New catholic seeking prayers and advice on masturbation issues

[newcatholic2010]

Hi there im 21 years old, and was received into the church earlier this year at the easter vigil mass. Before coming to christ I didnt think about things like religion or god plus my family arent catholic nor religious either. One of the things Ive really struggled in my first 8 months of being Catholic is masturbation. Pornography also I can admits been a habit ive looked at for many years since when I was a teenager, the same goes for masturbation and Ive found it hard cutting them down…masturbation more than the pornography. Ive tried to resist the temptations to not do it but I end up falling to it. Its confusing for me because I understand and I know that both are wrong as explained by the church, I know what im doing is wrong…but why do I keep doing it. I always end up feeling guilty and anxious after doing it. Ive been to confession over this and the idea of going to confession when my conscience tells me to confess the same thing everytime is demoralising for me I feel sometimes.

Ive never ever had a sexual relationship with a woman prior to being a catholic i count myself as a virgin as ive never had sex before i dont have a gf at the moment. I naturally love n respect women but at the same time im consumed with guilt over this issue. I know I cant just get rid of this habit like turning a switch on and off overnight but my conscience sometimes eats at me. Mortal sin and venial sins ive read and understood them but I find it hard to distinguish whether I due it mortally or not. One of the requirements I know is ‘full consent of the will’. but i dont know if i do it willingly sometimes. I love everything about the catholic faith thats why i came to it, ive found a home there. I reached out to god and christ when I had personal problems when I was 17/18. I agree with everything it says but masturbation i constantly struggle with almost on a daily basis, pornography i knows easier to avoid for me…just dont look at it whenever on the internet.

My fear in the back of my mind is for when im married with a family when im older and still having this issue. I pray for forgiveness alot but to have this issue when im married would make me feel worse as it does count as commiting adultery…even so at the moment i think also although i have no idea who shel be. I sometimes do feel alone because my family say its ok to do it. Ive masturbated one of the reasons being if i get the urge out of me i wont be tempted to have sex but I know i want to share that with the person ill spend the rest of my life with. I do have catholic friends and one of them ive spoken to says he masturbates also but still i know it isnt right and i want to stop doing it…but I sometimes feel its impossible.

Id like to hear replies from people especially catholics . thanks!

 

[EmeraldWings]

Well first of all, don’t let yourself think it’s impossible, instead think to yourself, “for me it is impossible, but with God all things are possible”…or in other words, of yourself you can do absolutely nothing, it is only by the grace of God that you can do anything, and so you must place yourself entirely in His hands, never try to do anything alone, always ask for His help and for the help of His Blessed Mother and the angels and saints, it is only when we fail to ask for help or fail to take the help given, that we fall into sin this way.

so as for prayers, you need to pray as soon as you recognize the temptation, never toy with it, do not consider it in your mind whatsoever,
when you first recognize the temptation, pray - “Precious Blood of Jesus Christ, wash over me, protect me from the wickedness and snares of the devil”, and then after that pray - “Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Saint Maria Goretti, Guardian angel, help me”, and then immediately leave the temptation, do not attempt to fight it, but instead flee from it, whether that means getting up and leaving the room you’re in, or going out for a walk, or if you are struggling with impure thoughts, change your thoughts to something else you enjoy very much that is not immoral,
and then even before you become tempted, you must take other means of guarding yourself from those things you know will temp you, which are called the near occasions of sin(those things which we know will lead to mortal sin), whether it be going online, watching tv, being with certain people, or whatever else, try to avoid doing or being around the things that lead you into temptation,

also, don’t let yourself be idle, if you ever have free time, spend it on some kind of hobby, or simply don’t spend it alone,

another prayer that will help you is, say 3 Hail Mary’s in the morning and at night for the intentions of purity and holiness, that was the practice of Saint Maria Goretti, so i’m sure it will help you also,

another remedy is of course confession, which you know, but what you may not know is, to just confess your temptations to these sins will give you the special grace and strength you need to overcome them, so even when you don’t have a mortal sin to confess, still go and confess your venial sins and temptation to mortal sins,
take advantage of confession, it is there only for your benefit, you only have great great good to obtain from it, it does more than obtain forgiveness, it increases your sanctifying grace, and gives you many special graces, and it is the greatest means of becoming a saint, as we have been told by the saints themselves.

