Negative experience with confession

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AnnRob11

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Hello everyone. First off, I’d love to wish eveyone a Happy Pentecost Sunday! Hope you all are well.

Now, I just experienced my first time going to confession and it did not go well. I’m absolutely heartbroken and at a loss. I was told that I that I mentioned myself a lot and was selfish (I would say something like ‘I did _’). And while going through my list, he interrupted me. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, how did you get over it? I prepared for it by writing my sins down and my Act of Contrition. As a new Catholic, this doesn’t sit well with me and my fiance is pretty upset. My fiance has told me to go to mass tonight and pray on it and then maybe find another priest to go to confession. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. God bless.
 
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I was once told I was selfish in confession. The priest wasn’t lying.
 
So, the priest said you talked about yourself too much and were selfish? Did that have something to do with what you confessed? Did you spend a lot of tome trying to justify your sins?

If it was me, I would make an appointment with the same priest, show him what your wrote here and see what he meant.
 
Try not to take what was said in a negative way.
Often times we are told what we need to hear and not what we want to hear.
Pray to God for guidance and mercy.
God bless you! 🙏🙏🙏
 
Actually, I just wrote my list of the things I did and didn’t try to justify my actions. I know I screwed up. Maybe I’ll try that.
 
Well so goes life. 1. It isn’t a prudent or kind practice to tell others what was told to you in confession by a priest in a public forum. Unless he told you to go sin and then you need to tell someone in authority. 2. Selfishness is nothing new in the life of a person…we can always
"eat some humble pie " and seek to be more generous and selfless.
3. Maybe the priest was tired, sick elderly. Give him a break and be grateful to God your sins have been forgiven.
4. Most Catholics have had somewhere a confession experience that might have been a little tough. It won’t kill you. Welcome to the family and hope you have a blessed life when you get married.
 
😦 I feel for you. As a convert (which I assume you are) confession is a totally alien experience for you and is scary to think about as I assume you like me had only previously seen confession on tv which is not realistic This sounds a rough experience especially for your first time. One of my priests is Irish and older, and he will say ‘well that was stupid!’ When I tell him things. And once I told him I got very drunk and he said did you suffer the next day and he said ‘good! These things sometimes come with their own penance !’ Could your priest have a dry sense of humour perhaps which comes across harshly? Either way, you’re absolved which is important
 
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You should talk to the priest. None of us heard your confession, so we don’t know in what context he said this or why. If you speak to him and it’s still not clear or if it doesn’t make sense, perhaps find another confessor.
 
It would be difficult to confess what you’ve done…or failed to do…without saying ‘I’!
Try not to be disheartened…and maybe try to find a different priest…I found a different church for confession eventually as I prefer the anonymity.
I’m still getting used to going after over two years since my reception so you’re not alone.
One of my friends in RCIA had a horrible first confession after her baptism but said her second was much better.
Did you mention it was your first ever to the priest and ask for help? It does seem sad you feel you received criticism rather than guidance but maybe soon you can post how blessed you feel after confession. 🙏
 
I´ve been dealing with scrupulosity and have probably been to Confession more than 50 times during my time as a Catholic.

I can say for sure that most Confessions are either normal or good. Most Confessions aren´t either leaving us feeling amazing or terrible.

There are many good confessors out there so don´t lose faith in the Holy Sacrament.
You could ask him as @CilladeRoma mentions, or you could go to another priest next time. If he is your parish priest or a priest you could want to confess to on a regular basis, then it could be good to clear things up. But it´s completely your decision to make.
Divine3 said:
It isn’t a prudent or kind practice to tell others what was told to you in confession by a priest in a public forum.
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That is harsh to a new Catholic… He/she could use more compassion. It´s really unmotivating for him/her as him/her are sharing something personal.
 
Well many moons ago in a land where international Internet’s did not exist…people spoke to each other face to face…ahh those were the days…
 
Do what your fiance said. I’m sorry your first experience was a bad one. Some priests are not good confessors.

Also make sure your next priest knows you’re a new Catholic and have only been to confession once, so he can help you if you need help.
 
Divine3 said:
Well so goes life. 1. It isn’t a prudent or kind practice to tell others what was told to you in confession by a priest in a public forum
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Oh please. People have made threads on here before about bad confessions. She didn’t name the priest or say where this was, so it’s perfectly fine if she as a new Catholic wants to discuss her confession experience with the group.
 
