Never seen this topic before: Friend or Foe?

[Liberanosamalo]

Ahh, yes. I’m familiar with this topic. As an American living abroad with other Americans who had staff (I never did. I liked my privacy and I did my own housework and gardening so the locals thought I was insane.) I heard stories about how the natives treated their maids. When we moved into our house the landlord pointed to a stairwell with an exterior door and commented that one could put a bed and lamp there for a maid.

I heard stories of rapes of maids and the whole slew of stories of beatings and all that. I believe it. Some cultures are pretty barbaric. Sorry. Not PC. But that’s the way it is. The maids all liked to work for the Americans, because I have to tell you, we’re pretty nice when it comes down to it. You don’t have to lock your maid up to keep her from escaping. And I’m sure they don’t steal from you because that would end the gravy train immediately and they’d go to jail. Sometimes self preservation keeps them honest. I know when the Americans would move on to other posts, the maids would cry and good nannies and housekeepers were referred within the American community. (In this culture, most of the help was Christian in a Muslim culture. So they appreciated us and our outlook. Many even took their staff to church with them.)

You don’t share real values with the other ex-Pats, no matter how charming, scintillating they are or wonderfully they tell stories. No true friendship can exist. They are acquaintances. Don’t expect more from the relationship. Maybe your servants telling you how the other servants live is their way of letting you know they appreciate you being different and fair and that they know they have a good thing going. And when you leave, for all they know, they’ll be stuck in a similar situation in the future.

Live your life as a light to the world. Hang a crucifix prominently in your house. Your behavior will point out to others the significance of that crucifix. You can’t change others. You can only make them want to be more like you because of your example. Preach Christ always. Sometimes even use words.

 

[hasikelee]

If you are employing people, treat them respectfully and pay them fairly. Becoming close friends and having them as constant companions seems to be asking for trouble, IMO. Would you hire employees in America and treat them the same way?

As for the other people, if they are indeed mistreating their employees, have you sat down to think about what possible actions you can take? It doesn’t sound as if OSHA is big over there. And if your expat friends are coworkers or otherwise grouped with you for an organization, getting into the frenzy could cause a huge mess.

 

[embertx2]

After reading your post it makes me think that your employees might be venting their feelings to you for you seem to understand them by your actions/behavior in treating them well. In such a culture who can they vent to and not get in trouble. God bless you.

embertx

 

[armywife]

It’s difficult. Although I haven’t experienced it myself I have friends who lived in Panama several years ago and your example is very similar to theirs. They always paid their help so much more than even the other Americans because they felt guilty about all the work their help did.

Like other posters have said, just live by your example and if your friends want to think you’re soft, let them.

 

[iamrefreshed]

The locking in the house is a confirmed fact, but they say it is to avoid the maid stealing everything they have and walking off. A maids room with a padlock from the outside was actually a selling point for a house we saw…the realtor pointed it out as a way to ensure security…just lock your maid in!

The day you have to padlock a human being into their room is the day you should start cleaning your own house (I don’t mean you OP).

God forbid if there were a fire!

 

[gardenswithkids]

… What is the Christian thing to do?

Servants–even slaves–were common during the early Christian era. The Bible and the lives of the saints give us example of the Christian way to behave towards them.

Read St. Paul’s letter to Philemon–it’s very short. St. Paul sends an escaped slave, Onesimus, (who converted to Christianity while with St. Paul), back to his master. He sends a letter, telling Phil to treat Onesimus as a beloved brother. (Some sources say that Onesimus was later freed and eventually became a bishop.) Here’s St. Paul’s Letter to Philemon:

*Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our dear friend and co-worker, 2 to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church in your house: 3 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 4 When I remember you in my prayers, I always thank my God 5 because I hear of your love for all the saints and your faith toward the Lord Jesus. 6 I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective when you perceive all the good that we may do for Christ. 7 I have indeed received much joy and encouragement from your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, my brother. 8 For this reason, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do your duty, 9 yet I would rather appeal to you on the basis of love–and I, Paul, do this as an old man, and now also as a prisoner of Christ Jesus. 10 *I am appealing to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I have become during my imprisonment. 11 Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful both to you and to me. 12 I am sending him, that is, my own heart, back to you. 13 I wanted to keep him with me, so that he might be of service to me in your place during my imprisonment for the gospel; 14 but I preferred to do nothing without your consent, in order that your good deed might be voluntary and not something forced. 15 Perhaps this is the reason he was separated from you for a while, so that you might have him back forever, 16 no longer as a slave but more than a slave, a beloved brother–especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. 17 So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. 18 If he has wronged you in any way, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. 19 I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand: I will repay it. I say nothing about your owing me even your own self. 20 Yes, brother, let me have this benefit from you in the Lord! Refresh my heart in Christ. 21 Confident of your obedience, I am writing to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say. 22 One thing more–prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping through your prayers to be restored to you. 23 Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends greetings to you, 24 and so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my fellow workers. 25 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

Also consider Saint Felicity and Saint Perpetua. St. Perpetua was a noblewoman, and St. Perpetua was a slave. Both are early martyrs of the Church that died together. They are almost always mentioned together–even in some of the prayers of the Mass.

Based on the Bible and example of the saints, I would say the Christian thing to do is, treat your servants as brothers and sisters in Christ, and, if neccesary, go through martyrdom together with them.

 

[ecp007]

…You don’t share real values with the other ex-Pats, no matter how charming, scintillating they are or wonderfully they tell stories. No true friendship can exist. They are acquaintances. Don’t expect more from the relationship. Maybe your servants telling you how the other servants live is their way of letting you know they appreciate you being different and fair and that they know they have a good thing going. And when you leave, for all they know, they’ll be stuck in a similar situation in the future.

Live your life as a light to the world. Hang a crucifix prominently in your house. Your behavior will point out to others the significance of that crucifix. You can’t change others. You can only make them want to be more like you because of your example. Preach Christ always. Sometimes even use words.

Thank you for your kind words and sage advice

 

[ecp007]

If you are employing people, treat them respectfully and pay them fairly. Becoming close friends and having them as constant companions seems to be asking for trouble, IMO. Would you hire employees in America and treat them the same way? .

It is hard to explain, other than I have a driver (driving conditions are so incredibly dangerous, that honestly I am incapable of driving here… I see crashes every day, and fatalities on the street a least once every 2 weeks. ) In addition to driving, not everyone speaks English, so my driver acts as an interpreter. He also acts as a psuedo-body guard against snatch theifs (purse robbers are quite common here). Is a great jungle hiking companion, which I love to do. And as a bonus he is great company. My husband really doesn’t want me going anywhere alone here, I don’t want to say that its not safe, but there is always safety in numbers… so in short, if the US was like here, then YES, I would be hiring someone as a constant companion.

As for the other people, if they are indeed mistreating their employees, have you sat down to think about what possible actions you can take? It doesn’t sound as if OSHA is big over there. And if your expat friends are coworkers or otherwise grouped with you for an organization, getting into the frenzy could cause a huge mess.

Nothing they are doing is illegal…no action I could take, except stir the pot, by asking questions and bringing up the topic. But, so is it my business what goes on in their homes, if it is culturally accepted here, although still cruel???

 

[ecp007]

Thanks to the posters who have suggested reading St. Paul’s letter to Philemon. It was great confort to me, and is incredible how the bible has an answer to every situation.