New Convert, Already Frustrated By Local Parish

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May the Lord keep my words from evil… but with that said, I’m getting very tired of my local parish already, and I’ve only been there about a month. The deacon keeps jumping to conclusions about me, specifically trying to tell me how I need Catholicism in my heart, and trying to dissuade me from being “analytical” I guess. I have a high IQ, and like to delve into the details of things, but I do it because it’s a passion to me - my faith is like a beloved hobby. I pray fervently, I try to do a daily rosary, I already have Latin prayers down, I’m following along with the spirit of Lent, and I developed such a devotion to one saint that I felt like I was her friend! Everything, catholically (sic), reminds me of God. I love art and wisdom, I’m an old soul and have even, repeatedly, taught people thrice my age lessons about life. My friends come to me for advice in their love lives, even though I’ve never come anywhere near as close to a true-blue relationship as they have. I’ve hardly ever found love, but yet here I am guiding my friends like some kind of leader - I always seem to assume a leadership role without effort or trying. I’ve experienced numerous private revelations, as well as demonic attacks, and know theological teachings well. I was a Protestant for five years in case you’re wondering how all this could happen.

I suppose I could be giving off that impression because I stated a few things dogmatically in the RCIA class, I kind of speak articulately and my tone of voice and facial expressions tend to be flat, despite the fact that I’m sometimes so quirky and bubbly that I seem like a girl.

People find my “heart” hard to read so-to-speak.

I’ve been to confession twice, and the priest is jumping the opposite way and assuming me to be lost off in my own little world. I pray for and receive tons of guidance and signal graces and massive blessings from the Lord, and then I go faithfully to confession and hear the opposite of that guidance from my priest. I feel like he treats my talents like damaged foreign currency, and like both are already trying to judge my heart and piece together a “me” in their minds from so very little. And I find that incredibly unwise. They both treat me like I’m far younger than I am - I’m twenty one and if I were in a college class right now we’d be talking about Aristotelian philosophy, but if I were at church I’d be treated like a fifteen year old. The priest is trying to attribute so much to my mental illness without even really knowing about it. It’s too much.

Everyone feels mushy-squishy there too. Everyone is more feminine in their spirituality, and not like strong women, but nursing breasts. There’s no liturgical abuses that I’ve seen, and they’re pretty much orthodox (I guess), but the deacon asked if I wanted to have him work together with the Lutheran who baptized me so I could see which I wanted to choose. And he gave me faulty information about blessing sacramentals. The mass… just feels like a older female Protestant wrote it - no sexism intended but good grief sometimes the music makes me cringe. It’s like puffy clouds, not the Milky Way of the Tridentine Mass. And don’t get me started on the NAB… plus when parishioners die they don’t usually exhort anyone about Purgatory. Oh, and the priest told me my penance wasn’t about temporal punishment, but self improvement.

(Ugh, no one take the femininity comments the wrong way, please. All my closest friends are like family, and they’re all women. It’s just that I was drawn to the Church by the old-school traditional strength. Philosophy, theology, mystics, martyrs, chant, dies irae-y stuff, etc.)

I came for the Papacy as well, so I would never turn sedevacantist. But this hurts. I won’t leave the faith, I have no where else to go otherwise I’d be in constant cognitive dissonance.

I’ve loved Latin since I was a kid (Final Fantasy games for the gamers out there.) I love heavenly might, reverence, exaltation, elegance, etc. But I feel like I’d be sinning if I ditch my local parish. Someone help.

Edited by moderator
 
How about this why not try and find out what ministries that they have and then get involved in a couple of them that interest you you said that the nearest tridentine mass was 60 miles away maybe you could make that drive once a month so that you can have some of tradition that you crave i undestand i crave it too thats why i go to my home paris 3 weeks out of the month the i make the 40 minute drive to a tridentine mass 1 week out of the month usually thew last sunday of the month. hope this helps.
 
I used to feel the way you do, I still do a lot of the time, but I have come to realize that I am in this parish due to the providence of God.

Once I accepted that I then realized that the only way things will get better in the parish is if people like me stick around and get involved, things will only improve if we improve them.

The truth is most parishes are influenced by a tiny portion of the members who are willing to do more than turn up for an hour on a Sunday, become one of those people and encourage like minded people to also become more zealous and more involved in the parish and you will see things change.

