New here and recently off ABC and...(a bit long)

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wooly

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Hi there, I posted this in the greetings forum and Catherine suggested i post here as well.

I’m a father of 3 boys, one that’s 23, a college grad and working (whew!) and 2 younger sons that are 13 and 10. Happily married.

We’ve never been great at family planning. My wife and I got pregnant when were in college prior to getting married. (We were very lucky that we were both Catholic, although at the time when dating it wasn’t a noted requirement) The time was very stressful but we tied the knot a few years later. Our son was our ring barer at the age of 4.

We were young and not as faith-filled as we are now, so were on contraception. We “decided” we wanted more children a few years later but couldn’t conceive so we turned to medicine/science. Despite the churches teachings we ended up having our second son via IVF. Two years later we had our 3rd son naturally which was quite a surprise.

We are truly blessed with our 3 boys.

My wife began another chapter in her religious life and enrolled in a bible study group. Around that time she decided it was time to get off the pill because she was not physically reacting well to it. But we continued to use other forms of ABC. As she progressed through her bible study she started to understand and embrace the churches stance on ABC and brought the topic up with me.

Fast forward three months and my wife (and I) are now off of using contraception. Went to confession last week and we both feel better. We just starting NFP (in our mid 40’s) and boy is it an adjustment. Woke up early this morning, stressing about my wife being possibly pregnant (no positive tests but still stressed). Been saying prayers to let go and let God’s plan unfold. It’s very difficult. So in the middle of my prayers, I realized that this forum existed ~ been listening off and on to Catholic Answers podcasts. So i joined and have begin reading. What a great group. I’m thankful to find the community.

Anyway, like many of you, I’m used to thinking I can control my own destiny. Been like that since I was young, probably fostered in sports and in business. Now I have this feeling of not being in control and it’s crazy hard. I pray and ask God for his guidance and and trying to let go. I think part of this is my wife and I are still trying to figure out the NFP thing. but she’s got an abnormal cycle so it’s been difficult. She hasn’t had her period in 2+ months. We’ve taken two pregnancy tests and they were both negative (not pregnant). She’s 45 and thinks she may be “too old” to get pregnant. But as we embark on this new phase of our live’s, we are both being forced to question and embrace our faith. After reading a few threads on the forum, it’s nice to know that there are a lot of you out there facing similar challenges.
 
Wooly, doing the right thing sometimes is very hard. But, the right thing is never wrong, if you know what I mean.

Good luck. For some, NFP mechanics are hard, for others, the mechanics are easily understood but the abstinence is not easy. It is good you are doing the right thing. Hang in there.
 
I am a mother with 3 young children. My husband and I decided last year to repent of ABC and use NFP. My cycles are not regular either, which adds additional difficulties. To be honest I am still struggling with all that this involves. I pray for God to increase my faith. I do not know how I would be able to survive another pregnancy physically or emotionally. My husband worries more about the financial aspect. And I worry, if I were to get pregnant, my family would ridicule us and not understand how we could let this happen. Everyone else’s husband in my family has had vasectomies. I think this is a test of our faith. I am Catholic and I believe that the Church is here to guide us and instruct us for our own good & spiritual protection. Therefore, I choose to trust this teaching. NFP is not an easy choice for us, we just hope that God will honor it. But really, what else is there? mortal sin? I sure don’t go that route.
 
Thanks for the comments and encouragement.

It sounds like we are blessed with terrific spouses to embark on this journey.
 
Wooly, it is good news to hear about this. As Christ told us, there is rejoicing among the angels whenever even one person repents of serious sin. 👍

I am an NFP instructor, for the Sympto Thermal Method. If you have any questions about the practice of NFP, I am happy to offer my assistance.

It can definitely be hard at times using NFP. I think there is also on top of that a tendency for us to fall under spiritual attack when it comes to these things, producing excessive amounts of fear and anxiety in our lives. In times like this, it can be hard to let go, and let God’s plan unfold. From my own experience, I can say that times like these are when we should say, “Jesus, I trust in you”…and remember that he IS ultimately in control of all of this. The prayer to St. Michael the Archangel is also a good prayer when under spiritual attack.

Because I am an NFP instructor, I am compelled to bring up the other side of this, too. And that is that marriage IS founded with one purpose being openness to the conception of children. It is true that there is a right way to deliberately avoid pregnancy (i.e., using NFP instead of ABC), but the teaching that we have from the Church on this matter is that married couples need to have serious reason for avoiding pregnancy, even if they are using NFP. We might say that the pattern of life of a secular couple using ABC does not usually translate into an acceptable standard by which Catholics might use NFP.

