Needing to vent exhusband contacted me

[iluvmybabies]

iluv I think he’s just using getting your DD a phone as yet another means of manipulation. He has shown he’s not worried about communication with them often, this is about daddy having the upper hand and looking like the nice, cool, awesome daddy because he got DD a phone and mom can’t afford one. I’d say, no thanks, and that’s all you need to say.

FWIW I don’t have a problem with kids having cell phones for emergencies etc… my 11 yr old has one and is very good with it, calls me when she gets to school and leaves school or CCD to tell me she’s walking home. It’s not even an issue of the phone here, at all, it’s an issue of your Ex playing more games.:twocents:

Thanks my daughter is like that too, except for today, it is really weird she didn’t text me to tell me she saw her brothers coming from the bus and she didn’t get up on time and missed the bus…

I just get frustrated with this man…I will need to talk to her after school of why she forgot to let me know they were all together??? Thanks!

 

[maryjk]

*She said she hasn’t prevented him from calling, just the opposite. *

Not before she didn’t. But now, she doesn’t have a phone, at least not one where he has the number. So she is preventing him from calling, simply because she doesn’t have a phone. He is now giving her a phone, so he can call. At least that is why he says he is giving the phone.

He may really want to call and talk to his children, or he may just be setting up a reason to complain. But without the phone, he has no way to call his children.

 

[whatevergirl]

He’s paying partial, and is taking me to court to reduce it by 50% or remove it based on income which he almost owes 14 grand for…I didn’t get any income taxes from him this year, we had a deal every year I gave him one child he reduces the child support with his income tax refund, the first year I got his state taxes, a couple of hundred bucks for some strange reason that is what was sent to the child support services??? It was weird…But anyhow 2 years ago was the first time I got it and he reduced it by almost 3 grand, then he quit working didn’t get child support for about 6 months, then this year I didnt’ get anything at all and he quit working didn’t get a single penny for about 3 or 4 months…So he does this often, very often…

Out of almost 4 years he has paid a total of partial child support 18 months, and a total of full child support 3 months the most…

But yeah that’s what’s going on…

We have friends who recently got divorced. The husband has to give a percentage, period, end of story, to his ex for the kids. It’s not up to the husband…I don’t understand how he is getting this reduced. I hope he shapes up, but to dodge not taking care of his daughter, he quits his jobs?? I have a headache FOR you. I’m sorry iluv, you seem like a sweetheart. Hang in there… *

 

[Liberanosamalo]

What alternative are you offering the man? You choose to make babies with this man, the mature thing to do is to be civil for the sake of those kids.

Kage, with all due respect, if you haven’t dealt with a person like this, please don’t leave devastating criticisms for people who are virtually dealing with a form of PTSD. I “chose” to make babies with just such a man. But he wasn’t the guy he portrayed himself to be initially. Now I’m stuck dealing with it till the youngest is 18. There are some people you CANNOT be civil to. They take YOUR decency and use it against you and give nothing but abuse in return.

If the other person could reciprocate mercy or civility or maturity, we’d all still be married.

Luv, STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF! You are a grown woman. You don’t have to explain yourself anymore. That was a hard lesson for me to learn after years of having to justify why the lawn wasn’t watered or why the kids didn’t have soda when he said they should have soda, or something equally asinine.

I still find myself explaining at length the simplest reasons for the most mundane choices. That kind of insanity is a hard habit to break. I understand how just an email from the man can reduce your stomach to knots. I understand your fears about his manipulation. If he wanted contact with them, he would have done so. He just wants it on HIS terms. And there are computer programs someone can download where they can read texts my daughter says. She wants a small pay as you go phone to contact me because she suspects her father monitors her texts.

You dont’ need to help this guy. Although there is something to be said for letting go of the rope, letting her use his “phone” and then when she eventually behaves like him and goes over the limits and makes him mad, HE yanks the phone and HE becomes the bad guy. She needs to learn now. Before she is a teenager and accepts his offer of living with her. I’ve dealt with that. It’s devastating. Disneyland Daddy with no rules. Long after they leave you, they still use the children to hurt you.