So you have to decide, as I did, does God have a mission for you in that parish?

I believe He does.
 
WoundedIcon said:
May the Lord keep my words from evil… but with that said, I’m getting very tired of my local parish already, and I’ve only been there about a month. The deacon keeps jumping to conclusions about me, specifically trying to tell me how I need Catholicism in my heart, and trying to dissuade me from being “analytical” I guess. I have a high IQ, and like to delve into the details of things, but I do it because it’s a passion to me - my faith is like a beloved hobby. I pray fervently, I try to do a daily rosary, I already have Latin prayers down, I’m following along with the spirit of Lent, and I developed such a devotion to one saint that I felt like I was her friend! Everything, catholically (sic), reminds me of God. I love art and wisdom, I’m an old soul and have even, repeatedly, taught people thrice my age lessons about life. My friends come to me for advice in their love lives, even though I’ve never come anywhere near as close to a true-blue relationship as they have. I’ve hardly ever found love, but yet here I am guiding my friends like some kind of leader - I always seem to assume a leadership role without effort or trying. I’ve experienced numerous private revelations, as well as demonic attacks, and know theological teachings well. I was a Protestant for five years in case you’re wondering how all this could happen.

I suppose I could be giving off that impression because I stated a few things dogmatically in the RCIA class, I kind of speak articulately and my tone of voice and facial expressions tend to be flat, despite the fact that I’m sometimes so quirky and bubbly that I seem like a girl.

People find my “heart” hard to read so-to-speak.

I’ve been to confession twice, and the priest is jumping the opposite way and assuming me to be lost off in my own little world. I pray for and receive tons of guidance and signal graces and massive blessings from the Lord, and then I go faithfully to confession and hear the opposite of that guidance from my priest. I feel like he treats my talents like damaged foreign currency, and like both are already trying to judge my heart and piece together a “me” in their minds from so very little. And I find that incredibly unwise. They both treat me like I’m far younger than I am - I’m twenty one and if I were in a college class right now we’d be talking about Aristotelian philosophy, but if I were at church I’d be treated like a fifteen year old. The priest is trying to attribute so much to my mental illness without even really knowing about it. It’s too much.

Everyone feels mushy-squishy there too. Everyone is more feminine in their spirituality, and not like strong women, but nursing breasts. There’s no liturgical abuses that I’ve seen, and they’re pretty much orthodox (I guess), but the deacon asked if I wanted to have him work together with the Lutheran who baptized me so I could see which I wanted to choose. And he gave me faulty information about blessing sacramentals. The mass… just feels like a older female Protestant wrote it - no sexism intended but good grief sometimes the music makes me cringe. It’s like puffy clouds, not the Milky Way of the Tridentine Mass. And don’t get me started on the NAB… plus when parishioners die they don’t usually exhort anyone about Purgatory. Oh, and the priest told me my penance wasn’t about temporal punishment, but self improvement.

(Ugh, no one take the femininity comments the wrong way, please. All my closest friends are like family, and they’re all women. It’s just that I was drawn to the Church by the old-school traditional strength. Philosophy, theology, mystics, martyrs, chant, dies irae-y stuff, etc.)

I came for the Papacy as well, so I would never turn sedevacantist. But this hurts. I won’t leave the faith, I have no where else to go otherwise I’d be in constant cognitive dissonance.

I’ve loved Latin since I was a kid (Final Fantasy games for the gamers out there.) I love heavenly might, reverence, exaltation, elegance, etc. But I feel like I’d be sinning if I ditch my local parish. Someone help.

Edited by moderator
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Oh boy. I understand 100%. Go find a parish that offers the traditional Latin Mass. Trust me, it will be the greatest thing that has ever happened to your life.

web2.airmail.net/carlsch/MaterDei/churches.htm

Find one, if you can, and just try it. Visit it for a day. See how you like it. Go there for a High Mass, and talk to the priests. I’m sure you’ll be blown away.
 
As a young twenties cradle-but-excited-and-devout Catholic…I understand your complaint.

