New Baby and Mass

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Delphinus

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Hey all!

My little one is almost 8 months old now, and I can’t believe how awesome being a mother is. We had him baptised, and I have been going to daily mass with him since he was about 3 months old. It is an enormous blessing to me that God has entrusted me with his precious little guy. I want nothing more than to raise him to know and love Jesus.

However, my happy little guy is often too happy at Mass. He’s an over joyous baby that rarely cries and opts instead to spend his time at Mass literally squealing with delight, laughing, blowing raspberries and doing whatever he can to get others to look at him and smile. Then he giggles and smiles back and starts squealing with delight again. Children are his favorite target, as well as the older parishioners who love to play with him. I am so happy that my baby is so enthusiastic about life, but…it’s Mass, and our church doesn’t have a cry room.

The whole time I am dying inside because I struggled with infertility for years. I had to stop attending Mass altogether for about a year (moved on, confessed, regret that time sincerely!) when I was in therapy because of the sheer numbers of darling babies at Mass, and I was the one with the problem so I stayed home or sat in the entryway and listened over the speakers, usually crying. I revisit this every time I hear my little man bust a gut during Mass, thinking about the poor women around me that may have lost a child, couldn’t have a child, or mourn in some way at the sound of an infant. I haven’t fully intended to, but I am finding myself no longer attending daily Masses, and most of my Sundays are spent in the bathroom where I can hear the Mass but no one can hear us.

I admit, I could use some encouragement here. I also could use some advice about what to do when there is no cry room. Lately it’s been bottles and pacifiers or putting him on the floor so he can’t see other people in efforts to distract him, but I also never make it through a whole Mass. We usually get as far as the homily before I’m back in the bathroom walking laps.
 
I love hearing babies laugh, giggle, babble and even dry during mass. It tells me that their parents know how important it is for the family to be there. No one minds if you move from the front to the back rows. How is your baby with others? Would anyone volunteer to try holding him if he got too fussy? Or to walk him at the back of church? If you have other family there, divide up the times if baby has to move to the back. We had a little one run down the side aisle, across the front, and up the center. We all smiled and Fr. made a cute remark. I’m sure the parents were mortified, but Jesus was now!
 
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to show God working through you and your marriage to produce such a wonderful life. Take your child to mass and be proud of your child’s silliness. Maybe someone will have their life changed by seeing your joy and will open their heart to marriage or life. There’s so much cynicism in the world. Maybe mass could use a little bundle of joy to shake people up and remember the joy of living. God bless.
 
OP, relax. That’s what babies do. No need to worry, and soon, your baby will move into his next phase. Babies grow and change so quickly, next week he may sit on your lap and fall asleep. Do not feel you need to hide in the restroom. If you really feel self conscious, sit in the back of the church so he is behind everyone else.
 
If someone gets upset because a baby makes sounds at Mass, that person has greater problems than we can tackle here.

Most of us sit in the same place at Mass each week (please, no battles about this!!) and we know by sight the people who sit around us. If it is totally impacting your participation in Mass because you are embarrassed, maybe after Mass next Sunday, tell those folks “we are trying to learn to be quiet when in Church, I know he is the cutest kid in the world, but, would you mind saving the smiles and funny faces for the Kiss of Peace or after Mass?”

But honestly, it is a phase. You will miss it when it is over.
 
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Am I understanding that you don’t want to attend Mass because someone might see or hear your baby and it might upset them because they can’t have a baby? If I got that right, I have to say, you are in the wrong on that. First of all, most people who can’t have a baby do not feel the way you describe when they see a baby in public, at least, not to the debilitating extent you describe. If you reacted that way, I’m terrible sorry, but you probably should have seen someone about that because it isn’t typical. Being sad and maybe even a little bit jealous might be normal, but to the extent that you don’t feel you can attend or enjoy Mass is not. What is more likely is that your baby is bringing joy to the people around you. There’s no reason to hide your baby.
 
Happy_infants_are_a_joy_in_church.

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It sounds like you are probably overestimating the impact your baby has on those around you. He sounds very sweet, and I am sure the people around you don’t mind his baby antics. He’s not being disruptive. But he sounds like a normal, happy baby, and is surely not the only young child in your parish.