For now, you don’t have to read his emails. You can click on them as spam and they go into the spam folder and you don’t even need to see them anymore. You’ll never know they arrived. If he has something important to say, his lawyer knows how to contact you.

And if he really wanted to contact his daughter, she could have a free Yahoo account or something. This isn’t about his rights as a father. We know you’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty. You are NOT required to pay for him to see the kids. Just live your life. And if he ever pays child support, you take that money, cash it, take the cash to the store with your daughter and buy food. SHOW her where that money goes.

Good luck.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Wow this is a stressful situation!
You mentioned that you asked your daughter if she wanted the cell phone and she said yes. Now, for future instances, I would suggest not asking your daughter her preference on things like this but instead making the decision and then informing her afterwards. Children are not the go-between in adult decisions…I know you were just seeking her (name removed by moderator)ut, but it really lessens your power to do this. Now, you may have a disappointed daughter on your hands if she doesn’t get the phone and it plays into his manipulation. Your ex sounds like a real piece of work and I hate to say it, but you have to be smarter when it comes to dealing with him. First off, block his emails on your work account. If he emails you under a fake email address, simply do not open or reply so that he does not have confirmation you read it.
If he wants to give her a cell phone to call him on, I say fine, let him do it. You already see that he is doing this as a tool of manipulation. Don’t even turn the phone on, unless it is for your daughter to call him. Any call made on that phone gives him access the numbers of people in your and your daughter’s life and that is dangerous (he can see the numbers come up on the phone bill). Since he is so manipulative, he may see numbers and call them just to embarrass you to your daughter’s friend’s parents. So, make sure dd only ever dials her dad’s number from it.
Give him nothing more as far as rights than the courts make you. You are dealing with a very devious and hateful man. Unfortunately, your daughter is getting trapped in his pettiness and vindictiveness. You need to shield her. It sounds like she has a lot of very destructive people in her life between your future MIL and her dad. Are you sure you getting married will not be too traumatic for her right now? Do you have parents you can move in with to lessen financial burdens for a bit? Since her dad is already re-married…that is a lot of change and being exposed to adult romantic relationships for one little girl. A single mom with 3 kids and a job… no offense, but how did you have time to date? How did you have the emotionally capability to pour into a romantic relationship when you have children who are in dire emotional circumstances with a narcissistic father and who depend on you for love and validity in their formative years. I am not trying to insult your life…this is my honest gut feeling. I know I probably sound very harsh….but in all honesty you have even posted here about the stress your MIL has introduced into your life (and trust me I can relate)… this is an extra burden that children do not need. It is not your fault that your ex is a grade A jerk…but you are responsible for protecting your kids fragile hearts from any more pain. Your ex was wrong to start a new family with another women… I fear you doing the same with a new man might compound the damage. Even if your daughter loves your fiancé…a part of her resents sharing her mom with some new guy. I know, I am on a soapbox here. I know that typing this, the charity I feel in my heart towards your situation is probably lost in translation.
I hope this trying time in your life passes smoothly.
St. Therese, pray for iluvmybabies

Seriously it just kind of happened… I don’t know…He was a good friend and went from there…

And my daughter’s situation has been this way since before my ex left our lives…I have been working really hard on trying to get that deceipt he implanted in her for years…AND it didn’t bother her that he was getting remarried it bothered her that he made the promises he never kept and would always tell her he would tell her himself “I don’t have money because your mother takes it and makes me pay child support!” Then he would post his pics with his new family on the myspacepage he had…AND on top of that wouldn’t even call them on their bdays or christmas? And seeing his new wifve’s diamond ring destroyed her… I spoke with my kids about my fiance, as a friend, and then when things moved forward, they were fine with it, no sign of retaliation or frustration about it, until my ex kept pushing in the picture about all his bs… Then she would be angry at everyone and would take it out on my fiance…a lot of times… she was so angry at her father the next “father figure” was her target and she didn’t care about whom she was hurting…What she couldn’t do or say to her father she was going to do and say to my fiance…

I have been the one here with her, my time is not taken by my fiance and he knows that, right now it’s moving time so there’s hectic stuff going around because we have to fix the stuff she broke in the house we are in and leave everything good…But moving is always stressfull!!

