Newly Engaged! NFP Recommendations?

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Hello Everyone!
I am newly engaged (yay!) and seem to have a TON to do before the wedding. As I am in the early planning stages for the wedding, which is a year and a half away, I was hoping that I could hear from you all which methods for NFP have worked for you and which haven’t. Specifically, I was wondering if anyone has used a fertility monitor (such as Clearblue) and if it works well when you are trying to avoid getting pregnant.
Thank you all!
 
Read, study, learn. Understand that NFP is not the default for marriage. It is the acceptable alternative to abstaining completely when you have a serious reason to delay pregnancy.

The way marriage is designed is you get married and you have sex and you welcome babies.
 
I knew someone was going to say that right after I posted… My fiance and I are really looking forward to starting a family, however he is going to be done with grad school before I am and while he will be more than able to support a growing family, should that be God’s plan, I know that it would be much easier to finish school before having children.
I still would like to hear suggestions instead of judgements though 😉
 
I started charting before I was married, so I knew what was going on when I needed it. We didn’t do so well at things, though and we have now had 5 children, none of whom were planned. I will say, though, that we were not trying really hard to avoid either, just to space, which didn’t really work. We happily accepted what was given to us.

We are now expecting our sixth because hubby likes even numbers. I tried using a computer program to track my cycle and that made it much clearer than doing it manually. We used it to fall pregnant with a boy, and it worked (thank God). How’s that? We actually planned one!

After this, I think we will actually do a course, because all my learning to date has been via books and the internet. It’s important to know what things mean, and not just blindly trust a computer program (even if it did work).

The clearblue thingies, they are not recommended for use in avoiding pregnancy, I don’t know why - perhaps they are not set up to record possible fertility dates, but only the most fertile two. It’s possible that with some training in NFP, you could use this machine to record data that you then interpret yourself, unless the machine doesn’t give you data, but just a yes/no for each day. I was thinking along the same lines as you, but I don’t think I’d trust the machine without knowing what it was measuring and being able to work with the information myself.
 
I think the monitor would be best for confirming or disproving ovulation and helping you to know if you are right or not, but it isn’t suitable as a tool the help you keep from getting pregnant. By the time it identifies the LH surge is too late, you should have stopped having sex 4 days ago.
 
MedStudent said:
I knew someone was going to say that right after I posted… My fiance and I are really looking forward to starting a family, however he is going to be done with grad school before I am and while he will be more than able to support a growing family, should that be God’s plan, I know that it would be much easier to finish school before having children.
I still would like to hear suggestions instead of judgements though 😉
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I’d charitably suggest the same thing as the first reply.

Be open to children. Proceation is the primary reason for marriage. If you are not ready for children you are not ready to be married. If having children before he finishes school is something you don’t want to happen…wait to get married until he finishes school. I am confused though as you say even if children came before he finished school he would be more than able to support them. So what’s the problem?

Again, I say with charity, children will never be “easy” and there will never be a “perfect” time to have them. Perhaps this time early in your married life may be the only time you will ever be able to have children. You don’t know. People take fertility for granted when lots of things can happen. If you both are really looking forward to starting a family, then try starting a family. If you aren’t ready for kids, don’t get married.

Pax and God bless.
 
admonsta said:
The clearblue thingies, they are not recommended for use in avoiding pregnancy, I don’t know why - perhaps they are not set up to record possible fertility dates, but only the most fertile two. It’s possible that with some training in NFP, you could use this machine to record data that you then interpret yourself, unless the machine doesn’t give you data, but just a yes/no for each day. I was thinking along the same lines as you, but I don’t think I’d trust the machine without knowing what it was measuring and being able to work with the information myself.
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Actually, the Marquette method uses the Clearblue monitor, along with reading mucus signs. You have to follow the rules regarding when you’re considered fertile, but it is a reliable method of NFP.

Congratulations on your engagement! 🙂 I am also engaged, but have been charting for several years for medical reasons. I recently started using the monitor, and I’ve found that it coincides with the observations I’ve been making all along. A few months ago I was taking antihistamines, so all I had to rely on was the monitor, and it was perfectly accurate. I’d recommend it for anyone who has weird sleeping schedules or just doesn’t sleep well, since it doesn’t rely on temperature.

