New baby. Husband annoyed at in-laws

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PhiloMed

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So this is an odd predicament.

We welcomed our baby girl on Monday. We have named her Felicity.

My in-laws don’t understand her name. They are not from this country and they are Coptic Orthodox and don’t recognize Saint Felicity as we do in the RCC. I think the name is just foreign to them. They don’t recognize it as a name and can’t seem to pronounce it. It’s as if we named her Pinochle or something strange.

I understand they are confused, but my husband is just getting very short and angry with them because they keep calling her “the baby” or “Anne” (her middle name).

How do I help my husband be more patient with them during this very joyous time and not be so short tempered with them over this, AND help them understand that this is an actual name and not a random combination of letters we threw together?
 
Congratulations on your new baby! Felicity is a beautiful name. If you explained that it means “happiness” and is an actual word as well as a traditional girl’s name, do you think that might help them?
 
Maybe try telling the life story of Felicity. She and Perpetua are some of my favorite saints. The story of their lives is very inspiring. Here is a link.

catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=48

Good luck and I hope your husband is able to be more understanding of his parents for your sake so this can truly be a joyous time for you all.

Edited to change “your” to “his” parents
 
I’d do what I could to keep my husband’s blood pressure down, be pleasant with the in-laws, and not get any of myself between cub and bears.

Do they know Sts. Perpetua and Felicity were martyred in around 200, in present-day Tunisia? Their relics have been moved all over the place and their names are Latin, of course, but they gave their lives in Northern Africa.
 
PhiloMed said:
I understand they are confused, but my husband is just getting very short and angry with them because they keep calling her “the baby” or “Anne” (her middle name).

How do I help my husband be more patient with them during this very joyous time and not be so short tempered with them over this, AND help them understand that this is an actual name and not a random combination of letters we threw together?
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I would ask (tell) them not to use the name “Anne”. Ask them to please call her Felicity, or until they are more comfortable with her name, “the baby” would be OK. I would be worried that their use of the name Anne is a passive aggressive attempt to hijack the name and protest against the name you have chosen. Your husband probably feels this way and it underlies his anger.

I am of the firm opinion that spouses should protect each other against conflict with inlaws, as much as possible. So any serious issues with my wife’s family, I let my wife handle it. Any serious issues with my family, I try to handle it. In this case, you should try to handle it before your husband and your family become more frustrated with each other.
 
underacloud said:
I would ask (tell) them not to use the name “Anne”. Ask them to please call her Felicity, or until they are more comfortable with her name, “the baby” would be OK. I would be worried that their use of the name Anne is a passive aggressive attempt to hijack the name and protest against the name you have chosen. Your husband probably feels this way and it underlies his anger.

I am of the firm opinion that spouses should protect each other against conflict with inlaws, as much as possible. So any serious issues with my wife’s family, I let my wife handle it. Any serious issues with my family, I try to handle it. In this case, you should try to handle it before your husband and your family become more frustrated with each other.
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Sorry, I read the OP the wrong way around.

So he’s frustrated with his own parents? Well, that’s a bit different. Maybe you should just try to stay out of it and hope they can resolve it (familes often have their own ways to resolve issues that others don’t quite understand), or at least find subtle ways to avert the topic.

It may still be appropriate for you to ask them not to use the name “Anne”, depending on how comfortable you feel raising this.
 
What a beautiful name! Your little girl has a very special woman praying for her in heaven. 🙂

There’s not much you can do about your in-laws. It’s your husband’s territory. Personally, I wouldn’t directly say anything, but if they ask “How’s the baby?” always respond with her name “Felicity is doing well today, thanks.” Over time, unless they are intentionally trying to be mean, they will get used to the name.

We’ve always called our second daughter by a nickname, but my mother STILL crinkles up her nose in disgust when she hears us refer to her by her given first name. It’s not a good feeling, but it’s not worth a fight. I can’t change someone’s taste.
 
I was under the impression St. Felicity was a saint in the Oriental Orthodox Church.
 
Beautiful name (although I’m a touch biased) and such a rich history. I would suggest to your husband that he explain to his parents the meaning of the name. One they know it has strong meaning they will probably come around to it.
 
Love that name!

I’m seriously thinking about making that a heavy favorite if and when we have a third little girl. Our Newest addition has the middle name of Perpetua because we love that story of the first female Christian martyrs.

My advice?

Don’t get involved with the inlaws except to correct them when they use “Anne” instead of her first name.
Talk to your husband and try to come up with solutions to the problem together.

My husband and my MIL get into arguments about theology and other things. I just leave the room with the kids and let them sort it out themselves. I’ve learned it’s not wise to get involved with their squabbles. I support my husband and let it blow over without my (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
PhiloMed said:
So this is an odd predicament.

We welcomed our baby girl on Monday. We have named her Felicity.

My in-laws don’t understand her name. They are not from this country and they are Coptic Orthodox and don’t recognize Saint Felicity as we do in the RCC. I think the name is just foreign to them. They don’t recognize it as a name and can’t seem to pronounce it. It’s as if we named her Pinochle or something strange.

I understand they are confused, but my husband is just getting very short and angry with them because they keep calling her “the baby” or “Anne” (her middle name).