Well like I said, I didn’t tell her about my fiance’s parents, but I am not going to lie to her about it if she ever asks I will let her know that they are needing their space that’s it…And her father is naturally that way that’s why he hated my parents and my parents and family hated him…

I haven’t stopped being a mother, caring for a house, and working, I was even a student while all this was going on full time, I haven’t stopped working no matter how stressful things are…

Heck I grew up with my mother and father not being at home, I don’t resent them never have on the contrary I knew I needed and wanted things I got them thanks to them…so I am not traumatizing my kids nor hurting them in any way…And my parents always made time for romance…Every couple I know does how am I ruining them by having someone in my life whom’s been helping me so much through all these difficult times…??? He hasn’t added to the problem, it’s not his fault my ex is the way he is and his mother is the way she is…If that were the case then I can’t even have my parents in my life because my mother is the same way nor my sister because she’s even worst… lol

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Oh, and forget that “deal” you have with the taxes. If the kids are living with YOU full time, YOU claim them. YOU are paying their upkeep. That’s one less reason he needs to contact you.

In some states when a man quits his job to avoid child support, the judge sets it at past earnings because he’s proven he CAN earn that much. They are familiar with these creeps who quit jobs to avoid paying but who work under the table for cash and lie.

Nowhere is it stated one must fund a telephone for the ex to talk to the kids. If he can contact them by MySpace or Facebook or email and chooses not to, then that is HIS choice.

Mine used to refuse to put the kids on the phone when I’d call. Then he got them cell phones and would call them all the time on my time and interrupt movies, dinner… it was like he was always there. It is very annoying. But they’d go over to his house and he’d ignore them for hours. He was only interested in communicating with them when they were on my time.

Only wanted what he couldn’t have.

 

[iluvmybabies]

*iluvmybabies, look at all the energy you waste on this man. He is your ex for a reason, remember that. He will always be your dd’s dad but that doesn’t mean you need to let him drain you of your positive energy. As we Italians from Jersey say…(I grew up in NJ)…"Faaaaaa-get ah-bout it!’’ Seriously, let this go…let God give you peace. :hug1:

PS–Congrats on your fiance landing a job…think about that, not your ex.
*

you’re rigth but girl let me tell you it’s easier said than done!! I am trying to forget about it, lol, and moving on…but still it’s frustrating…lol…

 

[iluvmybabies]

Oh, he’s not paying child support??? Well then ask him how he can afford cell phones when he can’t afford to pay for the kids basic needs!!! Why does he not have the state down his throat for this money? Why are his wages not being garnished? You should be easily able to report him for this, no charge to you.

iluv I would not EVER involve your kids in these things from now on…YOU make the decision about a phone, not your DD. Of course she’s going to want a phone, she doesn’t know better in this situation, YOU have to know better.

Prayers for you…you’re in a very difficult situation and navigation these things can be hard. I’d just say ‘no’ to him and leave it at that, no discussion, just NO.

Hi Shanny thanks for the advise, he is paying partial, the state won’t take more than what he makes the funny thing is that all the times he starts a job, they can take the full amount but as soon as the first payment comes in it’s a portion of what they should be taking… And then they tell me that his company changed policies and he’s not making the same amount as before…4 jobs they have done this…make any sense no…I don’t bother with it, whatever comes in does and that’s it…right now though I am just trying to be up to date because he’s taking me to court to reduce what they all ready take out and make it 50% less at least…

Still he can afford 4 disney WORLD trips every 2 years lol…I’ve never taken my kids there…can’t afford it…Can’t even take them to chuckee cheeses!! LOL but whatever…AND I am the one denying him stuff…

