Newly Catholic Mom Desperate for Guidance

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nancy1027

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Hello All,

I am in need of some practical advice and guidance (and maybe a pep-talk). First a little background (please bear with me).

I’m newly Catholic, recently relocated, married to a non-Catholic, and the mother of an infant and a toddler. I work part time from home. I don’t get a lot of support from my husband (spiritually or with the kids).

I am having a few problems I could use help with:
  1. Mass. If I bring my kids, I end up spending most of the time in the vestibule trying to keep them quiet. I am very stressed the whole time and feel like I’m not even at Mass. If I manage to sneak out during nap time while my husband is home, I bounce around from church to church and Mass to Mass, depending on the time and don’t get to know any of the clergy or parishners. Yesterday the only Mass I could get to was a Tridentine Latin Mass and I was lost and embarrasingly underdressed. Because of this, I am not registered with a parish nor been able to attend classes to baptize my kids.
  2. I am having a very difficult time keeping track of the Liturgical calendar and my obligations. Is there an on-line calendar that lists the Holy Days of Obligation and other important days along with their meaning, rules, and suggestions on how to incorporate them into daily life?
  3. I am overwhelmed by all the rules, regulations, and vernacular of the Catholic Church. I really want to live the Catholic life and be closer to God, but I don’t know where to start. The more research I do, the more confused I get – I feel like I’m studying to be a doctor instead of becoming closer to God. Any advice would be welcome. Any books you would recommend? Perhaps a Catholic Day Planner or workbook?
I have my kids with a baby sitter one morning a week so I can work, but I was thinking maybe I should make an appt to talk with a priest. Can I just call the church and do that?

Thanks in Advance,
Nancy
 
nancy1027 said:
Hello All,
  1. I am having a very difficult time keeping track of the Liturgical calendar and my obligations. Is there an on-line calendar that lists the Holy Days of Obligation and other important days along with their meaning, rules, and suggestions on how to incorporate them into daily life?
  2. I am overwhelmed by all the rules, regulations, and vernacular of the Catholic Church. I really want to live the Catholic life and be closer to God, but I don’t know where to start. The more research I do, the more confused I get – I feel like I’m studying to be a doctor instead of becoming closer to God. Any advice would be welcome. Any books you would recommend? Perhaps a Catholic Day Planner or workbook?
Click to expand...

2 is pretty easy - make sure to pick up the bulletin at the church each week. Try seeing what parishes are near you and pick up one from each since they may have different schedules and there may be times that suit you better than others.​

Regarding #3. - what rules and regulations are stressing you out? Why does it feel like so much effort???
 
For #2, I may not be using the correct wording (hence, my trouble with the vernacular). By Liturgical calendar, I mean Holy Days of Obligation, Lent, etc. For instance, I was at church the Sunday before Ash Wednesday and I didn’t hear a thing about Ash Wednesday and missed it altogether. Granted, I was probably in the vestibule with my kids. I also want to know about days I need to do special things – like Fridays during Lent (see #3).

For #3, here are a couple of recent examples. For someone who grew up Catholic (if you did), it may be hard to understand my confusion about stuff that is probably second nature to you, but here goes… I looked up info on Lent about what you can/cannot eat on Fridays. I got conflicting info. I was trying to find out if eggs are okay – I still don’t know. The only Mass I seem to be able to get to is the Latin Mass and apparently I was disrespectful showing up in my jeans and turtleneck (All the women wear veils and very modest dresses). I thought the only difference was the language, but apparently there are different types of masses – I’ve seen terms like Pauline, Tridentine, EO, NO, etc. when I looked it up, but it’s all Greek to me. I don’t understand very basic concepts like what it means to “receive graces.” I hear people talk about this all the time, but I don’t get it and I really, really want to. I said “Good Morning Father” to a Deacon. The list goes on and on. Does that give you a better idea?

BTW, I’ve since made an appt with a local priest for some guidance, but I’m still happy and appreciative of advice from lay people.
 
Dear friend, I am so sorry you were set loose so poorly instructed, but so very glad you found your way home. Just as you are having to get used to being “recently relocated” in a new community, so you are having to get used to being “recently relocated” in a new faith.

Mass and experience will be your best roadmaps in your faith, but there are other ways as well. Get a copy of “Catholic for Dummies” (or whatever the genre is called). Read the bulletins of the churches you attend or the newspaper of the diocese you are in. Find out about the RCIA groups (sounds like you could use some help on the basics), adult education, young mothers groups in a parish you like.

It will come . . . God led you to the Church, he will lead you now as well.

God bless.
 
nancy1027 said:
For #2, I may not be using the correct wording (hence, my trouble with the vernacular). By Liturgical calendar, I mean Holy Days of Obligation, Lent, etc. For instance, I was at church the Sunday before Ash Wednesday and I didn’t hear a thing about Ash Wednesday and missed it altogether. Granted, I was probably in the vestibule with my kids. I also want to know about days I need to do special things – like Fridays during Lent (see #3).

