Please don’t leave me hanging there.
Why not? Do you find “hanging there” unpleasant? It is exactly your eagerness to have certainty that tricks you into believing attractive but erroneous forms of Christianity. Trust your doubts for a change.
Would you say this is it if I’d be going to Mass daily, adoration, weekly confession, try my best at daily prayer and meditation, lectio divina, rosary, reading the Catechism, trying to fit in readings from the Fathers and current Magisterium?
No. Any of that can be done (or at least attempted) with or without a proper understanding of Catholicism – it will not
instill such an understanding, though it may strengthen it once it is present.
Do tell me the way to true Catholicism.
Someone of your temperament will have to find his own way. But to make that possible you’ll have to get away from people that offer a canned “way”, supposedly better than the rest and all that’s gone before, and that pat you on the back for joining and supporting such a way, and would have you believe that you’d be a lot worse off without them or – equally treacherous – they without you.
Be earnest, be humble. Not (only) toward others, but for yourself. Be silent. Do not fall for the temptation of “certainty”, of belonging to a group that “gets it right”, of “knowing” you’re slightly (or a lot) better, of taking a subtle pride in your “acceptance” of your sinfulness or in your having “given up” all hope in yourself. Don’t look forward to “advancing” on your spiritual career. Don’t look for promotions – look for
demotions. Don’t try to get “better” at it. Get worse. Back out. Sever all support. You think you’re spiritually advanced? Good, now prove it – again, to yourself, not to others. Stand alone, without medals, awards, decorations or other measures of “progress”, and without your “community”.
And until you’ve managed that, stop evangelizing. Do not believe that “gently” pressuring people can be “for their own good”. Do not tell yourself that “they will understand later” while you “already understand”. Do not indulge feelings of superiority or of “justifiable” anger. You are only shooting yourself in the foot by acting on such feelings, and if you can muster the sincerity I am speaking of, a day will come when you will see that. That day will be a happy day, because although by that time you may have lost many of your friends both inside and outside the NCW, it will be the day you will understand that it
IS through Christ’s
Sacrifice that you can be right
with God and can humbly walk in
HIS Way.
Peace be with you.
Roguish