New Convert Married to Baptized Catholic

[Sophia_Seeker]

I’m participating in RCIA as an “inquirer” aiming towards baptism and confirmation in 2013.

I have never been baptized in any Christian faith.

I just learned that my husband was baptized Catholic as an infant, although he was not raised in the church. I wouldn’t be surprised if his baptism and his sister’s were the only two times he went to church as a child.

He has no interest in exploring the Catholic faith at this time, and has already told me that he is unwilling to have our marriage convalidated - he doesn’t see the point.

Our marriage is the only one for both of us. Of course, we were married outside the Church.

Is his baptism going to complicate things?

 

[Oneofthewomen]

It could.
As a baptized Catholic, your husband is bound to follow the rules of the Church regarding marriage.
My best advice to you is to talk to the people running the RCIA program and/or the priest of the parish. They will be the only ones who can give you the correct answers based on your situation.

Peace be with you on your journey.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Talk with your pastor. He will be in the best position to sort out the issues and help you with any marriage issues.

Hopefully your husband will come around when he sees that this is something important to you, even if he doesn’t see the point. If that doesn’t work, keep the idea of “radical sanation” in the back of your mind. It will all work out.

 

[grandfather]

I’m participating in RCIA as an “inquirer” aiming towards baptism and confirmation in 2013.

I have never been baptized in any Christian faith.

I just learned that my husband was baptized Catholic as an infant, although he was not raised in the church. I wouldn’t be surprised if his baptism and his sister’s were the only two times he went to church as a child.

He has no interest in exploring the Catholic faith at this time, and has already told me that he is unwilling to have our marriage convalidated - he doesn’t see the point.

Our marriage is the only one for both of us. Of course, we were married outside the Church.

Is his baptism going to complicate things?

Your husband might change his mind about not seeing the point.

Someone married outside the Church who becomes Catholic needs to have the marriage recognized, validated, blessed, by the Church in order to live as a married person with his or her spouse. Having sexual relations outside marriage is sinful. A Catholic may not have marital relations with a person unless he or she is married as a Catholic.

When a marriage is convalidated by the Church it is really like getting married for the first time. Religious vows are made that join the couple to one another, bind them, are necessary for the marriage to take place. The need for convalidation is the Church says no marriage took place earlier, or is not sure of it.

In other words the Church is saying these new converts were never married in the eyes of the Church. Not being married they are not bound to their partners. Once the convalidation or the marriage takes place spouses are bound for life, joined by God, for better or worse, and may lawfully enjoy the goods of marriage.

We are either bound or free. When people marry the Church determines if they are free to marry, that there are no impediments to marriage. Until people are bound to a spouse by marital vows recognized by the Church, or religious vows to remain celibate, they are free to marry, or not to marry.

 

[Sophia_Seeker]

Thanks for the responses!

I had to Google “Radical Sanation” to find out what it was.

It’s still early days, and if I’m still serious about this a year from now, I suspect he’ll be more open than he is today to the idea.

In the meantime, it’s good to know the realities of the situation, and the alternatives.

He was stunned to learn that he’s been baptized into the Church. It was done to please the grandparents. His parents had no intention of raising him Catholic, although his mother has since been reconciled with the Church. I would not place any bets though that he’ll want to be confirmed himself anytime soon.

 

[Rence]

I’m participating in RCIA as an “inquirer” aiming towards baptism and confirmation in 2013.

I have never been baptized in any Christian faith.

I just learned that my husband was baptized Catholic as an infant, although he was not raised in the church. I wouldn’t be surprised if his baptism and his sister’s were the only two times he went to church as a child.

He has no interest in exploring the Catholic faith at this time, and has already told me that he is unwilling to have our marriage convalidated - he doesn’t see the point.

Our marriage is the only one for both of us. Of course, we were married outside the Church.

Is his baptism going to complicate things?

You would have to talk to a good priest. Once you’re Baptised you’re going to be expected to follow Church rules and laws. If your husband and you both weren’t Catholic when you got married, and were married within your own community, your marriage might be valid in the eyes of the Church (for example, the Church recogizes as valid the marriage of a jewish couple, married in the jewish fashion, and if they converted to Catholicism, I don’t think they would have to do anything extra to validate their marriage. And the Church recognizes as valid the marriage of a muslim couple, married in the muslim fashion, so the same would go for them. And the Church recognizes as valid the marriage of a Lutheran couple married in the Lutheran fashion, etc.). But your husband is Catholic and that might pose a problem because 1) the Church teaches that once someone is Batised Catholic, they have an indelible mark that makes them Catholic forever, whether they accept that teaching or not. and 2) Catholics are required to marry Sacramentally in the Church. So he is not in a valid marriage.

Given the fact that your husband was baptised Catholic, and is not married in the Church, you won’t be considered married by the Church, and once you become Catholic you would be considered co-habitating until the marriage is convalidated. And if your husband is unwilling to do that, then it will affect you once you’re Baptised.

So you really need to talk to your paster. I don’t think talking to your RCIA instructor is enough for this one.

 

[JRKH]

Since the issue is not really “Imminent”, just be patient with him as you move forward.
Being your husband, he should be willing to accept convalidation out of his love for you and wanting you to be happy.
Even if it does not hold a significant spiritual meaning to him, your happiness should, and your marriage should, so the opportunity to “renew your vows” (in his mind) should be a happy thing for him as well.
So I would suggest this an approach with him. The importance you attach to this and how much you love him and how his cooperation in this speaks so strongly to the Love that the two of you share.

One other thing I might mention…the convalidation need not be any big thing. When My wife and I went for ours (after my annulment) there was just us, the deacon, and a couple of other people.
So if your husband doesn’t want to get into a whole “tadoo” about it…you can set his mind to rest…

Peace
James

 

[joanofarc2008]

Thanks for the responses!

I had to Google “Radical Sanation” to find out what it was.

It’s still early days, and if I’m still serious about this a year from now, I suspect he’ll be more open than he is today to the idea.

In the meantime, it’s good to know the realities of the situation, and the alternatives.

He was stunned to learn that he’s been baptized into the Church. It was done to please the grandparents. His parents had no intention of raising him Catholic, although his mother has since been reconciled with the Church. I would not place any bets though that he’ll want to be confirmed himself anytime soon.

He does not need to be Confirmed in the Church to be married in the Church. It would be nice if he had a conversion of heart but it is not necessary for convalidation. Again you should see your priest.