New Catholic Worrying Too Much

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I was baptized at the Easter Vigil. I’m thrilled to be in the True Church established by our Lord, but I’m having a very hard time adjusting. I’m constantly worried that normal, everyday things I do are sins, and I’ve never been very good at distinguishing mortal from venial sins. For instance, I noticed that I had taken a lot of pens home from work on accident, and that they were piling up. The simple solution is obviously to bring them back. However, that was accompanied by a full day of fearing I was in a state of mortal sin for traffic violations (no, I was not driving recklessly, I went 5 to 10 miles an hour above the speed limit on a road with no one on it to get home to help a friend), stealing pens from work, having normal marital arguments with my wife, and being constantly frustrated and venting at work until I finally got to confession.

Today I’m worrying about whether I have to delete any music I’ve downloaded over my 27 years of not being a Catholic (which is going to be impossible for me to remember what I’ve downloaded versus what I’ve bought and lost the CD for, etc), whether I’ve gossiped myself into mortal sin at work (I don’t think I have, I know that I shouldn’t but it’s just so habitual I can’t control it and I’m not even really sure it’s gossip or entirely what gossip is. It’s a high pressure job where everyone is on edge and vents to everyone about everyone and I’m typically the guy who hears the venting and only vent to a couple people when I’m under a lot of pressure), and the reality that I simply cannot tithe the full 10% at the moment without putting undo stress on my poor wife, when before I’ve never really given much of anything at all to any causes much less 10% of my income.

I’m constantly asking people if things are sinful and how sinful and I can’t thank our poor Deacon enough for how kindly he answers everything but I think I’m being a little much. Since the Easter Vigil, I’ve made 3 confessions, and it would have been 4 except I limited myself after making one confession 3 days after another confession. I’m a driver, and I pray constantly in my truck and listen to a lot of Relevant Radio.

All of this should be a good thing: I’m trying to turn my life around and be a good fit in the Kingdom of God. I’ve quit smoking after years of trying, I’m eating healthier, and I finally feel like I’ve my place with the Lord. But I’m only finding joy in church, and anytime I’m away from the parish I’m filled with panic and worry. I think I’m doing this being Catholic thing wrong, but I don’t know how to do it right. Please help me, I know this isn’t the way and that I’m crazy but I don’t know how to stop. I just want to be good. All I want is to be good, because God deserves it. I know He’s going to look out for me and have mercy on me, but I don’t want to offend Him. I love Him for accepting me and I want to be the best I can possibly be for Him, but I don’t think I’m doing it the right way.

Edit: I think I put this in the wrong forum. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure where else to put it since it’s about every day normal things.
 
Have a talk with a priest - make an appointment outside of Confession for this - for spiritual direction because what you describe is a condition that sometimes happens to well-meaning Catholics (cradle and convert alike). It’s called scrupulosity. Especially since the Church’s guidelines and rules are so new to you, and you’ve just been through a major conversion, it’s not uncommon for scruples to strike at such pivotal points. Hopefully the spiritual direction will ease your anxieties and help you get accustomed to Catholic ways with less stress. Congratulations on your conversion, and God bless! 🙂
 
Dear OP,

St. Thérèse wrote, “God our Father loves us always, absolutely, unfailingly, eternally.” You need to learn to trust the goodness of God, who is the source of life and love. He loves you!
 
I’m having nearly the exact same experience as you. I was also baptized and confirmed at the Easter Vigil and it is a really tough adjustment to make. I’m a college student and I’m constantly concerned that every little thing I do is a mortal sin even when intellectually I know it isn’t. I love the Catholic faith more than I can express, but not having much of a Christian background can make all of the new things that come with being a Catholic seem a little overwhelming. I applaud you for already going to confession! That’s something I have yet to do mostly because from what I know I haven’t committed a mortal sin yet and am just being scrupulous (at least I hope I haven’t committed one and am just not realizing it–something else I’m really afraid of!) I say all of this because I want you to know you are not alone in this and others are going through the same thing, Just keep praying and know that God will guide us in this journey and all of it fits into His plan for our lives and ultimately, our salvation. 🙂 I’ll keep you in my prayers and may God bless you abundantly as you continue through this next big stage of your life!
“God doesn’t require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.” ~Mother Teresa
 