This is a determination that each couple needs to make for themselves, but the key is recognizing the objective reality of God’s law, and the teaching that He has entrusted to His Church.

God bless
 
Wooly, what charting method are you using? Has it given you any insight into why your wife’s cycles are irregular? Do you have a supportive physician who understands her charts and is able to diagnose potential problems? (My doctor knew I had endometriosis just by looking at my charts and listening to me tell her about my symptoms) Whether you want to conceive, avoid, for just let the chips fall where they may, NFP charting can be a very useful tool for tracking her health.
 
LittleRose said:
Wooly, what charting method are you using? Has it given you any insight into why your wife’s cycles are irregular? Do you have a supportive physician who understands her charts and is able to diagnose potential problems? (My doctor knew I had endometriosis just by looking at my charts and listening to me tell her about my symptoms) Whether you want to conceive, avoid, for just let the chips fall where they may, NFP charting can be a very useful tool for tracking her health.
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My wife just started charting her temperature about a month ago. She hasn’t had her period is 2+ months but we plan on using one of those fertility monitors. So to answer you question, I really don’t know what method we are using. I need to tune in and pay attention more. But my wife has told me that the charting will take months and she cannot start using the monitor until she has her period. So I guess I’ve got some time to learn. Are there any good sources for info that you can point me to? Also, it sounds like my wife should be consulting a good NFP doctor…
 
I just wanted to say Hi and Welcome!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. May God strengthen your faith and love for each other as you take on this new challenge in your life.
 
wooly said:
So I guess I’ve got some time to learn. Are there any good sources for info that you can point me to?
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I would recommend: nfpandmore.org/. An NFP instruction manual (“Natural Family Planning: The Complete Approach”) is available there to download (though you need to register and they ask for a donation along with it). You can also just buy it off Lulu. There is also a home study course on the website.
 
If you are charting temperature, sounds like the sympto thermal method. That above website from Oneplustwo has charts and such on there. You can also contact them for questions, if you are unsure of things, the couple that takes care of that site is the same couple who wrote a lot of books about nfp,STM method, so they really know a lot about the issue. If you want quick responses about her cycle/method your using or would like someone to take a look at your charts, you can email them there. Good luck with everything 🙂
 
wooly said:
My wife just started charting her temperature about a month ago. She hasn’t had her period is 2+ months but we plan on using one of those fertility monitors. So to answer you question, I really don’t know what method we are using. I need to tune in and pay attention more. But my wife has told me that the charting will take months and she cannot start using the monitor until she has her period. So I guess I’ve got some time to learn. Are there any good sources for info that you can point me to? Also, it sounds like my wife should be consulting a good NFP doctor…
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Whatever method you use, I strongly urge you and your wife to find a local teacher and take a class in it together. That way, you can get some help with understanding her charts, and you can also get feedback about the accuracy of the observations you make and the way you chart them. See any of the various links below for more info.

It sounds like what you are using is basically the Symptothermal method (STM). That is usually taught by the Couple to Couple League. (ccli.org/). Their website has info on the method, and you should be able to find a teaching couple through them too.

I have used STM in the past, and am now using Creighton, which relies solely on observations of cervical mucus.

Both methods have their merits, and some people find it useful to use fertility monitors, but I will warn you that some people with irregular cycles have such goofy things going on hormonally that even the fertility monitors can be difficult to use. Each woman is different. I’m actually glad that DH and I are familiar with multiple methods. I believe that the more we women (and our husbands!) understand our bodies, the more empowered we are to take care of them.

As to medical support, my own personal experience is that Creighton, when combined with the (name removed by moderator)ut of a doctor trained in NaProTechnology (naprotechnology.com/) has the best medical support. Alas, there are only about 12 of these in the entire US at present, but their numbers are growing! There are also others who are familiar with NaPro, but do not have extensive training in its medical and surgical applications. I believe there are doctors out there who are skilled at using STM to evaluate patients, and I will say that any well-informed NFP-friendly doctor (regardless of which method they are most familiar with) is better than what the mainstream has to offer.

The website One More Soul has a directory of NFP-friendly doctors that you can search by zip code:
onemoresoul.com/nfp-directory

If you want to learn about Creighton and NaPro, you can find teachers and medical consultants here: fertilitycare.org/

There is a lot to learn, so take it one step at a time. It’s not a frustration-free process, but it is worth it, and it is much easier for both of you when you do it together. I hope the two of you are able to find what you need!
 
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