Try to remember that people within the church are not perfect, and that many aspects of American church practices today are the result of significant cultural movements of the 1960s and 1970s. Now Christ has promised His Church will not falter to the gates of Hell…so take heart and don’t be discouraged. However don’t give up and sit on the sidelines. Do what you can reasonably do to encourage better practices of the faith. This would mean getting involved with certain ministries…explaining your position in a clear friendly way…and doing your best to remain on good terms with people.

Christ will only have us do what we are able to do. We just need to pray for grace to be positive examples of Him.
thequeen said:
How about this why not try and find out what ministries that they have and then get involved in a couple of them that interest you you said that the nearest tridentine mass was 60 miles away maybe you could make that drive once a month so that you can have some of tradition that you crave i undestand i crave it too thats why i go to my home paris 3 weeks out of the month the i make the 40 minute drive to a tridentine mass 1 week out of the month usually thew last sunday of the month. hope this helps.
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Good advice.
 
Ask God to help you cultivate the virtues of humility and obedience. Someone who receives “tons of guidance and signal graces and massive blessings from the Lord” needs to submit these things to a spiritual father to interpret them correctly.
 
I wonder if you know that you can go to any parish you want to. You can keep going to the same parish if you want or to another. It’s up to you entirely. I wonder if this parish is doing you harm. Going to church shouldn’t mean spiritual turmoil. But that is up to you to decide, whether going to another parish would be better for you.
 
A big issue I have with other people and my personality is that I tend to sync both left brained and right brained tendencies. I don’t do dichotomy (except in absolute dogma and morals), but America does. I think Armstrong mentioned that in his blog. But, Father thinks I’m too fantastical and in my own world. The deacon thinks I’m too analytical about things. Father hears from me the emotional and sinful aspects of me, the deacon sees from me the analytical and dogmatic aspects of me. I think. Yes, their observations can overlap I realize - both can be true and play into each other. I just wonder if they know that. I could very well get stuck in both. But I’m not as emotionally wonky or deluded, or fixated on the past as Father says, it’s just that’s what you talk about at Confession… and I’m not as coldly logical as the deacon says, but it’s RCIA. Ah, the curse of the chameleon 🤷

I just feel like that blend of mine is a unique blessing, and I feel like they don’t. I mean, a concrete example of my special temple blend 😛 would be how I can be traditional and almost scholarly, yet charismatic and contemporary too. I mean, like, Traditional Charismatic Latin Rite Gothic Metalhead Classical-music loving Deep feeling-without obvious expression Catholic. They say I’m 51% Phlegmatic, 49% Melancholic. I guess.

Oh, and sorry about the infraction. I didn’t realize that was part of the TOS, and I wanted to see if anyone else had anything to say about my Diocese, someone with more experience in church life. I won’t mention it though again.
 
baltobetsy said:
Ask God to help you cultivate the virtues of humility and obedience. Someone who receives “tons of guidance and signal graces and massive blessings from the Lord” needs to submit these things to a spiritual father to interpret them correctly.
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Yes, and I honestly wish to do that… but what if my spiritual father himself might be off? Ugh, I feel like I’m blaspheming and cursing him. I love the guy, but this is confusing me. I want to be obedient, but I’m always keeping an eye open. I want to know whether to trust or not, even Sirach says not to go to fast in trusting people. I do my penance, and I’m thinking about what they’ve said, but honestly their lessons are clashing, although I could try to squeeze them together myself. I think they just want me to act like a normal person my age. But honestly, how many of the saints got there by acting normal? :rolleyes:

Not to mention I would have to record quite a bit of things and quite scrupulously, and hand them in written in a journal, or with a USB drive with text files on it, to even begin to show all these things to them. There’d be freakin’ weekly sessions in his office XD. I mean, there’s only so far a person can go, I have to have my conscience formed well enough to just know or not most of the time. I mean, today I checked something with him that was freaky and really did not get much feedback. Really, not any… and I’m afraid they may not be able to reconcile even some of the good things, because God knows I do have a knack for reconciling stuff. The individual things might be seen as orthodox, but together they may or may not make sense to another person. And I’m scared that at this point some things might be dismissed as symptoms of nuttiness, not miracles.
Ultimately I want to know - what does the Vatican say? Can I move to another parish, or is it strongly recommended that I don’t? Is it considered selfish? IDK.
 