Yeah that was my mistake on telling her, definitely will learn from this…I know I did a great number on that one…

 

[iluvmybabies]

He isn’t paying you child support…what a scumbag.
How does he justify taking on a new wife and household when he can’t even support his first one. Is he working? If not, and If he has no wages to garnish…is there a way to have him arrested for back payments he missed while he was employed? Can he have car or property seized? I really have no clue about child support, but it all just seems to unjust that you have to carry the financial weight alone. You certainly didn’t get prengnant alone

I can see why you were crying…I almost want to cry tears of frustration just reading what you have to deal with.

Hi Mercy, he goes from job to job to try and avoid child support…and now with a family he has to work…and that’s where the problems come in, “I can’t afford to live you take all my money it’s your fault I can’t see the kids!” etc etc etc…

And he is getting his wages garnished that’s where his harasment and insults come it…lol… It’s frustrating…And it’s a partial payment…they say all the time after they try to start the garnishment that his job has cut his hours and can’t afford to pay full child support…thus in a period of 4 years owes almost 14 grand…lol…

Oh and also child support for all 3 kids is only 330 dollars a child a month, and he feels if he pays for it fully he has no other responsibility…3 kids at 990 dollars a month…and he doesn’t pay it in full…lol…when they took the 3 full monthly payments a while ago he refused to help me with anything else said that was enough for all 3 kids…I spent this year on just 5 shirts and 4 pairs of pants the cheapest I could find, for each kid because their old clothes didn’t fit them 400 dollars, this was the child support I had received all gone on the children…Additionally 100 bucks on 2 pairs of shoes each child… They grow too fast, and this is the first year I was able to pay for this without my mother’s help… So yeah…I have all responsibilities for my kids, no one else…And I have tried to continue being there for them nonstop…

 

[iluvmybabies]

Not before she didn’t. But now, she doesn’t have a phone, at least not one where he has the number. So she is preventing him from calling, simply because she doesn’t have a phone. He is now giving her a phone, so he can call. At least that is why he says he is giving the phone.

He may really want to call and talk to his children, or he may just be setting up a reason to complain. But without the phone, he has no way to call his children.

I now don’t have a phone that’s not me preventing him from not communicating with my children, he has her myspacepage and her email address and I all ready told you the last time he contacted her was 8 months ago telling her “I know you hate me for the wrong reasons!” etc etc etc Or a year ago telling her he can’t visit her because I take his money with child support…

 

[maryjk]

Oh, and forget that “deal” you have with the taxes. If the kids are living with YOU full time, YOU claim them. YOU are paying their upkeep. That’s one less reason he needs to contact you.

That would be a really bad idea, if custody papers say he claims them. Most things like this are settled by the court. If after that, you take matters into your own hands, you could be in deep trouble.

The same with not having a phone, or not allowing the children to have a phone he gives them, if custody papers say, he has to have a way to contact them, he has to have a way. It doesn’t matter if he never uses it. Now that doesn’t mean that your daughter has to have that phone on her person, 24/7.

I would read the custody papers, see what is required of you and meet those requirements.

If he is trying to have his child support reduced, then he is in contact with the court and possibly a lawyer. If that is the case, you don’t want him to have any ammunition against you.

 

[maryjk]

I now don’t have a phone that’s not me preventing him from not communicating with my children, he has her myspacepage and her email address and I all ready told you the last time he contacted her was 8 months ago telling her “I know you hate me for the wrong reasons!” etc etc etc Or a year ago telling her he can’t visit her because I take his money with child support…

I don’t know that a my space page would count.
Contact, generally, means phone or physical contact. If he lives out of state, then contact, generally means phone. Of course if in the custody papers, it says a my space page is good enough, then that is great.