don’t be afraid to take extreme measures to overcome this sin, and don’t let others make you feel stupid about what you believe, because remember that we are told “Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.”
and also “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, to refrain yourselves from carnal desires which war against the soul”
God is very pleased with purity, and likewise disgusted with impurity, so while your family may scoff at you, you know that God is pleased and smiles down on you,
and keep this passage in mind when you are faced with your families(and others) erroneous remarks -
“The desire that is accomplished, delighteth the soul: fools hate them that flee from evil things. He that walketh with the wise, shall be wise: a friend of fools shall become like to them.”
as long as you wish to walk with God, you will face the unkind remarks of others, one reason being as a result of their own guilty consciences,
but as long as you implore Gods grace, He will give you all the help you need, and then some.

well, just pray on it, and be patient with yourself, don’t expect yourself to fall, but if you do fall, don’t be hard on yourself, simply say to yourself, “you see Lord? how weak i am without you, it is only because i did not implore your grace that i have fallen, forgive me, and give me the strength i need to overcome this” and then pick yourself up, and go to confession.
even if you are not sure if you committed a mortal sin, the church tells us that “when in doubt, by all means confess”
so don’t debate in your mind whether you have really sinned or not for to long, although i will say, the issue of whether you have given full or partial consent in regards to a sin may be hard for you right now, but keep in mind that even that won’t last forever, just diligently work to overcome your sins, and soon enough your sins will become fewer and fewer, mortal sins really are not hard to avoid, and you can go the rest of your life without committing them, provided you grow and continue to grow in virtue and sanctity.

just pray every day for God to help you with this and to detach your heart from carnal desires “which was against the soul”, pray the rosary every day, say your morning and night prayers, mortify your senses, fast, read good catholic books every day, especially the lives and writings of the saints, and then of course always take part of the sacraments when you can,
it won’t, as you yourself said, happen overnight, so be patient, after all, God is patient with you, so you have no reason to be anxious,

and check out these sites -
audiosancto.org/
alabamacatholicresources.com/index.html
they will give you alot of very good advice that will help you and even your family, so i highly recommend checking them out.

alright, if you have any other question please ask,
hope this helps, take care.

 

[freerf]

Check out the Impurity Addiction Support Group group. It has a “40 purity challenge” and lots of other helpful stuff.

You can find it under the groups tab.

 

[JS_Cortez]

The one suggestion I can give you is get yourself a St. Joseph’s Cinture (fisheaters.com/stjosephcords.html a little info about them), even if you have to make one yourself and have it blessed by a priest.

It will help you doubly. First, beginning the devotion to St Joseph will provide you a powerful spiritual ally in your struggle to overcome your issues with purity. But secondly, it is a practical stopper. As you wear it around your waist under your clothing, if you find yourself caught into temptation, you will have to take another moment to think about the blessed cinture about your waist and what you are trying to overcome.

 

[baltobetsy]

Newcatholic, you explained everything very well in your first post. Make an appointment with your priest (the one you go to for confession), tell him exactly what you said here, and discuss with him how to set boundaries for yourself regarding consent as regards these sins of impurity, and how to avoid them, and how often to confess them, etc. Don’t feel bad about confessing these things again and again - most everyone who suffers with these sins takes a good long time to overcome them, and the priests understand that. Adding in the aspect of obedience to your priest will increase the grace you can receive to help overcome these sins.

Keep trying, keep confessing, keep calling on the saints and angels to help you.

Betsy

 

[Nathan_Wagar]

I am going a roundabout way of answering your question, but I hope you find it helpful.

1 John 2:16 and early Jewish thought refers to something called the “3-fold lust.” Basically the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh (physical urges and desires), and the lust of pride (disordered self-love; placing oneself before God).

You can see all three aspects of this in the Original Sin: They saw that it was good for food (flesh), that it was a delight to the eyes (eyes) and that it was desirable to make one wise like God (pride). Jesus’ earthly ministry was intent on reversing the effects of the Fall, among other things, and his Temptations in the desert also follow this 3-fold pattern. The Catechism outlines this in 538-540, as well as tying Lent in with this period.

