Newly Engaged! NFP Recommendations?

[KostyaJMJ]

With much respect, it’s not your place to evaluate and assess her situation. An online forum is not the place to give additional details if they will make her uncomfortable. She opened the thread to gleen specific information. That did not open a window to her future marital bed.

Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to step aside and let the NFP police do their job. You’d be surprised at how many cases are resolved just by routine questioning. It’s not something that I’m sure a civilian like you would understand but at the NFP police academy we’re trained to handle delicate situations just like this.

OP, I am sure we would all like to see this little misunderstanding cleared up. Do you have a certified letter from your doctor or pastor recommending you delay pregnancy? It wasn’t really clear, but you said you were delaying in order to finish your studies. I do hope that you aren’t planning on pursuing a career that would put you in competition with men, and place your duties as a wife and mother in jeopardy. If that is the case, I have to say your reasons for using NFP are clearly not grave. I anticipate your swift response in clearing this matter up.

 

[Castello]

Children are the primary reason for marriage. Can you be married and not have children? Yes you can. But if an unmarried couple is not ready to have children, they should very seriously look at why they want to be married. It would be like a man being ordained a priest, but not wanting to celebrate the Mass.

Pax and God bless.

This should be taught to teens and young people by parents and catechists.

 

[Rence]

Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to step aside and let the NFP police do their job. You’d be surprised at how many cases are resolved just by routine questioning. It’s not something that I’m sure a civilian like you would understand but at the NFP police academy we’re trained to handle delicate situations just like this.

OP, I am sure we would all like to see this little misunderstanding cleared up. Do you have a certified letter from your doctor or pastor recommending you delay pregnancy? It wasn’t really clear, but you said you were delaying in order to finish your studies. I do hope that you aren’t planning on pursuing a career that would put you in competition with men, and place your duties as a wife and mother in jeopardy. If that is the case, I have to say your reasons for using NFP are clearly not grave. I anticipate your swift response in clearing this matter up.

LOL, thank you :grouphug:

 

[pentecostbaby]

The method includes abstinence, withdraw until after O, taking the temp at the same time every morning (a true resting temp), cm and cervix checks all to be entered online for a computer generated chart.

Oh man, I don’t want to be the NFP police . But withdraw is a form of birth control, and not compatible with Church doctrine.

 

[Rence]

Oh man, I don’t want to be the NFP police . But withdraw is a form of birth control, and not compatible with Church doctrine.

I was going to say that too, but I figured Aloe didn’t list her religious affliation and the OP is seeking NFP within the confines of Catholic teaching and seems to be up on her game, so I didn’t Also, I don’t know what method uses withdrawl, Aloe didn’t mention what method she’s using, but it’s not considered a reliable method for most of the methods taught.

 

[Fidelia]

We got married in July and are using the sympto-thermal method. I highly recommend buying the book, “Taking Charge of Your Fertiltiy” by Toni Weschler. It is HIGHLY informative about fertility and reproductive health. The only thing to be aware of is that she will refer to the possibility of using barrier methods because she is not Catholic. The method she teaches is called the fertility awareness method (FAM). It is the same as sympto-thermal NFP, except for the use of barriers. Obviously, with NFP, we abstain when fertile.

If you research and inform yourself, it really isn’t hard. I wouldn’t bother getting one of those monitors. Also, start learning to chart now. You want to know what you are doing once you are married. I started charting soon after getting engaged.

Also, Just because someone is using NFP doesn’t inherently mean that they are trying to avoid children. Some people use it as a guide to just understand their bodies better, whether they are avoiding or not. Again, I highly recommend Weschler’s book. NFP and charting aren’t just for “birth control” but it really does help a woman to understand her reproductive health. Honestly, it’s something every woman should know about her body and her health, not just something a Catholic learns when she gets married.

 

[admonsta]

If you research and inform yourself, it really isn’t hard. I wouldn’t bother getting one of those monitors. Also, start learning to chart now. You want to know what you are doing once you are married. I started charting soon after getting engaged.

Also, Just because someone is using NFP doesn’t inherently mean that they are trying to avoid children. Some people use it as a guide to just understand their bodies better, whether they are avoiding or not. Again, I highly recommend Weschler’s book. NFP and charting aren’t just for “birth control” but it really does help a woman to understand her reproductive health. Honestly, it’s something every woman should know about her body and her health, not just something a Catholic learns when she gets married.

This.

I was told to start before I was married, so I would have a good amount of time to learn the signs and symptoms before we were married. It didn’t mean I was instantly using NFP to avoid pregnancy when I got married. I do agree that the technique is effective when used well, and that all women intending to become sexually active should learn about it, and include their spouse in it as well.

Herein lies a tricky situation, though. If we know when we are fertile and aren’t too keen to conceive, we then know when to abstain. So how do we chart and keep tabs and remain open to those children that God intends for us? Dilemma.

My solution, because we wanted some amount of space between children, was to be a little bit risky (do things close to danger time), but only when it would have happened anyway - that is, we didn’t mark a date on the calendar, but if we were in the mood, it’d be on.