How do I help my husband be more patient with them during this very joyous time and not be so short tempered with them over this, AND help them understand that this is an actual name and not a random combination of letters we threw together?
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Your husband needs to grow up. People do have trouble with names that are foreign to their native language or culture. It is not an intentional insult. If he can’t understand that he should start trying to do so. If your parents love your new baby that is what really matters. Tell hubby to calm down, there are worse things to worry about than this. Just give it time.
 
Personally, I am on your husband’s side. I think he has good reason to be annoyed. His parents can not tell him what to call his and your kid. I would just let hubby do what he wants. It is his parents after all and I think he deserves your support
 
Cricket2 said:
Your husband needs to grow up. People do have trouble with names that are foreign to their native language or culture. It is not an intentional insult. If he can’t understand that he should start trying to do so. If your parents love your new baby that is what really matters. Tell hubby to calm down, there are worse things to worry about than this. Just give it time.
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That’s uncalled for. If you read the post, you would see I am referring to HIS parents and therefore HIS culture as well.

I think it’s ultimately a communication problem with all of them. Even though he came to this country as a young adult with them, he refuses to speak their language anymore. They speak to him in Arabic and he answers back in English.

I will let him sort it out with his mom and dad and I will stay out of this one. I appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut on that.

I told him tonight I would be happy to explain the history to his parents with him, but he wants to just handle it himself in his own way.

They’re really very good people, he is just very impatient with them. When they moved here together it was as if he put a baseball cap on and immediately became “Americanized”. Understandably, his parents did not and he has a hard time with this.

We do love the name, though!
 
IBombAtomically said:
What a beautiful name! Your little girl has a very special woman praying for her in heaven. 🙂

There’s not much you can do about your in-laws. It’s your husband’s territory. Personally, I wouldn’t directly say anything, but if they ask “How’s the baby?” always respond with her name “Felicity is doing well today, thanks.” Over time, unless they are intentionally trying to be mean, they will get used to the name.

We’ve always called our second daughter by a nickname, but my mother STILL crinkles up her nose in disgust when she hears us refer to her by her given first name. It’s not a good feeling, but it’s not worth a fight. I can’t change someone’s taste.
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Thank you. I think this is a good strategy. Maybe just hearing it enough times will help it sink in. I really think its partially a pronunciation issue.

I would love to tell them the story of Sts Felicity and Perpetua, though.

For those who keep track of these things, the feast day of Sts Felicity and Perpetua is this week on the 7th. That was supposed to be this baby girl’s due date!
 
Congratulations!!! Little girls are so much fun and Daddies love their daughters.

My inlaws can’t pronounce some of our kids names, and my family can’t pronounce some of our kids names. If it is a real pronunciation problem, it truly isn’t their fault. The way we solved it was we tell our families the kid’s entire name and they pick what they will call him or her. For instance, one of our sons is named Paul Anthony. It seems simple enough, but it is unpronounceable to my mother in law. She stumbles with both names and it both frustrates and embarrasses her. She calls him Pablo or Pablito. One of our daughters is Estefany Grace. My family can never say Estefany, so they call her either Sissy or Grace. We just go with it because it is so much better than arguing all the time, and it has never adversely affected any of the kids. It seems all of the names we picked are unpronounceable to at least a few people on one side of the family or the other. Sometimes I wish that we had been more careful with our name selections so that everyone can say the names correctly, but my husband and I love our children’s names, and each one of them has a name that not only suits them but also has a deep meaning to the two of us that we can share with the child. There will be people their entire lives that can’t pronounce their names (especially our last name!) so this just helps them get over the annoyance early on. Let your husband handle this how he chooses, but maybe try to explain to him that there may be other people throughout your daughter’s life that will have trouble with her name as well. Particularly if she ever travels overseas.

Good luck with your family and love love love that baby. I love her name by the way. I don’t think it is possible to say Felicity with cracking a smile.
 
PhiloMed said:
So this is an odd predicament.

We welcomed our baby girl on Monday. We have named her Felicity.

My in-laws don’t understand her name. They are not from this country and they are Coptic Orthodox and don’t recognize Saint Felicity as we do in the RCC. I think the name is just foreign to them. They don’t recognize it as a name and can’t seem to pronounce it. It’s as if we named her Pinochle or something strange.

I understand they are confused, but my husband is just getting very short and angry with them because they keep calling her “the baby” or “Anne” (her middle name).

How do I help my husband be more patient with them during this very joyous time and not be so short tempered with them over this, AND help them understand that this is an actual name and not a random combination of letters we threw together?
Click to expand...
Are you open to shortening her name to a nickname like Flick, Flissy, Lissy or something like that. It might be easier for them to accept and pronounce?

My in-laws were Italian immigrants and when we named our daughter Johanna (pronouncing the heavy h as per Irish tradition)… they simply could not pronounce it. Italians can’t pronounce the heavy h.

My neice started calling her Joey at a very early age and that became her name (other than with her Australian Grandma who always says everyones name exactly as they are registered with the State)

Try to make your hubby see the funny side until they all come around. In laws often need to be won over by some coaxing and ***** footing.

edit: huh? I’ve been censored and I don’t know why??
 
St. Felicity is indeed a saint in the EO church, as are many pre schism saints including May Popes. Don’t know about the OO church.
 
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