So, I have no data for you yet regarding effectiveness at avoiding, but I’d recommend going to their website and reading about it: nfp.marquette.edu/
 
white_sheep said:
I think the monitor would be best for confirming or disproving ovulation and helping you to know if you are right or not, but it isn’t suitable as a tool the help you keep from getting pregnant. By the time it identifies the LH surge is too late, you should have stopped having sex 4 days ago.
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The monitor measures both estrogen and LH surge, so it will provide a warning period. You can either be really conservative and not have sex at all until after you’ve ovulated, or use the method to calculate your likelihood of being fertile before then (which will vary by cycle, depending on your past cycles and how regular you are).
 
Whether or not you feel justified in using NFP when you first get married is up to you but if you ever want to I’d start learning about it now and start charting on whatever method ASAP so you know the implications and can discuss with your husband to be.

Even if you don’t use it at first it’s a good idea to learn before you get married as once you go through pregnancy etc it will take longer to pick up

I’ve used Clear Blue - but it only works as a check after the event and you need to be very careful before ovulation.
 
Dan_Daly said:
Be open to children. Proceation is the primary reason for marriage. If you are not ready for children you are not ready to be married. If having children before he finishes school is something you don’t want to happen…wait to get married until he finishes school. I am confused though as you say even if children came before he finished school he would be more than able to support them. So what’s the problem?
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The OP did not ask anyone’s opinion regarding whether she should or should not use NFP, nor is it anyone’s business besides her, her fiance, and God. I never understand why other people think such a private, moral decision is any of their concern.
 
Thank you Katie! I really wish people would stop making judgments about someone they don’t even know, and what they do know is only what I choose to tell them (and they end up misinterpreting it anyways). Basically, I’ve already done quite a bit of preliminary research, but I wanted to hear from real people what methods they would recommend before I drop $200 on a class or $200+ on a monitor. As I am someone who who has done quite a bit of research throughout the course of my education, I recognize that while many things work in a lab or in theory, they may be very low in external validity.
 
I learned Billings on my own, then Creighton with an instructor.

I’ve been hovering around the Marquette website, contemplating maybe changing. Marquette uses the Clearblue monitor along with mucus.

I think as women knowing about our bodies is very important. A year and a half is a good amount of time to familiarize yourself with your cycle. Just note, sometimes wedding planning is stressful and our cycles change due to stress.
 
Congratulations on your engagement, and good for you for getting educated about NFP right from the beginning. Not all couples can have honeymoon babies. 😉

My recommendation is to try and get your hands on as much information as you can. Read, read, read. And then ask questions and read some more. Also, have your fiancee read through a NFP manual for the method that you will be using. It will be good for him to understand why various signs are important and what they all mean.

I think it’s wonderful that you’re starting now. It will give you plenty of time to learn your cycle without having to really be worried about it. And you’ll be able to observe how your cycles are affected by things like stress. The other great thing is that if you have any irregularities, you will be able to identify them early and possibly work to correct them. (I have a friend who started charting and then found that she had a hormonal problem which would cause her to miscarry every baby she conceived. She was able to p(name removed by moderator)oint and correct it with her doctor, and ended up being able to carry her first baby to term. Think of all the heartache she was spared, just because she took the initiative to learn it before she needed it!)

I don’t have much advice for you regarding the monitors; I’ve never used one. My husband and I have used the sympto-thermal method and been very happy with it. We just learned it from a manual online. We are considering learning Creighton, because that is the method that is supported by our local doctor’s office. I hope that you’ll be happy with whatever method you choose. Good luck and God bless!
 
I use sympto thermal method (stm) by the couple to couple league. ccli.org/ I started with the creighton method (musus only) but I switched because for me I need to use all the signs of ferility not just mucus only. I also foud stm easier to use but I know everyone is different.
 
MedStudent said:
Hello Everyone!
I am newly engaged (yay!) and seem to have a TON to do before the wedding. As I am in the early planning stages for the wedding, which is a year and a half away, I was hoping that I could hear from you all which methods for NFP have worked for you and which haven’t. Specifically, I was wondering if anyone has used a fertility monitor (such as Clearblue) and if it works well when you are trying to avoid getting pregnant.
Thank you all!
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Congratulations on your engagement!

The Billings Ovulation Method has worked well for us. We have found it to be simple and effective.

We also have tried the Sympto-Thermal Method (as taught by the Couple to Couple League), but my wife’s temperature readings were never consistent enough to be of any help, so we gave up on that method.

I have heard positive things about the Marquette Method, which uses a fertility monitor, in addition to mucus observations. I also have heard many positive things about the Creighton Model.

