Nephew tried to commit suicide

[Lovemyfaith]

Yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from my sister, whom I hadn’t spoken to (other than at our mother’s funeral this summer) in over two years. She was hysterical. She came home from work and found her son had taken over 70 pills. He is 21. She called 911 and asked that I please meet her at the hospital, which of course I did. She was a wreck when I got there, and while her son is not out of the woods, I did manage to stay with her and keep her calm. Her husband (not this son’s father) stayed home with their young son.
My nephew has been struggling with mental illness since he was 18. My sister is not the most stable person. His father, who is very wealthy, keeps his distance because my nephew does not “behave” but does pay all of the expenses for his and my sister’s other child (rent, tuition, living expenses, etc ). I understand the argument of not rewarding bad behavior, but it is difficult to teach that lesson to a 21 year old when you put nothing into that person his whole life.
I think the poor relationship with his father, the somewhat unstable home life with his mom and alcohol and experimenting with drugs in his late teens is the reason my nephew is where he is today. My sister said he just is unenthusiastic about life. She doesn’t know what to do. She tried to put him in a mental facility in the past, but it isn’t easy. He is on probation for a crime he committed, which I also believe adds to his feeling hopeless.
I told my sister I think he needs a fresh start in a mental health facility in another state (I think the judge will allow him to leave for that). Though he is not a heavy drinker, I believe he is an alcoholic (it runs in our family) and his treatment should focus on that as well. I don’t know if such places are available. He does see a psychologist once a week.
The other problem is as much as I want the best for this family, as much as I know they are suffering, I am struggling with my own feelings of wanting peace in my own life, and I know that must sound awful. If my sister needs help, I will help her period, but I wish I could tell her that if she shared the joys of life more often, if she reached out to others who were suffering, if she didn’t wait until a crisis to call her me, maybe her life might not be the way it is. Again, that probably sounds awful but after a lifetime of trying and trying and being mocked and screamed at, I am lost of how to fix my nephew and my sister.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I’m so sorry this is happening. How terrible. I’ll pray for your nephew and his family.

I just want to comment on your last sentence in the post. You can’t fix them. You can help to the extent they allow you to help, but that is all. Sometimes we must not expect too much from our family members, and realise that they will never give us what we need and desire. It sounds like your sister is like that. Maybe this situation will bring you and your sister closer. I completely understand you want peace in your family and that this kind of drama is exhausting, but perhaps you could find a way to be there for your sister without being super involved in their problems. A part of not being super involved is realising that you can’t fix their situation.

God bless.

 

[StopDropandBowl]

That doesn’t sound awful at all. It sounds like human nature, which of course is often awful, but is also such that Christ was willing to die for us. We are not the best people, but we have to do what we can, and I think, from what you describe, that you’re doing that.

I think you are experiencing some natural selfishness, but keep in mind that not all selfishness is bad. Remember what Jesus said to the Pharisees when he compared the son who said he would do his father’s bidding and then did not, with the son who refused to do his father’s bidding, but then thought better of it and did what his father asked. You may feel some resentment, but by helping anyway, you are showing your true worth, and the worth of acting despite resentment is more than all the gold in this world. Christ understands resentment. After all, he died for* our* sins and not his own. But he did it anyway.

We will always run into situations where we feel our own problems above others. This is perfectly natural, and God understands our feelings. But it is then that God shows his greatest mercy. No matter what we feel, if we end up doing as He tells us to do, then we will be rewarded as if we were always happy to do His will. If you help your sister and nephew when it is hard, then God will help you when it is hard. He is more grateful for that drink you offer when it is difficult, than for the thousands of drinks you offer when it is easy.

Now, I’m a sinner. As bad a sinner as has ever lived. And God knows I shouldn’t say anything about anyone, or judge anything. But so far, you seem pretty A-Okay in my book. And I think God is smiling down upon you. I don’t know what good it will do, but I’m gonna pray for you tonight, and I’m gonna pray for you tomorrow too. And I hope that if I’m ever in trouble I have someone like you who cares for me, even when things are hard. I think your nephew and your sister are extremely lucky to have you and I really hope that you and yours make it through this.

God be with you.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

It is normal to be frustrated with people who have not treated us well and have made poor life choices. However, we must remember that none of us is perfect and we have all made mistakes. The most important thing you can do for your sister and nephew is to pray for them.

It is called dual diagnosis when a person has both mental illness and drug problems. You can perhaps research mental health providers in your area and help them get the best available care.

 

[mountee]

I am glad you were able to be there for her at the hospital and remember that you can’t fix everything but God can. Turn it all over to Him, give them whatever support you can and be patient. I will pray for all of you to be able to have the strength and patience to see this through.

Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

 

[Lovemyfaith]

Wow these responses are amazing and so helpful to me! I am taking all advice, giving this to God and trusting in him. Hopefully, I will be able to reconcile my guilt/selfishness, I am not there yet, but I know I will get there.
Please pray for my nephew and his family. I still don’t know how to help. Another sister’s husband told me my nephew’s problems have put a terrible strain on his mom’s marriage.