Ohhh… my city is listed in the header… and when you put the Diocese. Whoops. 😊
 
Okay, one of you must have prayed for me, because I just flipped back and agreed with my clergy, even though it was tough to swallow. I’m going to stick with that parish and try to be more mature now. I need to stop acting like the moment relative strangers come into the picture God ceases to work. :whacky:
 
You are young, and if your writing and statements are correct, intellectual too. These combined can give you a sense of already having the world figured out. You will be confounded. Perhaps, as another poster wrote, ask the Holy Spirit for the virtues of obedience and humility. They will help you to accept what the priest is telling you in confession. I’ll leave you with some good advice my brother gave me: remember that it is the priest, not you, who spent years in seminary.
 
you lost me at but. Its not about you, it’s about Him.Prayer begins and ends in Him. The most fervent has the least of self, and returns as unimpeded as possible. If you have talent, then be grateful to Him who gave it. In the confessional is Christ Himself. Do what He tells you. All is as it should be.

peace
 
YEP is see your problem; you combine 2 of the scariest things an intelectual who questions everything and a spiritual person who believes in what the spirit says. Not everyone can cope with 1 of those let alone 2 lol. I feel a kindred soul so I hope you take this advice as meant , ie to help.

Who knows why God has planted you in that parish or what plans he has but im a great believer in bloom where you are planted unless it is clear that God has other plans.

I pray the rosary and I always include the intention that Christ keep me humble so I don’t fall into pride and judgement by the temptations of satan. Every day I ask for the gift of the Holy Spirit so in all my thoughts and words I can show the wisdom and love of Christ and can know when and how to speak and when not too. I ask God to use me as he sees fit and hope he makes sure I use my intelligence and learning in a way guided by him through the spirit.

You seem a wonderful addition to the community and i’m sure in time your talent will be a boon rather than a cross at the moment. Humility does not mean abrogating your intelligence both worldly or spiritual but rather realising you are there to do Gods will and that it is only through working with God that we can achieve positive results.

Keep up the good work who knows what good works God plans to achieve through these very experiences you are struggling with.

Ps I always promote the Rosary.

:D:thumbsup:
 
WoundedIcon said:
Yes, and I honestly wish to do that… but what if my spiritual father himself might be off? Ugh, I feel like I’m blaspheming and cursing him. I love the guy, but this is confusing me. I want to be obedient, but I’m always keeping an eye open. I want to know whether to trust or not, even Sirach says not to go to fast in trusting people. I do my penance, and I’m thinking about what they’ve said, but honestly their lessons are clashing, although I could try to squeeze them together myself. I think they just want me to act like a normal person my age. But honestly, how many of the saints got there by acting normal? :rolleyes:

Not to mention I would have to record quite a bit of things and quite scrupulously, and hand them in written in a journal, or with a USB drive with text files on it, to even begin to show all these things to them. There’d be freakin’ weekly sessions in his office XD. I mean, there’s only so far a person can go, I have to have my conscience formed well enough to just know or not most of the time. I mean, today I checked something with him that was freaky and really did not get much feedback. Really, not any… and I’m afraid they may not be able to reconcile even some of the good things, because God knows I do have a knack for reconciling stuff. The individual things might be seen as orthodox, but together they may or may not make sense to another person. And I’m scared that at this point some things might be dismissed as symptoms of nuttiness, not miracles.
Ultimately I want to know - what does the Vatican say? Can I move to another parish, or is it strongly recommended that I don’t? Is it considered selfish? IDK.
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I would consider another Parish, but before you do that if you can make an appointment with your priest and discuss your differences, you may be able to make a wise decision. My parish is like this also, so I try and confess to another priest and attend the TM Mass as much as I can.
 
You know what, call me prideful, but I like to try and think rationally and rationally speaking a person who has talked to me all of around thirty minutes in my life should not be trying to make statements about my heart, who I am, my grip on reality (he basically told me I’m deluded and stuck in a fantasy world), and should not be trying to change my personality. A person who is wise should not jump to conclusions about a person’s heart when all he hears about him is a few of his worst moments and not ALL the details. It’s confession, and I tried to be a good Catholic and be honest and open - and it’s blown up in my face: it’s like he thinks I’m sick, and not in the medical sense. He’s supposed to be there to help me with sin, not force me to conform my personality to his hasty conclusions. So seminary or not, I already know this man is unwise. I’m sure clown mass priests went to seminary too… so priest or not, he’s made a huge mistake and I cannot stand for it.

