Newly divorced and considering annulment

  • Thread starter Thread starter Steadfast_love
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There are many things present at the time the marriage is attempted that invalidate the marriage.
 
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atjar1 said:
Called buyer beware. A concept society has adopted from time immemorial. It’s the price of freewill and being an adult.
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Marriage is in no way comparable to buying a used car or a toaster.
 
You are seriously equating getting married with a routine purchase? Not to mention that contracts entered into on the basis of fraud or deception, or by one not capable of consent, are not enforceable (i.e.null).
 
Unmarried people have children every day. Children have not bearing on the validity of the original consent.
 
Thanks, that tactic makes a lot of sense in light of what our divorce was like

It sounds like you’re quite content without getting a decree of nullity.

Im interested in your decision to let the marriage remain as is instead of being the defender of the bond. Is there any sense that you’re in limbo?
 
MasterHaster said:
Why do people who divorce automatically seek " annulment" as if every marriage ending in divorce was somehow not valid in the first place?
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Because the marriage, or at least its visible and temporal aspects, is dead. Nobody’s getting back together — if they do, glory be, but remarrying the same spouse after divorce is relatively uncommon. People want to move on. Many times, there is at least one other outside party involved, and sometimes, let’s just say it goes way back. That’s called “adultery”, but add to that, it happens every day of the world. If there can be a morally certain judgment that the broken marriage never had a sacramental character to begin with, then this frees everyone to move on, in clear conscience and pleasing to Almighty God.
Steadfast_love said:
Thanks, that tactic makes a lot of sense in light of what our divorce was like

It sounds like you’re quite content without getting a decree of nullity.

Im interested in your decision to let the marriage remain as is instead of being the defender of the bond. Is there any sense that you’re in limbo?
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Glad I was able to be of help. Don’t walk into a trap, that’s all I can say — the whole “wise as serpents and gentle as doves” thing, possibly.

To answer your question with regard to me, there is no bond that has been attacked to need defending. I do not know why my XW has never filed. From what my “ear to the ground” tells me, XW and her consort have led people to believe that they are validly married in the Church, and they conduct themselves accordingly. The people in the Church who need to know, are aware of the irregularity, but they don’t do jack. One of these people asked me if I’d consider filing for the annulment, and I told him no, I have no reason to, if anyone files, it should be XW. If she ever files, I won’t fight it. I live quietly and really don’t interact with that many people ---- I am retired, and I devote myself to the care of my family (disabled parents and teenage son). As I said above, there is MUCH more to the story, that can’t be told here.
 
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Re: “too late”

Like anybody, she has strengths and weaknesses. Simple things that you or I might take for granted can present a daunting challenge for her — so much indecisive worrying.

I like the idea of letting the person who wants to get married ask for it, but I also want to get it over with for my peace of mind. I felt happier before I learned that I might get a finding of nullity. The certainty was nice.
 
You are more than capable of making your own decisions and know your own situation best. But I would seriously think hard about initiating a process that you don’t seem to actually want because the other party has issues of their own. Bottom line is that I don’t think that it is or should be your problem, but I am just a random loudmouth on the Internet with no skin in the game.

ETA: My particular situation has a possibly relevant aspect to it. My wife was previously married and divorced. She applied for an eventually got a Decree of Nullity because she wanted to be free to marry if and when she found someone else. Some time between 10 and 20 years later, after my first wife died, we met and her doing as she did made the verification of freedom to marry almost as simple as possible for 2 people who had been down that road before. But she did it because she wanted it.
 
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I’m not planning to lie to the Church, it’s just a matter of timing. I can let her file (the outcome will be delayed) or I can help her start the process.
 
If you are indifferent regarding “who starts it,” then you should start it to help your putative wife avoid scandalizing others and engaging in repeated adulterous sex acts after a bigamous attempt at marriage.

If you don’t think your marriage is invalid, then you should not file.

In any case, you should call your parish priest, or the diocesan chancery, and talk it through with someone.

An annulment could possibly bring some peace of mind to your kids, if you are tactful in explaining what it is… But it would not “involve” them at all.
 
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As mentioned upthread, who initiates seems to color the proceedings to some extent.

She can seek it, and you can, but do not have to, cooperate.
But I don’t see why you should be burdened with all of the process when it is for her benefit at this time. There are meetings and paperwork that must be done and followed up on. Since you are not the one that wants it, why would you take any of that on yourself?
 
I do like the idea of minimizing the hassle. It could be one less reason to have contact or conflict with her.
 
Why would I take that on? Because I’m trying to be a good Catholic dad. If I can minimize the harm, or secure an extra benefit for our kids I’m willing to consider going the extra mile. I just want to be smart about this for their sakes.
 
Irishmom2 said:
As mentioned upthread, who initiates seems to color the proceedings to some extent.

She can seek it, and you can, but do not have to, cooperate.
But I don’t see why you should be burdened with all of the process when it is for her benefit at this time. There are meetings and paperwork that must be done and followed up on. Since you are not the one that wants it, why would you take any of that on yourself?
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I don’t see why this should have anything to do with matters. The truth and the facts of the situation are all that are relevant here, not who divorced whom, or which spouse petitions for the annulment.
 
Maybe she wants to make sure that you will take part in the process.
If a divorcee applies for annulment and the other party does not respond at all. I presume that the annulment will never be pronounced.
 
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