Never Really Loved My Husband- Looking for advice

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Love is a choice. You have free will, you decide to love him.
Love is not a feeling or an emotion.
 
Love is a verb. It requires effort in times when we don’t feel loving towards our spouses or we don’t feel loved in return. Nobody will feel in love 100% of the time during even the most successful lifetime marriages.
 
@OraLabora I was never in love to begin with. How do I commit to someone who I don’t love? Or have real feelings for?
 
Love is a choice, it is not a feeling. You wake up every morning and say “I choose to love the man I married. I choose to love the father of my children.” Then, as they day goes by every time you think a bad thought about how dull or boring he is, you say “I choose to love my husband, I choose to love the father of my children.”

You act in loving ways, maybe if you see a book you know he’d like you buy it for him, you see his favorite dessert and bring it home. You see he has had a bad day, you offer to rub his shoulders. You act in kind, loving ways.

Eventually, you will not have to remind yourself because loving him will become part of who you are.
 
Sdd04 said:
How do I commit to someone who I don’t love?
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With all due respect you already have committed and have obligations towards your family as a result. I’m not a psychologist by anyone’s definition, so it is my advice that you talk to your pastor and try to find a good Catholic or Catholic-friendly therapist.

It might help to know that many religious orders, such as Benedictines, or others, allow the laity to meet with a spiritual guide, if you find it hard to speak to your pastor.

You owe it to your family to at least make the effort to work this out.
 
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Sdd04 said:
@OraLabora I was never in love to begin with. How do I commit to someone who I don’t love? Or have real feelings for?
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I am confused here. You used to physically commit to your husband daily… Now you never loved him? There is something more here. I urge you as others have said to find some good spiritual and mental counseling. That advice, and prayer, are all you can take from internet forums. That may be all you need.
 
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