 

[iluvmybabies]

We have friends who recently got divorced. The husband has to give a percentage, period, end of story, to his ex for the kids. It’s not up to the husband…I don’t understand how he is getting this reduced. I hope he shapes up, but to dodge not taking care of his daughter, he quits his jobs?? I have a headache FOR you. I’m sorry iluv, you seem like a sweetheart. Hang in there… *

I don’t understand either…All the time he gets away with what he wants…You know the first year after our divorce he made 45 grand that year for himself and you know what I got from him 250 dollars for 6 months, each month and that was it…

Then all of a sudden the garnishments started and all of a sudden he’s making 18 grand a year from the same job he had a year before??? I was like how does that work? I am here trying to provide a roof over my head, being forced and threatened if I don’t get a phone, a cell phone, email account, etc by his then fiance whom was a family lawyer, I was going back to court and he was going to take my kids away from me…I was devastated… I did all I could on a 17 grand a year salary this is what I still get paid…And when I was working a second job it destroyed my daughter, I never heard the end of it, I had a second job before worked there 6 months and had to quit…With all the **** her father was doing and me out of the house so much to support my 3 kids, it was devastating her… SO I quit and I can’t get another job…And the one whom’s been helping me out is my fiance…YES he had a few months of him not wanting to do anything but it didn’t last long and he has always kept his side jobs, like cleaning houses, etc and has helped me with bills, I mean he bought us a house, and paid off my 400 a month car debt, I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t deserve all of that but I am super grateful! ANd then got phones under his name for us??!

My ex has dodged every bullet and will continue to do so…AND to make things worst all my family in florida where he lives thinks it’s me whom keeps the kids away as well based on his fake stories of how much he works for his kids, he has told at least 70 members of his and my family this story how do I know his grandmother is bffs with mine, and beleive me they talk…My grandmother was so upset by all this…She almost got into a fight with her bff of 70 years over this… And I told her not to worry about it… He literally tells everyone he pays for everything including house car and clothes for the kids!! LOL I was like really I want to see these receipts because the only kids he’s supporting are his new wives kids not mine!! LOL

But whatever and watch he’ll get away with it again…Every job he’s had the child support reports his earnings at more than 30 grand a year, and all of a sudden garnishment starts and he’s down to under 20 grand…it’s really frustrating…lol but I don’t have any power over this just hope GOD enlightens the judge that will review our case and doesn’t let him have his wish… you know?!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I got the feeling from what she was saying that it was a private mutual agreement on the taxes and he was giving her back the money he got for claiming the child.

Some things are not spelled out per se in custody papers. Mine say nothing about MySpace. Or providing telephone access.

It’s just with some people it’s not about contacting the kids. I see through this. If he is on a big kick to reduce child support, his lawyer probably asked him some questions about how much he contacts the kids. Oops. Now all of a sudden he’s intent upon making sure he has contact. Otherwise it looks bad in court. With some people it’s all about how they look to the world, not the reality.

As I said, mine was maddeningly predictable. The kids would go over there for 3.5 hours in an afternoon and come home. He would have been off on a date, or up on his computer the whole time and not interacted with them one word for 3.5 hours. No questions about school, what’s coming up, etc. Then as soon as he dropped them off at my house, I’d look at the clock. Five minutes later their phones are ringing and he’s texting them. It wasn’t about being in contact with them. It was about being in my face and proving a point to me.
(Then he would yell at ME if he didn’t know what was going on at the school, or if there was a choir performance. As if it was MY job as his ex wife to keep him informed. He refused to look at the school websites. That was beneath his dignity. It was about keeping me on the defensive. He could have asked his kids. But that would require him to talk to them.)

This kind of man is NOT someone you can work with. He’s let 8 months go by without so much as a card or email. Now his desire to provide a phone coincides with a court appearance? If she refuses it, she looks bad. If she accepts it, I predict as soon as he gets his child support reduced he’ll find a reason to cut off the phone. It’s all for show.

 

[maryjk]

But whatever and watch he’ll get away with it again…Every job he’s had the child support reports his earnings at more than 30 grand a year, and all of a sudden garnishment starts and he’s down to under 20 grand…it’s really frustrating…lol but I don’t have any power over this just hope GOD enlightens the judge that will review our case and doesn’t let him have his wish… you know?!

