New Catholic here struggling to find spiritual support

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_Gemma

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I am 21 and got baptized this Easter vigil. I am a convert and former Anglican.
I never doubt God, I am very spiritual and have been very happy this past year but suddenly the past week or two I’ve felt very isolated, lonely and sad. I don’t have many friends, few catholic friends, no one in my small family is Christian and recently my priest has stopped talking to me because I told him I could not be a reader at church due to having anxiety issues so now he ignores me and no longer acts as a support person or a friend. The few Catholics I know from my Parish I rarely see and they are busy with their own lives.
God never fails me, I’m always comforted in prayer and feel love and strength from prayer and mass. But I feel the world hates me, no one understands me for my beliefs and mocks me for not being married or partnered (and I don’t want to be) I just feel so alone and hurt at the moment and having my priest ignore me really hurts because he is someone I respect and look up to. At times I feel like I just don’t want to get up in the morning.
Before I was baptized, I was very happy, very in love with god but it’s like all of a sudden I’ve stepped into a dark cloud.

I will never abandon my faith but I need to know is this perhaps a trial/test from God? I am willing to suffer for him, but wow, it’s hard.

I wish I had a priest that understood me and could support me, i have been to other parishes in the week and none I connect with. I feel hurt and lost. 😦
 
Hi Gemma,

Welcome. I can relate in many ways to what you are going through. Feel free to PM me anytime.

If you are a reader, maybe check out Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross.

Praying for you.
 
A very wise man once said, “I went looking for friends and found none. I became a friend and found many.”

Anxiety is fear. The Holy Spirit erases fear, witness the Pentecost, in which Octave we remain. Ask for the Holy Spirit to free you of fear. Have Father lay hands on you and pray, if that is agreeable to him. It works if you submit to the Holy Spirit. It can release your charism, which is wonderful.

I received what is known as the baptism in the Holy Spirit and it melted my fear away, accelerating my faith life as never before. Please note that the author of the second article in the link is the preacher of the Papal household. Just something to ponder.
 
Welcome to the Catholic Church and to being Catholic, were you not tested like this in your old Anglican Church ?
 
_Gemma said:
I am 21 and got baptized this Easter vigil. I am a convert and former Anglican.
I never doubt God, I am very spiritual and have been very happy this past year but suddenly the past week or two I’ve felt very isolated, lonely and sad. I don’t have many friends, few catholic friends, no one in my small family is Christian and recently my priest has stopped talking to me because I told him I could not be a reader at church due to having anxiety issues so now he ignores me and no longer acts as a support person or a friend. The few Catholics I know from my Parish I rarely see and they are busy with their own lives.
God never fails me, I’m always comforted in prayer and feel love and strength from prayer and mass. But I feel the world hates me, no one understands me for my beliefs and mocks me for not being married or partnered (and I don’t want to be) I just feel so alone and hurt at the moment and having my priest ignore me really hurts because he is someone I respect and look up to. At times I feel like I just don’t want to get up in the morning.
Before I was baptized, I was very happy, very in love with god but it’s like all of a sudden I’ve stepped into a dark cloud.

I will never abandon my faith but I need to know is this perhaps a trial/test from God? I am willing to suffer for him, but wow, it’s hard.

I wish I had a priest that understood me and could support me, i have been to other parishes in the week and none I connect with. I feel hurt and lost. 😦
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Perhaps you could volunteer doing something which wasn’t so " out front. " Perhaps you could help in the yard ( if there is one ), doing clean up, etc. Does the Parish have any lay organizations like the Kights of Columbus that you could join and get to know folks.?

In any case, you are who you are and you will have to learn to live in your own skin. Perhaps you will grow out of your present timidity, you are very young yet. Be patient. You are just being tested for now. Linus2nd
 
_Gemma said:
I am 21 and got baptized this Easter vigil. I am a convert and former Anglican.
I never doubt God, I am very spiritual and have been very happy this past year but suddenly the past week or two I’ve felt very isolated, lonely and sad. I don’t have many friends, few catholic friends, no one in my small family is Christian and recently my priest has stopped talking to me because I told him I could not be a reader at church due to having anxiety issues so now he ignores me and no longer acts as a support person or a friend. The few Catholics I know from my Parish I rarely see and they are busy with their own lives.
God never fails me, I’m always comforted in prayer and feel love and strength from prayer and mass. But I feel the world hates me, no one understands me for my beliefs and mocks me for not being married or partnered (and I don’t want to be) I just feel so alone and hurt at the moment and having my priest ignore me really hurts because he is someone I respect and look up to. At times I feel like I just don’t want to get up in the morning.
Before I was baptized, I was very happy, very in love with god but it’s like all of a sudden I’ve stepped into a dark cloud.

