New with a question

[explorer2000]

hi i have a question. would you date someone that has a somewhat ruff past? the reason i ask is because this girl and i have been talking for a couple of months (we are catholic and in our 20’s we met on catholic singles) but the only problem i have with her is her past.

i wont go in to detail in respect for her but last year she move to a diff state and lived in the same home with her then bf and bf’s mom. and while she was there she strayed from the church and looked in to pegan type stuff. but two months later relized she couldnt make it on her own and that what she was doing was wrong and went back home and broke up with the bf.( she says that she is 100% catholic now (and from what i can tell she is) should i not let her past bother me?

and she does alot of stuff online like youtube and blog and instant messanging type stuff. should i be weary of someone who is very active online?

am i worring to much? i tend to do that lol. any advice would be nice thanks

 

[Rommegrot]

Hi,

I’m married now but if I weren’t, I wouldn’t necessarily exclude someone because of her past. From what you’ve said about her, I’d want to be sure that she’s dealt with whatever issues led her to stray and attract her to a spiritually unhealthy partner and lifestyle. She may want to seek out a priest or counselor to help sort that out.

Take your time with this relationship and pray to God for guidance. I’m sure all will work out for the best if you go in with you “eyes open.”

-R:thumbsup:

 

[howdytest]

No one’s going to have a problem-free past. Every girl you meet will have made mistakes, some bigger than others. The difference is that she has come to terms with her mistakes, you have not.

Don’t feel bad, i’m the same way. I ask questions that i regret hearing the answer. But I realize i’ve made similar mistakes, if not worse ones. We’re all human and will err from time to time. So if you can’t look past someone else’s mistakes, how can you look past your own?

Don’t judge her on what has happened in the past. Look at how she is now and in the future…it’s the only thing relevant to your relationship.

 

[BamaRider]

and she does alot of stuff online like youtube and blog and instant messanging type stuff. should i be weary of someone who is very active online?

Yes.

i wont go in to detail in respect for her but last year she move to a diff state and lived in the same home with her then bf and bf’s mom. and while she was there she strayed from the church and looked in to pegan type stuff. but two months later relized she couldnt make it on her own and that what she was doing was wrong and went back home and broke up with the bf.( she says that she is 100% catholic now (and from what i can tell she is) should i not let her past bother me?

I’d proceed with much caution with this young lady, and be prepared to bolt first hint of anything kind of wacko. And I probably wouldn’t put much stock in anything she says.

 

[howdytest]

and she does alot of stuff online like youtube and blog and instant messanging type stuff. should i be weary of someone who is very active online?

What young person isn’t active online? If you two were late 20’s, it might be a little weird, but mid to early 20’s and i’d consider it normal. The internet has made it easier than ever to keep in contact with friends, especially as you goto college, graduate, and move around.

I’d proceed with much caution with this young lady, and be prepared to bolt first hint of anything kind of wacko. And I probably wouldn’t put much stock in anything she says.

I don’t think you have any right to say this. We don’t know the young lady and he hasn’t said anything that would make me think she has a lying problem or is “whacko”. Obviously, she’s made mistakes in the past. But who hasn’t?

You’re so caught up with being so self righteous, you forget your mistakes and your imperfections. So hasty have you been, you’ve forgotten what forum you’re in and the title you’re so quick to define yourself: “Catholic”. Let me remind you, Jesus preached forgiveness. Let me also remind you of John 8:

“If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”

I’ll revert to my first statements: judge her going forward. There’s no reason to blame a person for their mistakes in the past when those mistakes don’t carry over to the present.

 

[BamaRider]

Quote:
and she does alot of stuff online like youtube and blog and instant messanging type stuff. should i be weary of someone who is very active online?

What young person isn’t active online?

Millions and millions. Anybody that spends a crazy amount of time online, talking and chatting to people needs to unplug and get out in the real world. Now he didn’t say exactly how many hours she’s online but I’m gonna assume its a lot of the day, and on into the night.

I’d find out if she treats that puter like a person, by asking her to uplug it for 2 weeks, and see what her reaction is.

Nobody is better connected then me. Blackberry, laptop, desktop etc. I have friends all over the country I stay in contact with, but I do have a vast and varied life to live, and I don’t let that get in my way. If its a beautiful day outside I’m NOT gonna spend it online, Instant messaging or web surfing. I mean I might for a little while, but eventually I’m going to a ballgame, ride my motorcycles, meet my wife for lunch, etc.

If a 20 something, single guy, goes to class, and spends 6 of the next 12 hours online, I’d say he needs to get a life.

wont go in to detail in respect for her but last year she move to a diff state and lived in the same home with her then bf and bf’s mom. and while she was there she strayed from the church and looked in to pegan type stuff. but two months later relized she couldnt make it on her own and that what she was doing was wrong and went back home and broke up with the bf.( she says that she is 100% catholic now (and from what i can tell she is) should i not let her past bother me?