A classic treatise called “The Spiritual Life” by Tanquerey shows how the 7 deadly sins are outgrowings of this three-fold lust.

Now read carefully through Matthew Ch 6. Jesus, among his lengthy sermon, calls us to do three things: Pray, fast, and give alms. The entire chapter is an exposition of this three-fold exhortation, referred to as the three evangelical counsels. Notice that these three things (and the Fathers noticed this as well) combat the three-fold lust, particularly when we keep in mind the previous point that Jesus is reversing the Fall. He is now giving us the tools to fight against the three-fold lust.

Giving alms combats against the lust of the eyes. Fasting combats the lust of the flesh. Prayer re-centers God above all things.

The early fathers placed a high premium on fasting because even though sexual desire and craving for food are two different aspects of lust of the flesh, it is the same will that controls. As Paul would say, you must pummel your body, since we as Catholics believe in an intimate union between the body and the Spirit, and the one will. Figure out if lust of the eyes is the problem leading into masturbation, then get used to letting go of material things. Exercise your will. Pray, since masturbation places a bit of a premium on disordered love of self. Start fasting, again exercising your will to deny your material cravings. In your particular case, as you have described it I would suggest prayer and fasting in particular. Pray in particular for chastity, and avoid “near occasions to sin,” since sexual urges in particular are a rolling snowball that is difficult to stop. You must stop it before it even turns into a well-entrenched thought. It’s one thing to entertain thoughts, it’s a sin when the thought begins to entertain you. Take Jesus’ sermon regarding chastity quite seriously, and control what you look at, touch, and think.

If you choose to follow this path and begin fasting and have any questions you can ask here, or email me privately. Just know that the Church does not expect such high standards from Her flock without giving powerful means of spiritual combat from Christ Himself, as well as the saints. We are all called to holiness and we are all here for you. Hope this helps.

 

[camerong]

In addition to the superb spiritual advice above, here is my practical advice.

Tell yourself you are going to immediately go to confession every time you fall. Convince yourself that your soul is in serious jeopardy every time you fall.

When you go a day without it, congratulate yourself on the victory of one day. After a week, don’t think (as many do) that you’ve been so good, you can’t be expected to continue for more than a week (or however long you’ve gone before) or deserve a “break” or the like. Tell yourself that you have come this far, you don’t want to break your streak of purity. Think about how the very hands that you can hold Christ during communion are the same hands you use. Read The Screwtape Letters and picture the demon that is tempting you into sin at every moment. Then take satisfaction in ruining that demon’s day.

Don’t allow yourself to doubt Catholic doctrine on this issue. “What if the Church is wrong?” But you know She is not. The devil will convince you the Church is overly harsh just long enough for you to fall.

Then take a bunch of practical steps. Move your computer to somewhere that it is not private. Get rid of anything you use when you do. Put crucifixes and pictures of Mary everywhere. Make a cross your mouse pointer, so that you will not dare use that cross to click on smut. Get this software x3watch.com/. Using it, it will automatically alert your accountability partner when you visit bad websites (if you don’t know of anyone to be your accountability partner, PM me, I would be happy to do so). Wear a long rosary at all times, so that you notice it if you take off any clothes. Play gospel or choir music at all times at home. Wear purity rings on each hand, and find ones that would make the act uncomfortable. Wear a rosary bracelet on the hand you use. If you do it in the shower, sing Church music in the shower from the moment you enter to the moment you leave, or watch a music video on youtube for some Christian song right before you get in (I like “Three Wooden Crosses”).

Also, become an activist against this smut. Browse these forums daily and pray constantly for those who struggle against it. Post the strategies you find to work. You will find that when you declare this sin to be an enemy, and you publicly work against it, thoughts of it will raise disgust, not temptation.

You have to remember that the battle is largely a practical one, and small steps (in addition to God’s abundant grace) can be enough to tip the balance in your favor.

Finally, know that it is NOT impossible. Many people who are guilty of this daily sin for many, many years break its hold over them. Imagine how good it will feel not to have to confess this particular sin–and with sufficient openness to God’s grace, YOU WILL MAKE IT.