New Spiritual Director

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Augustine

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How does one go about finding a new spiritual director without hurting the current one’s sensibilities?

TIA

:blessyou:
 
Augustine said:
How does one go about finding a new spiritual director without hurting the current one’s sensibilities?
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At some point you will have to tell the old spiritual director that you are looking for or have found a new one. I would find it hard because, like you, I would worry about hurting the feelings of the old director. But if you’ve been open and honest to this point, you need to continue. I don’t know why you want to find a new director, but I would give those reasons to the old one.
 
Isn’t it possible that your spiritual director, too, senses that things aren’t going as well as they should, but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings? Perhaps this should be a topic for discussion (very delicately and charitably, of course) in your next meeting with your current spiritual director.

I suppose it depends on your reasons for changing. Is it something that your current director can easily correct, or is it a basic incompatibility?
 
PhilotheaZ said:
I suppose it depends on your reasons for changing. Is it something that your current director can easily correct, or is it a basic incompatibility?
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Some thoughts that I noticed lingering in the back of my head are that I really need a “spiritual coach”, someone to put me in an exercise regime of ascesis, and someone more familiar with a more contemplative spirituality.

But you have a good point that there’s nothing wrong about bringing these thoughts for discussion next time.

:blessyou:
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
At some point you will have to tell the old spiritual director that you are looking for or have found a new one. I would find it hard because, like you, I would worry about hurting the feelings of the old director. But if you’ve been open and honest to this point, you need to continue. I don’t know why you want to find a new director, but I would give those reasons to the old one.
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That would depend on the reasons, would it not?

In my case, I had my Monthly session with my SD last Friday, and I mentioned that I was looking for a new SD. But he understood my reason. He is a bit of a drive from my house. Last year gasoline was around $3 or something and is now $4.50. He understands, and has no problem with my trying to find a SD closer to home.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
At some point you will have to tell the old spiritual director that you are looking for or have found a new one. I would find it hard because, like you, I would worry about hurting the feelings of the old director. But if you’ve been open and honest to this point, you need to continue. I don’t know why you want to find a new director, but I would give those reasons to the old one.
Click to expand...
That would depend on the reasons, would it not?

In my case, I had my Monthly session with my SD last Friday, and I mentioned that I was looking for a new SD. But he understood my reason. He is a bit of a drive from my house. Last year gasoline was around $3 or something and is now $4.50. He understands, and has no problem with my trying to find a SD closer to home.
 
There were other subjects to go over with my director in our last meeting, so I couldn’t bring up my growing concern about our relationship. Moreover, another spiritual matter in which we disagree came up: Adoration.

Even though he’s a priest, he doesn’t see the point of Adoring the exposed Blessed Sacrament. 😦

As much as I hate to “shop” for spiritual directors, such disagreements leave me quite disturbed. They are becoming a significant source of distraction from the goal of spiritual direction.

And to make matters more difficult, we are considering changing parishes too, so I’m concerned about finding myself “in the market” for both a parish and a director…

Your thoughts are welcome.

:blessyou:
 
Augustine said:
Even though he’s a priest, he doesn’t see the point of Adoring the exposed Blessed Sacrament. 😦
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I think whether that’s a problem or not depends on the context of your conversation. I think that if you were talking about a meaningful prayer experience and he dismissed it because it’s not his favorite form of prayer, that’s a problem. I want my director to support me in my prayer life even if my preferred forms of prayer are not his preferred forms.

On the other hand, if the conversation were more like “that’s never done anything for me, but I can see that it’s very meaningful to you…tell me more about your experience with it…” that’s a whole different thing. We don’t have to be clones of each other in order for him to support me.
 
A friend of mine once mentioned that she originally thought about getting rid of her SD, because after the first few months, she didn’t feel that he had anything of any value to offer her. She disagreed with much of what he said, she found little point in what he was focusing on, etc. etc.

It was soon revealed to her that God had led her to this SD for precisely those reasons- that He wanted her exposed to viewpoints she wouldn’t come to on her own. Oh, and the whole humility lesson, and obedience.

Just another thought there- maybe the discomfort you’re feeling is part of spiritual growing pains.
 
Augustine said:
How does one go about finding a new spiritual director without hurting the current one’s sensibilities?

TIA

:blessyou:
Click to expand...
This could help. Think about the situation from your point not the spiritual director. Tell him/her that you are thankful for the time you have had that it has been invaluable however that you have come to a point in time where your thoughts are becoming too fare removed from the spiritual way that you believe you need. That it is not the directors leading but your inability to gain a flow of spiritual health. Hence you believe that another person may help at this time. And then thank the person graciously.
Godbless
 
Augustine said:
Moreover, another spiritual matter in which we disagree came up: Adoration.