Spacing didn’t really happen for us, we had five kids in 6 years, watching my cycles the whole time but not being rigorous about timing. We then decided to have one more, so we used the NFP to actually plan one. It worked.

I don’t think we did anything wrong by having the information, whether we used it or not.

 

[emmar]

All methods are about the same

My only advice, just make sure you don’t rely on NFP to avoid pregnancy, the actual user effectiveness rates are not always 99%, just be prepared for an accident! They do happen. I would just say make sure you have the financial ability and are ready for a baby 9 months after you marry even if you use NFP to avoid.

 

[aloe]

withdraw is a form of birth control, and not compatible with Church doctrine.

Thank you for pointing that out.
I would have liked to use no method(s) after marriage. I have wanted to be open to children for years now however not him.

 

[aloe]

I was going to say that too, but I figured Aloe didn’t list her religious affliation…Also, I don’t know what method uses withdrawl, Aloe didn’t mention what method she’s using, but it’s not considered a reliable method for most of the methods taught.

I am new and haven’t listed my religious affiliation and other details.
Sympto-thermal method, withdraw added for extra protection despite the fact that withdraw is not generally considered reliable. I don’t recommend it. Someone asked me directly so I provided what details we have done method wise.

 

[kimber_ella]

I haven’t read through all of the responses, but thought I would add in, as a somewhat newly wed who learned it 1 1/2 years before we got married. I HIGHLY recommened the Creighton Model. You can get hooked up with an instructor, lots do skype if you’re no where near them. You do need to have them teach you how though.

The reason I recommend it is because it tracks your fertility day by day, but also can identify any issues with fertility (hormonal imbalance, endometriosis, etc), and you can become a patient of a Napro doctor, trained by Dr. Hilgers, who created it himself! Or, you can become a patient of Dr. Hilgers himself, such as myself. He’s incredible and I strongly encourage anyone to use the Creighton model for NFP because of that. Also, it’s really effective. I know there are exceptional cases where no NFP model really seems to work for some women, but for the very vast marjority, the Creighton model does. It’s pretty easy, once you get the hang of it.

Good luck and good for you! Have fun learning about your body. Please e-mail me if you have any questions.

God bless your engagement!

 

[Norseman82]

Also, Just because someone is using NFP doesn’t inherently mean that they are trying to avoid children. Some people use it as a guide to just understand their bodies better, whether they are avoiding or not. Again, I highly recommend Weschler’s book. NFP and charting aren’t just for “birth control” but it really does help a woman to understand her reproductive health. Honestly, it’s something every woman should know about her body and her health, not just something a Catholic learns when she gets married.

The reason I recommend it is because it tracks your fertility day by day, but also can identify any issues with fertility (hormonal imbalance, endometriosis, etc), and you can become a patient of a Napro doctor, trained by Dr. Hilgers, who created it himself! Or, you can become a patient of Dr. Hilgers himself, such as myself. He’s incredible and I strongly encourage anyone to use the Creighton model for NFP because of that. Also, it’s really effective. I know there are exceptional cases where no NFP model really seems to work for some women, but for the very vast marjority, the Creighton model does. It’s pretty easy, once you get the hang of it.

I have also heard that there have been cases in which using NFP to “know your body” actually uncovered other medical conditions.

 

[Norseman82]

Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to step aside and let the NFP police do their job. You’d be surprised at how many cases are resolved just by routine questioning. It’s not something that I’m sure a civilian like you would understand but at the NFP police academy we’re trained to handle delicate situations just like this.

OP, I am sure we would all like to see this little misunderstanding cleared up. Do you have a certified letter from your doctor or pastor recommending you delay pregnancy? It wasn’t really clear, but you said you were delaying in order to finish your studies. I do hope that you aren’t planning on pursuing a career that would put you in competition with men, and place your duties as a wife and mother in jeopardy. If that is the case, I have to say your reasons for using NFP are clearly not grave. I anticipate your swift response in clearing this matter up.

Does anyone remember the Audi commercial from last year’s Super Bowl where they paid the band Cheap Trick to do a remake of their song “Dream Police” as “Green Police”, mocking the excesses of the “green” movement?

youtube.com/watch?v=NxTNZUhesZk

I wish I had the money to pay them to do a remake of their song as “NFP Police”. I imagine the video would be something like this:

“Creigton or Sympto-thermal?”
“Sympto-thermal”.
“That’s the magic word. NFP police. You’ve picked the wrong day to abstain”.

“PUT THE CHART DOWN!!”

 

[Dan_Daly]

It’s a sad thing that many Catholics think of openess to children and obedience to Church teaching as an “excess”.

Pax and God bless.

 

[Katie966]

It’s a sad thing that many Catholics think of openess to children and obedience to Church teaching as an “excess”.

No one here is saying this.

It’s a sad thing when some Catholics impose moral guidelines on people that the Church herself does not require.

 

[Fidelia]

This.

I was told to start before I was married, so I would have a good amount of time to learn the signs and symptoms before we were married. It didn’t mean I was instantly using NFP to avoid pregnancy when I got married. I do agree that the technique is effective when used well, and that all women intending to become sexually active should learn about it, and include their spouse in it as well.