There is no need for you to hide in the bathroom with him in case someone struggling with infertility or loss is around. There are likely many, many women in your congregation who have lost a baby, but that doesn’t mean they cannot look at or be around other children. Try not to project your own past feelings onto other women, and know that it’s likely most of your fellow parishioners think your baby is delightful.
 
Thank you everyone. I really needed to hear what you all had to say, especially that I am oversensitive. I am, in fact, in therapy and it was recommended to me to ask this question here to see what “the parishioners are likely really thinking” so thank you for your patience.
 
1ke said:
You and your husband could split mass duty and you could refrain from taking him for a while (Sundays) if you are really that concerned about it. Daily mass shouldn’t matter.
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This is what we do. Our youngest is 18mos and just doesn’t sit still for more than 5 min, so I’m usually out in the gathering space with him by the start of Mass anyway.
 
Yes, I do have a history. I had a very rough childhood and I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and PTSD. It’s been a rough few years and I’ve been having to do a lot of things that are rather difficult for me in order to get better. Opening up about this here to get feedback about what others REALLY feel about babies being the least of which.

I am in therapy and I recently started spiritual direction with our parish priest. They both recommended that I reach out more. But yes, I am extremely sensitive on both the positive side and negative side. Meds help with the emotions that come with it, therapy is helping with the thoughts.
 
If others are causing your baby to get worked up, you could try wearing him in a wrap or carrier. I do that with my 9 month old because well intentioned people around us tend to work her up. Having her facing me reduces the scope of her vision and increases the likelihood that she will nap.

I also try to remind myself that she is right by my ear so often sounds much louder to me than to others in attendance.
 
Thank you! One thing I am very unsure about is volume level. His little squeals are intermittent and not super-loud, and the raspberries are quiet, they just happen at inopportune times that make the people around us chuckle. Example: “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world…” baby: “PPPPPPTH!!” it felt like a commentary…😉

We just need to know how much noise is acceptable, to us it sounds SO LOUD when in reality it may not be.

And thanks for the resources! We’ve been struggling to find mass appropriate toys, and those are PERFECT.
 
Delphinus said:
Thank you! One thing I am very unsure about is volume level. His little squeals are intermittent and not super-loud, and the raspberries are quiet, they just happen at inopportune times that make the people around us chuckle. Example: “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world…” baby: “PPPPPPTH!!” it felt like a commentary…
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He is not too young to teach him to make the “right” sounds at Mass. Let him make noise during the songs and responses.
 
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Delphinus said:
Thank you! One thing I am very unsure about is volume level. His little squeals are intermittent and not super-loud, and the raspberries are quiet, they just happen at inopportune times that make the people around us chuckle. Example: “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world…” baby: “PPPPPPTH!!” it felt like a commentary…😉

We just need to know how much noise is acceptable, to us it sounds SO LOUD when in reality it may not be.

And thanks for the resources! We’ve been struggling to find mass appropriate toys, and those are PERFECT.
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This doesn’t seem like it would be bothersome to anyone, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If he ever starts to get really LOUD (to the point where it might be difficult for others to hear the homily, for example) then maybe you could take him out for a minute or so. I think what you’re describing is just regular “baby behavior”. It’s to be expected and it doesn’t sound at all disruptive.
 
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I agree with all the responses so far. Be encouraged and keep bringing your baby to Mass. I’m sure most of the people there love hearing the happy squeals and baby noises, even the raspberries. 😊

I know I miss having a baby, so it helps hearing the little baby noises, even if I don’t have a cuddly little one to hold.

Even if someone was saddened by your baby because it reminds them of their own loss, that would not be a good excuse to keep your little one from Mass. It’s good for him to be out and interacting and hearing Mass and learning about appropriate behavior in church.

You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, especially feelings you only imagine they might have.

So just concentrate on making yourself better, and keeping you and your baby happy and healthy, and know you’re being a wonderful mom to bring him to Mass and trying to teach him diligently. :hugs::hugs:
 
I don’t believe the OP needs therapy for this issue. Therapy is not needed for every issue. There have been many wonderful suggestions for this issue and thoughts on the issue on this thread.
 
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