect them to “toe the line”.

My guess? They reject the idea that artificial birth control is intrinsically evil. Thus, they seek to diminish the Church’s authority so that they can do what they please.

Just a hunch, and I could be wrong.

 

[fellowChristian]

If they are anything like my family…

Catholics who don’t really know what the church teaches. They just assume they do.Sure they’re somewhat close at times but do they know why? No. So I have to have very basic answers to statements they make that are either false or blown out of proportion. I do use the Bible because they don’t realize it’s a Catholic book and when they see for themselves that the Bible and the church agree they are somewhat taken back. I do explain slow and very calmly **as if **to a child. They just don’t know any better. And like a child we love we don’t make them feel stupid. Set the tone. Deal with one thing at a time. Don’t let the conversation jump from one topic to another until you are finished.

oh and don’t forget to breath and pray for help from the Holy Spirit before you answer.

Example?

It doesn’t matter if you go to church.

THE THIRD COMMANDMENT
Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work.

1 Cor. 16:2 - Paul instructs the Corinthians to make contributions to the churches “on the first day of the week,” which is Sunday. This is because the primary day of Christian worship is Sunday.

I don’t need to go to Confession.

John 20:22 - the Lord “breathes” on the apostles, and then gives them the power to forgive and retain sins. The only other moment in Scripture where God breathes on man is in Gen. 2:7, when the Lord “breathes” divine life into man. When this happens, a significant transformation takes place.

John 20:23 - Jesus says, “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven. If you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” In order for the apostles to exercise this gift of forgiving sins, the penitents must orally confess their sins to them because the apostles are not mind readers. The text makes this very clear.

**VIII. The Minister of This Sacrament

1461 **
Since Christ entrusted to his apostles the ministry of reconciliation,65 bishops who are their successors, and priests, the bishops’ collaborators, continue to exercise this ministry. Indeed bishops and priests, by virtue of the sacrament of Holy Orders, have the power to forgive all sins “in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

It doesn’t matter what church you go to.

Matt. 16:18 - Jesus says, “I will build my ‘Church’ (not churches).” There is only one Church built upon one Rock with one teaching authority, not many different denominations, built upon various pastoral opinions and suggestions.

Eph. 4:3-5 - we are of one body, one Spirit, one faith and one baptism. This requires doctrinal unity, not 30,000 different denominations.

Eph. 5:25 - the Church is the Bride of Christ. Jesus has only one Bride, not many.

**Eph. 5:30; Rom. 12:4-5; 1 Cor. 6:15 - **we, as Christians, are one visible body in Christ, not many bodies, many denominations.

You know it also helps to explain that before the year 1517 there was only one Christian Church.

Catechism of the Catholic Church
usccb.org/catechism/text/entiretoc1.htm

Scripture Catholic
scripturecatholic.com/index.html

 

[Eilish_Maura]

Hello everyone!
I am engaged and my future husband and his family are all cradle Catholics. However, they are “Cafeteria Catholics” and believe some things about the Chuch and disregard others. Thankfully my fiance is slowly coming to embrace the full truth of the Church…he’s going to Mass, confession and spiritual direction regularly when two years ago he only went to Mass at Christmas and Easter time.

My problem is that my future inlaws never really say anything completely against the Church, but they say things that hint around at their anger or frustration at the Church. One thing his father said once was in regards to a certain Catholic college that “didn’t tell you what to think, but how to think” (about religion). Now this doesn’t sound bad, but I think he said this because the college I go to is a very orthodox Catholic school. His Mom also says she just tells her kids to “keep God in your heart.” which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s SO much more than that!

I have a hard time defending the faith…I just never know what to say. And I love my future family, they are always very generous and kind to me and treat me like another daughter, which makes it even harder to speak up. Any help/suggestions/advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you all so much!

From your description it does not seem like you have to defend anything.

The difference between where you are going to school and the school your future FIL referenced is not about the Church and keeping God in our hearts is such a basic thing that we often lose sight of.

 

[Peach0218]

Sometimes I struggle with feeling like I have to convince people of the truth. But I think the other posters are right that you are preaching the gospel with your actions which is often even better than words. (Was it St. Francis who said something like that?) Anyway, don’t feel like you have to force a conversation. If the door is opened for you, pray for the Holy Spirit to give you the words. But don’t feel guilty if you don’t start the conversation out of nowhere.

 

[Kay_Cee]

Hello everyone!

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

I am engaged and my future husband and his family are all cradle Catholics. However, they are “Cafeteria Catholics” and believe some things about the Chuch and disregard others.

One thing dissenters rarely realize is that, if they have the right to dissent from Church teachings, then in all fairness they have to allow that same right to everyone else. So, going by that logic, shouldn’t everyone should be allowed to violate any Church teaching?

Thankfully my fiance is slowly coming to embrace the full truth of the Church…he’s going to Mass, confession and spiritual direction regularly when two years ago he only went to Mass at Christmas and Easter time.

Sounds like you’re having a very positive influence on him.

My problem is that my future inlaws never really say anything completely against the Church, but they say things that hint around at their anger or frustration at the Church. One thing his father said once was in regards to a certain Catholic college that “didn’t tell you what to think, but how to think” (about religion). Now this doesn’t sound bad, but I think he said this because the college I go to is a very orthodox Catholic school. His Mom also says she just tells her kids to “keep God in your heart.” which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s SO much more than that!

I have a hard time defending the faith…I just never know what to say. And I love my future family, they are always very generous and kind to me and treat me like another daughter, which makes it even harder to speak up. Any help/suggestions/advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you all so much!