For #3, here are a couple of recent examples. For someone who grew up Catholic (if you did), it may be hard to understand my confusion about stuff that is probably second nature to you, but here goes… I looked up info on Lent about what you can/cannot eat on Fridays. I got conflicting info. I was trying to find out if eggs are okay – I still don’t know. The only Mass I seem to be able to get to is the Latin Mass and apparently I was disrespectful showing up in my jeans and turtleneck (All the women wear veils and very modest dresses). I thought the only difference was the language, but apparently there are different types of masses – I’ve seen terms like Pauline, Tridentine, EO, NO, etc. when I looked it up, but it’s all Greek to me. I don’t understand very basic concepts like what it means to “receive graces.” I hear people talk about this all the time, but I don’t get it and I really, really want to. I said “Good Morning Father” to a Deacon. The list goes on and on. Does that give you a better idea?

BTW, I’ve since made an appt with a local priest for some guidance, but I’m still happy and appreciative of advice from lay people.
Click to expand...
Each parish publishes a bulletin – in it are reminders for what is going on in the parish. Also most parishes print a calendar each year with all the parish contact info etc that has the kind of information you are looking for in # 2.

The parish should only have two kinds of mass available - the Ordinary Form (aka NO) which is generally in English but may be in other locally common languages like Spanish.

Regarding what not to eat on Fridays in Lent - eggs are ok - fish are ok - think lacto ovo vegetarian or seafood when planning your meals.

Don’t stress so much over all of this.

If all you have are jeans then wear jeans when you go to Mass.

Do the best you can - it gets better - and again - don’t stress over it too much.

Start off with a simple greeting when meeting someone till you know better who is who.

Relax!!!
 
Catholicism for Dummies is great book. Very useful. I picked up this book the other day because I am involved on our parish’s RCIA team. It’s geared for teenager but it is good for adults. The book is called: Do I have to go? 101 questions about the Mass, the Eucharist and your spiritual life by Mathew Pinto and Chris Stefanick.
 
Don’t get discouraged. When I was a new convert 13 years ago, I quickly became overwhelmed and almost left. I thought I had to wear scapulars, say daily rosaries, etc. Now, there is nothing wrong with these devotions, but everyone does not have to do them daily. Do what you can. The most important thing is to attend mass at least on Sunday, go to confession regularly, and maintain a strong prayer life. You might want to keep a prayer journal. Take it slow. Remember, this is a journey! It may take your whole life to get where you need to go, but each day is a little step.

Catholicism does seem complicated. I always say if evangelical protestantism is first grade math, Catholicism is calculus. But that’s OK. Learn a little, and then keep learning a little everyday. Most Catholics in the pew do not know about their faith, but they are easy pray to be picked off by protestants or even fall into indifferent secularism. It isn’t so much complicated as it is deep, rich, and profound. A treasure chest of spiritual riches!

I also recommend the “Dummies” book genre. I purchased “The Total Idiots Guide to Catholicism” myself, and use it alot. But may I also suggest reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church? It tells everything we believe and why, with sources cited from the Bible and Church documents. Also, Surprised by Truth books, and anything by Scott Hahn.

It is hard taking little ones to mass. I did that, too. It became a battle of the will for me. My husband works nights and weekends, so I had to take them alone. My weak self said “don’t go… you have an excuse!” But I gritted my teeth, packed up the little ones, and marched into mass. Now they are both very well behaved at church, without toys or food to occupy them. They are used to it… they have never missed a Sunday! they are 8 and 5 now. It all gets better.

Blessings to you as you embark on this journey! Don’t give up!
 
Hello and welcome.First,relax and don’t be afraid,frustrated,or feel like your alone.May I suggest a couple of web sites?#1. www.ewtn.org.#2www.usccb.org.These sites have a wealth of info.You can also find a lot of teaching on the first(ewtn)web site.I will be praying for you and your family.May the Lord watch over you.🙂
 
Warm Welcomes Nancy!

Young babies in Mass can be a real challenge. But the more you bring them, the better they start behaving. Use the cry room if your Church has one, at the very least you won’t feel self conscious during the expected cries, screams, and outbursts. Also, your children may be entertained or amused by watching other children. Some large parishes have baby-sitting facilities, or a group - call the Church office & ask if there is any accommodations. The good news is, the more they attend Mass with you, & the older they get, the better they get! One thing that greatly helped us was getting a Child’s Bible with pretty pictures, using this as a story book at bedtime - & teaching our toddler’s about the Church being the Lord’s house.

Theres only 10 days a year for Holy Days of Obligation, several days already fall on Sundays. This is THE month though, with Lent, Palm Sunday, Holy Week, Good Friday, & Easter Sunday. A nice web site is catholicculture.org/liturgicalyear/calendar/month.cfm
to check whats going on in the month. Also check your diocese or parish website, and announcements.