I’ve overcome too much of my mental illness to sit there and have someone tell me I’m totally schizo, especially when everyone ELSE knows that I barely manifest symptoms. But hey, if actually being devout, and convinced of the supernatural, mystical, and intellectual, if being like St. Teresa gets me screwed over, bless the Lord.
 
I feel very detached from my churches. Maybe it’s due to city life, a result in living in NY, the influx of people moving in and out of towns.

The church that I felt comfortable at was from my childhood, but my family moved and we went to another church and it was never friendly or welcoming.

Then when I got my own apartment, I started going to the church there. It appears they were more conserative or tradition, I felt somewhat more welcomed because they had events and activities, which is important if you want the college to young professionals,(those who left thier town).

However, now I actually moved back to my second neighborhood, due to financial events, and at the same church that I did not like. It’s a very stale and unwelcoming church , they have no activities thus nobody knows each other. It’s as if one is walking in a shopping mall it’s crowded but not friendly or inviting. I don’t have a car so it’s not easy to get to the church that I did like. Every so often I visit there because they have events.

I joined a church group on meetup and that helps somewhat. so maybe try meetup.com for local church events. Now they do many fund raising and also encourage the young professionals.

I feel that many churches forget the people between confirmation and marriage(which many girls are waiting until 30 years old , so they can be financial providers and with the economy, many homes need two incomes).
 
rmpbklyn said:
I feel very detached from my churches. Maybe it’s due to city life, a result in living in NY, the influx of people moving in and out of towns.

The church that I felt comfortable at was from my childhood, but my family moved and we went to another church and it was never friendly or welcoming.

Then when I got my own apartment, I started going to the church there. It appears they were more conserative or tradition, I felt somewhat more welcomed because they had events and activities, which is important if you want the college to young professionals,(those who left thier town).

However, now I actually moved back to my second neighborhood, due to financial events, and at the same church that I did not like. It’s a very stale and unwelcoming church , they have no activities thus nobody knows each other. It’s as if one is walking in a shopping mall it’s crowded but not friendly or inviting. I don’t have a car so it’s not easy to get to the church that I did like. Every so often I visit there because they have events.

I joined a church group on meetup and that helps somewhat. so maybe try meetup.com for local church events. Now they do many fund raising and also encourage the young professionals.

I feel that many churches forget the people between confirmation and marriage(which many girls are waiting until 30 years old , so they can be financial providers and with the economy, many homes need two incomes).
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Hello fellow Brooklynite!

I feel your pain, trust me. I am actively seeking a congregation now, mostly in Manhatttan, one which has a TLM hopefully and also one that values the fellowship of the saints (congregants). I wish I could find one with a coffee hour. It is so strange for me to leave straight after mass.

Yesterday when I left mass, a woman held the door open for me and I said thanks and she gave me a benevolent smile, then we both went on our way. Everyone just rushes out of there. Definitely disconcerting, but I am still looking for the right parish so we shall see.

The meetup is a good idea. It never occured to me to look for a Catholic meetup although I have run other meetups in the past.

Maybe you could join a study group where you can meet people. Maybe after being in the church for a while you can start up something.
 
Dear friend, perhaps the reverend deacon is telling you to be less analytical because you are too analytical. Perhaps your priest assumes you are lost in your own little world because you are lost in your own little world. The lengthiness of your post, in its winding complaints and concerns, certainly indicates this. Your ability to wring your hands so extensively shows that you have not accepted “massive” graces and spiritual aids from God, but are assuming things based on your fertile imagination. A mind that works too hard is always prone to lose its faith when confronted by dissonance.