I will never abandon my faith but I need to know is this perhaps a trial/test from God? I am willing to suffer for him, but wow, it’s hard.

I wish I had a priest that understood me and could support me, i have been to other parishes in the week and none I connect with. I feel hurt and lost. 😦
Click to expand...
I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate myself. As I started exploring my faith and seeking God, my marriage fell apart, got divorced, and lost a lot of friends both in the divorce and others who thought it strange I become Catholic.

I am meeting new friends slowly but surely, but often too feel alone. Our culture if secularism only adds to this when one is seeking God.

It was told to me that, it is common for those entering the church to encounter serious spiritual warfare. I am sure this is true.

I will pray for you and your journey . Keep the faith, nothing Good comes easy.
 
Sorry to hear youre going through a difficult time, also sorry that your Priest cant be a better support for you.

Try to keep in mind that the crosses we have to carry are from God. We have them because God loves us, and these things, even though they can be painful, ultimately bring us closer to God. Its counter intuitive, but your struggles mean God is helping you let go of some of the things that come between you and Him. God loves you more deeply than you can possibly imagine and only wants whats best for you, even if its difficult.

You might also consider that perhaps you are the instrument through which God is reaching out to your family and friends who arent Christian. Maybe at some point your example can help lead them to God too. Maybe God is asking you to be alone right now, so you can inspire those around you.

I’ll pray for you, hope you feel better 🙂
 
Hi Gemma!!

Having read your post it seems to me that we have MUCH in common.

I was also baptized, confirmed and had my first holy communion during the easter vigil this year. My family are protestants as well (my father is Anglican and my mother is Pentecostal). I live and work in a foreign country (Canadian living in Mexico) and often feel alone…

Once I was baptized and had taken my first communion I was ecstatic! After all of my soul searching and studying I was finally home. I had become part of a community…problems solved…or so I thought.

Shortly after Holy Saturday, I was home alone and out of nowhere I was hit with a massive depression. I began to remember EVERY horrible and evil thing I’d ever done in my life. For about a week I began to lose sleep and felt that I had made a HUGE mistake becoming part of the Catholic Church. I began thinking that I was too awful to deserve salvation and that I had wasted my time.

Later on my God-Mother insisted on taking me to confession for the first time. My God-Mother is a very special woman to me and I would find it hard to tell her no…so I went to confession with her.

Once in the confessional with the priest I was at a loss as to what I should confess. So I told him about what I was feeling and thinking about since my iniciation on Holy Saturday and that I was disturbed by my loss of faith. He told me something that I’ll never forget and I want you to remember this as well…

He said “Your iniciation into the Holy Catholic Church is the greatest afront to the Devil imaginable. It’s comparable to a dagger in his heart. He will stop at nothing to try and bring you back into the darkness. Don’t allow him to win. Don’t lose your faith.”

In that instant it all made sense. To lose heart and faith so quickly after having gained the one thing I’ve longed for all my life…it had to be because of Satan’s lies.

So, I’ve resolved NOT to let him win. I take communion 2 or 3 times a week. I go to confession regularily. I bless myself and my belongings regularily with holy water. I pray to God in my own words everytime the thought pops into my head and I am currently memorizing the rosary. I study my bible and I have also found someone in the church (my Catechist actually) whom I trust to act as my spiritual advisor.

I recomend that you do as many of these things as you possibly can. It seems to me that the devil is grasping at you…you owe it to yourself not to allow him to do that.

If you can’t do readings infront of your church…ask your priest if there’s a way for you to help out in a less public way. Something a little more behind the scenes. Is there a flower arranging commitee in your parish? Surely there’s some job for you to do that will allow you to help and also meet your fellow catholics at the same time? Also don’t allow yourself too much time to ponder things…keep yourself busy memorizing prayers or reading the Bible or other holy literature.

Above all else…have faith in the awesome power and glory of God our father! Keep close to him. He loves you!