I went through this when I was Baptized 2 years ago. They could be transitional scruples. It is common among new converts. Mine use to be very bad at first but they have mellowed out over the past 2 years. Sometimes it can be very uncomfortable but it is something you have to work through. If you can, talk to your priest about getting a spiritual adviser. I do not have one, but I hear that it helps. Also, if you can afford it, I recommend a book I bought off amazon.com called “Understanding Scrupulosity” By Fr. Thomas M. Santa (Yes, Santa 🙂 )
It helped me. I use to panic every time my foreman on the job would let us leave 5 minuets early because I was scared I was sinning by stealing from the company so I would donate every dollar I felt I did not really earn. This sounds crazy to a normal person, but it was a serious fear I use to have. I use to also have a very hard time deciding whether I dwelt on a impure thought on purpose and thus sinned mortally, or if it was just a passing thought that I truly did not wish to dwell on. Sometimes going to confession too much just to confess a bunch of doubtful mortal sins can just make things worse. One priest recommended I only go to confession once a month (If I did not have any sins to confess that I knew for certain were mortal) so that is what I do. Though even that was a struggle at first because I was always unsure if something I did or thought was a mortal sin.

On the plus side, the fact that you are worrying means that you care. So many people do not care at all and can dismiss almost anything as “Not sin” So many people think that as long as they have never killed anyone and they try to be nice to people, they are okay. But just so you know, you are not the only one who has gone through this, and there are better days ahead. Be strong. God is love. God Bless!
 
Guys,

I’m a new convert also, converted Easter 2014, and being Catholic is an adjustment but what a wonderful journey. The secret is to focus on your progress and the failures are a confession away to being gone forever. God has infinite mercy, you need only to ask, therefore pray about everything, worry about nothing and focus on how you can serve God to the best of your abilities.

Sin unfortunately is unavoidable, but as Catholics we have the sacrament of confession to heal our souls and bring us even closer to God. Just give glory to Him and everything else will take care of itself.
 
Dear Origen,
You are so fortunate to have joined the church at a young age. I converted at 50. You have a very fulfilling life ahead.

If you have committed a mortal sin, you know it, because you did it on purpose. So if you intend not to, then you haven’t.

The suggestion to seek spiritual direction is an excellent one. The priest should be able to set your mind at rest. God does love you more than you can imagine.

Whenever you get worried about your spiritual state, just pray a thank you to our Lord for keeping you close to him. And don’t forget to talk to your guardian angel. His goal is to get you to heaven.
God bless.
 
TheOrigen said:
and the reality that I simply cannot tithe the full 10% at the moment without putting undo stress on my poor wife, when before I’ve never really given much of anything at all to any causes much less 10% of my income.

I
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The Church does not require Tithing. It is a long standing tradition to give our Lord 10% but it is not a requirement and not a sin if you do not do it. Give something from your heart. When I was making about $287 a week I think I gave $5 a week to the protestant church I use to attend before I became Catholic. Now I make much much more and I give more out of thanksgiving for that! Don’t worry about not being able to give much.
 
Thank you all. It really helps knowing that this is a normal convert thing and that I’m not a loon. I can sleep a whole lot better now, and you will all (in addition to everyone else here, “CAF helpers/posters”) be in my prayers.

That’s one of the few things I like about my job. Whole lot of time to pray. 🙂
 
3DOCTORS said:
Have a talk with a priest - make an appointment outside of Confession for this - for spiritual direction because what you describe is a condition that sometimes happens to well-meaning Catholics (cradle and convert alike). It’s called scrupulosity. Especially since the Church’s guidelines and rules are so new to you, and you’ve just been through a major conversion, it’s not uncommon for scruples to strike at such pivotal points. Hopefully the spiritual direction will ease your anxieties and help you get accustomed to Catholic ways with less stress. Congratulations on your conversion, and God bless! 🙂
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To the OP, I think 3DOCTORS has some good advice there. It is okay to go to the Deacon with particular questions about your faith, but it might be better to talk at length with a priest about your frequent worries about sin.

If you did not previously have scrupulous tendencies, it is surely temporary, possibly related to your recent conversion, but you wrote something else that may be related:
TheOrigen said:
… I’ve quit smoking after years of trying…
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Do you think your anxiety could be due to (or amplified by) quitting smoking? That by itself would be a huge psychological challenge, and maybe a physical challenge too with the effects of nicotine withdrawal. When you get wrapped up in your worries, perhaps it would help if you remind yourself that you are going through a lot right now, and your nerves might be creating a lot of your anxiety.

Is there anything else you can do to calm yourself? Do you have a preferred way of relaxing during the day? Are you getting enough sleep?

Maybe try a different radio station. Seriously, I am not familiar with Relevant Radio, but if they have a lot of talk shows which dwell on sin, or where listeners call in with questions about their problems, that is not what you need at this point in your life! How about listening to calm music, or books on tape (or CD)?