As an old married lady, I can tell you that when you marry a guy, you don’t just marry him–you marry his entire family! You’re fortunate to have such a wonderful relationship with them, and of course you want that to continue.

On the other hand, you want to defend your faith. *This is going to become even more important in coming years if you have children. *

May I suggest you learn as much as possible about the faith and how to defend it? I highly recommend the talks you can download for free here: biblechristiansociety.com/download especially the one entitled “Apologetics for the Scripturally Challenged” which deals with techniques for discussing the faith without alienating friends and relatives. If you can’t download them on your computer, you can obtain them on tape or CD for a nominal shipping and handling charge. Well worth the investment.

One of the things I especially like about audio programs is that I can learn about the faith without it talking up a lot of my time. I just pop one into the boom box while I’m doing housework or the car stereo while I’m driving.

Congratulations on your engagement! And, should you get stuck whenever discussing the faith with your in-laws, please remember there are many knowledgable people on this forum who would be more than happy to help you with any questions.

 

[buffalo]

Some phrases to use

When in a debate use the phrase - The Catholic Church teaches beautifully that… and I embrace this teaching faithfully. It’s wonderful and I am so happy…

The Church is a hosptial for sinners…

I have found I understanding the teachings better by studying them…

I once thought that way but I took time to learn more and I found…

 

[cathcath1]

Thank you all so much for your suggestions! They all help greatly!

My future mother in law has expressed to my fiance about me that she “hopes she will get on birth control” and “she better not get pregnant on the honey moon.” He has emphatically defended our choices to use NFP and our openess to children. I just think that they hear a teaching of the Catholic Church, such as birth control is instrinsically evil or females can’t be priests and they don’t stop to ask WHY it is wrong. (something I used to suffer from before I started to ask WHY and realized how awesome the Church really is!) They just dismiss it outright, so I guess I can start asking them if they know why something is wrong. I know I need to defend the Church with charity and not forget to ask the Holy Spirit for help!

Thanks again everyone! God bless you!

 

[JRKH]

You and your finance go to weekly Mass, confession and spiritual devotion. I am assuming you are not living together. You treat your future in-laws with love and respect. IMHO, you are doing a FANTASTIC job of defending the faith by living the faith.

There is little you can do to counter hints. My suggestion is to be patient. You will eventually find out the specific items that they are in disagreement with and you can help them to understand those.

God Bless on your future marriage.

I SECOND THIS ADVISE.

LOVE GOD

LOVE YOUR HUSBAND.

LOVE YOUR INLAWS.

AND ALWAYS SPEAK CALMLY AND RESPECTFULLY TO ALL.

 

[JRKH]

Thank you all so much for your suggestions! They all help greatly!

My future mother in law has expressed to my fiance about me that she “hopes she will get on birth control” and “she better not get pregnant on the honey moon.” He has emphatically defended our choices to use NFP and our openess to children. I just think that they hear a teaching of the Catholic Church, such as birth control is instrinsically evil or females can’t be priests and they don’t stop to ask WHY it is wrong. (something I used to suffer from before I started to ask WHY and realized how awesome the Church really is!) They just dismiss it outright, so I guess I can start asking them if they know why something is wrong. I know I need to defend the Church with charity and not forget to ask the Holy Spirit for help!

Thanks again everyone! God bless you!

First of all - You guys stick to your guns, regardless of what mom or dad say or hint around at.

Secondly the Bolded point above reminded me of the story my mom always told.
About 3 weeks after She and Dad got married, they were up at his moms on Sunday afternoon. Sitting around chatting and having a beer. Well mom took about three swigs from her beer - got up from the table - went immediately to the Bathroom to throw-up. Grandma just looked at my dad and said, “Bill you didn’t already?”. Sure enough she was pregant.

They raised 5 children and did a beautiful job of it. Can’t say we are all “dyed in the wool” faithful Catholics, we didn’t turn out too bad either.

 

[Spirithound]

I am engaged and my future husband and his family are all cradle Catholics. However, they are “Cafeteria Catholics” and believe some things about the Chuch and disregard others. Thankfully my fiance is slowly coming to embrace the full truth of the Church…he’s going to Mass, confession and spiritual direction regularly when two years ago he only went to Mass at Christmas and Easter time.

My problem is that my future inlaws never really say anything completely against the Church, but they say things that hint around at their anger or frustration at the Church. One thing his father said once was in regards to a certain Catholic college that “didn’t tell you what to think, but how to think” (about religion). Now this doesn’t sound bad, but I think he said this because the college I go to is a very orthodox Catholic school. His Mom also says she just tells her kids to “keep God in your heart.” which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s SO much more than that!

I have a hard time defending the faith…I just never know what to say. And I love my future family, they are always very generous and kind to me and treat me like another daughter, which makes it even harder to speak up. Any help/suggestions/advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you all so much!

Well, firstly, congrats on the engagement
This is not the time for apologetics and full-out debates. Now is the time for love and to be a visible example of the Church. With prayer and faithfullness to your future husband and the Church, you will be a great help to your future in-laws. They may not know the teachings of the Church, they may know them and have bought into society’s message that those teachings simply can’t work. They will see in you that those teachings can and do work.
Now, this is not to say that you shouldn’t be ready for actual debate. Keep reading, and pray that you will be ready.
For what your f-FIL said, why not just point out to him that institutions of higher learning are supposed to teach you how to think, and not just what to think? Alot of people use oversimplified rhymes and cliches like that, and if we can get them to think about them, or show them how they don’t work, they will have to rethink their position. You f-MIL’s advice is sound, it’s the core, but you will need to be the example that builds around that core for her.
God blesss