He gets his hours cut. Or he stops working overtime. Or he is working under the table. Or like my uncle, he quits whenever the garnishment catches up with him.

He knows how to play the system. Hopefully, when your children are older, including your daughter, they will see him for who his is. My cousins haven’t spoken to my uncle in years. They knew what he was doing all of their lives.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Luv, I predict in a few short years he’ll have a second ex-wife. That kind never changes. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You can look yourself in the mirror.

Make sure your lawyer lets the judge know about the pattern of income decline every time the wages are garnished. You can demand he submit tax returns and W-2s to prove his earnings. Some companies will pay under the table or delay payment to employees to help them evade their responsibilities. Judges are used to these games. Just make sure you have records of what you received.

Eventually the kids will figure it out.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Kage, with all due respect, if you haven’t dealt with a person like this, please don’t leave devastating criticisms for people who are virtually dealing with a form of PTSD. I “chose” to make babies with just such a man. But he wasn’t the guy he portrayed himself to be initially. Now I’m stuck dealing with it till the youngest is 18. There are some people you CANNOT be civil to. They take YOUR decency and use it against you and give nothing but abuse in return.

If the other person could reciprocate mercy or civility or maturity, we’d all still be married.

Luv, STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF! You are a grown woman. You don’t have to explain yourself anymore. That was a hard lesson for me to learn after years of having to justify why the lawn wasn’t watered or why the kids didn’t have soda when he said they should have soda, or something equally asinine.

I still find myself explaining at length the simplest reasons for the most mundane choices. That kind of insanity is a hard habit to break. I understand how just an email from the man can reduce your stomach to knots. I understand your fears about his manipulation. If he wanted contact with them, he would have done so. He just wants it on HIS terms. And there are computer programs someone can download where they can read texts my daughter says. She wants a small pay as you go phone to contact me because she suspects her father monitors her texts.

You dont’ need to help this guy. Although there is something to be said for letting go of the rope, letting her use his “phone” and then when she eventually behaves like him and goes over the limits and makes him mad, HE yanks the phone and HE becomes the bad guy. She needs to learn now. Before she is a teenager and accepts his offer of living with her. I’ve dealt with that. It’s devastating. Disneyland Daddy with no rules. Long after they leave you, they still use the children to hurt you.

For now, you don’t have to read his emails. You can click on them as spam and they go into the spam folder and you don’t even need to see them anymore. You’ll never know they arrived. If he has something important to say, his lawyer knows how to contact you.

And if he really wanted to contact his daughter, she could have a free Yahoo account or something. This isn’t about his rights as a father. We know you’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty. You are NOT required to pay for him to see the kids. Just live your life. And if he ever pays child support, you take that money, cash it, take the cash to the store with your daughter and buy food. SHOW her where that money goes.

Good luck.

OMG Liberanos, I am sorry for the situations you have been dealing with…and YES that is my situation…It was devastating and no one ever understood why I wanted to leave him…They were like “but he works so hard!” The only ones whom tried to understand were my parents, at first they didn’t because they didnt’ want to hear their families “OMG you have a divorced daughter!” BUT I couldn’t live with him any more…His manipulations it was devastating…His lack of interest in the Catholic church, his blasphemy every time he would literally say something negative about GOD and I know if I would have stayed my kids would too be rejecting GOD as well. It was a lot to deal with and no one around for help… Our priest was willing to bless our marriage for free and he wouldn’t even show up… It was a lot of things piled up into one…

And Kage was trying to give advise in the father perspective it’s understandable…and I am sorry this is why people can’t stand me I am a freaking apologetic person it’s a hard habbit to break… Always trying to explain and justify my mistakes and problems and reactions and answers and decisions and well that’s me…