PM me anytime. As I said at the begining…we seem to have much in common with one another. It would be nice for me to have someone to discuss it with as well.

God bless you and keep you!

Daniel
 
Welcome home, and know that you are traveling along the beaten path many of us have faced, and continue to.

Starting out, you just grew a whole lot in your faith, leading up to coming into union with the Catholic church, it’s a milestone and is more significant unto itself then you can imagine. We rely upon the sacraments and our Lord wholly, and this means not dependent upon the state and nature of fellow parishoners. I too have felt and been where you are at, even to the point of tears in the parking lot after mass many times. I learned to transcend it by moving more deeply into the Lord directly, without any support from people of any kind. The unique, one on one relationship you have will develop along a much deeper level then what is the typical church goer “this includes protestants or otherwise”. Moving on with it as well, you are sharing in Christs suffering, his people “the jews” did not accept him, they persecuted him and his followers relentlessly. This is the mystery that unfolded for me, and it’s not going to make things more pleasent for you, at least you will find solice in knowing you are growing further empathy towards Jesus, and what he had to face while on this earth.

Stand up and be strong in your faith when you face ridicule, make it clear that it stands for high principals and that you have an honorable code to live by. We need more young people like you that are devout. You are at a very good age for everything, and when you are ready for marriage, he will arrange things for you, just make sure you keep him always up front, excuse the human failings of the ones around you, and know what lies ahead of you is brighter and more wonderful then you could ever imagine.

Final thing, don’t be shy along reaching out to others, on or off line, you would be surprised the amount of very good allies you can make in the process. I have friends all over the world, all thanks to our mutual faith. I used to have Anxiety, it’s a terrible thing, and no it’s not fear, it’s in the same context as epilepsy, and experiencing both are equally scary to anybody. Look into seeing what you are able to find to cure along that one, and who knows, some day you may become a reader.
 
I’m sending you spiritual hugs. :hug1:

The devil’s favorite target is new converts to the faith. Yes, you are being tested, but not by God!

Father is reacting badly. Pray for him. It will help you to do that. I learned that from experience.

People who mock you for not wanting marriage have bought into the culture of death, which says that anyone who doesn’t want sex is some kind of weirdo. What you are is asexual. There’s nothing wrong with that - in fact some celibates pray for it!

Those who think that the only proper goals for Catholics are marriage, Holy Orders, or a community of Religious, are just ignorant. Pray for them, too.

God loves you, alright! Your starting this thread was no coincidence. Most of us would love to help Him prove to you that the world doesn’t hate you. I feel compassion for your pain. I want you to get better, and I will pray for you. That ain’t hate, either. 😃 I b’leeve us Papists 😉 call that agape love. (Unselfish love, i.e. charity, as exemplified in 1 Cor 13.)

Another life experience I want to share with you: When I was younger, I thought that anyone who stared at me was thinking bad things about me. I made a choice to let it roll off my back. Yeah, that’s “easy for me to say.” But it took years of “practice” before I stopped doing that.

PM me if you’d like!

Congratulations on joining the 2013 Tiber swim team, from
 
I know what you mean! Sometimes I feel like our parish priests tend to cater to just a few people who always seem to be hanging around, no matter what is going on at church. That does kind of hurt our feelings, but they are only human, and they are very busy, sometimes overwhelmed. As a full-time employed wife, mother and grandmother, I don’t make the time to be there all the time, but I do play the organ and cantor at Mass when I am scheduled.

Two things I would like to tell you:
  1. few of us really have the courage to speak, read, play, or sing at Mass. We just do it anyway! It can be terrifying even, especially when we make mistakes! I have played the wrong song (not the one I posted); I have started playing at the wrong time; I have sung the wrong notes, the wrong words; lost my voice while singing; found I am missing a page of the music I was supposed to play. My goodness, I can’t even remember all the ways I have blown it… but still, people tell me I do a nice job, and I just keep trying. God doesn’t care if we aren’t perfect! Answer your calling with a “yes” and you will feel much better. If you didn’t want to do it, you wouldn’t have brought it up. There are times, while I am playing music, I feel like I am totally out of control, start to panic… then I realize the Holy Spirit is guiding my hands and my voice! Let that happen to you, and you will be amazed.
  2. we are all tested, especially when we feel our faith is at its strongest. I have noticed when I start out my days with fullness of faith, wear religious jewelry, pray for strength… those are the days when I am most challenged in my faith. Some say it is Satan, going after the best of God’s people. Whatever the reason, it is a true happening. Your faith is being tested.
Welcome to the Catholic Church, from one convert (40 years ago) to another. 🙂
 
Gemma~
Thank you for sharing this. I too am experiencing very similar things in the four months I have been back and it has intensified in last few weeks. I am being confirmed Sunday and the last couple weeks - have been difficult

Thank you Daniel for sharing what the priest told you- that he would be so open and candid and truthful.