I am praying for you, that the Holy Spirit will free you from needless anxiety and reassure you of God’s love. Peace be with you!
 
First off, I’d like to congratulate you on your conversion!

I’d like to share with you a simple quote by Saint Padre Pio: “Pray, hope, and don’t worry!” You will know when you have mortal sin on your soul, because the sin is grave, you knew it was grave, and you committed it with the full consent of your will. You cannot commit a mortal sin without knowing it. At the most, you would commit a venial sin that way.

A lot of saints had a time where they had scruples of their own. I know that Saint Therese of Lisieux, Saint Alphonsus Liguori, and Saint Ignatius of Loyola did. It’s something you will have to find coping mechanisms for until it calms down. Perhaps a priest you trust can help you with that.
 
You have joined the wrong religion if you don’t want to worry about guilt…

Guilt and shame is this Church’s raison d’etre.

Welcome to a lifetime of self-loathing, my friend. Welcome aboard!

For the record, Christ didn’t establish this current power-hungry monstrosity. This bloated empire is far removed from the original Church. At one end of the scale we have people in the Church who have given their time and talents freely over the years and who continue to do so; we have little old ladies who contribute regularly to collections from what limited funds they have to live on, yet at the other end we find out that the Church is literally ‘sick with power’.

Best wishes,
Padster
 
Leigh and Origen welcome to the Church.

Please speak to your Priest. He will put your mind at ease. You are worrying too much and over analysing. You need some spiritual guidance.

I went overboard before and after I converted but not in the same sense as you two. I tried swallow the entire www.vatican.va library. I wanted to know EVERYTHING about the Church…yes I was well and truly out of control. 😃 My RCIA instructor and Fr Brian brought me under control.
 
Love_much said:
First off, I’d like to congratulate you on your conversion!

I’d like to share with you a simple quote by Saint Padre Pio: “Pray, hope, and don’t worry!” You will know when you have mortal sin on your soul, because the sin is grave, you knew it was grave, and you committed it with the full consent of your will. You cannot commit a mortal sin without knowing it. At the most, you would commit a venial sin that way.

A lot of saints had a time where they had scruples of their own. I know that Saint Therese of Lisieux, Saint Alphonsus Liguori, and Saint Ignatius of Loyola did. It’s something you will have to find coping mechanisms for until it calms down. Perhaps a priest you trust can help you with that.
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Congratulations to the OP on joining the awesome Catholic Church!!! The advice above given by Love much is wonderful. It’s easy to say, “Don’t worry…,” but much harder to do, I know. Many of us deal with this, so you’re not alone at all. But St. Padre Pio’s words of “Pray, don’t worry!” offer a great alternative. He knew what he was talking about for sure. You’re definitely on the right track - fear not!!! And a trusted Priest can also be very helpful if you discuss it with him. I’m sure Priests have heard this many other times. Welcome to the Church, and God’s blessings always to you!!!
 
Beryllos said:
To the OP, I think 3DOCTORS has some good advice there. It is okay to go to the Deacon with particular questions about your faith, but it might be better to talk at length with a priest about your frequent worries about sin.
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I talk to the Deacon because our Priest is very young and new and the Deacon is a much older gentleman who is well-versed in this type of thing. I understand it’s not a normal situation.
If you did not previously have scrupulous tendencies, it is surely temporary, possibly related to your recent conversion, but you wrote something else that may be related:
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Before becoming Catholic I wouldn’t necessarily say I had scrupulous tendencies, but I knew that if I attempted to adhere to a moral code that I might have them, if that makes any sense. When someone tells me to do something I always follow it to the letter and if something isn’t done exactly 100% right on my end I have anxiety about it. Part of the reason I never really had anything to do with religion beyond Bible study and vague notions about Jesus saving everyone was that I feared my reaction. But the evidence was presented to me and I love Jesus whether or not I know and I had to act and join.
Do you think your anxiety could be due to (or amplified by) quitting smoking? That by itself would be a huge psychological challenge, and maybe a physical challenge too with the effects of nicotine withdrawal. When you get wrapped up in your worries, perhaps it would help if you remind yourself that you are going through a lot right now, and your nerves might be creating a lot of your anxiety.
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I’m positive it a huge part of it is from dropping multiple addictions almost simultaneously. I have not had a cigarette since Holy Thursday. This week I cut substantial amounts of sugar from my diet. Before I started this process, I also had a very big problem with sexual sin. I’ve never been a remarkably temperate person. I’m trying very hard to cut out the excesses of my life, and it seems like I’m now doing Church to excess. A lot would think, “there’s no harm in doing God’s will to excess,” but it seems there is a problem with that, and that’s having the pride to think you can do it all at once.
Maybe try a different radio station. Seriously, I am not familiar with Relevant Radio, but if they have a lot of talk shows which dwell on sin, or where listeners call in with questions about their problems, that is not what you need at this point in your life! How about listening to calm music, or books on tape (or CD)?
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It’s a Catholic talk radio station. I wouldn’t really say they dwell on sin, but I have found it calming to turn off the shows that are seemingly just about politics. If you ever have a chance to listen to Father Simon Says though, I highly recommend it. Father Simon helped bring me here through that show.
I am praying for you, that the Holy Spirit will free you from needless anxiety and reassure you of God’s love. Peace be with you!
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And with your spirit. Thank you. It seems to come and go. This morning I’m fine and in full realization that I’m doing too much and thinking too much and you guys have helped me realize that. But I’m sure I’ll come across something and start existentially panicking again. Especially on Tuesday. Sorrowful Mystery days always seem to do that to me.
 