Also, make sure that you get some information from the Couple to Couple League on what they call “ecological breastfeeding.” This can be a major part of an overall NFP strategy.

Whatever method you use, I recommend that you get educated and start charting well before the wedding, so that you will have a few months of charting experience in advance. If you can chart for six cycles or more prior to the wedding, that is probably ideal. Though don’t worry too much if you can’t get started that early.

(I should also add that my wife and I have never taken an NFP class. We learned the Sympto-Thermal Method via the CCL home study course, and we learned the Billings Ovulation Method from this book. It is probably better to take a class, but if a class is too expensive, or if there are no classes in your area, it is possible to learn NFP and to practice it effectively even without a class.)
 
Katie966 said:
The OP did not ask anyone’s opinion regarding whether she should or should not use NFP, nor is it anyone’s business besides her, her fiance, and God. I never understand why other people think such a private, moral decision is any of their concern.
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She asked about what NFP methods people would recommend based on her situation. “None” is a vaild answer to that question.

There are no private moral decisions. God created a Church for a reason. If it was really all between God and the couple, why should they even care what the Church teaches on contraception? So obviously, the Church is involved. Furthermore, each person has a responsiblity to care for others, and if you see someone contemplating what you think is a dangerous act you kindly try to stop them. This could be a physical danger, or a moral danger- sin.

“Get out of my private sex life, it’s none of your business” is the same argument used to promote contraception, pornography, sodomy, fornication, and abortion. It’s rather telling that it’s used in this case as well.

Pax and God bless.
 
Dan_Daly said:
She asked about what NFP methods people would recommend based on her situation. “None” is a vaild answer to that question.

There are no private moral decisions. God created a Church for a reason. If it was really all between God and the couple, why should they even care what the Church teaches on contraception? So obviously, the Church is involved. Furthermore, each person has a responsiblity to care for others, and if you see someone contemplating what you think is a dangerous act you kindly try to stop them. This could be a physical danger, or a moral danger- sin.

“Get out of my private sex life, it’s none of your business” is the same argument used to promote contraception, pornography, sodomy, fornication, and abortion. It’s rather telling that it’s used in this case as well.

Pax and God bless.
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Practicing NFP is neither a “dangerous act” nor morally wrong. The OP did not ask which method of contraception to use, she was wondering about NFP. The decision of whether to use NFP or not cannot be made by anyone but the couple themselves, prayerfully of course. And no, whatever reasons they have for it are certainly not anyone else’s business.

It’s really inappropriate to come on this forum and tell people who are living according to the church rules (NFP, organ donation, women working, whatever) and preach your own code of morality which is not based upon church teaching. NFP is a moral choice, depending on the couple’s circumstances, and the only judge of whether it is being used morally is God.
 
PaulGH said:
Also, make sure that you get some information from the Couple to Couple League on what they call “ecological breastfeeding.” This can be a major part of an overall NFP strategy.
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I just realized that CCL apparently doesn’t use the term “ecological breastfeeding” any more. I assume that they still teach the same concept with different terminology, but in case they don’t, you can read Sheila Kippley’s classic book on this subject. Also see my post on another thread for more NFP links.
 
Dan_Daly said:
She asked about what NFP methods people would recommend based on her situation. “None” is a vaild answer to that question.

There are no private moral decisions. God created a Church for a reason. If it was really all between God and the couple, why should they even care what the Church teaches on contraception? So obviously, the Church is involved. Furthermore, each person has a responsiblity to care for others, and if you see someone contemplating what you think is a dangerous act you kindly try to stop them. This could be a physical danger, or a moral danger- sin.

“Get out of my private sex life, it’s none of your business” is the same argument used to promote contraception, pornography, sodomy, fornication, and abortion. It’s rather telling that it’s used in this case as well.

Pax and God bless.
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With respect, the church teaches that a married couple can decide to use NFP to prevent pregnancy if they discern prayerfully that they have a serious enough reason to do so. The OP has not come here saying that she wants to learn NFP so that she can avoid having a child forever. Her and her future husband have decided that it would be unwise for them to plan for a child as soon as they are married, but have agreed to accept a child if God chooses to bless them with one anyway. They are being open to children with this choice, and are following the guidelines the Church has put forth.

They do not have to tell any of us their reasoning for choosing to postpone a child. We do not know their specific circumstances and should not try to judge their situation. The Catholic Church does not teach that every Catholic married couple must try for a honeymoon baby.
 
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