New Mass-less Nuptials trend

[Country_Gal]

As an earlier poster said, it is only done because people (1) don’t like going to Mass and (2) have this can’t-wait-until-it’s-party-time feeling. However, the church allows this and it’s better than what many other people do, which is have the wedding outside of the church completely.

… So everything revolves only around the bride? Should the groom have no say in planning a wedding?

Traditionally the groom lets the women folk fight over the details of the wedding. Traditionally the bride’s parents foot the bill, and the bride and her mother are in charge. That arrangement goes back to antiquity.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

… So everything revolves only around the bride? Should the groom have no say in planning a wedding?

I would say that a lot of men don’t care about the details. When planning our wedding, my husband didn’t care about what the napkins looked like or if we were going with silk or satin tablecloths. He didn’t even pick the tuxedos because he wasn’t wearing one. He chose to wear his uniform. My dad helped pick them out because he was actually wearing one. My husband chose the groom’s cake and helped with the colors. Actually, I gave him some choices of different color palettes and he picked from them. When I would ask him something, he would tell me, “whatever you think is best.” Most of the grooms I know are like that.

 

[Country_Gal]

I personally wouldn’t want to marry a guy who wanted to get overly involved in the details of wedding planning! Something unmanly about it, in my opinion. :twocents:

 

[robwar]

I personally wouldn’t want to marry a guy who wanted to get overly involved in the details of wedding planning! Something unmanly about it, in my opinion. :twocents:

My husband was very involved in the planning details of our wedding, it depends on the couple but we did it together and still married 27 years! However the couple works it out is up to them and their families and is getting off topic of the thread. My husband is the type of detailed type of guy, it has nothing to do with “manliness”.

 

[Sarabande]

Yesterday my wife and I attended a wedding of a daughter of one of her cousins. Based on the schedule between the estimated ending of the wedding mass and reception there was 2 hours to spare so we figured we go to confession. Well, the service was not a mass but a shorten ceremony,so I figured it was officiated by a deacon since in the area we were visiting there is a priest shortage. My wife was surprised that it was not a mass, Priest at confession was the officiator of the mass. Afterwards my wife learned that this is a new trend. Nowadays people find that mass is too long and they want the saved time for picture taking so the have a mass-less nuptials.

Am I too old school to think that two Catholics getting married should opt for the full mass when there is more than plenty of time to fit it in? Why marry people in the church when this could have been done at any outdoor/indoor wedding venue?

God bless .

I’ve been a wedding ceremony musician for a little over 10 years and I have noticed over the past year that more Catholic weddings where both the bride and groom were Catholic have chosen a ceremony outside of mass. It has never been unusual for couples where one of them were not Catholic, but I have noticed this “trend”, if that’s what it should be called. I don’t know the reasoning for all of the couples, but there were some who were very forthright about their reasons. The main one was that they wanted it short and sweet and to get to the party right away. The other was that one or both of the couple’s family were not Catholic and they took it under advisement either by their priest or to avoid a huge blow-up from family for becoming Catholic and having a Catholic wedding in the first place. Then I’ve had couples who had first wanted just a ceremony and then due to pressure from both of their mothers, they decided to have a mass. (I’ve found A LOT of mothers think that their child’s wedding won’t be “real” and recognized by God if they don’t have a nuptial mass.)

Although I do prefer the nuptial mass, I’m not there to judge the reasoning behind a couple’s decision. My own nuptial mass was an hour and 20 minutes long. It was the most important part of our day and the only part of the day where we actually had each other to ourselves. I was very thankful to have that 1hr 20min with my husband and with God without being pulled in millions of directions by family and friends afterwards.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

We wanted an afternoon wedding to save costs. Every place in NY starts their afternoon weddings at noon so they can have you out by 5 to be ready for the evening weddings.

Every place. Come on.
My sister is an event planner in NYC.

Crazy. In all of New York no place could accommodate you.

Just amend it to Every place I wanted.

Lets be a little honest with ourselves. It didn’t fit your plan. Not because it was impossible but because it was not your priority.

I really don’t care one way or another. And I am not judging your wedding. But if you are selling there was no other way and the entire city does not work around those who want Catholic Masses, then please a have little more respect for my mental capacity.

 

[Country_Gal]

Wow, this is a hot topic for debate. !