TheOrigen said:
I talk to the Deacon because our Priest is very young and new and the Deacon is a much older gentleman who is well-versed in this type of thing. I understand it’s not a normal situation.

Before becoming Catholic I wouldn’t necessarily say I had scrupulous tendencies, but I knew that if I attempted to adhere to a moral code that I might have them, if that makes any sense. When someone tells me to do something I always follow it to the letter and if something isn’t done exactly 100% right on my end I have anxiety about it. Part of the reason I never really had anything to do with religion beyond Bible study and vague notions about Jesus saving everyone was that I feared my reaction. But the evidence was presented to me and I love Jesus whether or not I know and I had to act and join.

I’m positive it a huge part of it is from dropping multiple addictions almost simultaneously. I have not had a cigarette since Holy Thursday. This week I cut substantial amounts of sugar from my diet. Before I started this process, I also had a very big problem with sexual sin. I’ve never been a remarkably temperate person. I’m trying very hard to cut out the excesses of my life, and it seems like I’m now doing Church to excess. A lot would think, “there’s no harm in doing God’s will to excess,” but it seems there is a problem with that, and that’s having the pride to think you can do it all at once.

It’s a Catholic talk radio station. I wouldn’t really say they dwell on sin, but I have found it calming to turn off the shows that are seemingly just about politics. If you ever have a chance to listen to Father Simon Says though, I highly recommend it. Father Simon helped bring me here through that show.

And with your spirit. Thank you. It seems to come and go. This morning I’m fine and in full realization that I’m doing too much and thinking too much and you guys have helped me realize that. But I’m sure I’ll come across something and start existentially panicking again. Especially on Tuesday. Sorrowful Mystery days always seem to do that to me.
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We have some similarities. 😉 I’m a cradle Catholic and my bad scruples began after ending a relationship with a boyfriend who led me into sin (yes, I followed, young and stupid then, older and wiser now).

@ LaughingBoy1503 - I was blessed to have Fr. Santa as my first spiritual director! 👍 He still writes the Scrupulous Anonymous newsletter: mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm

There’s an OCD/Scrupulosity Social Group here on CAF - see the right hand sidebar.

I had not realized how many converts did have these transitory scruples. I can understand it, though. I have a friend who converted a few years back, who isn’t scrupulous but was never raised with religion so she isn’t sure about when she needs to go to Confession and what to do. She’s learning but it takes time. I guess a lot of different responses are possible.

I do think that it helps just to know it’s a problem others have heard of, you just have to locate them in places like CAF :grouphug: and then you don’t feel so embarrassed or alone with it. :blessyou:
 
another poster on the Prayer Intention thread also posted that he was baptized this Easter and was having a hard time and was worrying too much… This could be a tactic of the evil one because you have come home to Jesus’ Church… will keep you in my prayers.:gopray:
 
I’m pretty sure it is a tactic of the evil one, because it knows what exactly will get me all in a tizzy.

For instance, for the past two days I’ve worried off and on about whether or not I’m committing sin because my mother got me a subscription to a web streaming service as a gift, and to do so had to give me the password for it, which technically violates the terms of service.

It seems like such a little thing, and it IS! Meanwhile I’m impatient, hard to deal with, emotional, and honestly have the mouth of a sailor and yet I’m not all worked up and panicky about that. Confess it? Of course! But it’ll get better the more I work on it and I know Jesus understands. But the finer minutiae of copyright law that may or may not be law or enforceable in any way that is only understandable to a lawyer? Time to FREAK OUT!

I smell Satan at work here.
 
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