New Catholic with contraceptive delema

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Okay I have a young 18 yr old girl with a 60-80 IQ who is living with her boyfriend and having sex. She is NOT ready to be a mother and will not use protection but may be open to using the pill to avoid having a child. She can not read and is not employable at present. This is hard for me because I have struggled with her as the school system failed her and governmental programs let her slip through the cracks. She is emotionally imature and would probably keep a baby because she wants someone to love her.If she would use barrier methods I wouldn’t be so conflicted about helping her get them as they prevent a child from being formed (I know not catholic teaching but I just see it as a lesser evil than a abortificant.) She is not catholic. I however am having problems being supportive of the pill even though I know that a child would end up being neglected and removed from her care at birth because of alcohol and drug use during the pregnancy or soon after because she was tired of playing mom. Please my only catholic girl friend sees no problem with this but I know she is on the liberal side of the catholic coin. Are their some options I am missing?
 
You are not missing any options, other than the one to trust God in everything.

What’s to say that the child that gets created won’t be the next Mother Angelica or St. Francis?
 
I can’t speak for anyone, but were I in your position and had a legal or moral obligation to protect this girl, I would move heaven and earth to do so. I would explore every legal means to have her placed out of harms way. I would probably have to take guardianship on her, and remove her from the home where she is living. Is it possible she is in a relationship that is unhealthy? Is she being taken advantage of because of her lack of acumen? Is there a legal aid society or a family practice lawyer that will give you a free consult?

Barring legal methods of protecting her… and even though its against Church policy to use contraceptives… I would probably suggest them…because I think to have a child brought into this world as the result of a relationship such as this…where the child may end up abused, or even dead…is the greater sin.

Have asked your local Priest for his advice and direction?
 
Unclear as to your connection to the 18 year old, is she your daughter?

The parents, family, friends, etc. of this girl are required to protect her, not to permit her to be taken advantage of in a sexual way by a man who is not married to her.

Using something that is objectively evil (artificial birth control) is never the answer.

Many prayers for this girl!
 
You are missing the fact that contraception is NOT ever an option. Contraception is intrinsically evil. It’s not ok to encourage someone to employ immoral means to achieve a (perceived) good end.

Of course you should encourage her to chastity. There are some good videos you can order from places like One More Soul-- since she doesn’t read, she can watch the video.

You can pray for her. You can offer to tak her in. You can ofer her chastity information. What you cannot do is help her sin.
 
Jodi said:
Okay I have a young 18 yr old girl with a 60-80 IQ who is living with her boyfriend and having sex. She is NOT ready to be a mother and will not use protection but may be open to using the pill to avoid having a child. She can not read and is not employable at present. This is hard for me because I have struggled with her as the school system failed her and governmental programs let her slip through the cracks. She is emotionally imature and would probably keep a baby because she wants someone to love her.If she would use barrier methods I wouldn’t be so conflicted about helping her get them as they prevent a child from being formed (I know not catholic teaching but I just see it as a lesser evil than a abortificant.) She is not catholic. I however am having problems being supportive of the pill even though I know that a child would end up being neglected and removed from her care at birth because of alcohol and drug use during the pregnancy or soon after because she was tired of playing mom. Please my only catholic girl friend sees no problem with this but I know she is on the liberal side of the catholic coin. Are their some options I am missing?
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She should not be living with her boyfriend and most definately should not be having sex. She is considered to be a vulnerable adult and should be guarded as though she were a minor child.

Why is she not living with you?

Where do you live? There are lots of options for social services out there.
 