Based on this I said this

I’d proceed with much caution with this young lady, and be prepared to bolt first hint of anything kind of wacko. And I probably wouldn’t put much stock in anything she says.

Now I didn’t say this, the original poster did. This couple met online. He is still getting to know her. I never said not to forgive her past, but don’t forget it either.

Now I dunno about you, but I take my future pretty seriously. And I give the OP same advice I give my 28 year old son. “Never sign up with somebody that has more problems than YOU.” Now I’m referring to a emotional relationship of boy-girl. By all means help your friends and family when they are having problems. But signing up for a relationship with someone that has a checkered past, history of problems etc, when you have a choice, is a roll of the dice. But hey, that just comes from walking the planet 53 years. I’ve seen folks divorce, sign up with someone else a year later, and be worse off then before the first divorce. Why? Because they later found out he has a alcohol problem, serial cheater, abusive, and the list goes on. All because they decided to sign up with someone with more problems then them, and believed EVERYTHING this guy said prior.

Now the dream of many is imagining yourself as the white knight to rescue the young lady (like the movie Pretty Woman) from a life of bad things sounds good but it is not reality.

I reckon I’m just the cautious type. I’m not saying this will never work, all I’m saying if later on it looks like a duck, walks like a duck then guess what? I’d be easing on out.

I’ll revert to my first statements: judge her going forward. There’s no reason to blame a person for their mistakes in the past when those mistakes don’t carry over to the present.

I’m not going to judge anyone. But I’m not gonna forget the past, till I see what the future is gonna bring.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi explorer–what type of things is she doing on youtube? Does she have videos of herself on youtube, or does she just watch videos on youtube?

 

[Jeanne_dArc]

What young person isn’t active online? If you two were late 20’s, it might be a little weird, but mid to early 20’s and i’d consider it normal. The internet has made it easier than ever to keep in contact with friends, especially as you goto college, graduate, and move around.

I would have to say 99% of my friends in their early twenties are very active online. I probably spend too much time online, but almost all of my time spent online is for either: research for my college classes, keeping in touch with family and friends who are far away, or on Catholic websites/ blogs to learn more about the faith etc. I even have one video on youtube, however that was part of a project at the Catholic University I attend in which hundreds of us individually proclaimed our faith in God as a rebuttal to the “blasphemy challenge” where atheists post videos of themselves renouncing God on youtube.

 

[perez639]

Hi explorer–what type of things is she doing on youtube? Does she have videos of herself on youtube, or does she just watch videos on youtube?

I agree, this would be interesting to know…

This is just my opinion, I am a girl. I draw a line when a guy I am dating admits they have lived with their previous girlfriend. That is just completely way too much for me to handle since I have never done so. Now, if they have made mistakes and never got to that point… then I am completely fine with their past.

Peace!

 

[whatevergirl]

I agree, this would be interesting to know…

This is just my opinion, I am a girl. I draw a line when a guy I am dating admits they have lived with their previous girlfriend. That is just completely way too much for me to handle since I have never done so. Now, if they have made mistakes and never got to that point… then I am completely fine with their past.

Peace!

I agree that it should be what one is comfortable with accepting. My dh lived with a woman for a few years, prior to meeting me. He had a totally different outlook on morality and life when he met me, and this other person never came up…I never really thought about it…but he wanted to be open and honest with me. But, this was a personal choice for me, and my husband has been an amazing husband, so I’m glad I didn’t let his past cloud my judgement in dating him. (He is also 10 yrs older than me, so I took that into consideration)

But, again–it’s what one is comfortable with accepting. I don’t believe in holding one’s past against them, per se, but if you decide for yourself to only date people who have not lived with others outside of marriage–that is perfectly fine.

I am still curious about the youtube activity. If she is just posting comments to videos, etc…that’s not a problem. If she is posing for the camera and posting it for the world to see…that’s an entirely different issue, but if she is living the Catholic life, I have a feeling it’s not the latter that she’s doing.

I think that it’s up to you explorer. If her past troubles you, and you really don’t want to date a woman who has lived with a guy before…that is perfectly acceptable. It is your choice, your life.

 

[Chovy]

I think it’s best to only base an opinion about a person’s activities on the present behavior, not on the past. My DH led a life he isn’t proud of before he met me, and I certainly did some things I’m not proud of before I met him. We both repented, went to Confession, and were forgiven.

As far as the internet goes, it really depends on what she’s doing online. I’m online all day- working, mostly. DH is online most of the day too. Neither of us is engaging in any bad behaviors and we do have outside lives also.