New Altar Server Program

  • Thread starter Thread starter slewi
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

slewi

Guest
Well, for those of you following along, I am having my first meeting with Father tonight to discuss the direction of the new altar server program that I will be heading up. I will let you all know what goes on.

Pray for me.

Stephen
 
40.png
slewi:
Well, for those of you following along, I am having my first meeting with Father tonight to discuss the direction of the new altar server program that I will be heading up. I will let you all know what goes on.

Pray for me.

Stephen
Click to expand...
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_75.gifWhile I don’t envy you trying to “control” a bunch of boys (I hope)… I guess I am at least a little bit jealous.
 
I’m a former altar boy myself. I will always have a special place in my heart for the newly-ordained priest that was placed in charge of the altar boys back–way back!–when I was a kid. I can still remember preparing to serve at my first Mass as an altar boy. I was about as nervous as could be. It was then that the priest turned to me and said, “Hey, Jimmy, did you happen to catch any of the Knicks game last night? Leave it to the Knicks to be up 20 points going into the fourth quarter and then lose it in the final seconds.”

I never had a problem talking to a priest about any matter after that.

Good luck with your altar servers.
 
Well, it appears that there will be no changes in the altar server program at my parish.

In my meeting with Father last night I was told there really can’t be any discipline (such as suspension), because parents get angry, they leave the parish, write the bishop, tell everyone they left the catholic church because of that priest over at such and such…all of these silly things. Basically these kids can do what they want, when they want and you can’t say anything to them. I was so demoralized after the meeting.

I don’t want to get involved in a program where the priest is afraid to say boo to the servers, because it will affect his revenue. I’ll just have to see what happens.

S
 
40.png
slewi:
Well, it appears that there will be no changes in the altar server program at my parish.

In my meeting with Father last night I was told there really can’t be any discipline (such as suspension), because parents get angry, they leave the parish, write the bishop, tell everyone they left the catholic church because of that priest over at such and such…all of these silly things. Basically these kids can do what they want, when they want and you can’t say anything to them. I was so demoralized after the meeting.

I don’t want to get involved in a program where the priest is afraid to say boo to the servers, because it will affect his revenue. I’ll just have to see what happens.

S
Click to expand...
The priest needs to get a backbone!
 
40.png
slewi:
Well, it appears that there will be no changes in the altar server program at my parish.

In my meeting with Father last night I was told there really can’t be any discipline (such as suspension), because parents get angry, they leave the parish, write the bishop, tell everyone they left the catholic church because of that priest over at such and such…all of these silly things. Basically these kids can do what they want, when they want and you can’t say anything to them. I was so demoralized after the meeting.

I don’t want to get involved in a program where the priest is afraid to say boo to the servers, because it will affect his revenue. I’ll just have to see what happens.

S
Click to expand...
Hi:
I don’t know too much about your meeting but I surmise it had to do with some changes in the AS program. I have been in charge of our program for over a year or so. May I ask what behavior would warrant a suspension? At my parish, I’ve had to correct No Showers for Mass and address a complaint of lack of reverence while serving. The parents do get a little sensitive when it comes to their youngsters.
Anyway, sorry the meeting didn’t go well.
 
Don’t give up yet…

Is it possible that you be the one to meet with the parents of prospective servers??

If the guidlines are given - orally and in writing - then the parents will have the choice to withdraw or cooperate. It really sounds like you could “teach” the parents about the special privilege their sons are about to become part of.

Take the burden off the priest… be the one “in charge”… and then give the priest good servers he can nuture. Their example will be the real fruit of your efforts.
 
Well, simply put, the servers are disrespectful, laugh and make faces at their proud parents sitting in the front row. When they make mistakes they laugh, they think it’s great! Mass starts at 10:30, and they come strolling dow the center aisle at 10:35, making a big show of their arrival, go into the sacristry, and emerge freshly wrinkled because all of the albs are in a big heap on the floor.

If the vatican or the bishops would make strict guidelines, you wouldn’t have this nonsense. When a parent comes to you because you suspended their 16 year old daughter who was too busy thinking about her date last night to carry out her duties on time, you could show them in official documents exactly why. But as it is, they are ‘only’ volunteers, and what can you do?

Of course in traditional parishes, you don’t have any of this, because parents know if father yelled at someone, it was for good reason.

Father blames it all on today’s society. Kids social lives are taking first place in their lives, and the church is 10th or worse.

S
 
Greetings Slewi,
First let me applaud you for what you are trying to do. :clapping: I work with Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts and have considered working with Altar Servers, but my wife won’t let me dilute myself further :). Over the long term you can have a tremendous effect on your parish.
Code: 
That said, I think you are being much too direct and shortsighted in what you are trying to do.  More subtlety is needed here.  Look at it from the priest's point of view:  he has a program which is dysfunctional, but working to some extent.  Now someone comes in proposing to make big, controversial changes.  If the priest has only just met you, he has no idea whether you are seriously committed to what you are discussing.  Talk is cheap.  You could get in there, really stir up a hornet's nest, then leave in a huff.  The parish would be even worse off.  It is his duty to protect the parish from unecessary scandal.  

Here's what I suggest:  get in charge and be real quiet for a while.  Be very incremental in trying to improve the situation.  Pick individual things to get improvement on over time.  While you are doing this, try to develop relationships with as many of the kids and parents as possible.  Charity is key here.  Remember that you are trying to help these kids worship properly.  Yelling at them and expelling them is not going to get them to love God more or worship better.  The longer you are in the position, the more power you gain, by demonstrating your committment to the work.  

Concentrate especially hard on traing new servers.  It is likely that you will eventually solve this problem by the older, irreverent, servers aging out.  Also, never forget that some of those older servers may truly want to do better up there.  They can be your allies.

