Newly Divorced Advice

[Kreebz_15]

Hi all, I am 26 and my wife of two years decided she did not want to be married to me anymore. The quick background on that is she acted happy but bottled her emotions and feelings that she didn’t like about our marriage, then finally exploded. I did what I could to save the marriage and committed to helping build myself as a better husband, but she was not interested. She was not very religious before me, but became Catholic after 1 year of marriage, which she committed too before engagement. When she left, she wanted nothing to do with God, which is sad, but I guess I am better off. Lesson learned. So I have a few questions:

Professionals say wait a year before dating again. I don’t want to wait that long, when everything is final ibwould like to start again. I know what I want now and won’t settle, so does that make it ok to start again as divorce is final?

I feel like I will be passed up by good Christan women because I am divorced, so they might assume something wrong with me…Anyone disagree with that?

Finally, as long as she is a great strong Christan when I meet her this time, is it OK she is not Catholic? I would like to stay a Catholic.

Thanks!

 

[Lou2U]

I’m sorry to hear about your the breakdown of your marriage.

Since you are Catholic, you will need an annulment before dating again. There is no guarantee you will be able to get one though - I advise you speak with your Priest about this.

I don’t think you will be judged by others for being divorced. You did not initiate the divorce, and you did everything you could to save your marriage, which is commendable.

The decision on whether to date non-Catholics is yours to make. You will get some people who advise you only date Catholics, and those who say it can work. I would recommend you focus on things you have in common with a potential girlfriend, and you think about what is truly important to you. If religion is something you wish to share, then it would probably be better for you to date other Catholic women. I don’t think you should write off Catholic women just because your wife decided to be Catholic but then changed her mind, though. This can only be done after your annulment, however.

Lou

 

[jmjZelie]

Without a declaration of nullity for your marriage, attempting to date and “marry” a second time would constitute adultery.

If you believe your marriage was invalid, and therefore not a marriage in reality, then you may seek advice from your priest to discern whether or not you have grounds for a declaration of nullity.

A person going through a divorce and nullity investigation is not free to get married until these matters are fully resolved. Therefore, dating during that time would be imprudent, and likely immoral.

 

[MJJean]

Yes, please apply for annulment as soon as possible.

First, you want to date and marry. You cannot do either right now as you are married to your wife in the eyes of God unless and until proven otherwise through the Tribunal.

Second, annulment may be an easier process after the changes are enacted Dec. 8, but it will still take some time. The sooner you apply, the sooner you’ll know your status, and the sooner you’ll be able to move forward. It’s be a shame if you met a wonderful woman, but were unable to date her because you’re still married spiritually, if not legally.

 

[Horton]

Without a declaration of nullity for your marriage, attempting to date and “marry” a second time would constitute adultery.

If you believe your marriage was invalid, and therefore not a marriage in reality, then you may seek advice from your priest to discern whether or not you have grounds for a declaration of nullity.

A person going through a divorce and nullity investigation is not free to get married until these matters are fully resolved. Therefore, dating during that time would be imprudent, and likely immoral.

^^^This

In addition to this you need to take time to heal. When a marriage ends the emotional part of it isn’t over just because the ink is dry on the divorce papers. It’s a bit like mourning. You lost your marriage and your idea of what your life would be. You need to take some time to figure what direction you want to go in next.

It’s also a little deceptive to single women who may date you. If you are not in an emotionally healthy place, you can’t be open to a new relationship and may inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings. Take your time and speak to your priest/confessor about your next step.

 

[nodito]

I’m sorry for the divorce and pain you are enduring. I hope you find peace and happiness, or reconciliation with your wife if possible.

Marriage is for life and what God has joined together, no man may put asunder. Therefore, as others have noted, you are still a married man, even after the divorce is final. You are not free to date until and unless you receive a declaration of nullity that says you were never validly married to the wife who divorced you. If a tribunal does find your marriage is invalid, you would be free to consider yourself a single man and start dating then.

God bless.

 

[phil19034]

First and foremost, I’m sorry you are going though this. Divorce is very painful, no matter how things end.

1. wait until you have an annulment before you start dating. if you haven’t started the process yet, start it right a way. The annulment process will help you with the grieving process and also help you better understand what went wrong so you can avoid that in the future.
2. If you have an annulment, you should be fine. Catholic women may be afraid of dating a divorced man without an annulment (and devout Catholic women will not date you without an annulment), so wait. Once you have an annulment, most Catholic women will see that it wasn’t your fault (esp when you explain your story). And even non-Catholic women should understand too. If you have kids, that’s what sometimes scares off women more.
3. As someone who is married to a non-Catholic, I suggest finding a practicing Catholic who believes in everything the Church teaches. I’m not a fan of people dating non-Catholics and dating non-practicing Catholics. While sometimes it works out, there are often too many issues and hurdles. It’s a true cross to bare and often adds stress to a marriage. Marriage is stressful enough as it is when husband and wife agree 100% of the time… adding stress to your marriage is a recipe for trouble.

One you have an annulment, I recommend the Catholic Match and Catholic Singles dating sites.

God Bless!