 

[agw123]

Every place. Come on.
My sister is an event planner in NYC.

Crazy. In all of New York no place could accommodate you.

Just amend it to Every place I wanted.

Lets be a little honest with ourselves. It didn’t fit your plan. Not because it was impossible but because it was not your priority.

I really don’t care one way or another. And I am not judging your wedding. But if you are selling there was no other way and the entire city does not work around those who want Catholic Masses, then please a have little more respect for my mental capacity.

First dont assume that NY means NYC. There are vast amounts of land that make up NYS that dont include NYC.

Yes, we would have to have gotten married in a parish that neither my wife or I belonged to. It would have been a 1/2 hour away and the time saved would have been lost in travel

We could have had an evening reception at either 2x the cost which was not financially possible. Both of us have big families.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

First dont assume that NY means NYC. There are vast amounts of land that make up NYS that dont include NYC.

Yes, we would have to have gotten married in a parish that neither my wife or I belonged to. It would have been a 1/2 hour away and the time saved would have been lost in travel

We could have had an evening reception at either 2x the cost which was not financially possible. Both of us have big families.

I’m sure you have a ton of reasons. Which is why it was YOUR wedding. But when you make it sound like there was no other option then that is just silly. Because I can guarantee you many people got married at the same parish you did with less money and had a reception.

In our Church you can choose to have a Mass or not. But if you are saying that it would have been impossible for you to do it then there is a disconnect.

I am aware of New York as a state. I know I know, It is a little known out of the way area that almost no one lives in or visits. I know it can seem like it is almost it’s own world but I think some of the situations of parishes and wedding might be similar to anywhere else. But I hear it has more than a couple parishes around. And just a few buildings you can have events in at certain times.

How did other couples manage to do it differently than you.

 

[dixieagle]

I’m sure you have a ton of reasons. Which is why it was YOUR wedding. But when you make it sound like there was no other option then that is just silly. Because I can guarantee you many people got married at the same parish you did with less money and had a reception.

In our Church you can choose to have a Mass or not. But if you are saying that it would have been impossible for you to do it then there is a disconnect.

I am aware of New York as a state. I know I know, It is a little known out of the way area that almost no one lives in or visits. I know it can seem like it is almost it’s own world but I think some of the situations of parishes and wedding might be similar to anywhere else. But I hear it has more than a couple parishes around. And just a few buildings you can have events in at certain times.

How did other couples manage to do it differently than you.

The only important part of this is “In our Church you can choose to have a Mass or not.” End of discussion.

 

[Country_Gal]

Wow, quit mocking someone for their wedding. Not nice or funny. Good Lord!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

The only important part of this is “In our Church you can choose to have a Mass or not.” End of discussion.

That is true.

I just thought it odd that the reason she gave was that it was impossible to do it another way.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Wow, quit mocking someone for their wedding. Not nice or funny. Good Lord!

Yes ! God is good! All the time!
Ok ok calm down ladies. I’ve seen how defensive women get about weddings on TV.

(slowly slipping out of the room)

LOL!

I should just be quiet and be thankful that in my state that I got married in you could have a Mass and a wedding.

 

[agw123]

I’m sure you have a ton of reasons. Which is why it was YOUR wedding. But when you make it sound like there was no other option then that is just silly. Because I can guarantee you many people got married at the same parish you did with less money and had a reception.

In our Church you can choose to have a Mass or not. But if you are saying that it would have been impossible for you to do it then there is a disconnect.

I am aware of New York as a state. I know I know, It is a little known out of the way area that almost no one lives in or visits. I know it can seem like it is almost it’s own world but I think some of the situations of parishes and wedding might be similar to anywhere else. But I hear it has more than a couple parishes around. And just a few buildings you can have events in at certain times.

How did other couples manage to do it differently than you.

They got married in the afternoon and had evening receptions. We wanted an afternoon reception because for fall weddings it gets dark early. Reception halls (good ones) arent as easy to find as you would think. Hiring an event planner was out of the question, again for monetary reasons. Yes there are parishes all AROUND NYS, but you are supposed to be getting married in the parish where one of you lives!!! Else you need special dispensation. So by your statement, we were supposed to step out of the parish my wife and her family grew up in all her life and go another parish where we dont know anyone.