I guess my main point is that you cannot make things turn on a dime.  Be patient and committed to long term change.  Work toward your vision and pray alot about it.  Remember to cover all with love for God and for the kids you are leading.
Come on! You’re just getting started! Get to it! 👍
 
Mulus,

What happened at the meeting over the server problem is just that in father’s eyes, you have to accept everything poeple throw at you because they are volunteers. If they are late, you can’t say anything. If they are irreverant and laugh because someone makes a mistake, you can’t everything.

I agree you can catch more flies with honey, but people still must be held accountable for their actions. If they are disrespectful at the altar after proper instruction and counseling, then they probably shouldn’t be there. I really wasn’t planning on coming in and changing everything overnight, but I was hoping for more from father.

Trust me, after what I heard the other night, I am going to take it slow. Proper instruction is the key, and that is what they will get!

Stephen
 
Greetings Stephen,
Code: 
 I'm glad you're not giving up despite the disappointing meeting with Father.  In American Catholicism, ordination sometimes seems to emasculate men; at least that's what it looks like from my vantage point.  

Of course, just because Father said he wouldn't support discipline doesn't mean every kid knows that.  Small, judicious corrections (err, "suggestions") might help some of the kids do better and would stay below the complaint threshold.
I think the key is to get fully enmeshed in the parish system and gradually work on the change you desperately want. At the same time, you have to struggle not to get co-opted by the system. You might want to look at some management books on “Influencing without Authority” for some secular tips.

In addition to your normal prayer, you might think about praying with the guardian angels of these kids, seeking hints on how to motivate them. You have an army of angels on your side.

I’ll pray for you.
Maurice
 
Just to float the idea, if punishment is out of the question you could still try to enforce some sort of discipline through promotion. If you could work out some sort of system that was defensible against charges of favoritism you could try to give the good servers more opportunities and the bad servers less. They may all be volunteers, but you wouldn’t limit the amount of time a doctor could volunteer at a free clinic just because there were bartenders, theologians, plumbers, and mathematicians who also wanted to help out; you’d make sure to accept the most helpful volunteers for the job.

Designating “captains” or having an elite unit of pontifical servers might also be good leadership development so that the boys would help discipline themselves without you having to do it.
 
Hi Stephen:

When my kids entered the Alter Servers program, yes, we had girls, my daughter was one. The person who ran the program had monthly meetings with rehearsals. They went through everything. Met with the parents explained what was and was not acceptable. In the 52 continous weeks my kids served, the priest only had to speak to them once. I as a parent was more than happy that someone took the time to teach them. We were not offended when the priest spoke to them about their behaviour. He did quietly and in a kind manner, but firm enough that they didn’t repeat their behaviour.

Hope this helps.

scared
 
**I agree with the “promotion” program and the weekly/monthly classes. Especially with getting the parents involved.

If the parents wouldn’t let the kids act that way when they weren’t serving, why when serving? It’s volunteer, but it’s also a privilege to serve.

Also, about the tardiness. Couldn’t you inform or post that servers need to be at the church 15 minutes before Mass to help with the set up? If not there by 15 minutes before, they won’t be allowed to participate in the service. And stick to it.**
 
Yeah Maggie,

I believe it is posted up in the sacristy, but I intend to reinforce that as well.

Father also likes to have families serve together. Brothers and sisters serve mass, dad is the lector, and so forth. He said it is the only time to get them to mass…

I do plan on having my own form of discipline, mostly making “suggestions”. I will never yell at them. Jesus wouldn’t do that, and I won’t either. But I will insist on proper education. Father says it is hard to get them all together for a meeting, but if they want to do it, they will all have to find a way to get to training. He says he will have to train the catholic school kids during the day, because you can’t get them back at night or on weekends…:nope:

Stephen
 
Good for you, Stephen, on deciding not to yell. 😃 At my parish, a couple of the young boys (7 and 8) were horsing around in the sacristy after Mass last week. Being the heartless brute that I am, my first inclination was to shout at them to knock it off. But, I took a deep breath and spoke to them very firmly but quietly. It worked. Now, yelling would’ve worked too. But after awhile, when an adult is constantly yelling, they just become caricatures and the kids ignore them.

Now, if it had been my nephews, I would’ve yelled. But that’s family. They pretty much ignore me anyway. 😦
 
Get the older boys to rough up the younger ones. That’s what happens at my parish and we have 200 Altar boys.

Today, sitting across from the FOUR pews of Altar boys, we watched one boy reach to the aisle in front of him to stop a smaller boy from playing with his gloves.

Sometimes peer pressure works best.
 
Our son just started altar serving this year, and our parish has implemented a “points” system. They get a certain amount of points for being there 15 minutes early, lose points for being late or not showing up, lose points for not being dressed properly or irreverence during mass, extra points for filling in for someone at the last minute, extra points for Saturday funerals, weddings, etc. It’s a little complicated, but all written out for us at the beginning of the school year.

At the end of the year, the kids with the most points get some kind of reward (amusement park with Father, maybe?) My son doesn’t want to miss any or be late, that’s for sure.
 
netmil(name removed by moderator):
Get the older boys to rough up the younger ones. That’s what happens at my parish and we have 200 Altar boys.

Today, sitting across from the FOUR pews of Altar boys, we watched one boy reach to the aisle in front of him to stop a smaller boy from playing with his gloves.

Sometimes peer pressure works best.
Click to expand...
I’ll have to make a point to stop by there one Sunday. I enjoyed seeing so many Altar boys serving at Assumption Grotto. Especially the really early daily Mass.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top