New to NFP

[Krislavis]

Hi All,

I’m new to NFP and really trying to get my husband on board. Since I also want to start trying for kids soon and he says he still want to wait (but doesn’t know when he will be ready) it has been difficult to get him to agree to practice it. He feels that if it doesn’t work to avoid during the fertile time it wont bother me because I want to try now. How do I convince him this is the right way and that if he stops using condoms it will only improve our relationship and not hurt it? And if we do have a baby it won’t be a burden but a blessing?

I just feel overwhelmed… I’m planning on entering the church next Easter (was baptized Methodist but didn’t grow up practicing my faith at all). Finding the truth in Catholicism and embracing it has been a joy but as I get closer my husband seems to push further away from the church (he is a cradle catholic). He stopped attending in college about 12 years ago and by chance we ended up going through convalidation for our marraige in order to be godparents. That process brought me in but didn’t convince him to revert so to speak. We are going now but I just wish he would see what I have been opened to.

All this is strange since he is the Catholic one and now I’m trying to convince him to believe in ALL the teachings of his faith. Between all the reading I’m doing and trying to get him on board and having my thoughts consumed with wanting to try for a baby (turned 30 in Feb and now feel I can’t wait too long). I feel super overwhelmed.

Please any thoughts or encouraging words would be helpful!!!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hi All,

I’m new to NFP and really trying to get my husband on board. Since I also want to start trying for kids soon and he says he still want to wait (but doesn’t know when he will be ready) it has been difficult to get him to agree to practice it. He feels that if it doesn’t work to avoid during the fertile time it wont bother me because I want to try now. How do I convince him this is the right way and that if he stops using condoms it will only improve our relationship and not hurt it? And if we do have a baby it won’t be a burden but a blessing?

I just feel overwhelmed… I’m planning on entering the church next Easter (was baptized Methodist but didn’t grow up practicing my faith at all). Finding the truth in Catholicism and embracing it has been a joy but as I get closer my husband seems to push further away from the church (he is a cradle catholic). He stopped attending in college about 12 years ago and by chance we ended up going through convalidation for our marraige in order to be godparents. That process brought me in but didn’t convince him to revert so to speak. We are going now but I just wish he would see what I have been opened to.

All this is strange since he is the Catholic one and now I’m trying to convince him to believe in ALL the teachings of his faith. Between all the reading I’m doing and trying to get him on board and having my thoughts consumed with wanting to try for a baby (turned 30 in Feb and now feel I can’t wait too long). I feel super overwhelmed.

Please any thoughts or encouraging words would be helpful!!!

First off, welcome!
Your want to practice nfp is great news and shows your authentic conversion. I’m sorry your husband wishes to use artificial birth control. Sure as anything he is wrong to do so. But in a marriage, tact and gentleness should be used. Only you know how much leverage influence and power you have to persuade him.
You could tell him you would rather enjoy the marital embrace with him and not a piece of latex or find a gentler way to discuss this with him. Just start asking him questions about what he thinks marriage is, what is sex for? If you have to take the spiritual lead then so be it. Pray, go to adoration together, talk about the teachings. Start reading theology of the body and the catechism and even if he is not interested in reading them with you just pass off some discussions with that subject. " hey honey I was reading TOB or the CCC and I never knew why the church taught that but now I do. It’s facinating…"
Again only you will know the best way to approach it.

The one downer I will add here is that if one person is ok with convo ebony and the other is not NFP, while the only moral route, will be divisive, hard and potentially be harmful.

 

[jane_doe]

It seems to me that you really have two issues going on:

1. when to have kids
2. if not to have kids now, then how to birth control in the meantime (NFP or ABC).

Since #2 depends on #1 why not sit down with him and come to an agreement on #1 first?

 

[Krislavis]

It seems to me that you really have two issues going on:

1. when to have kids
2. if not to have kids now, then how to birth control in the meantime (NFP or ABC).

Since #2 depends on #1 why not sit down with him and come to an agreement on #1 first?

We have talked, but I think the trouble is he keeps saying he doesn’t know when he will be ready. He is hesitant to give a date even though he says he eventually wants to have kids

 

[jane_doe]

We have talked, but I think the trouble is he keeps saying he doesn’t know when he will be ready. He is hesitant to give a date even though he says he eventually wants to have kids

Perhaps the two of you should sit down with the Lord and talk about it with Him?

(That is, if your husband is game for it. If not, perhaps the conversation about God in your family’s life should come first).

 

[ChadS]

Maybe you could find other couples who use NFP and talk with them about how it has changed and improved their relationships to their spouses. Getting firsthand accounts from real people rather than relying on second hand information may help.

From my own limited experience saying that you want to wait to have kids until you are ready you will find that you are never ready. There will always be something whether it’s not enough money, the room is painted yet, we need to pay off that one credit card etc. etc. I think you just have to trust God and when the time is right you will be ready.

ChadS

 

[Dorothy]

I will suggest that you discuss what you said here with a holy priest, and he can advise you.

If a husband is not on board with his wife’s faith, there are suggestions he can make that are in keeping with authentic Catholic teaching. I will not attempt to discuss that here.

Prayer will help much, of course.

God bless you on your spiritual journey to Him.

 

[Krislavis]

I will suggest that you discuss what you said here with a holy priest, and he can advise you.

Thanks Dorthy, I did meet with Father and explained that I was meeting some resistance to my husband even attending an appointment to go over my charts and learn NFP with me (I have been charting the last 3 months). I mentioned that my husband even said something about not wanting some “self righteous person” telling him about what he should be doing (even though I know that is not how the conversation would go). Father said he didn’t really have much advice since I seemed to be doing my best to be open, communicative, and respectful of his opinions. He said frankly he seems to be acting kind of like a jackass (which, for his behavior, probably isn’t far from the truth).

I may have had a break the other day though, I mentioned our schedule for this week saying that I had that appointment scheduled on Thursday and he responded with asking how “we” were going to handle that timewise with taking care of the dogs and dinner and going to another event we have later that night. Hopefully the fact that he included himself in his response is a good sign.

I will keep praying and hope that is the case.

 

[Dorothy]

Dorothy;13998478:

I will suggest that you discuss what you said here with a holy priest, and he can advise you.

Thanks Dorthy, I did meet with Father and explained that I was meeting some resistance to my husband even attending an appointment to go over my charts and learn NFP with me (I have been charting the last 3 months). I mentioned that my husband even said something about not wanting some “self righteous person” telling him about what he should be doing (even though I know that is not how the conversation would go). Father said he didn’t really have much advice since I seemed to be doing my best to be open, communicative, and respectful of his opinions. He said frankly he seems to be acting kind of like a jackass (which, for his behavior, probably isn’t far from the truth).

I may have had a break the other day though, I mentioned our schedule for this week saying that I had that appointment scheduled on Thursday and he responded with asking how “we” were going to handle that timewise with taking care of the dogs and dinner and going to another event we have later that night. Hopefully the fact that he included himself in his response is a good sign.

I will keep praying and hope that is the case.

Yes, keep praying and hoping!

May our Lord Jesus Christ and His Blessed Mother Mary be with both of you, with grace on your spiritual journey!