Your questions on “rules, regulations, & vernacular” imply that your RCIA classes & your Catechism must have been quite weak. This is a real shame, unfortunately I’ve read other posters where this has happened. Contact your Parish about RCIA, if you cannot attend, they may have audio tapes they’ve recorded to help you. I know mine does, perhaps other RCIA classes do this too. This website is a treasure of info, along with many others - many parish websites have very good links on their webpage you should explore. Get the ‘Dummies’ book, and the 2nd edition of ‘The Catechism of the Catholic Church’. Another I highly recommend is “This is Our Faith” - very readable and mirrors the Catechism.

Above all, enjoy, relax, and learn a little every day. It a lifelong journey.
 
you have some good advice on the books, go with the easiest, lightest first like “Dummies”. lot of info with not too much time investment, and suitable for reading in time slots allowed by kidlets.

for Mass – once you have found a parish and a time that seems kid friendly, stick with it and make that the parish in which you register, baptize, and eventually take children to RE classes and sacramental prep. try the early Mass, usually not crowded, sometimes “casual dress” as in “it’s all I can do to get the kids out the door”. Look at geography, as in how hard is it to get there, park, get in, where are bathrooms, is there a cryroom, where should I sit or stand where I can get out if somebody starts screaming etc.

Best solution of all, have their father watch them while you go to Mass in peace until they are older. It is not babysitting, it is parenting. If he wont even do that, you have problems beyond the scope of this discussion. call the nearest parish for a referral to Catholic Social Services or the Family Life office for counselling.
 
Thank you all for your great advice and encouragement. One kind member even offered to volunteer as a mentor-by-email!

Since my original post, I have made an appointment to talk to a priest and my husband happily agreed to watch the children while I attend Baptism classes.

I am once again reassured that God is listening and I am not walking this spiritual path alone.

Thanks again to all and God Bless.
Nancy
 
nancy1027 said:
Hello All,

I am in need of some practical advice and guidance (and maybe a pep-talk). First a little background (please bear with me).

I’m newly Catholic, recently relocated, married to a non-Catholic, and the mother of an infant and a toddler. I work part time from home. I don’t get a lot of support from my husband (spiritually or with the kids).

I am having a few problems I could use help with:
  1. Mass. If I bring my kids, I end up spending most of the time in the vestibule trying to keep them quiet. I am very stressed the whole time and feel like I’m not even at Mass. If I manage to sneak out during nap time while my husband is home, I bounce around from church to church and Mass to Mass, depending on the time and don’t get to know any of the clergy or parishners. Yesterday the only Mass I could get to was a Tridentine Latin Mass and I was lost and embarrasingly underdressed. Because of this, I am not registered with a parish nor been able to attend classes to baptize my kids.
  2. I am having a very difficult time keeping track of the Liturgical calendar and my obligations. Is there an on-line calendar that lists the Holy Days of Obligation and other important days along with their meaning, rules, and suggestions on how to incorporate them into daily life?
  3. I am overwhelmed by all the rules, regulations, and vernacular of the Catholic Church. I really want to live the Catholic life and be closer to God, but I don’t know where to start. The more research I do, the more confused I get – I feel like I’m studying to be a doctor instead of becoming closer to God. Any advice would be welcome. Any books you would recommend? Perhaps a Catholic Day Planner or workbook?
I have my kids with a baby sitter one morning a week so I can work, but I was thinking maybe I should make an appt to talk with a priest. Can I just call the church and do that?

Thanks in Advance,
Nancy
Click to expand...
Hello Nancy,

Wow.

Here’s my two cents. Keep it simple. 1. Get your children baptized.
2. Attend regular confession.
3. Attend your parish
4. Do contact a priest from your parish
5. Don’t be so concerned with the meaning of this and that. Just go to mass, recieve communion (remember confession).
6. When at home and when possible, pray the rosary.
7. Seek the silence and stillness in your day, because that’s where you’ll find God…daily and at every moment.
8. You don’t have to be a “know it all” “professional” catholic. Just be a simple one.
9. The book to read (just a suggestion) is “Thoughts in Solitude” by Thomas Merton. ( yes, he is catholic).
10. Did I mention keep it simple? 🙂

There is no special order for these suggestions, but I do recommend baptism for your children, you may find that they will be calmer during mass after they’ve been baptized.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum. Oh! and you don’t have to study Latin.
Peace of the Lord be always with you.🙂
 
In addition to all the good suggestions, you can also go to this link daily, and click the date on the calendar to follow Church’s daily Scripture readings:
usccb.org/nab/

It tells you if it is in “the fourth week of Lent”, etc…

Bible is the Word of God, the basics that every God’s children should understand and follow.

God bless!
 
Dear lady,
Don’t sweat the small stuff! The most important thing is that you love God and the Catholic church…welcome home!
I only attend a Tridentine Mass and I don’t know anyone who would look down on you if you are dressed respectfully even if it is jeans…always you should try to wear your Sunday best BUT people are (or should be) concentrating on their OWN shortcomings and sins…so don’t sweat it.
how is it you are so poorly prepared? Get into another RCIA class or talk with a priest…he will be glad to guide you…don’t lose faith dear one!
There is ALOT TO KNOW!!! but you build a house brick by brick…not all at once.
Breathe, settle yourself and goodluck!
 
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