I had a boyfriend from the time I was 17 until I was 21, and it was a mistake, to be honest. I wasn’t ready to find a husband, and so I got into these relationships (two of them back to back, one year and three years) that were not able to go anywhere. I ended up confused and frustrated. Finally I realized that I didn’t need to be in a relationship if I wasn’t looking to get married, and I stopped dating altogether for five years. My friends thought I was crazy. People were shocked that I could survive five years without sex. (I’m not Catholic, by the way, so I made the mistake of having a sexual relationship in college.)
Not dating was SUCH a RELIEF! I was able to explore my own feelings, needs, and preferences for life. I was able to make my own dreams. I didn’t need to worry about whether I should be preparing for marriage and whether I was leading the man on.
Anyway, you’re at college now and you feel embarrassed to talk to guys you might be interested in. I say just try to enjoy life right now. Talk to guys, not as potential boyfriends, but just as people. Join a few clubs, as suggested above, so you have things in common with the people you’re talking to. Just try to be friendly to people in general - you don’t need to entertain them, just be kind, thoughtful, and interested in their lives. Ask them follow-up questions - if someone mentioned that he wasn’t feeling well on Friday, ask him on Monday whether he’s feeling better. It’s a good way to develop a friendship and establish yourself as a thoughtful and considerate person.
When you are talking to people, both men and women, consider the aspects of their character that you like and dislike. This can help you determine what you’re looking for in your future husband. That way, you can feel that you are gaining experience for your future marriage without compromising your values. Just don’t decide that because you like somebody, you must date them. I know a lot of men who are thoughtful, kind, and responsible, and yet would not be right for me. Enjoying spending time with someone doesn’t mean you should fall in love with them.
And if somebody asks you on a date, by all means, go out with them! Be safe, of course - tell a female friend where you’ll be and make plans to call her at midnight to say you’ve made it home safely and haven’t been turned into a pumpkin. But if nobody asks you and you don’t have anybody you feel like asking out, don’t be hard on yourself for not dating. You can still develop your social skills without going on dates.
Good luck! Hope I didn’t lecture you too much!
. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
You don’t really need to be a genius at all times, either. You’re still smart if you do the numbers wrong, forget a detail or make a grammatical mistake once in a while.