Herein lies a tricky situation, though. If we know when we are fertile and aren’t too keen to conceive, we then know when to abstain. So how do we chart and keep tabs and remain open to those children that God intends for us? Dilemma.

My solution, because we wanted some amount of space between children, was to be a little bit risky (do things close to danger time), but only when it would have happened anyway - that is, we didn’t mark a date on the calendar, but if we were in the mood, it’d be on.

Spacing didn’t really happen for us, we had five kids in 6 years, watching my cycles the whole time but not being rigorous about timing. We then decided to have one more, so we used the NFP to actually plan one. It worked.

I don’t think we did anything wrong by having the information, whether we used it or not.

(re: underlined) Yes, I also thought of pointing out that there are varying degrees of “conservativeness” that a couple can employ. Depending on how important it is not to conceive, it can be the difference between abstaining the bare minimum amount of days, or being more cautious, e.g. abstaining only 5 or 6 days or 9 or 10 days or whatever the case may be.
Even if you’re at the stage of life where you don’t need to avoid at all, it can still be helpful to know if it’s likely that you might have conceived in a certain cycle.

All methods are about the same

My only advice, just make sure you don’t rely on NFP to avoid pregnancy, the actual user effectiveness rates are not always 99%, just be prepared for an accident! They do happen. I would just say make sure you have the financial ability and are ready for a baby 9 months after you marry even if you use NFP to avoid.

When NFP is used properly and conservatively by coupled who need to avoid pregnancy, it is highly effective. I have seen a number of posts on CAF by people who effectively use NFP to avoid pregnancy, when a pregnancy would be dangerous. It works for them because they did their research and follow the rules. Again, a lot has to do with how well people educate themselves about the method, and then how well they actually follow the rules.

I have also heard that there have been cases in which using NFP to “know your body” actually uncovered other medical conditions.

Yes, that is very very true. Weschler talks about how much you can learn from charting in her book. (The one I mentioned in my last post, Taking Charge of Your Fertility). There are many things that can be uncovered from charting fertility signs. From actual problems, to correcting a false sense of infertility (which does happen), or helping to figure out a reason for infertility.

 

[Usige]

First congratulations on your betrothal.

My wife and I use and teach the Billings Ovulation Method and find it works remarkably well (our 3 youngest are each spaced 25 months apart ***any ***doubt that they are not ready to marry. It is up to the priest if there is a defect in the couple’s understanding of the purpose of marriage. When we have couples that state that they “might” have kids “sometime in the future” that is enough to raise question if they are truly ready to marry. I am not saying that is the case with you, but don’t be offended if the question comes up.

 

[Katie966]

We have never used any fertility monitor though I would be careful on relying on those to avoid pregnancy. Depending on the monitor’s sensitivity to LH (Luteinizing hormone) and estrogen the warning might come “too late.” Most fertility monitors are designed to help enhance chances of conception, not to avoid it. At best they can help establish ovulation, but that is only useful during the post-ovulatory phase.

Just fyi, the Marquette method uses both the monitor and mucus readings, so it’s an extra step.

 

[Usige]

Just fyi, the Marquette method uses both the monitor and mucus readings, so it’s an extra step.

Thanks, Kattie. I was more saying that using just a monitor is not the most effective way if you are attempting to postpone pregnancy.

It looks like the Marquette method does have a monitor only approach with a rule to take the earliest peak day for the last 6 cycles and subtract 6 days. Here you are using past history to anticipate the current cycle. I couldn’t find any studies on the efficacy of the monitor only approach so how it compares to other methods I can’t say. Based on my understanding of the variability of the length of the estrogen change before the LH surge I would be a little nervous relying on trying to predicting when the LH surge would occur so would certainly including the mucus observation.

In the end most NFP mucus based methods are fairly effective as long as the both members of the couple are committed to following the rules. For us the Billings Method worked best because it did not rely on the extra steps of tracking body temperature, morning urine, expelling seminal fluid, etc., but that’s just us. It is best to research the methods and chose the one you are would be most likely to use consistently.

 

[emmar]

First congratulations on your betrothal.

As a side note, as part of our interview we ask couples why they are taking an NFP class so that we can address their needs. If they state that they are doing marriage prep and planning to use it to delay conception indefinitely we have to let they parish know that. Since we also do marriage prep we have to note on their paper work if there is ***any ***doubt that they are not ready to marry. It is up to the priest if there is a defect in the couple’s understanding of the purpose of marriage. When we have couples that state that they “might” have kids “sometime in the future” that is enough to raise question if they are truly ready to marry. I am not saying that is the case with you, but don’t be offended if the question comes up.

Just curious why you judge couples for wanting to wait or actually space their children. Church teaching states a couple can avoid for serious or grave reasons, and is it left up to the couple to decide. I would be very offended if my old NFP teacher had tried to say what are grave reasons and what aren’t since she is definitely not living my life. What about couples who have to delay due to medical problems that are severe? Hate to tell you, but if every woman postponed getting married until she was perfectlly healthy to have children, the Catholic church would not have any babies. I just think your judgement of a couple without being in their shoes goes to far.