Newlywed Catholic Issues

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I do own a cathecism, however at this point she is not interested in having a discussion about catholic beliefs. My wife does go to church with me every other week, but never asks questions about anything said or done. I had a particularly moving experience in a mass about a month ago which let me to cry afterwords, which never happens, and she had absolutely no response. I believe that she feels left out because soon after we started dating I converted and went through everything on my own. I did this because that’s how I wanted it. For now I can be glad that she does come to mass with me and I pray constantly about a change in her heart. I believe that what will ultimately lead to her conversion is the belief in the eucharist, because when you believe that it is truly the body and blood of christ, you want to partake in it.
 
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Gregory24:
However she says that once people are in heaven the are no longer concerned about worldly things and that is one of the gifts of heaven.
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Hmmmm. a couple of thoughts:
  1. Where does that idea come from?
  2. If a person gets to heaven, aren’t they now united with God? When you are in union with someone don’t you tend to want what they want? So if God is concerned with our well-being and answers prayers, why wouldn’t a saint in heaven also be concerned with our well being and do what he could to help us by pitching our requests to the one they are in union with?
  3. Aren’t we perfect in heaven? Aren’t we told by Jesus to love one another? How could someone worthy of being in heaven not love and be concerned with our well-being? Are we supposed to stop loving each other after we die?
  4. Ok. Say she’s right that people in heaven aren’t concerned with us on earth. But we don’t know that and pray to them anyway. What’s the great harm? Does she fear that this leads to satan somehow, or does she think we’re just talking into space when we pray that way? Will that affect how hard it would be for her to watch her future kids doing that?
I don’t know how good my theology is (perfect in heaven or just really good. Union with God or just super-close). But these are just some ideas of mine that aren’t particularly connected to Catholic Doctrine (that I’ve heard at least). Maybe she’d be open to talking about what “makes sense.”

Saying a prayer for a spiritual union for you two,
TKC
 
Thank you very much, I believe she get’s mad sometimes and just says stuff that doesn’t make sense. Things that even the Methodist Church would not agree with, so when I show her any type of biblical scripture to contradict what she says it’s kind of pointless. You know what it is, it’s like she takes what she has learned in her church and growing up, and kind of comes to her own conclusions on what seems logical. It’s not like she says that well that’s how I was taught and that’s what I believe, I don’t think apastolic tradition means anything to her… Does this make any sense?
 
It is tough, but continue to be patient with your wife. Pray, fast, make sacrifices for her quietly without her knowledge. Live your life as a faithful Catholic. Do you attend daily Mass sometimes? That will help you to persevere. Confess regularly, too, for added graces that will benefit you both.

As a convert, think back on your own experience of discovering the Catholic Church. I had that experience, too, of being a committed ‘cradle Protestant’, sure that I would NEVER be a Catholic. Then I heard one or two Catholic arguments that made sense. At first, you dismiss them, figuring that even a blind hog sometimes finds an acorn:) . Then more and more things start sounding reasonable about Catholicism, and at some point you get scared. You start wondering, if this is true, what I have held to so firmly is not true. And what does that mean to me? It is easy to panic and run at this point, as you probably already know.

I don’t know where your wife may be in this process. She may be at the hard-headed beginning stage, refusing to listen to anything. But the fact that she was attracted to NFP is very hopeful. This may be the crack that lets in some light. Pray, fast, sacrifice, hope, and trust in God’s mercy.
 
If you want your marriage to stay together you better convert to Methodism and do what she tells you. If you don’t then get a divorce, it’s better to do it now then after you have kids(Though I guess you won’t have to worry about that as long as your using birth control). Oh, I forgot: that is her decision and not yours. Cracka please!
 
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Gregory24:
Thank you very much, I believe she get’s mad sometimes and just says stuff that doesn’t make sense. Things that even the Methodist Church would not agree with, so when I show her any type of biblical scripture to contradict what she says it’s kind of pointless. You know what it is, it’s like she takes what she has learned in her church and growing up, and kind of comes to her own conclusions on what seems logical. It’s not like she says that well that’s how I was taught and that’s what I believe, I don’t think apastolic tradition means anything to her… Does this make any sense?
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Gregory,
I am only making an observation here. If she is fighting you NOW on the issue of religion, what makes you think it will be any better after you get married?
If you are really serious about her and her about you, get in to a couples ministry now.
 
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Gregory24:
I believe that she feels left out because soon after we started dating I converted and went through everything on my own. I did this because that’s how I wanted it.
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Bingo! Was there a reason other than “because that’s how I wanted it” for leaving your future wife out of such a fundamental conversion in your life? Has it occurred to you that your decision to go it alone may have left your wife feeling hurt and resentful and contributes to her current distance and stubborness on this issue?

Since you were the one to errect the emotional barrier in the first place, take the initiative to knock it down. Approach her with a humble apology for your selfishness and/or lack of insight about how doing this on your own may have hurt her. Explain how precious your faith has become to you and your desire to make it something the two of you can share in unity with each other and your future children. It’s only a start…but it’s hard to rebuff a sincere apology paired with an invitation.
 
You really should have hashed this out before you got marred.

Anyone who’s in the same situation – thinking about getting married to someone who isn’t Catholic – needs to get these matters discussed and decided on before the “I do’s”.
 
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