New baby and family fight

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gmarie21

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My sil and brother had a baby. Another sibling visited baby without her husband (her husband works two full time jobs). My mother told bil how wrong he is for not visiting (he barely has enough time for his own wife, my sister, and children). He has seen the baby and congratulated my brother and sil, but just hasn’t gone to their house for a visit. I let my mother know that she was wrong. Who do you think should appologize? My mother or bil? By the way my brother (who has the newborn baby) also works almost two full time jobs and leaves his wife, son and now newborn daughter home alone most nights (which my mom thinks is okay because he’s “supporting” his family). I guess why I told my mom that she’s wrong is because she seems to make double standards for family vs. in-laws.
 
Ugh, that is not a fight worthin getting into. And how old is the baby? I’d hate to have visitors for the first month!
 
The baby is three weeks old. I feel the same as you, I was pushing people out when I had my dd.
 
Your mother is a serious busy body. It’s not like your BIL will never see the baby. It’s only 3 weeks old.

I would stay out of it if I were you. If I was your BIL I’d just ignore your mother completely.
 
Stay out of it. Everyone involved is an adult (except the infant, of course 😉 ) and capable of fighting their own fights, and ignoring those fights not worth the effort.
 
IrishAm said:
Stay out of it. Everyone involved is an adult (except the infant, of course 😉 ) and capable of fighting their own fights, and ignoring those fights not worth the effort.
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I completely agree. And when I have my next baby (or rather, when DW has it…hehe), we won’t want many visitors at the house either for the first few weeks (unless they are cleaning, cooking, and/or babysitting).

Andy
 
On the argument, it isn’t anyone’s place to tell anyone to apologize or decide who’s right, although I’d probably agree that your mother is more in the wrong. We as humans seem to need to identify the “good guy” and the “bad guy.” They both need to be understanding.

On other’s comment about unwanted visitors, you’d only say that if you HAVE visitors. When my first son was born, NO ONE came to visit me for a while. My mother said she didn’t want to intrude. My son was colicky and didn’t sleep nights. I would have given a million dollars for someone to stop by and just pace the floor with him, talk to me, wash some clothes, bring food, be sympathetic, ANYTHING. So, that can work both ways.

RubyWannabe
 
gmarie21 said:
The baby is three weeks old. I feel the same as you, I was pushing people out when I had my dd.
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I would not want visitors other than my parents for the first 6 weeks in any case, and would not expect them at all unless and until I invited them specifically. I offer no comment on readiness of folks in the family to breed resentment on this minor issue
 
I don’t necessarily think an apology is in order but I would definitely tell mom to shut up and stand down. (in a respectful manner).

It’s none of her business.
 
This is not worth the fight. Your mom is wrong, and has a weird sense of what is proper. But c’mon there isn’t something better for fight material?

As for me, I didn’t want to see anybody for the first month, and I did not want anybody in the house the first month Dasiy was born.
 
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