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@Divine3 that’s harsh. Actually makes me feel worse, so I do want to thank you for that. Second off, I never mentioned where or names. Third, I am not saying he’s a bad person. I actually adore my priest. Fourth, everyone has their own story and personality, so as much as I appreciate your bluntness, please keep that in mind. lastly, I will never defend my sins. We’re all human and we make mistakes, but I just need guidance. Peace and blessings to you on your journey.

And thank you everyone else. I did make it known that I was new to it. I will take your suggestions to ponder. I am also wondering if my priest might have had an off day because I absolutely adore my priest and never heard of such happening.
 
Divine3 said:
Well many moons ago in a land where international Internet’s did not exist…people spoke to each other face to face…
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yes, and did the exact same thing - spoke either to friends/family.

But as a new Catholic perhaps they do not have family or friends who are Catholic to whom to confide in, and would be understanding as another Catholic would be. As no identifying names of priest or parish or country was used, and it was stated as from the penitents view as what happened to them and how it affected them and not soley as a criticism or worse of said priest, then … 🤷‍♀️

@AnnRob11
Saying “I” lied, “I” have been selfish etc etc. may be why he drew the conclusion of you being selfish, with his thinking being that you are focusing on the ‘self’. Perhaps this priest is more accustomed to a penitent just stating the facts/accusing ourselves as would happen if we were the accused in a secular court of law.

So if this may have been one reason, perhaps rephrasing the above example you would leave out the “I” - instead just saying "lied, selfish, rash judgement, masturbation 2 times, fornication 2 times etc.

Edited to add:- Or perhaps he meant it as guidance by pointing out the underlying issue with those particular sins is selfishness? Rather than saying you are a selfish person for focusing on yourself, rather than focusing on God as you are here seeking His forgiveness. Could that be a reason too?

Welcome to the family - God bless you today and everyday.
 
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A priest telling you in Confession that you are selfish? That doesn’t sound right at all. The priest is supposed to listen with a sympathetic ear and absolve you of your sins if you are sincerely penitent, certainly not judge you and call you something negative. Did you mention this was your first Confession? Maybe that might have helped the situation. In any case, I would look for another priest.
 
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It makes zero sense for her to have to leave out the "I " when she tells sins.
The normal way we confess is
Bless me Father for I have sinned.
My last confession was … ago.
I lied to my mother twice.
I got angry with a driver who cut me off in traffic.
I masturbated 5 times.
For these and all my sins I am very sorry.

The Act of Contrition is also full of I’s.
O my God, I am heartily sorry… etc.

Confession is about the self, being penitent.
We do not need to bend over backwards to remove ourselves from simple sin lists.
Either there was a misunderstanding here, or the priest had a bad day, or he is simply not good at hearing confessions.

In any event it’s good for the OP, a new Catholic, to experience a few different priests in confession and not just the same guy at her parish all the time.

This, however, seems quite possible:
CRV said:
Or perhaps he meant it as guidance by pointing out the underlying issue with those particular sins is selfishness
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@CRV thank you for that thought. Maybe I will try again and rephrase my wording next time and think about maybe there’s something else.
 
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Most of us who confess regularly have had at least one or more not so great confessors. Most are good, however. Keep in mind it is really not about the confessor or some kind of performance. If you were honest in confessing your sins, were sorry, had a firm purpose of amendment, and received absolution it is a done deal. Move on.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
It makes zero sense for her to have to leave out the "I " when she tells sins.
The normal way we confess is
Bless me Father for I have sinned.
My last confession was … ago.
I lied to my mother twice.
I got angry with a driver who cut me off in traffic.
I masturbated 5 times.
For these and all my sins I am very sorry.

The Act of Contrition is also full of I’s.
O my God, I am heartily sorry… etc.

Confession is about the self,
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Well I thought that was a given so no need to explain that here. I was coming at the issue from the point of view that some priests may prefer a penitent to just state our sins as I gave in my example. I was trying to suggest another possibility.

Personally I myself sometimes use “I”. But have also had the experience of stating our sins as I said above.

If that offended you Tis_Bearself - I’m sorry. I was trying to give an example of viewing this from another angle.
 
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