Jodi said:
Okay I have a young 18 yr old girl with a 60-80 IQ who is living with her boyfriend and having sex. She is NOT ready to be a mother and will not use protection but may be open to using the pill to avoid having a child. She can not read and is not employable at present. This is hard for me because I have struggled with her as the school system failed her and governmental programs let her slip through the cracks. She is emotionally imature and would probably keep a baby because she wants someone to love her.If she would use barrier methods I wouldn’t be so conflicted about helping her get them as they prevent a child from being formed (I know not catholic teaching but I just see it as a lesser evil than a abortificant.) She is not catholic. I however am having problems being supportive of the pill even though I know that a child would end up being neglected and removed from her care at birth because of alcohol and drug use during the pregnancy or soon after because she was tired of playing mom. Please my only catholic girl friend sees no problem with this but I know she is on the liberal side of the catholic coin. Are their some options I am missing?
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Do you have power of attorney, or has she in any way been declared incompentent legally? If so, then a good place to start would be to have a restraining order placed on the her “boyfriend,” whose morality is doubly questionable for becoming sexually invovled with a girl that may or may not have a legal or ethical faculty of consent.

Does she live with you? If so, see if there is some way to keep a watchful eye on her…constance vigilance may be the only means of keeping this from happening.

Where moral theology is concerned, there is never a recourse to contraception of any kind, either as an end or as a means. I sympathize with your problem, but virtue may not be dispensed of when it becomes inconvenient. I shall remember you in my prayers.
 
Sorry I realize I should have included more details. She is a daughter of a friend. She does not have anyone who has conservatorship over her at this point. Her mom kicked her out when she was 18. She wants to stay technically homeless so she can get into housing. I had not considered going for guardianship but it is an option. The boyfriend is not overtly abusive other than demanding unprotected (barrier method) sex. I think I will put a call into adult protective services and see what I can pull up that way. She is not interested in being chaste at this point. She finnaly found something she does well and gets public approval for from her boyfriend.
 
Jodi said:
Sorry I realize I should have included more details. She is a daughter of a friend. She does not have anyone who has conservatorship over her at this point. Her mom kicked her out when she was 18. She wants to stay technically homeless so she can get into housing. I had not considered going for guardianship but it is an option. The boyfriend is not overtly abusive other than demanding unprotected (barrier method) sex. I think I will put a call into adult protective services and see what I can pull up that way. She is not interested in being chaste at this point. She finnaly found something she does well and gets public approval for from her boyfriend.
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I can think of only a few things more vile than a man taking advantage of a mentally challenged woman for the purposes of getting sex from her.
 
OK if this is rape (as in she does not hace the mental capacity to consent to sex) the ABC argument kinda gets thrown out the window. Rape victims have the right to protect themselves. Although I agree that ABC is “wrong” but you say that ABC is never an option, but sex with homeless people IS an option. I don’t understand.
 
Jodi said:
Okay I have a young 18 yr old girl with a 60-80 IQ who is living with her boyfriend and having sex.
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A 60 IQ would classify her as mentally retarded, in which case it’s statuatory rape for someone to have sex with her.
Please my only catholic girl friend sees no problem with this but I know she is on the liberal side of the catholic coin.
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There is no side of the Catholic coin that approves of artificial contraception for consensual sex. Any such approval comes from coins other than the Catholic one 🙂

Jeremy
 
I agree with others that she is not of age to even consent to this and due to her mental issues she could be coerced into doing this for approval… plus she may have a child and is not of sound enough mind to care for one… she needs people in her life who will not take advantage of her and give her what she really needs… clearly not the case with this bf… so I would say intercede as best you can to get her out of this situation.
 
A 60 IQ would classify her as mentally retarded, in which case it’s statuatory rape for someone to have sex with her.

Depends. The OP said IQ of 60-80. That range makes a huge difference. A diagnosis of mental retardation starts at 70 and goes down, so if she is in the 70-80 range, she may not actually have mental retardation. Even if it is 60, that is in the range of mild mental retardation.
psyweb.com/Mdisord/jsp/menret.jsp

Even if she does fall into the range of mental retardation, that in and of itself does not automatically make her incapable of consenting to sex or that a sexual relationship is statutory rape. Unless she has been declared legally incompetent (and that is not automatic, even if she has mental retardation, particularly if it is mild, which 60 would be), she is considered by law to have the ability and right to consent to the same things other 18 year olds are, to the best of my knowledge.