I am sorry about your situation…And I know how my daughter is and it’s just hard to know she could be like him in less than a year after they continue communicating esp if he can monitor all her movements pretty much… Frustrating really…Oh and btw she does I was forced to give her cell phones, have house phone and email and myspagepage account where i was demanded on putting weekly photos etc… I did this all for an entire year and a half then I couldn’t afford things anymore…

Ont op of that my daughter ended up breaking the only camera we had and I had to wait till income taxes came to buy a new one, you should have seen the he11 he gave me for not having a new camera… It has not been a fun journey…not at all…

 

[whatevergirl]

The ONLY thing that I wonder is this. His new wife. Maybe she is the silver lining here. Maybe she is softening him a bit. I mean, that could happen. I think that having read so much about this guy, iluv, it makes sense for you not to trust his motives. There always seems to be a motive, sadly. But…it could be that his new wife is helping him to be a better man. What do you know about her–is she a good person, do you think?

 

[iluvmybabies]

Oh, and forget that “deal” you have with the taxes. If the kids are living with YOU full time, YOU claim them. YOU are paying their upkeep. That’s one less reason he needs to contact you.

In some states when a man quits his job to avoid child support, the judge sets it at past earnings because he’s proven he CAN earn that much. They are familiar with these creeps who quit jobs to avoid paying but who work under the table for cash and lie.

Nowhere is it stated one must fund a telephone for the ex to talk to the kids. If he can contact them by MySpace or Facebook or email and chooses not to, then that is HIS choice.

Mine used to refuse to put the kids on the phone when I’d call. Then he got them cell phones and would call them all the time on my time and interrupt movies, dinner… it was like he was always there. It is very annoying. But they’d go over to his house and he’d ignore them for hours. He was only interested in communicating with them when they were on my time.

Only wanted what he couldn’t have.

WOW I am sorry to hear that…and you know what my ex did that too…the first year he would call them several times in that year and those times were during dinner, we would be eating and he would contact them it was very disturbing…And interrupting them was causing problems for me because I would want a family dinner with them…not happening…

It’s a frustrating situation…very…

 

[maryjk]

I got the feeling from what she was saying that it was a private mutual agreement on the taxes and he was giving her back the money he got for claiming the child.

If that is the case, she should claim the children. But many times, who claims the children on taxes is in the custody papers.

Some things are not spelled out per se in custody papers. Mine say nothing about MySpace. Or providing telephone access.

I bet visitation or personal contact is spelled out.

It’s just with some people it’s not about contacting the kids. I see through this. If he is on a big kick to reduce child support, his lawyer probably asked him some questions about how much he contacts the kids. Oops. Now all of a sudden he’s intent upon making sure he has contact. Otherwise it looks bad in court. With some people it’s all about how they look to the world, not the reality.

As I said, mine was maddeningly predictable. The kids would go over there for 3.5 hours in an afternoon and come home. He would have been off on a date, or up on his computer the whole time and not interacted with them one word for 3.5 hours. No questions about school, what’s coming up, etc. Then as soon as he dropped them off at my house, I’d look at the clock. Five minutes later their phones are ringing and he’s texting them. It wasn’t about being in contact with them. It was about being in my face and proving a point to me.
(Then he would yell at ME if he didn’t know what was going on at the school, or if there was a choir performance. As if it was MY job as his ex wife to keep him informed. He refused to look at the school websites. That was beneath his dignity. It was about keeping me on the defensive. He could have asked his kids. But that would require him to talk to them.)

This kind of man is NOT someone you can work with. He’s let 8 months go by without so much as a card or email. Now his desire to provide a phone coincides with a court appearance? If she refuses it, she looks bad. If she accepts it, I predict as soon as he gets his child support reduced he’ll find a reason to cut off the phone. It’s all for show.

Please don’t get the idea that I think iluvmybabies should meet up with this jerk and have lunch. Or that she should be a sweetness and loving to him. He is a jerk, trying to jerk her around.

BUT, by going against the court, she will set herself up for the court to go against her. So, like I said, she should make sure she is complying with the court order. Then bring up his problems.