These forums are so helpful :signofcross: thank you all
 
Thank you for the replies. Anyone can PM me if they like I will always reply. It’s comforting to have at least these forums to turn to when I can’t anywhere else.
Although I feel alone and hurt I don’t want to stop ‘loving’ others and doing my best. I will come out of this darkness… But it is hard. Jesus is my light that guides me through.
Thank you for the responses and I will pray for anyone else doing it tough… 🙂
 
Wow! Look at this great thread and its postings that have moved me and others to respond. You started it by sharing with us here. Good work!

Anxiety is the “gift that keeps on giving”, especially if you feed it. It has been a great thing for me to become aware of how anxiety, a simple chemical imbalance that can be mended with nutritional supplements, could create such monsters in my mind. Everything becomes intolerable and overwhelming at times. What a waste!

I, too, went through the lonely self-talk at my church until I volunteered for this thing or that (a very awkward moment) and found that the people I thought were judging me actually liked me, did not know me, or had similar “outcast” feelings. Even a priest feels those feelings. I must let my head shrink to its correct size after a bout with my anxiety and fear.

Remember the word F.E.A.R. stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real”. It’s OK to feel anxiety at times; just don’t invest in it or try to interpret what it means. It’s usually just a chemical combination making a brilliant, sensitive, creative mind get stuck. God bless you and loosen your creative blocks. Feel free to PM me whenever you need.
 
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_Gemma said:
I am 21 and got baptized this Easter vigil. I am a convert and former Anglican.
I never doubt God, I am very spiritual and have been very happy this past year but suddenly the past week or two I’ve felt very isolated, lonely and sad. I don’t have many friends, few catholic friends, no one in my small family is Christian and recently my priest has stopped talking to me because I told him I could not be a reader at church due to having anxiety issues so now he ignores me and no longer acts as a support person or a friend. The few Catholics I know from my Parish I rarely see and they are busy with their own lives.
God never fails me, I’m always comforted in prayer and feel love and strength from prayer and mass. But I feel the world hates me, no one understands me for my beliefs and mocks me for not being married or partnered (and I don’t want to be) I just feel so alone and hurt at the moment and having my priest ignore me really hurts because he is someone I respect and look up to. At times I feel like I just don’t want to get up in the morning.
Before I was baptized, I was very happy, very in love with god but it’s like all of a sudden I’ve stepped into a dark cloud.

I will never abandon my faith but I need to know is this perhaps a trial/test from God? I am willing to suffer for him, but wow, it’s hard.

I wish I had a priest that understood me and could support me, i have been to other parishes in the week and none I connect with. I feel hurt and lost. 😦
Click to expand...
Hi Gemma. My name is Jacob. I am a former gang member and also a person who lived a life of crime and violence. I truly believed that in that life I had all the friends I needed. Little did I know that God is what I was missing. My son Dominic was clinically dead for 18 minutes when he was born. I felt that all my sins were coming back to haunt me riggt then and there. My wife was Catholic but I wasn’t when we got married. After my sons birth I decided to get baptized. Augustus 6th 2006 I was baptized, confirmed and married into the Catholic Church and born again. God nor the Church will ever abandon you. And consider me a new friend and someone you can speak to. My life of crime is behind me and now I hope to become a Police officer and hopefully a Deacon. My dream is to help as many peoole as I can because God has given me a second chance and I feel I owe him and society
 
Slaney said:
Welcome to the Catholic Church and to being Catholic, were you not tested like this in your old Anglican Church ?
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Good answer. Our priest here is a dour man who dislikes parishioners doing anything, so nothing happens.

Best to go “off campus” if your situation is like this, and try to put together a small, intense, 3-person study group. Add some quarterly evangelization effort.
 
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