For example cqcapd.state.ny.us/newsletter/54plaintalk.htm

Are you aware of laws that specifically state that mental retardation constitutes grounds for a charge of statutory rape?

Also, what has not been asked, but before condemning this boyfriend out of hand, has anyone considered that he also may have a lower IQ?
 
I have been gathering more information as I am working with all of your comments to find a catholic solution to a very real world problem. Her last IQ test had her exactly at 60 points but she seems to has lost skills as she is no longer forced to attend school. The boyfriend is 17 and is impared as well. I am going to try and get in touch with his parents to see if there is a solution from that angle. Even if he disapeared this girl is SO vulnerable. It will not take long for her to replace the boyfriend. Adult protection will not step in but will offer their services if she requests them. If she is pregnant already (going to go check this out at free homeless clinic) I am going to try and convince her to adopt out. This is tricky because I am not sure she would respond and I could batter her down until she aquiesed but that would be wrong too. What she really wants is to feel important to someone and right now is getting that through sex. I will keep you updated as I try and figure this out.
 
Jodi said:
I have been gathering more information as I am working with all of your comments to find a catholic solution to a very real world problem. Her last IQ test had her exactly at 60 points but she seems to has lost skills as she is no longer forced to attend school. The boyfriend is 17 and is impared as well. I am going to try and get in touch with his parents to see if there is a solution from that angle. Even if he disapeared this girl is SO vulnerable. It will not take long for her to replace the boyfriend. Adult protection will not step in but will offer their services if she requests them. If she is pregnant already (going to go check this out at free homeless clinic) I am going to try and convince her to adopt out. This is tricky because I am not sure she would respond and I could batter her down until she aquiesed but that would be wrong too. What she really wants is to feel important to someone and right now is getting that through sex. I will keep you updated as I try and figure this out.
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It is possible that these two could do well in a supported living arrangement (though I don’t know that they would be allowed to live together) if they are both eligible for services. Unless you have legal guardianship, however, that is going to be tricky if she doesn’t consent. Consider contacting your local chapter of The Arc, if you are in the US
–it is an advocacy agency for people with developmental disabilities and may be able to help you with info on services and options available in your local area. thearc.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?&pid=183&srcid=-2
 
Everything has given you such good advice that all I want to add to this conversation is that I will be praying for you and this girl. :hug1:
 
Since you are not her guardian and she is 18, I doubt there is much you can do legally without having her declared incompetent. That could be very traumatic for her, regardless of your good intentions, and even if successful, you might not be recognized as her legal guardian afterwards and still end up with no say. If the boyfriend is only 17 and also impaired, I doubt this constitues statuatory rape either, though the laws on this vary from state to state. Of course, I am not a lawyer, so this is not a qualified legal opinion. However, my family went through a similar delimma many years ago with a family member who was schizophrenic and behaving dangerously.

Certainly this is not a good situation for her, but encouraging birth control would compound the evils in the situation rather than helping her right herself in this moral minefield. Talking with his parents, a priest and/or a social worker are all good places to start. It is sad that she has been kicked out of her home. She really needs her parents now.

She is very lucky to have such a concerned friend. I will pray for her, and for you. I will pray for the boyfriend as well, since this will have no less impact on his life than it does on the two of you.
 
I checked with adult protective. She is not bad enough to get a guardian but not good enough to make it on her own. Got to love a system when it does not work. On the bright side I finally met the boyfriend when she came over to do a card making party I held. At this point there is unfortunately little I can do. His parents are waiting out the 18 clock and he will be in the same situation as my young friend. She is becoming un homeless through section 8 on august 1st so their is the possibility that now that she doesn’t have easy access to her boyfriend the relationship may dwindle off. I also got her a appointment at the homeless clinic to go over general health items. I am not sure their is a happy ending to this but if she is already pregnant many eyes will be watching to make sure the baby is cared for or put in a better situation.
 
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