Even though he’s a priest, he doesn’t see the point of Adoring the exposed Blessed Sacrament. 😦

:blessyou:
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I believe that God sent the spiritual director to you for a good reason. I’d suggest that you keep praying for him more during the Eucharistic Adoration. Sometimes, we seek help from others, but God actually send you to help them. It works that way sometimes, and I has experienced that where my good friend asked me questions … though he learned something … but it was me - God wanted me to learn from the friend who asked questions.

Maybe you could gather some evidences and stories how much the Adoration helped them in discerning their vocations in life. Perhaps, the priest has never got this experience before, thus he doesn’t see it as important.

The Holy Spirit guides in all situations in a myteriously way.
 
water said:
I believe that God sent the spiritual director to you for a good reason. I’d suggest that you keep praying for him more during the Eucharistic Adoration. Sometimes, we seek help from others, but God actually send you to help them.
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You have a point. This is truly some food for thought… and prayer.

I tend to see things with me at the center, when perhaps God is trying to offer me a chance of getting out of it for a neighbor’s sake.

:blessyou:
 
Augustine said:
I tend to see things with me at the center, when perhaps God is trying to offer me a chance of getting out of it for a neighbor’s sake.
:blessyou:
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It is good though, because you realize you need to grow and to learn from others…not from yourself. It is a good attitude.
 
water said:
… Sometimes, we seek help from others, but God actually send you to help them…

The Holy Spirit guides in all situations in a myteriously way.
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So well said, water. I totally agree with you.👍

Often times things work both ways - a two way traffic.
 
Augustine said:
How does one go about finding a new spiritual director without hurting the current one’s sensibilities?

TIA

:blessyou:
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If this happened then it would be further proof that you need to get a new spiritual director.
 
Yes it is right that when we ask God for help it happens on more occasions than we could know that we ask at the time that another has just asked God for help, and you, without knowing, are the one who is the helper.
Hence your asking for help, is done so by God, by your availing yourself to help others who God sees as needing help, and in your helping the other, your mind is taken off your need, by your seeing the need of others, and your need is seen to also.

This is not a trick but the ingenious attitude (LOVE)of our God:love:
He is an amazing God our God.:bowdown2:
:yup:

Godbless
 
Augustine said:
There were other subjects to go over with my director in our last meeting, so I couldn’t bring up my growing concern about our relationship. Moreover, another spiritual matter in which we disagree came up: Adoration.

Even though he’s a priest, he doesn’t see the point of Adoring the exposed Blessed Sacrament. 😦

As much as I hate to “shop” for spiritual directors, such disagreements leave me quite disturbed. They are becoming a significant source of distraction from the goal of spiritual direction.

And to make matters more difficult, we are considering changing parishes too, so I’m concerned about finding myself “in the market” for both a parish and a director…

Your thoughts are welcome.

:blessyou:
Click to expand...
I believe that both Fr. Dubay and even St.Teresa (although she, as a nun, would have had less latitude in her choice of SD) advocated trying out different SDs in the effort to find a wise, orthodox, experienced one.
 
It seems that every other meeting something comes up that distresses me quite a bit. This time, he reasoned that Obamammon’s social policies outweigh his pro-death policies, to which I asked, without getting an answer, how much killing a child is worth.

I’m afraid that it’s time to start praying for another director… :o

:blessyou:
 
Augustine said:
It seems that every other meeting something comes up that distresses me quite a bit. This time, he reasoned that Obamammon’s social policies outweigh his pro-death policies, to which I asked, without getting an answer, how much killing a child is worth.

I’m afraid that it’s time to start praying for another director… :o

:blessyou:
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I guess this just goes to show you how different people approach spiritual matters. I can’t imagine having a discussion with my director about presidential politics unless, perhaps, I was trying to weigh the morality of voting for one candidate rather than the other. Even then I wouldn’t expect the discussion to focus on the candidates’ policies as much as how I would discern what to do.
 
Early in December I had the opportunity of attending a day-long reflection on spiritual direction and got a lot to think about, especially considering my direction. I also spent the holidays reading Fr. Dubay’s Seeking Spiritual Direction. I also happened to come across this blog entry, which provided a practical approach to evaluate a spiritual director candidate.

In the light of all this, I met my director and concluded at the end of the meeting asking about our relationship as director and directee. He thought it was alright, but I replied that I thought that I needed someone who could help me to grow in the Carmelite spirituality. So I asked him what he thought of that and if it’d be useful to inquire about other directors who could help me thus, to which he agreed. We then agreed that I’d take some time out of our relationship so that I could seek another director and he offered to resume our relationship if I wanted.

All in all, it was a good meeting. He’s helped me immensely through a couple of big steps in my relationship with the God and His Church, about which I’m greatly thankful. But I’m afraid that I need someone else from now on.

Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut and, please, pray for me to be granted the direction I need.

:blessyou:
 
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