I say all this not in harshness, but in love, because you are exactly like me. Our personalities reflect one another totally in selfishness. You think your deacon is wrong in calling you overly-analytical, but he is a deacon with more experience of life than you. Even if you’re older than this deacon, why not simply assume that he is wiser than you are anyway? Refusing the advice of others because they disagree with you is the height of pride. I do it all the time.
I’m an old soul and have even, repeatedly, taught people thrice my age lessons about life. My friends come to me for advice in their love lives, even though I’ve never come anywhere near as close to a true-blue relationship as they have. I’ve hardly ever found love, but yet here I am guiding my friends like some kind of leader - I always seem to assume a leadership role without effort or trying.
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You have taught no souls any lessons that were not already in the world. This assumption of yours is absolutely chock-filled with a puffing-up of self-worth. If you’ve never come near to a true-blue relationship, then you must conclude that you’ve never given any good advice for relationships. Stop deluding yourself, recognise that you are like a stupid dog compared even to the angels, and that God is calling you to humble yourself down to the dirt like the rest of us.

It is true that some people are gifted with great common sense which is not so common. From your very long self-centered post, I can tell that you have taken this to heart and are full of love for your so-called talents. It’s ok, because each one of us has this problem; however, it is a problem, and you’re not even one tiny bit special. Get over it, and love God.
I always seem to assume a leadership role without effort or trying. I’ve experienced numerous private revelations, as well as demonic attacks, and know theological teachings well.
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All men experience many demonic attacks; these are called temptations. You have experienced no private revelations, simply because you say you have. You do not know theological teachings well, because those who claim to know the mysteries of God well are liars. I often think myself full of special demonic obsessions, or gifted with many visions of Heaven that others are not; however, my constant sinning always brings me back to Earth.

Your post is filled with what the Eastern Orthodox call prelest: a false conviction that you are holy, and acting on that conviction with zeal. None are holy but God, and every man can benefit from advice from his betters. Do not shun your poor priests and deacons as if they’re children; rather, be convinced that you are the child and God is the Father.

In love always! 🙂
 
How is one supposed to show their heart without telling of their works? False piety gets a man nowhere, I estimate myself according to reality. If it’s hard for you to believe that good things have happened through and to me because of a momentary upset, then it’s you who needs to step back and realize that you don’t witness my life 24/7 like God does. I was an evil person, but it was born of a suffering heart. I, in the past months, have overcome all kinds of sins - of misanthropy, fear, cynicism, self-loathing and pity, and violence. But just because I’ve been that way doesn’t rob me of my ability to come from a right motive today. Also, an evil person can’t experience perfect contrition, and I’m even beating myself up right now for being angry and offending God. But what if I’m not? What if I’m trying to be devout and am running up against modernist walls? You slay me with your words, and assume too much, trying to force me into an easy mold through a brief encounter with just a sliver of me. I appreciate your honesty, and I know you are trying to help, and I appreciate the priest’s honesty as well, but devout youth isn’t unheard of, and even the relatively insane can be close to God. I just want to be faithful, but I’m running across conflicting versions of faithfulness. Do I go with tradition and reason, or do I follow what my heart and conscience screams as wrong? I want to be accepted with catholicity and allowed to walk my own path, with my own talents, to God within the Church. I do not want to be pressured into another man’s path.

Is it really holier to NOT be intellectual? If I can analyze things to death and also use it to help see the big picture and keep it in my heart, to believe in order to understand and understand in order to believe, why is that so wrong? If everyone were against this mentality all our great art would have never existed. The Doctors of the Church would never had given us their truths. Why, I ask, is this so evil to modern Catholics? And why have we become so unnecessarily dichotomous? I can be heart and head devout, can I not?

I hate my own pride, I have mercy on my loved ones, and I try my hardest to watch my mouth. I suffered such extreme contrition and fear of Hell that I was driven to use my “anal” side to bring me to the Church. Now I have to leave it? This all seems so wrong.

Also, I don’t believe in the American culture’s PC version of charity, which is why I’m willing to make a stink sometimes. It’s not as though I’m tearing through the sanctuary screaming curses at the clergy, in fact I’ve kept silent and respectful to the point where I’m in pain because I’ve been made, through life, to feel afraid of defending my side. Just a few weeks ago I would have shuddered at the thought of even talking online about my opinions like this, and I would have broken down and conceded at the slightest criticism.

And I also should mention that though I seem extremely anxious and critical at this moment, I do know how to relax, kick back, and enjoy the moment. There’s a time for everything though. And I should say as well that I find peace and happiness in all my study, reading and learning soothe me. I’m not unteachable, but I don’t let my advisors be 1000 out of 1000 either.
 
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